October 5, 2011

For A Successful Arranged Marriage

Posted by Red Handed at 11:57 PM

     1)UGLY OLD SAGGY MAID- Women are insecure and really sceptical. Appoint an old woman as your maid and make her feel that unlike other guys you don’t go for the bootylicious, cleavage showing,  saree pallu falling types. 

2.   2)BE A DOG- Women talk a lot, nag a lot, cry a lot, bitch a lot and complain a lot. Whenever a dog sees his master crying, all the dog does is sit near him, make a sad puppy face and look at his master and sometimes keep his sad dog head on the masters lap. Same way when your woman cries, go sit beside her, hug her, make a face which tells her that her crying hurts you and let her talk. Women love to feel special.

3.   3)SEX- Don’t be an animal and force her into sex every single night. Women like to be cuddled. You might not like the cuddling and talking all night drama but honey, it will make your woman worship you.

4.   4)BE THE HERO IN THE CHICKFLICK- Admit it, you are bad in giving surprises. You roll your eyes every time your wife says ‘AWWWWWW’ when the hero in the movie does something really sweet for his wife/ girlfriend. Surprise her by cooking (you get READY TO COOK packets in the market), get home a bit early and take her for dinner, be a starry eyed boy in love. SHE IS TRAPPED FOREVER!

5.   5)ANGER MANAGEMENT- Women like mind games and they can poke the devil out of its dormant state. Even if you shout at her, accidently curse her or bang the door real hard while leaving the place, make sure you wipe the crime scene clean soon before the memory gets etched in her brain. Make sure things become normal again. A kiss always works, obviously with a sorry. If you do not make her forget, she will bring this up everytime you do something wrong. It will become her secret weapon.

       FOR WOMEN 

      1)GOOD FOOD- Call your grandmother, buy all the TARLA DALAL cook books, Youtube good recipes and bring the chef out of you. Get your flag hoisted on his stomach. 

      2)GREAT SEX- You can never be bad in bed as long as you do not pretend to be a dead body who in incapable of stimuli. Do something, anything! Make him feel he is good. Switch between submission and dominance and voila you have a devotee!

3)LITTLE NAGGING- It’s in your blood and I know it! Nagging is synonymous to the term WOMAN. Bring it out little by little instead of blasting it all in one go. Don’t tell him he is wrong and that he should change. Let him know your likes and dislikes in a very low and cute tone. He will listen.

 4)DON'T OWN HIM- He isn’t your slave but your man. Don’t always meddle in his business, his choices and preferences, do not complain about his boy gang and don’t stop him when he wants to have a Drinking party with his boys. Let him have a whiff of the bachelor days air even after marriage. He will always be loyal to you.

OK!  So I have included just 4 points under the Women part, because women are hard to handle and men are easy to please. All major fights are started by women and continue for long because of the female ego, vanity etc. Men too put in their share though.

P.S- Sorry!for not posting regularly here. Nothing I write is good enough. Even this. Also I am not married :P. You don’t need to eat shit to know how it tastes, do you? 
 Image Courtesy- sursanchari.wordpress.com


Paanipuri Lover on October 6, 2011 at 8:38 AM said...

Hail Red Handed! another lovely post by you!:D
It stands true till the end! Even though you aren't married, you seem to know all the points to a happy married life! :P

The DRAGON in the skin of a goat ;-p on October 6, 2011 at 8:57 AM said...

You crack me up everytime Red...shit tasting EPIC!!!!! Love the anger management point under men, remind me of me :)...I refuse to let go until things are settled (read: go my way)...the boy has learnt to manipulate me well now, I'm led to believe that it's my way, but it's actually the high way!!! Marriage or any relationship for that matter will stand the test of time only if both parties are willing to let go of petty issues and work on the bigger ones, but your tips do come in handy to keep the spice and spark alive. I could never write a post like this Red, even though I practice this and more each day, so quit fishing for compliments :P...your good and it's time you wake up to that fact!!!

PeeVee on October 6, 2011 at 9:23 AM said...

:D The second part of the P.S made more sense to me than the entire dictionary...

1 point, top class:D

Meghana on October 6, 2011 at 10:32 AM said...

Awesome post. This should help the guys now. :P

Suruchi on October 6, 2011 at 12:14 PM said...

women are hard to handle and men are easy to please-Lol..a whole lot of wisdom there;-)

maithili on October 6, 2011 at 12:20 PM said...

The P.S reminded me of Baba Ramdev :P :P Seriously! I randomly watched his debate once where he answered as to why he is so much against gay rights when he himself hasn't had a taste of sex! n the reply came , "The doctor doesn't have to be a cancer patient, to cure cancer does he?" : p :P

As for the post, I m mailing it to my guy :P !!

Center Shocker on October 6, 2011 at 1:14 PM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Center Shocker on October 6, 2011 at 1:19 PM said...

nice post reddie :)

Would love write posts on such topic, unfortunately this is a all women's blog :(

OMFG just realised am the 1st guy to comment.
I guess they must have read Reddie's last line and Meghana's comments and must have been left the place stomping and fuming!! :P


TheGirlAtFirstAvenue on October 6, 2011 at 1:46 PM said...

Muhahaha.. good one! Women start all the major fights, i agree. But its only because some men are not smart enough to realize that they are making a mistake!!!

Red Handed on October 6, 2011 at 6:40 PM said...

@PaaniPuri lover-hahahaah yes..being in a relationship for a long time makes you think such shitty stuffs :P
@The Dragon in the skin of a goat- Well!! My fishing for compliments did work actually :P..Dint it??Thankyou soo much for commenting love.
@PeeVee- heeh thankyou!!!
@Meghana- thanks to you young lady :)
@Suruchi- I try :D
@Maithili- he really said tht!!hahahaha my mother is sucha biiiig fan f his yappings.
@Centre Shocker- oh they do have some provisions whereby a man can post too.Check it up :) Thanks a lot for commenting.
@The Girl At First Avenue-I second tht point madame!!I third tht too :P

Center Shocker on October 6, 2011 at 7:59 PM said...

hah lol :P

meoww on October 7, 2011 at 3:31 PM said...

haha RED..!!
lol stuff Dude..:P :P :P
i loved the Great Sex part..!!
superr \m/

Viya ;) on October 7, 2011 at 4:03 PM said...

LOL!.. even though most of it eeez true! ;)
and completely agree with the food part...!! man! these guys have stomachs which are like endless pits! :P

Red Handed on October 8, 2011 at 4:42 AM said...

@CRD- gehheeh
@Meowww- thanks young lady!! Sex makes up for all the unwanted fights.lol
@Viya- that is just so true, but then even mine is.heh

Abhishek Ranjith on October 8, 2011 at 10:56 AM said...

Being part of the male species, I must defend our race and object to the statement "Men are easy to pleae". :D :D Wives can never cook as good as grandmothers and mothers. :D :D You just wait till you get married :D :D

Red Handed on October 9, 2011 at 9:09 PM said...

@Abhishek Ranjith- tht statement was made in comparison to the other gender. Thanks heh :D

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