April 2, 2014


Posted by Aditi Ray at 3:20 AM
What do you do when you are suffering through a rough patch in your life... your loved ones are not nearby to comfort you... and if that was not enough, there is someone in your life, who makes it even more difficult for you to live through the rough patch? Right when you are trying to get out of it, he comes back again and makes sure that your life remains fucked up all the time. What do you do then ? Flush him out of your life ? I wish things were so easy all the time... Or maybe say what you really are thinking and just ruin it all ? Ruin all the friendly relation you have with that person and move on ? mind you, just ending all the relations wont help, because he is going to meet you everyday, by default ofcourse, for the next couple of months ? What do you do then ? He comes to you everytime you thought your life is all settled, and now...you are finally back on track... and then again ruin all your efforts and quite literally eat up your mental peace and harmony. What do you do then ?

I know I am just ranting about it here... I know I sound all kickass, but when it comes to facing an issue I fall straight on my face. I know I suck at solving problems. I know that! I wish I could be that person whom everybody hates because they think she has too much of ego problems... or that bitch who thinks too much of herself... or something like that. I so desperately wish to be one of those. Atleast then, nobody comes to disturb your mental sanity. Even if nobody talks to you, you feel at peace. You feel self dependent. You can do whatever you want without thinking about what you may have to hear after you do this or that. That way you dont really have to answer to anybody.... Isnt that what I really want ? Accountability for myself ? Is that too much I am asking for ? Cant I be responsible for my own actions and decisions ? Why the hell should someone else be willing to decide for me ? And why the hell should I let that happen ?

I know I am a coward when it comes to resolving problems face to face. Dont get me wrong, I do finish matters once and for all, but only when the matter goes above my intake capacity. But should I really wait for my intake capacity to overflow and then react ? Why should I hang on to something which is taking a toll on my mental peace ? Why should I wait for the water to go above my nose ? I dont know, what should I really do ?

Should I just yell back, finish all the friendly space we shared, and not see his face even if he passes right infront of me ? Or should I be what I usualy am, a diplomat, and politely and sweetly tell to him back off... and listen to his taunts everyday that I am no longer the person he met before... that I have changed... and that I should tell him if I have any issues in my life. Hell, he himself is the issue I'm trying to tackle!

I am so mind-fucked. I dont know what to do ? Its a fight between the Libran and the Leo in me. The diplomat wants me to peacefully resolve the issue without getting mean and violent, but the fighter wants me to go and yell at his face that I think he's an absolute loser, and I'd be better off without him !

I know its one of those things that will resolve itself eventually (damn you libran!)... but right now its really taking a toll on my mental health. I feel frustated. Its taking more mental space than it actually deserves. I am trying everything to bring back my mental sanity back home. Writing helps, sure. And probably that is the reason I am here. But how long should I keep consoling myself that everything will be allright with time. Sometimes you need to take control of the situation instead of waiting for it to get better by itself. And everytime I think of doing something, the question pops up...

 What should I do ?

And honestly, I dont know what to do !


Ashish Rathore on April 13, 2014 at 9:54 AM said...

Sometimes, we all find ourselves in a situation which tests you to an extent that it becomes difficult to think clearly. Its apparent that the person in context means something important to you, but its okay to set him free when things go bizarre. Its important to be positive and practical. These experiences bring a better person out of you. Tell him directly that its enough, that you can't take it anymore. Its just my opinion. All the best! Just passing by....<3

DEE DEE on April 14, 2014 at 12:31 PM said...

Relax..take a deep breathe and say FU with your middle finger..

Ashwini C N on April 14, 2014 at 3:44 PM said...

I'm not great at solving problems, but all I can say is just try to be calm and patient. Do not react to situations, just think carefully respond. Think of whether it is worth it in the long run.

Parvathy A on May 14, 2014 at 7:16 AM said...

Happened to pass through this blog post completely coincidentally!! and could relate to the issue in every single statement! I've also gone through the same turbulent phase ; I 've let the Leo go out and act its way at one point; which made the diplomat in me shudder and stand-still and frozen for many months; But as U've pointed out, the best part was that I was set free totally from that person to stop deciding things on my behalf and finally live my life my way as it used to be..! Phew! So I've been there, done that and got/won a battle that got me back my mental peace once and for all!

Lonely soul on October 28, 2014 at 4:05 PM said...

Omfg...I should once again say dz..I guess u really got dz art of reading ua readers mind..every thing u had written I cud relate to myself..thanks for writing, I came to knew I'm nt alone who experiences dz kind of mixed feelings.but must say..ua strong girl..!!

Lonely soul on October 28, 2014 at 4:34 PM said...

Omfg...I should once again say dz..I guess u really got dz art of reading ua readers mind..every thing u had written I cud relate to myself..thanks for writing, I came to knew I'm nt alone who experiences dz kind of mixed feelings.but must say..ua strong girl..!!

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