Single doesn't mean Desperate.

Blessed be everyone! 

As the title might have been a HUGE give away, I am in a mood for some serious lashing out. You may call it a Single Girl's confession or a sore spot that I have developed recently, I needed to send out a serious message across. Now now, please, this isn't meant to be taken offensively by the people who are in relationships or committed to a person - it is my personal opinion, do not go hating me about this. (Saw the need in me to not be hated/disliked/disagreed with?? :P Anyway, that's not the point.)

Few things I must lay down, before I say anything else. I am 23. An Adult. With Hormones and Brains that work perfectly in harmony with each other, sometimes taking a dip at the lack of sheer nice weather, coffee or some music. Otherwise, I am perfectly normal. I look alright. And I do not have a board hanging around my neck which reads - "Duuude, I am SINGLE, Wanna DATE ME Please!!!" Why am I saying this? Recently, in fact, over the last two years, I have noticed a drastic change in the youth these days, of my (our) generation. Everyone seems to be "in a relationship" or seeking to be in one. Not that it's a bad thing, but this has changed the dynamics of interpersonal relations of persons in social community. (I did sound like an MBA student there, I digress).

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So, my point. I was sitting in my college food court a few days back, when I noticed a guy (black hair, tall, fair, sexy stubble and eyes that spoke like 1000 words - you get the idea). I was searching a character for a chapter I was writing for my wannabe novel - and this guy was perfect. Like exactly what I wanted. So you can imagine the joy that lit up my face as I exclaimed - "Wow! He is perfect!" Now my friends know, that I have been really interested in this one guy for past four years...so when I 'ooooh' and 'aaah' over any other guy, it's like I am really 'desperate' for love (lust?) and I am being told so. I checked my response and shut the fuck up and kept quiet. I do that now mostly because I really don't want to sound defensive. It will just reinforce what they all are trying to say. At another such occasion, I complimented the guy (the one I like) and was told that I make it too obvious that I like him - that I am desperate to get his attention! WTF?? Of course I am. Why would I like him then????

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Now, there's one quality that I have acquired (involuntarily) is that I can talk to guys/men/boys pretty well. (lesser mortals call it Flirting). It's apparently when you are seeking attention or want to get laid or send out wrong signals, that you flirt. Who the hell ever said that???? Flirting is GOOD! It gives you confidence about yourself and of course, your ability to charm people, not necessarily men. I am really pissed off with the fact that I have known some couples - people who have been in relationships or have recently gotten into one, for them, it's like now their eyes hover on me (Rules of Engagement anyone?)...I seem too interested in men (read: on TV or the guys (not from college) I have met and who are now sort of good friends) and that's a bone of contention. "You are really getting desperate man!" Why??? Just because someone asked me for a cup of coffee and I said yes??? Or just because someone couldn't get back home, because it was late in the night and not safe at all and it's assumed that just because she is single, she must have done something with the guy she met - hence she did not return but came back at 5 in the morning on one such occasion??? I am amazed by the hypocratic attitude. You are permitted to call over your boyfriend to stay with you behind closed doors, but I am not allowed to judge because he is your boyfriend. Isn't that wrong?? 

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I know someone (A very very close friend of mine) who is single and really pretty, tall and has lots of brains - someone who technically should not be single. However, she is and we both spend hours discussing about how we are judged. The moment she praises a guy (along with me sometimes - we do check out some good looking men. :D) she gets looks. That really hurt her. And she made a valid point - that it's so easy to judge someone who's single when you are not. Because there's no denying that we all NEED someone, that does not make you desperate - that makes you a HUMAN. 

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Desperation is when you get clingy, you go out with every guy who leers at you, when you have always been in a relationship and now you are not and therefore, seek attention because you cannot live without one. Desperation is when you have decided the names of your kids, the place where you will get married and the color of dress you will wear when you get married - and all of this, when you haven't been on a date twice with the guy. That's desperation. Desperation is when you are a pushover - trying to do whatever the guy does, says and wishes.

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Desperation is not when you check out a guy and say - Oooh, he's hot. Oooh, I love your hair/shirt/perfume/smile/jokes blah blah. And when you are single, doesn't flirting make sense? And what's wrong in liking what you see?? If I talk about the guy I like, ceaselessly, I will be tagged as infatuated/obsessed/pretentious (because apparently, you cannot love someone for four years straight - without telling them). Desperation is not when you play hard to get, when you show the guy that you are not just another Blonde or you end up liking more than two men. It's okayyyy! It's your life and you can make mistakes! Single-dome is to be enjoyed! In which ever way you like! Date a million men and don't be with anyone, how does it matter?  

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But if I accompany you with your boyfriend to anyplace you like and then you tell me how you guys fight cutely and ogle at each other with that secret smile lingering at your lips, what am I supposed to do? When I stay put, respecting your relationship, why is it hard for you to not judge me when I am trying to divert my mind by checking out who's hot and who's not? I may blush at the compliment given to me by a boy - does that mean I have a crush on him??? No effing wayyyy! It's just that genuine compliments make people blush! And I accept the compliment, hence I blush! How is it even related to the fact that I am single? If I sound excited for an invitation to a simple coffee - that is desperation? How? Coffee, I LOVE! And I don't give a shit if it's a guy or a girl - it's the company. If I have more guy friends, how does that make me flirty, slutty or desperate? I may not be in a relationship but that does not lower my standards at all! I am socializing, living a life of my own - how does that make me "waiting to be laid???" I am looking for love and yes, like you I am capable of falling in love, just that I may not be ready for commitment! I am taking my time, trying and testing the waters...and yes, the wait sometimes frustrates me because I do long for the solace you can find in your lovers arms, but I can satiate myself with a romantic movie - sob a bit, drink up a BIG mug of coffee or have a chocolate and be back to normal. That does not make me desperate. 

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I know this post is wayy too long but I didn't know how to shorten it without telling everything that I have on my mind. I would like to apologize if I have hurt anyone's feelings. You may know, this was the desperation to prove myself that being single doesn't mean I really need a man - right now. Live your life king size. Love the time you have - living every moment, loving every sweet accident. For that's all our hearts know - Loving. 

Things I love. [Image source: vi.sualize.us]

PS: I have used an article for reference, at "Askmen.com".