FOR MEN
1)UGLY OLD SAGGY MAID- Women are insecure and really sceptical. Appoint an old woman as your maid and make her feel that unlike other guys you don’t go for the bootylicious, cleavage showing, saree pallu falling types.
2. 2)BE A DOG- Women talk a lot, nag a lot, cry a lot, bitch a lot and complain a lot. Whenever a dog sees his master crying, all the dog does is sit near him, make a sad puppy face and look at his master and sometimes keep his sad dog head on the masters lap. Same way when your woman cries, go sit beside her, hug her, make a face which tells her that her crying hurts you and let her talk. Women love to feel special.
3. 3)SEX- Don’t be an animal and force her into sex every single night. Women like to be cuddled. You might not like the cuddling and talking all night drama but honey, it will make your woman worship you.
4. 4)BE THE HERO IN THE CHICKFLICK- Admit it, you are bad in giving surprises. You roll your eyes every time your wife says ‘AWWWWWW’ when the hero in the movie does something really sweet for his wife/ girlfriend. Surprise her by cooking (you get READY TO COOK packets in the market), get home a bit early and take her for dinner, be a starry eyed boy in love. SHE IS TRAPPED FOREVER!
5. 5)ANGER MANAGEMENT- Women like mind games and they can poke the devil out of its dormant state. Even if you shout at her, accidently curse her or bang the door real hard while leaving the place, make sure you wipe the crime scene clean soon before the memory gets etched in her brain. Make sure things become normal again. A kiss always works, obviously with a sorry. If you do not make her forget, she will bring this up everytime you do something wrong. It will become her secret weapon.
FOR WOMEN
1)GOOD FOOD- Call your grandmother, buy all the TARLA DALAL cook books, Youtube good recipes and bring the chef out of you. Get your flag hoisted on his stomach.
2)GREAT SEX- You can never be bad in bed as long as you do not pretend to be a dead body who in incapable of stimuli. Do something, anything! Make him feel he is good. Switch between submission and dominance and voila you have a devotee!
3)LITTLE NAGGING- It’s in your blood and I know it! Nagging is synonymous to the term WOMAN. Bring it out little by little instead of blasting it all in one go. Don’t tell him he is wrong and that he should change. Let him know your likes and dislikes in a very low and cute tone. He will listen.
4)DON'T OWN HIM- He isn’t your slave but your man. Don’t always meddle in his business, his choices and preferences, do not complain about his boy gang and don’t stop him when he wants to have a Drinking party with his boys. Let him have a whiff of the bachelor days air even after marriage. He will always be loyal to you.
OK! So I have included just 4 points under the Women part, because women are hard to handle and men are easy to please. All major fights are started by women and continue for long because of the female ego, vanity etc. Men too put in their share though.
P.S- Sorry!for not posting regularly here. Nothing I write is good enough. Even this. Also I am not married :P. You don’t need to eat shit to know how it tastes, do you?
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