I have had a good childhood. I have been pampered, been apprehended time and again when there was a need to restrain my wild surges, have been provided with everything I needed and most importantly, got an undivided
attention from my parents (as I was biologically late to my family party). But
then, there have been times in my growing years, when I have thrown tantrums of
the worst kind, when I did not get what I thought I wanted so desperately at
that instant, despite knowing the truth deep down inside that what I may have
wanted at that precise moment may not have really been that important to me outside
the fit of that one passing moment. My mother being the strong personality that
she is, was stern in terms of discipline and as I grew, we had our differences
(although as of today, we are best of friends). Her NO to something in those
days bruised my ego badly and I wanted that thing even more, just to prove her
otherwise. However, my father being the cool person that he is, voiced his NO
in a way that there could be no further debate/argument/discussion over it. His
NO was a NO and final. It was the dot period to all the idiosyncrasies I managed
to pull out of my hat of tricks. It was never rude. It never sounded superior. Most
importantly, his NO never hurt. And more so, it would slap that question on your
face, sans any minced words, “What part
of a NO is unclear?” The question camouflaged the essence – “Learn to accept a NO for an answer”
Coming to the present day, where I am a mother myself, I
find myself in umpteen uncomfortable occasions where, saying a NO to my son, or
saying a NO to friends or saying a NO to even myself has been taxing, or more appropriately put, testing! On a lighter note, I agree I have been a
royal pain in the neck for my parents way back then. But, I get to taste my own
ego battles with my son, as making him understand a NO to chocolates, late
night TV watching and playing all day long out in the sun exhausts my
patience and energy alike. And not just
as a mother, but even as a social being, making a point across when one is
drowned in a whirlwind of coaxing and cajoling, has been an effort. And then, more
often than not, we tend to go with the flow. We are either too scared to voice a NO lest some 'feelings' get 'hurt' or perhaps, we are too doubtful about ourselves that a NO doesn't find its way out from the tongue and, when it does come out, it turns out to be a YES. And then, the
suppression of the real self beats the hell out of the conscience that somewhere
one did not do what was required to be done. And then, all it takes for a person across to understand a NO, is the right moment, the right words, the right tone with a touch of appropriate humor.
So the question stands, “what
part of a NO is unclear?” So, next time when you feel you are just appeasing
a falsified ego of a person sitting right across you, while the real feeling is
to not do it, then you might as well say a firm NO in the right tone, laced with harmless humor. And if that NO fails to create the required impact, it
means it is time to give yourself more importance than you usually give,
meaning a relation as that is not worth your time. Period.
