I
hesitated before putting up the pre-wedding photograph that said "Save the
date". I was fully aware of the shock waves that would spread through
people who had known me in school and college. Was it too early? You bet! I was
just 22, barely 4 months into the corporate world and all geared up to take the
plunge. Was I wrong? Only time would tell.
As expected, I did get some
comments that made me cringe, "Whoa! That is too soon", "Are you
serious" and even though the congratulatory ones far outnumbered these
kind, I couldn't help feeling a knot in my stomach when I read them. At a time
when my contemporaries were choosing universities for higher education, I was
busy selecting my wedding trousseau. I was out of loop with what was happening
in my friends circle and they were as clueless of my activities. A lot of help
poured in from fellow bloggers who were not just supportive but guided me
through my everyday anxiety. From suggestions about wedding preparation to
giving me pep talk, people I had not even met in real life were helping me sail
through this tumultuous time.
"I don't know what she's
doing, but I will stick with her" was the kind of attitude of people who
loved me dearly. I had never thought I would be doing it so early. Why was I
choosing to do this at 22? For one, I had been in love for a long, long time
with the man I was going to marry. We realised there was no way we could carry
on long distance any more. It was time for him to settle down. Although, I was
not fully prepared to settle right away, I did not see myself marrying anyone
else. It was an everyday battle between what I want and what I need since the
time we made this decision.
Truth be told, I was not aware
what was in store for me in this deal called marriage. I was always skeptical
about marriage. It had to do with the fact that I had been around so many
unhappy marriages, so many pairs who loved each other but could not agree on a single thing and I had known so many unmarried people who never lost an
opportunity to degrade marriage and married ones. I only hoped it wasn't the
case with me. I was brought up in a very different world than what I was
married into. The first month felt like a vacation. I often caught myself
wondering when I would go home. The husband was trying to get to know me for
real. It was awkward between us. Since we had been in long distance all these
years, it took time to figure out living together. We were just not used to
having each other around. Three months of my life after marriage were spent at
home. During the day, I would try to experiment with cooking. Since I had
barely cooked (except for baking!) before marriage, everything was an
experiment! I read or watched TV rest of the day. Some evenings he would come
early and we would go for a walk or drive. Weekends we spent watching movies or
shopping. Even though I was occupied with the changes in my life, there were
nights I terribly missed home and cried while he held me, trying to calm me.
When I got a job, he was ecstatic. It was my first and only interview and I had made it. The office was 28 kms away from
our home. As I neither knew the local language nor did I know the route, he
dropped me all the way to work the first day. He had to come back the same
distance as his office was in the opposite direction. The same day he again
came to pick me up. It was one exhausting day. I somehow figured out coming
back alone the next day (courtesy a colleague). The time for travel through bus
was around 2 hours each way. So every morning, husband dropped me to work for
the next one and half month until I got a shift assigned and a cab to take care
of my travel.
They say the first six months of marriage are
blissful because everything is so new. The passion fizzles out eventually by
the time it’s your first anniversary. "Yours is a new marriage" was
one comment that I kept getting if I did say something that was not true of someone
else's marriage. I secretly wondered if it was true. Was ours going to go the
same way? I did know that novelty wears off in some time. We had been in a
relationship before our marriage and the first six months of our relationship
was the peak of all romance and later we had a one on one with reality. I
worried that it was the same for marriage.
Even after the six months, nothing changed in our
lives. We worked, we laughed, we ate, we travelled, we partied, we watched
movies, we made love, and we dreamt just the same way. In no time we were at
our first anniversary. In a year, we had become inseparable.
The next few months were challenging for me from
work perspective. I worked long hours, often logging in even after coming home.
I worked weekends, I worked on public holidays. I worked every waking
hour. It was all possible because he stood by me. He picked me up sometimes
when I worked on holiday, treating me out or picking some food parcel on the
way because I would be too tired to cook. He let me work when I was struggling
with sinusitis because he understood it was important for me (plus I never take
holidays that I can utilize to travel :P). The work pressure was getting the
better of most people. Some decided to quit. Some colleagues asked me,
"Doesn't your husband say anything?" Someone asked, "How long
have you been married?" and when I said it’s been a year, she replied,
"Oh! That’s why. If it was new, it would be a problem". It got me
thinking. Why should a husband have problem if a wife works extra when her job
requires it? I also wondered how it mattered how old a marriage is. It
definitely hinted at some kind of action they expect during the first year. Do
they think I just go home and open my laptop?
I put my keys in the door as quietly as possible as
to not wake him up. I work in second shift and so it is usually midnight when I
reach home. As soon as I opened the door, I saw a black chair next to my table
and the husband sitting on it with his back towards me. He rotated the chair
with a big smile on his face! He had got me an office chair as a surprise!
Since I was spending so much time working at home, he figured it would be good
if I use an office chair. And here I was wondering all about the irrelevant things
about marriage and work. It was then that I realized how true it was when
someone had written, "The best decision you can make for your career is
who you choose to marry". There is no end to ifs and maybes. I may have
had a better paying job if I had waited it out and gone for higher education. I
may have got married eventually to someone else. Because who am I kidding? I
wouldn't have stayed single all life even if I chose to. But in that moment, I
knew that I was right in marrying the man who was my husband. And I wouldn't
trade that with all the money in this world let alone some snide remarks from
people who don't get it.
We are about to complete 2 years of marriage. Weekdays
just go by in a blur, getting the chores and office work done. Some weekends we plan
and travel and some weekends are simply spent watching crime patrol (Yes! I got
him addicted too). Life has been a bag of surprises with him. It doesn't need
much to surprise me. Sometimes, an unexpected halt in front of my favorite
ice-cream shop, or a couple of novels he picked at airport on his way back home
from a work trip, when he suddenly takes me shoe shopping or him letting me
sleep on his side of bed because I am not feeling well. I still work long hours
some days. I don't do it just for money. I do it sometimes to help others.
Besides, it’s good to buy gifts for family with the extra money you make. Even
if we are busy with work, we make time for each other every day. We never miss
to hug each other when he leaves for work in the morning and when I return at
night, we still message each other at least once in a day. There are a million
ways we are always involved with each other.
"Marrying right after college is like leaving the
party at 8.30" someone posted recently. Not if you are going to another
party that is more happening my love! I thought of commenting but didn't. To
marry or not to marry? That is not the question. Choose what makes you happy.
