September 15, 2011

Peep into your neighborhood!

Posted by Khushboo W at 3:51 PM
     Standing in your balcony? See that lady, who's carrying bags stuffed with vegetables? You know how she is, don't you? She bargains for 50 paisa, comes at your place and rants about the maid with your Granny, you hear excessive frying voices from her home that give you coughing fits, there's always a television serial that forces her to fill buckets and buckets and last and the most important feature: she needs to use a body spray! Yes, these are Women Capable of Gigantic Demolition ( WCGD ). These are spread in all the corners of our nation and their mission of life is to screw up lives of the younger lot! They know our schedules better than our parents! Come home at 11 for one day and you'll hear, " Haaye! Itni raat gaye bahar kya kar rahi hai? Akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai! Your mom doesn't care of your whereabouts or what?"  Following are their major characteristics:

1. Middle aged, though, according to them, they're not a day older than 35.
2. Always carrying a shopping bag.
3. Always ready to gossip.
4. All time ready with suitable matches for you or anyone: boy, girl/ 20s, 30s, 40s/ height, weight/ single, divorcee, non-date-able/ stable, retard/ own community, other community/ above poverty line, below poverty line, etc.

     Anyhow, I still consider them a part of some underworld creature! Lady Don, you know *tongue rolled out*. They breed like flies or mosquitoes. Their life's mission is : Mission Get-them-all-married. The actual process is of four steps:

1. Find a happy-go-lucky girl of 21 years or older.
2. Bombard her parents with "Haayo Rabba! Inni soni ladki hai, jawaan hai aur abhi bhi ghar vich bitha rakha hai? Byaah kyun ni karva dete? Nahi toh ek din aake kahegi 'Mera boyphrend hai!'..." ( Oh God! You have such a beautiful, young daughter and yet you're not getting her married? Or else she'll show up with someone else and say 'He's my boyfriend!'....") And the problem is, parents believe it!
3. Check out all the resources, ask all the people and play a match-maker for the poor girl.
4. If the parents of the girl are sensible enough to ignore the WCGDs, then they'll say, " Hey Bhagwaan! aapko nahi pata? uske 4-4 boyphrend hain! " ( "Oh God! You dunno? She has 4 boyfriends!" )  behind their backs. 
    They're super annoying and it comes naturally to them! The only way to avoid them is just to play along. Boost their ego. Just don't get hyper active! If you are overtly enthusiastic, you may get stuck into the photographs and bio data of the guys, whom you wont even look at in your life. And then subtly say no. Sounds simple, eh! It is, but not playing along will only harm your image in the society. Just tread carefully any you'll survive any goddamn WCGD! 


Red Handed on September 15, 2011 at 5:19 PM said...

Gagaghahahh so true yaar! I have so many such aunties in my hit list. One day i shall give a huge blow back.

maithili on September 15, 2011 at 6:22 PM said...

Firstly, khushboo a very warm welcome to DARLINGS OF VENUS :)

A good read on WCGDs in our life!!
couldn't agree more with the "they know your schedule better than your parents" I have faced this!!!

Plus they get extra inquisitive when you are talking on phone :P :P

Keep posting girl ;)

Cяystal on September 15, 2011 at 6:23 PM said...

Khuli tijori ? Was that a steal from Jab We met? ;) But hahaha SO true. Aunties I tell you. They were MADE for it ! and boyphrend part, I sweaarr ! That XYZ aunty from the ABC party you meet once in a century will also know of your affair in a jiffy ..
Log bhi! Kya kia jaye :D
Here for the first time . Good, fun blog :D Started following .. going to be regoolar now :)

megharana on September 15, 2011 at 7:27 PM said...

:) such a nice post!! :)

khushboo wadhwani on September 15, 2011 at 9:28 PM said...

@ red handed : haha! now u knw how to answer 'em back! :)
@ maithili : Thank u for ur warm welcome.
@crystal : yep, it is inspired from JWM. This line has been used on me several times after the movie was released! So, here it is! :D
@ megharana : thank u! :)_

Vinati on September 15, 2011 at 9:31 PM said...

hahaha...I could imagine few aunties while reading this post. :D
And the worst thing is that they indeed breed like mosquitoes.. :/

Good post. Looking forward to read more from you. :)

Priyanka on September 15, 2011 at 11:04 PM said...

ROFL. Now YOU are a good find:)
Awesome first and welgum to the family.

And I don't care even if they make my life miserable, as long as they JUST PLEASE USE DEOS.

äмän ♥ on September 15, 2011 at 11:11 PM said...

Hhahaha So true .

Sovina on September 16, 2011 at 6:49 PM said...

loving this funny and such a witty humor :)

khushboo wadhwani on September 16, 2011 at 9:15 PM said...

@ Vinati : Well WCGDs could read this, but they'd have to take time out of gossiping, you know! :P
@ Priyanka: thank u for the warm welcome! :)
@ Aman : thank u! :)
@ Sovina: thanks a lot! :)

Viya ;) on September 17, 2011 at 9:08 PM said...

LOL!! :P :P
I can soooo imagine the gossip aunties rant out the classic dialogues in toooottalll philmy ishtyl! :P

Paanipuri Lover on September 27, 2011 at 12:28 PM said...

@ Viya-even I'm filmy all the time! :P

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