Single doesn't mean Desperate.

Blessed be everyone! 

As the title might have been a HUGE give away, I am in a mood for some serious lashing out. You may call it a Single Girl's confession or a sore spot that I have developed recently, I needed to send out a serious message across. Now now, please, this isn't meant to be taken offensively by the people who are in relationships or committed to a person - it is my personal opinion, do not go hating me about this. (Saw the need in me to not be hated/disliked/disagreed with?? :P Anyway, that's not the point.)

Few things I must lay down, before I say anything else. I am 23. An Adult. With Hormones and Brains that work perfectly in harmony with each other, sometimes taking a dip at the lack of sheer nice weather, coffee or some music. Otherwise, I am perfectly normal. I look alright. And I do not have a board hanging around my neck which reads - "Duuude, I am SINGLE, Wanna DATE ME Please!!!" Why am I saying this? Recently, in fact, over the last two years, I have noticed a drastic change in the youth these days, of my (our) generation. Everyone seems to be "in a relationship" or seeking to be in one. Not that it's a bad thing, but this has changed the dynamics of interpersonal relations of persons in social community. (I did sound like an MBA student there, I digress).

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So, my point. I was sitting in my college food court a few days back, when I noticed a guy (black hair, tall, fair, sexy stubble and eyes that spoke like 1000 words - you get the idea). I was searching a character for a chapter I was writing for my wannabe novel - and this guy was perfect. Like exactly what I wanted. So you can imagine the joy that lit up my face as I exclaimed - "Wow! He is perfect!" Now my friends know, that I have been really interested in this one guy for past four years...so when I 'ooooh' and 'aaah' over any other guy, it's like I am really 'desperate' for love (lust?) and I am being told so. I checked my response and shut the fuck up and kept quiet. I do that now mostly because I really don't want to sound defensive. It will just reinforce what they all are trying to say. At another such occasion, I complimented the guy (the one I like) and was told that I make it too obvious that I like him - that I am desperate to get his attention! WTF?? Of course I am. Why would I like him then????

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Now, there's one quality that I have acquired (involuntarily) is that I can talk to guys/men/boys pretty well. (lesser mortals call it Flirting). It's apparently when you are seeking attention or want to get laid or send out wrong signals, that you flirt. Who the hell ever said that???? Flirting is GOOD! It gives you confidence about yourself and of course, your ability to charm people, not necessarily men. I am really pissed off with the fact that I have known some couples - people who have been in relationships or have recently gotten into one, for them, it's like now their eyes hover on me (Rules of Engagement anyone?)...I seem too interested in men (read: on TV or the guys (not from college) I have met and who are now sort of good friends) and that's a bone of contention. "You are really getting desperate man!" Why??? Just because someone asked me for a cup of coffee and I said yes??? Or just because someone couldn't get back home, because it was late in the night and not safe at all and it's assumed that just because she is single, she must have done something with the guy she met - hence she did not return but came back at 5 in the morning on one such occasion??? I am amazed by the hypocratic attitude. You are permitted to call over your boyfriend to stay with you behind closed doors, but I am not allowed to judge because he is your boyfriend. Isn't that wrong?? 

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I know someone (A very very close friend of mine) who is single and really pretty, tall and has lots of brains - someone who technically should not be single. However, she is and we both spend hours discussing about how we are judged. The moment she praises a guy (along with me sometimes - we do check out some good looking men. :D) she gets looks. That really hurt her. And she made a valid point - that it's so easy to judge someone who's single when you are not. Because there's no denying that we all NEED someone, that does not make you desperate - that makes you a HUMAN. 

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Desperation is when you get clingy, you go out with every guy who leers at you, when you have always been in a relationship and now you are not and therefore, seek attention because you cannot live without one. Desperation is when you have decided the names of your kids, the place where you will get married and the color of dress you will wear when you get married - and all of this, when you haven't been on a date twice with the guy. That's desperation. Desperation is when you are a pushover - trying to do whatever the guy does, says and wishes.

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Desperation is not when you check out a guy and say - Oooh, he's hot. Oooh, I love your hair/shirt/perfume/smile/jokes blah blah. And when you are single, doesn't flirting make sense? And what's wrong in liking what you see?? If I talk about the guy I like, ceaselessly, I will be tagged as infatuated/obsessed/pretentious (because apparently, you cannot love someone for four years straight - without telling them). Desperation is not when you play hard to get, when you show the guy that you are not just another Blonde or you end up liking more than two men. It's okayyyy! It's your life and you can make mistakes! Single-dome is to be enjoyed! In which ever way you like! Date a million men and don't be with anyone, how does it matter?  

