December 25, 2012

Zindagi Bhar Nahin Bhoolegi...

Posted by Divya at 12:05 AM

As rare as it happens, I have been inspired by my own writing. I came across this piece of writing on The Darlings of Venus. (Okay, I lied. I didn't ‘come across’ it. I ‘searched’ for it.) 
I wanted the wound to re-open. The deep cut in the heart has dried but the heart that yearned should be purged, washed clean and clear until what remains would be a piece of colorless flesh, drained of blood. The deep cut would still remain like a mark – a mark that would never get erased, a mark that would be hidden beneath the perpetual flow of blood, a mark that would surface every now and then, every time the heart slowed down and pumped a little less blood than the usual.

I might try to pacify the heart, instruct it to beat normally, plaster the wound with new memories, but what about the old ones? What about those missing pieces in the deep cut?  Zindagi Bhar Nahin Bhoolegi…


The attached strings have been cut long ago; reason – Tightened Tuners. I tightened the tuners initially, I didn't stop there. I tightened the tuners more, the strings were pulled apart, the tension increased, and finally a threshold was reached. The strings could no longer hold on to the tuners, they decided to split. Now, they stand cut. No more music can be made out of the Guitar. If I ever attempt to make music out of it, they will only end up making ‘noise’ and not ‘music’.


I might fix the strings, I might fix the tuners, but what about my bleeding fingers? The fingers that cut and bled when I played on the over-tuned strings? Zindagi Bhar Nahin Bhoolegi...



Trust and Faith – clichéd words, so clichéd, that we even know the context the very moment they are uttered. Once the trust is lost, no amount of love and consolation will bring it back. It’s like the missing piece of the cut in the heart, like the bleeding fingers. You will patch the heart, you will set the strings right, but you will always doubt if the heart is still working fine, you will check and test every now and then. You will still feel that your guitar now feels ‘different’ with a new set of strings. You will then realize, that, “It can never be the same.”
And… Zindagi Bhar Nahin Bhoolegi…

P.S : It has been exactly a year, since I went “Away” and penned that post. Exactly an year since the heartbreak. I apologized to the Darlings and ran away. To where? I saw half the country, went places, changed houses, met new people, derived experiences, got some sunshine, and here I’m. Back. Right from where it all started. I’m back to square one. Still feeling hurt even after an year. All I need is one gentle push and truck loads of strength. But now, I’m back home, I’m back to the Darlings. 



6 comments:

DEE DEE on December 26, 2012 at 6:30 PM said...

You know what...after reading this I gave a huge "foooooooooooohhhhhhhh" kinda sigh...suddenly it felt like this post just came to me.....perfectly echoing my "spur of the moment" oscillating senti emotion...

Keirthana on December 26, 2012 at 7:09 PM said...

Am glad you are back, the heart may still be missing pieces and the guitar may feel different, but there can still be hope that it will still work out the best possible way it could.

It's just my opinion and the perspective I have got from my experiences. Sorry if it is not appropriate for you. Wishing you the strength that you need.

Love,
Keirthana

maithili on December 26, 2012 at 7:28 PM said...

Welcome back Divya :) I m soo happy to see you here :) Praying that grow stronger and live better :)

Divya on December 28, 2012 at 6:06 PM said...

@Dee Dee : Sometimes, most of us are oscillating in the same moment. A little here and a little there.

@Keirthana : Thanks, you are such an optimist, as you have always been :) Filling in rays of hope and wishing the best, everytime.
Thanks, Gurl. *Hugs*

@Maithili : Heylos, *Admin* :P Thank you for the wishes and for "still" keeping me on the blog despite being inactive for an year! :)
*Coolest Admin E.V.E.R!!* :D

Sunitha on December 29, 2012 at 5:18 AM said...

Hey Divya. Glad to see you back here. The wounds may leave marks and the music may feel different. But pain sometimes has a way of enriching your life in ways you never imagined.

Think of the pearl that came from a piece of dirt that gave endless pain to the oyester. Wishing you lots of strength to go on beyond these tough times.

Saro on January 31, 2013 at 7:50 PM said...

You'd probably hate me saying it, but it sounds like the heart break did you a giant favor. Pain is shit when it's happening, I dare say that it gave you the courage to do the things that you would've never done.

And some day, you'll remember the journey and know that it was the pain that gave you the strength to challenge yourself.

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