Test of Time !

This is not how it was meant to be or how I had imagined it would be. It was all supposed to be happy and nice and if not this then it wasn’t even supposed to be this traumatizing. It was love at first sight. I didn’t know who you were but I wanted to know. For you I didn’t even exist at the time I was falling for you. How can somebody feel so much of attraction for the other without even knowing them.

We became friends and then something more than friends. I was scared. Every single person aware of this drama of ours had warned me to maintain a safe distance from you. ‘You will get hurt. You will end up crying in whatever this thing of yours is called’ – were some of the words. I still listened to my heart and ignored the brain.

“Do you have a girlfriend ?”, I asked several times and below are the replies presented in chronological order in appearance in due time.

1. Mundane Silence

2. Who are you to ask me that

3. Bitch

4. Didn’t you know everything that now you are doing drama every other day about it

I gave you everything. I was honest with my feelings. If you would have told me in first place that you have a girlfriend, I would have maintained my distance from you. I am not someone who would try to snatch you from another girl. Neither do I have those skills nor do I know tactics to do that. But I expected you to be honest with me as well in return. And now that you ask me is too much for me to handle. 

You want to be in my life till the point you want and in the way you want and then when the time comes for you to be with your girl, you don’t want me to utter a single word and just watch you leave to marry her. And before that end point you want me to be normal and let everything go as if it’s only us and nothing else. How do I do that? Why am I in such a situation? How do I behave normal and be all friendly and everything else with you when I know I mean nothing to you? 

In my dreams I see you marrying her and me being alone for the rest of my life. I see the that as the future and this is not how I had imagined it to be!

Things words do !

I am so tired

Out of energy

I feel like crying - I feel sick

Wanna go home and sleep

Wish I had my mom next to me

Taking care of her girl

---------------------------------------------

Ping Pong - the phone was ringing

Few words to turn pain into smiling

Strange but true , this is what you make things do

"How's your health", 'that's all I wanna know'
were all the words to make pain go!

Closed...What you had opened!

I closed

what you opened

I had to close

What you opened

My heart bleeding

Sliced by your lies

My arteries 

Cut by your false promises

Blood kept flowing

No attempt made to stop it

I tried not to get hurt

Yet no bandaid ever surfaced

You are nice

So am I

Maybe thats the reason why

I had to die

Praise

Once in a while

Everybody needs praise

Praise in the form of words

Praise in the form of care

It need not be precious gift of words

Just a simple nice word will do

It need not be an expensive gift

Just some time to spare will do

It need not be extravagant act

Just a tight hug will do

As once in a while

everybody needs praise !

Demons

The anger

The pain

When you don't let it out

It starts eating up the soul from inside

You let your anger out

You are termed insane

Seen as someone mad who just doesn't know how to take things

Somebody who's insensitive enough to show their sensitive side in public

You gulp ďown your anger

You spend days misguided, starving evenings and nights crying 

Smile gets away from your dictionary and it seems like happiness never existed

What demon you choose

Decides the course of what demon you shall become

What would you do ... ?

Standing in a long queue

Waiting for her turn 

Struglling with tedious wait

Thinking that for your career one has to cope

With a smile she waited patiently

Looking around to pass the time

'This queue is pathetic' came a voice from behind

She turned to say 'I couldn't agree no more'

That was the beginning

Beginnig of something she couldn't have anticipated ever

A talk for a while

With tricky words coming right shooting at her

Which department

Which major

What degree

What year

Which place

Were some of his early questions

His aggressive nature

Eagerness about her

Audacious funny man

Quick to notice her change of expressions

She being an international student

And him being a native American

Would you like to go for drinks after this

You have a pretty smile

You got nice eyes

This line is so boring to wait alone

Can't wait to get a job after being an experienced candidate

Work hard to get thing done and hate people jumping lines

(Something Something etc etc)

(These being some of his few line)

Would you marry me 

Get a green card have kids and settle here

Or is it too early for me to ask all this

She was shocked

Surmised by his words

How can he

How can anyone

How could it be

Words that fluttered her mind

What would you do if something like this happens to you

What would be your move/step/course of action

How would you handle if given you are in a similar position

How would you be in this situation

First & Last

Every woman wants to be the last girl in a man's life

And every man wants to be the first in a woman's life

She wasn't the first in yours

But you will be the last in her's !

Words

Words are lies

Spoken in usual manner

Coated with laughter

Intended to break her 

Tired of lies

She just listens

Not to correct

But just to listen

Truth lies in all the lies

You say you care

Truth is you don't

You say you will be by her side

Truth is you won't be 

You say she has your back 

Truth is she doesn't

For someone who can't be with her in the present 

How can he be with her when she needs him !

Her Mistake ... Not Yours

She trusted you - her mistake not yours 

She was shattered - her mistake not yours 

She was betrayed- her mistake not yours 

She lost faith in love- her mistake not yours 

YouTube is working!

