This is not how it was meant to be or how I had imagined it
would be. It was all supposed to be happy and nice and if not this then it
wasn’t even supposed to be this traumatizing. It was love at first sight. I
didn’t know who you were but I wanted to know. For you I didn’t even exist at
the time I was falling for you. How can somebody feel so much of attraction for
the other without even knowing them.
We became friends and then something more than friends. I
was scared. Every single person aware of this drama of ours had warned me to
maintain a safe distance from you. ‘You will get hurt. You will end up crying
in whatever this thing of yours is called’ – were some of the words. I still
listened to my heart and ignored the brain.
“Do you have a girlfriend ?”, I asked several times and
below are the replies presented in chronological order in appearance in due
time.
1. Mundane Silence
2. Who are you to ask me that
3. Bitch
4. Didn’t you know everything that now you are doing drama
every other day about it
I gave you everything. I was honest with my feelings. If you
would have told me in first place that you have a girlfriend, I would have
maintained my distance from you. I am not someone who would try to snatch you
from another girl. Neither do I have those skills nor do I know tactics to do
that. But I expected you to be honest with me as well in return. And now that
you ask me is too much for me to handle.
You want to be in my life till the
point you want and in the way you want and then when the time comes for you to
be with your girl, you don’t want me to utter a single word and just watch you
leave to marry her. And before that end point you want me to be normal and let
everything go as if it’s only us and nothing else. How do I do that? Why am I
in such a situation? How do I behave normal and be all friendly and everything
else with you when I know I mean nothing to you?
In my dreams I see you
marrying her and me being alone for the rest of my life. I see the that as the
future and this is not how I had imagined it to be!