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But if I accompany you with your boyfriend to anyplace you like and then you tell me how you guys fight cutely and ogle at each other with that secret smile lingering at your lips, what am I supposed to do? When I stay put, respecting your relationship, why is it hard for you to not judge me when I am trying to divert my mind by checking out who's hot and who's not? I may blush at the compliment given to me by a boy - does that mean I have a crush on him??? No effing wayyyy! It's just that genuine compliments make people blush! And I accept the compliment, hence I blush! How is it even related to the fact that I am single? If I sound excited for an invitation to a simple coffee - that is desperation? How? Coffee, I LOVE! And I don't give a shit if it's a guy or a girl - it's the company. If I have more guy friends, how does that make me flirty, slutty or desperate? I may not be in a relationship but that does not lower my standards at all! I am socializing, living a life of my own - how does that make me "waiting to be laid???" I am looking for love and yes, like you I am capable of falling in love, just that I may not be ready for commitment! I am taking my time, trying and testing the waters...and yes, the wait sometimes frustrates me because I do long for the solace you can find in your lovers arms, but I can satiate myself with a romantic movie - sob a bit, drink up a BIG mug of coffee or have a chocolate and be back to normal. That does not make me desperate. 

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I know this post is wayy too long but I didn't know how to shorten it without telling everything that I have on my mind. I would like to apologize if I have hurt anyone's feelings. You may know, this was the desperation to prove myself that being single doesn't mean I really need a man - right now. Live your life king size. Love the time you have - living every moment, loving every sweet accident. For that's all our hearts know - Loving. 

Things I love. [Image source: vi.sualize.us]

PS: I have used an article for reference, at "Askmen.com". 

An Unforgettable Touch.

It was the one of the worst phases of her life. Everything was falling apart. Everything moved in a downward spiral. Friends were there, but she couldn't tell them what was bothering her so much. She would cry instantly, she would carry the lost look everywhere. She was depressed. Why was she depressed? Someone had said that he (Let's call him S) loves her. She loved him too, but she was confused. Never before was she in such a confusion, because she loved someone else. Always did and never told the other guy. In the meantime, S was around as a friend, distant so that he doesn't get emotionally involved. Close enough to let her know that he was there. But things don't always happen as planned. They fell for each other, but didn't admit. When he did, she panicked. She told him, she doesn't want a relationship, she doesn't want to lose him as a friend, she is scared of love, she has a murky past...blah blah blah. He understood and moved back. She treated him like an enemy. One day, he left her. What had she expected? He would stay to bear her cruelty? No, he left. And her beliefs shattered.

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At this stage, a friend (Let's call him T) long lost came to see her, in her city. They had known each other for 5 years. He noticed she was not the same. She noticed that she was exposed, too vulnerable. But she still helped him move around the city, showed him places...took him to the best known diners, to take her own mind off her miseries. He asked her what was bothering her. She never answered. He assumed that it was the best friend she kept talking about....he mocked him. She did not protest. And the guilt ate her up. 

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One such day when they were alone...her heart was aching to talk to S, but he wouldn't respond. And she would reply in scathing messages. T was sitting next to her, while her eyes slowly closed due to tiredness and mental exhaustion. T slowly leaned in and kissed her. On the lips. She woke up, but her brain was in the state of limbo...half asleep, half awake. She responded instantly, tears filling her eyes. What was happening? She kissed him back.

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Million things registered in her mind instantly - She was kissing T, who was just a friend...why was she kissing him back? She betrayed her feelings for S. And wtf will she do now??? She just kissed! Her First ever kiss. And T doesn't love her. Never loved her. That realization broke her haze. Panic gripped her heart. Her eyes opened wide, while T said sweet nothings. He realized the stiffening of her body in his arms. He wiped her eyes while she mouthed the words, "What did we just DO???? I cannot kiss you! You don't even love me!! Whyy???" She ran away to a corner, her heart beating like thunder...she couldn't breathe. She was SO scared! What had she done?

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Another realization hit her hard. Had T just used her? No No No!!! She was on the verge of tears when T came by and hugged her...and said that she is the prettiest girl he had ever seen and that he was sorry that he couldn't love her. He wouldn't love her. She looked at him, her vulnerability most visible now and T could just apologize for whatever happened. 

Her pain was replaced by anger when he later blamed her for the kiss. She was so angry, she never spoke to him again. She relived the kiss, twisted it in her thoughts and that made her worse. And one day, her heart just broke. She cried, cried and cried. She spoke to her friends who sympathized well enough, but she had to get out of the mental cell on her own. She started writing...a story came up and another followed it. She was healing slowly. 