Father: "So how much does it costs"

Daughter: "$770"

"Okay and how much is it in India"

"I tried looking in online and the closest model is around 60k INR but that of a low configuration. The exact model as this is not available with prices online. I will try to look for it in some store in some  mall."

"That’s okay. This is nice. I like it."

She smiled.

Mission Accomplished – she thought.

Mission to persuade him that $770 were well spent.

"So does it play songs. How is the sound quality?"

"Ofcourse Papa it does. It’s a $770 machine."

And there it was. Wide happy bubble of moment savaged

Click – type – type – www.youtube.com

YouTube main page displayed. Click the link of a song and boom!

Error occurred.

HP ENVY x360 m6 Convertible – couldn’t play a video because of a stupid bug due to an update.

** SIGH **

"Ofcourse it will play…  $770 machine" judgement was declared.

"$770 – yeah right!", no point in advocating anything now, she thought to herself.

P.S.: If you are facing the same problem, close all chrome sessions from task manager and restart the system. It Works!!!

I am sorry

I am sorry
I am no one to distress you with pain
You are a nice person
And I can not be the reason for your pain

You are a nice person
You cannot see me lost
But that doesn't mean
I can make you laughter exhaust.

You said I can call you
Call you in times of need
Whenever I feel low and am crying
I should call rather than doing so

I am sorry
I can't do that
I will never call you
And make you aware of my vulnerability
The pain the loneliness
Is for me and can never be your gain

I am gonna be to myself
Keep all the cries and worries to my soul
You are not here
to take care of her tormented soul

You have a girl
Of whom you should take care of
And leave this one for once and all now!

I am no one to take away
any moment of  your happiness
I should be just left out
Of your way of merriness

I will try to be away from you
As far as possible
Won't bother you with anything
And be like I never really existed.

For it pains me to put you in pain
And pains more if I am the reason putting you in pain!

I am sorry

Preference

Why would somebody do that?
What thought is behind this action?
It's something that she's not used to!
A different treatment!

"Hmm...."
"After you..." and a hand gesture was made for her to go first on the staircase.

A step onto the stairs but a preference was given. Specifically she was asked to step first.
Something that doesn't happen to her everyday.
Not that she has not been with guys earlier and not that she hasn't been given a special treatment before.
But this was something that had never happened.

As small and insignificant this may seem but was not at that moment.

Men tend to have bigger egos than women. This is how they have been made. Women are easy to break but men are tough! It's hard for them to put someone else before them. But here he had her before her.

This might be not new for him but was new to her.
This might be something he does to every girl but no guy had done it yet for her.

"Don't do it. I am not used to such respect", came her reply.
"Don't do something which puts her in special treatment. Don't do something which you won't do forever. Hope such a day never comes", she though in her mind.

X--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------X

Coming back home from college, she was walking behind him.

He was to open the gate and she was to follow.

Gate was opened wide and was thrown back in sudden flash.

What happened took her by surprise!

"Is this the same person who used to ask her to go first or at-least take note that somebody is following", she thought.

Might have been an upset situation, might have been a tensed state of mind, might have been her doing something to piss him off. 

This wasn't imagined but this is what happened. And a happy moment was erased.

   X-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------X

This wasn't something on the list of expectations but it's hard to ignore it after making someone habitual of that. It takes time for people to forget about the special things but it happens and happens with a pinch of pain. Funny that people make you used to certain things that they start and when they stop doing that, it's only you misses that being done!

Just another girl !

You were supposed to listen to what she had to say
Judge her after listening to the whole story
But you were too busy for that!

Too busy to hear what she has stay
Too busy to notice how she has been through the day!

Fun and joy of the moment
is the only thing you care for
At then end you will choose 'Her' over her
And she will be just another girl!

She doesn't know the tactics
the tantrums to woo guys
She doesn't and can't manipulate moves
to make them stay close!

And now she just don't care

Not anymore!

For she is just another girl to you !

If you are listening .... Listen Carefully!

Dear Sir
It's not a game
With feelings and emotions attached
It's not all that bearable now!

I see her having sleepless nights
one after another
night by night
waking up to painful bruises
in her heart
for being treated like shit!

Could you not disrespect her atleast
If you cannot respect her at all?
Could you not hurt her
If you cannot give her happiness at all?
And
Could you not give her tears
If you cannot bring a smile on her face at all?

For her eyes are really tired of crying all the time now!

Cries...Young & Old!

"Aee......", the little girl came crying to her mother.
Loud and clear cry with no tears.
Elder brother had hit her in hide and seek game since she was making fun of him.
And she kept on crying and crying and crying with no tears.
Her mother kept pacifying her but deep down she knew her daughter.
She knew her nature and she knew no matter what she gives her now, nothign can stop her cries.
Nothing can stop her shouts.
Nothing can stop her cries.
Left alone for an hour or so she would calm and get along with the game once again.

