Deception.

You came like a flowing breeze,
soothed my burning soul,
balmed my open wounds,
and now that I want you to stay,
you say you just came by the way.

I look up in your eyes,
It tells me a million stories.
stories of defeat, stories of shame,
stories of many shattered walls of fame.
you blink, trying to deceive me,
but the door once opened can be entered anyday.

I look deeper in your eyes,
beyond those surfacing stories.
I see a sun blinding my gaze,
The gleaming sun shows me illusions,
I see mirage in the middle of a haze.

I forget the reality,
and start living in the illusions.
my world turns into a vast desert,
and I look upon you
my oasis, for solace.

But after walking miles after miles,
chasing you, like chasing my own tail.
A lightening strikes, and I realize,
my house has been ravaged,
my soul has been stolen,
my trust has been broken,
the drawers of happiness have been emptied,
and my love has been raped.

I want you to tell me,
All's not lost, everything's gonna be alright.
So I look around for you,
But you seem nowhere.
Far away, I can see your shadow,
disappearing at the end of the road.

I run behind you, trying to stop you,
hold your arms tight.
But every single time,
I fall on my face,
feeling like a ridiculous dime.

I hear somebody laughing on me,
It was a joke I didnt want to understand.
Fallacy was served to me on a platter,
And I tasted deceit, while sipping some wine.

The Affair

               "It's time" you whispered lightly into my ears.
                Spooning up against you, the feel of your lips on my earlobes, I felt my body shiver, goosebumps on my arms. You ran  your hand over my arms, soothing the excitement that I felt. I was waiting for more when you slipped out of the bed, scattering my desires into dust. Oh how I wanted you!

               I lay on bed, hoping that you would come back and start over again. But you didn't. I heard the shower running. A part of me wanted to join you and forget all about what lay ahead. But another part, the one that still had some respect, adamantly stayed still, wanting to be loved. You walked out, a towel wrapped around your waist, hair wet and water droplets on your body. I wanted to touch you, bury my head in your arms and take in the fragrance of your body. To feel alive, to reminisce how it felt the first time I hugged you. To be consumed in the fire of the passion I felt for you. You went about getting dressed, hardly noticing the emotions that were threatening to tear me apart.

              Reluctantly, I began to dress up for the day. No, I did not feel like taking a shower. You raised your eyebrow to show disdain for my choice. But it didn't matter. I was getting used to your disapproval. I did not want to go back where I had just imagine you naked. I did not want to go down that memory again, the one that spiraled me back every time I took a step forward. Of the numerous rendezvous that we had in that enclosed space, of the water running down our bodies as they became one.

              I picked up my bag, stuffing in the things that were lying around your place. I wondered if it occurred to you that you would never see them again. Then I thought, how does it matter!

             "What time is your flight?" you asked me. How could you not know? I wanted to shout!
             "10.30" I replied, gulping in the lump I felt in my throat.

             You sat back in the cab with me, not realizing how my body ached every time the cab took a turn and you bumped into me or your hand brushed against my thighs.

             "Good bye. Have a safe trip"  you told me at the departure gate.
              I had tears in my eyes but you looked away.

               I walked in the gate, not wanting to look back. But I did look back. Through the glass doors, I saw you zoom away. Not wasting a second after I left, you had hurriedly got into the cab and gone. Away from my life. Leaving me with a broken heart.

             I took off from the city that had showed me independence, from the city that had brought you and me together. Into another one, where I was destined to marry a stranger.

             I would never again experience a passion that made me go weak. That would make me blind to all reason. The way you awakened my demons and made me love them! The way you kept making me asking for more of you. The way you never truly gave in to me. The way you stirred my body. Then left it unwanted.

             But I am glad I looked back, that day at the airport. I saw a loser running away. It made it easier to move on knowing that you weren't waiting.

             Marrying a stranger was not what I had imagined.  Yet, on rainy nights when I cuddle next to him, he pulls me closer and makes me feel warm. He doesn't give me goosebumps, he gives me love. He doesn't make me ask for more, he keeps me happy and satisfied. Most importantly, when I cry he doesn't look away, he wipes my tears and makes me smile. You had my body, he has my soul. For that I am thankful to you. If it hadn't been for you, I would have never known what true love is! My affair with life begins now.