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S finally spoke to her one day and she confessed to him about the kiss. He understood again, though he also said he would definitely kill T if he ever saw him. She smiled at that. They were not lovers, but they were two grown up individuals, who understood each other so much, that her pain became his. And he never let her fall down. S and She don't talk much now...and she knows it's late, for she had broken his trust...and she would live with that guilt forever...but she understands. He was avoiding her sometimes, talking to her friends, but ignoring her at the same time. Taste of her own medicine, she had accepted this and come to terms with the feeling.

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But she wasn't in pain anymore, as she was realizing that few mistakes happen to make you grow as a person. And love, need not be to be held or possessed in your arms. The beauty of it is to let go, when the time comes. And she was letting it go, slowly...

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Blessed Be everyone. This confession is inspired from a true incident.  

I See RED :) :)

Blessed be Lovely Ladies,

Before I utter another word, I would like to apologize for being MIA. My laptop had crashed and my internet has funny ways to mess around (and I was feeling awkward in borrowing laptops all the time...Sigh). This post was officially meant to be posted on 14th September, so I am not changing anything in it. 

Now before I go on to talk about the lady who is one of the most loved and tickles everyone’s funny bones, I have to say here, that I loved Red, the color, yes and the person Red (Handed) as we know her. ;) :D Having said that, how can I go on without saying this??

Happy Bir(Red)ay to you Redhanded! :D

I stumbled upon her blog via Anoop’s Blog and was instantly intrigued by the picture that represents her – A Pair of Red Colored Palms. I sort of expected something gory (blood et al) or even something related to law – yeah, my very first thoughts. As I was directed to her blog, I couldn’t stop reading (and grinning to myself all the while) and read all her posts in one sitting. She is THAT good. And no, just because it’s her birthday today, I am not out here to butter her, ‘cause she ain’t the one to be fooled by sweet talk. 

Her posts are one of the funniest to read...and no, she is not all funny and joker-like. There is a mature and sensible heart beating in her, as I read few of her serious posts. She talks about gold, men, women, relationships. Kerala and everything that one would think of, but not out of the box. She maintains her anonymity which adds to the attraction and mystery...her blog is one of the few blogs I never forget to check. She is someone, who loves the mush I spout as equally as the nerd like researches I do on mysterious topics.

This one's for you! :D <3

I wish you Red, a brilliant happy birthday (Though I am super late and I am sorry for that :( ) And may you keep making us laugh as you do with your wit and comebacks at life. As they say, it is very easy to spill tears but very tough to make someone smile. And that, you, my friend, have achieved.  :D 

A Beautiful Mystery

A Very Brilliantly Brightened Good Afternoon to all the Readers here!

Too Dramatic? Indeed. That adds spice to life, doesn't it? :D And when I have mentioned Spice here, how can I forget it's association with women (No, not that association of cooking in the kitchen or gossiping!). I mean, how women can spice up life with their mysterious ways or make it a living hell with their complexities.

Too Good to Resist. ;)

Despite the tough lessons, brushes with obscure situations and pain (literally and figuratively), we are easily one of the most desired possessions, ain't we? :D I realize I sound like those Bindi and Cotton Saree clad feminists. But I assure you that I am not that. (Men, you can breathe :P) We all love Men, somewhere deep down in our hearts, whether they be the love of our lives, husbands, fathers, sons or even the Gods before whom we bow. I always wonder that it is for them sometimes, that we douse that extra kohl and keep our hair flowing to add that extra oomph and an air of mystery. 

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(No ladies, do not hate me for this, I am just saying. I love you all :D :* ) Yes, we are incomplete without each other and yes, men cannot deny that it is the mystery of understanding a woman, that has kept them alive - since forever.

Image Source: Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes

Talking about mystery...I have always associated life with a mysterious woman, the one who can create magic, who can back stab you like a bitch, who can make it look so glorious that you will be left breathless and sometimes so peaceful, that you will want to die with sheer profoundness of it all. Yes, that is life for me. Initially in my teens, I used to hate being a girl - not that I tried to act all tomboyish because I so cannot pull that off (I am apparently too feminine to do that).

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As I stepped into adulthood and learnt to see life in a different light, I realized that being a woman is good. Seriously good. I got into researching Vampires, Wicca and all that, which if men do, they would be termed gay, unfortunately. I am blabbering, as you can see, which we women can do all the time, without losing our focus on  what we really want. ;)

Arrghh! Shut the Eff Up Already!!!! ;) Image Source: www.comerecommended.com

So, why do I call this post of mine A Beautiful Mystery? Yes, you got that right. I will bring to you various parts of life which are too confusing and complicated to understand - but when looked at in retrospect, it all looks like a beautiful chapter. I have seen some miracles and unexplained things happen around me...and I will bring them to you. And it is enthralling to know that we all being of female gender here, will get along, Contrary to the popular belief that women can't be best friends. We just got Bolder and Closer!

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Blessed Be All!