Noted: A small incident but huge cries.

"I saw him with another girl", the words kept repeating in her mind.
:How can he cheat on me", she kept asking herself.
She had been a nice partner in all his work, humble listener for all his troubles, patient girlfriend in their stormy relationship yet she had lost it all today.
She just could not change who he really was.
A Liar! A cheater! A backstabber!
Not only was he cheating on her, also he had abused her with various allegations!
She was used and then thrown in the middle of nowhere!
She succumbed to her broken heart injuries and decided never to trust any man.

Noted: A big incident but no cries.

To err is to Human!
Yet Humans are scared to even be the natrual themselves!
Look at the small babies crying their lungs out because of hunger or wet diaper or the reason that they don't know what else to do to express they need attention and care. They cry and they cry it all out. The cries bring out all that they inside in them. Tears wash away every bit of sorrow/discomfort/pain from their inside. And they forget it all after they are done with the crying.
Grown ups don't cry. They keep everything inside them and suffer more than the original hurt. They don't want to show tears to anyone. In the process of being strong they actually make themselves weak from the inside. Pain kept with them results in suicide, grudges, depression, mental illness and what not heart disease.

 Why not cry over the hurt?
Why not cry over the injury?
Why not cry over the loss?
Why boast about fake strength?
Why pose about hopeless support?
Why not let it all out?
Why not let tears wash it all out?
Why keep the pain inside?
Why hide tears in heart?
Why not cry it all out ?

Keeping Pain inside rather than letting it out?
Is it really worth it?
Think!

Smita

Happy New Year !

You gave her your trust

There she was as a blogger here

Acknowledging the talent

With ideas well served.

The platform grew 

Darling of Venus was growing

You started it

Many others joined in it's showcasing.

Together we came as one

One platform for all the Darlings

Voicing our opinions 

on matters adjoining!

Thanksgiving for us is here

Congratulating you for your new journey.

Embrace a new life soon 

with all the happiness and prosperity.

P.S.: Here's wishing Maithili, person who laid the building brick for Darling of Venus, a very happy married life. Darlings it's showtime!

Smita

A Thousand words .... !

I look and I look for a thousand views
I search and I search for a thousand questions
I desire and I desire for a thousand friends
I hope and I hope for infinite love!

I need and I need a thousand help
I give and I give a thousand selfless support
I perform and I perform a thousand jobs
I seek and I seek for a thousand multiple opportunities!

At the end

I sit and I sit to count

Count and Calculate

How successful life has been!

Peace in mind and smile at face

is what gives the soul a new peaceful start.

Smita

What scares you off !!!!

What is it that scares you off.

Scares you off from asking the question.

Asking the question about life and things.

Life and things that matter to you.

That matter may make up your destiny.

And your destiny is in the controls of your hands and no one else’s.

No one else will be there tomorrow.

Tomorrow there shall be no time to make up for your mistakes.

Your mistakes then shall haunt you forever.

Forever you shall then regret of not asking that question,

The question which you would have wanted to ask then

Then maybe you could have been happy now

Happy and not scared

So what scares you off!

Smita

Tension !

“:(” the message read.

“What happened” she replied.

“Tell me one thing honestly”, came another message.

“Hmm…okay…go ahead…shoot”, she replied.

“:(”, the message read.

“Arre…what is it.”

“Do I look like a drug addict to you?”, the question was straight and clear.

“Lol Lol Lol”, she replied.

“L You think I am joking, right? :(”

“No yaar, I know why you would have been given that title. Lol”, she laughed.

“:(”

“I know you gym a lot so that is the reason that your eyes are a bit … hmm … you know what I mean right? :p”, she chuckled.

“Yea, it’s the gym but do my eyes look like as that of a drunkard? :(”, he said.

“Arree … no .. but why would you say so?”, she asked.

“I was visiting my friend in hospital yesterday. There I met his mother and she started enquiring from me about things like – Do you people drink often? You people have it over or you go out? Do you people drink it for fun or to get high? :( Yaar, I had gone to console her, to relieve her from her tensions but instead she gave me tension! Am never meeting her now”, he ended the conversation.

She smiled.
Innocence sometimes come in masked funny ways. Opening the unknown truth of the heart to strangers.

The conversation ended.

Thoughts

Things change, situations evolve
For the better, for the worst
that's a mystery to be resolved.

People come, People go
Some leave imprints, some just leave.
You like some, some like you
All that matters is, who genuinely lokes you.

Life is a book, with genre unknown
Mystery, romance or thriller,
with author also still to be known.

Keep moving, keep marching
is the myntra of life.

Thing that amuses one about it is
How can we meet our perfect one
in such a short time!

Smita