Koi Baat Nahin…Lakshmi Aayi hai!!!!(Translation: Nothing to worry…Goddess Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth) has arrived)
This is one common line which I heard from couple of people when my daughter was born. However, not to mention that their tone never had that excitement if in real Goddess of wealth had arrived with a big gunny bags of gold & diamonds!!
The consolation in most of the people’s tone was quite audible. Sorry to say but like reading between the lines sometimes you can hear beyond the lines. Few smart ones quickly said “It doesn’t matter it is a boy or a girl, just a hale & hearty baby”. and these are the smart ones to alter their original comments because of my ‘firebrand’(!!) nature but forget to wipe the consolation in their tone.
One of my elderly relative said 'Ohhhh (I am stressing on this big Ohhh)….daughters bring good luck to family'. Excuse me…if I had given birth to a son then why would have his ‘luck quotient’ had been lesser???
When I was in my 2nd trimester, there were two or three more female colleagues who were expecting. So we used to have our group discussion forum on maternity issues anytime, anywhere…. Few other female colleagues (generally moms) would also join us. One day, a mom of a 2 year old brought a fun test (a questionnaire kind of list which asks whether you like to eat sweet or salty food, which side of your tummy the baby has more movements…) to decide the gender of the unborn baby. All of us took the test for fun. After an hour I found one of the preggo ladies crying in the washroom. When I asked she told me that how mean of that other lady who deliberately twisted the test and told her it’s a girl!!! I got so irked that I sarcastically said that she can very well exchange her result with mine( I got the result that it’s a boy) and barged out of the restroom. Imagine an educated lady, working in a MNC crying because someone told her she would a mother to a girl….horrible!!!!
She had told me later that how her SIL (a MBA, mother of a male child) says that at least the first child should be a boy so that her importance in her household is maintained. I felt even she was also quite convinced with this logic!!!
Another really weird viewpoint I heard when one of my close relative told me that if my genes overshadows my hubby’s genes then it would be a girl ( we are two sisters only, no brothers and my hubby has a young brother, no sisters)and vice versa. What a twisted genetic theorem…..I really felt like taking out my notepad & pen and explaining her complete XX & XY chromosome theory!!!!
Some futuristic people advised me to start saving money for my girl. When I asked snapped them if it had been a boy then a saving was not needed, they few got the drift and changed the topic to “money is nowadays such a necessity for better upbringing of a child”.
I really fail to understand why there is crazy attitude to have a son. Might be I won’t ever experience it as my parents never injected this fact that I have done some crime being a girl. We are two sisters and my parents never yearned for a son. When I was pregnant I read the news of a newborn girl killed by her mother in some village, I literally begged to Almighty that “please if a baby boy is in my womb exchange it to someone’s girl who are crazy for a son” (You see…pregnancy hormones were elevated at their best that time…J!!!!)
Jokes apart, I really feel sorry for these people. Some traits are injected so deeply that even high education cannot wash it. Another very common term I had heard that “Ye meri beti nahi beta hai (She is not a daughter but a son to me). This again turns me off. Why can’t we accept our girls as simple human daughters without labeling them as Goddess, good/bad luck charm or a son? Why any daughter has to prove their mettle by camouflaging as a son?
But I had saved the best for the last: My girl is fairer as compared to me and my hubby. So one of the elderly relative told me that “Good she is fair….you won’t face any difficulty while searching a match for her” Damn…Give me a break!!!
11 comments:
A very well written post, Nibedita. I can't agree more on each of the points you mentioned. What irks me the most of all are the color distinctions people make when it comes to daughters. They behave as if a "not-so-fair" daughter is eternally doomed to a life of spinsterhood or won't get a good husband because of her so called "dark" complexion. The whole labeling of independent daughters as the "son of the house" or as having "masculine" qualities is another very irksome notion. I have heard people say, "We have brought up our daughter as we would have done had she been a son and given her all the freedom that a son should get". What is really sorry is that we do not educate or even try to instill the female compassion into our sons or try to bring them up with the values of our daughters.
Again an extremely well written post. Your daughter is a lucky one :)
Hahahaha... the last one was truly the best !
but man...its so depressing! educated women having such a mind-set..its such a turn-off ! Its simply sad ! :/
but Bose, I'll tell u, I've faced some similar and absolutely weird theories abt marriage, child-birth, & the best - the age gap btween u and ur child ( which says u must marry and have ur child by the time u turn 25-26 max! so as to understand ur child better, the age gap btween u and ur baby determines wat sort of relation u hav with ur child ! )
Woman, it pains when u see educated and well to do ladies talk abt stuffs like that !
I'm a 22 yr old, and I have frnds who r happily getting hitched !
I mean, wen do u live ur own life ?
U complete ur education, and by the time u get ur grad degree in ur hand, u r already a preggo or a going-to-be-preggo !
And worst, wen I try to tell them they shud give marriage and kids some time, they try convincing me why I too shud get hitched and a baby soon ! -.-
well....
May God bless them !
And yes, Swarnali is rite , ur daughter is one of the lucky ones , who'll be treated as a daughter, and the princess of the house ! :)
My best wishes to you both ! :D
I really cannot believe this is still happening!!!! Man, why why is there a need to put a label.. some label on a girl. Why can't they just let us be who we are. What's this incessant need to define us into someone/something else!!!
I feel so frustrated at such people and I would be happy to give a blast if any such weirdos cross my way!!!
God bless you for writing this! :)
I come from similar genes. We are two sisters and my husband to be has a younger brother. My man insists, that we NEED to have a girl at any cost. I know its not a planned thing, but I feel so lucky that the man I'm marrying is not a sexist.
Awesome post and God bless your little princess! :)
Absolutely fab one sis ! Reading it, sometimes I was in tears and sometimes in splits !! I think it is mainly due to our patriarchal society dat all this is happening and its definitely not good.The patriarchy thing has got so ingrained in us dat u even see some of da ladies who commented above say "man" sometimes while addressing everyone !! :-)But definitely a very good piece from u..
Perfect post to break the myth that only poor/uneducated/rural women desire male child. As you wonderfully illustrate the desire exists in the urban midst--in mncs, amongst post-graduate and doctorates, amongst the english-speaking community. It exists as a quiet but very powerful undercurrent in our consciousness. Kudos for exposing it!
Indeed, I feel sorry for such people too. And to take the paradox further, it is usually women who desire boys. In fact my own mother in law, who has two sons, has a subconscious sense of superiority over women who have only daughters. Crazy!
The Boy Complex and the Fairness complex are two things that seem to be ingrained in the Indian society. Have seen it too.Kudos for bringing it up in such a nice way.
Thanx all for liking the post. All of your views prove that we are heading for change in the mindset of coming generation....slowly but yeah it is there. :)
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