So much has happened since I was last here. I don't dare apologize, I can only promise that I will be regular enough here from here on.
How have you been, Darlings?
Anyhoo..
I was one who never shied away from the thought of marriage. As in, though I knew it was something that would only happen sometime in the far, non-forseeable future, I always knew that one day when it is time to commit to the man I love in front of all and sundry, I would be ready and I would be happy to.
Friends arefalling like flies getting married to men they don't know anything about and some have even had babies in the time I took to grow up and get my head screwed on tight enough. Blogger friends went off to blissful married life too and I silently send up a prayer that they are happy. And though I realised that I have gotten to a point where I can legally choose to tie myself to someone's neck(?), the only thing that really freaked me out was the thought of losing my childhood, losing the simplicity of existence.
I still never had a problem in looking at white dresses and wedding photographers (though, chances of me having a white wedding are less than zero), well, I will be a bride someday, won't I?
Recently a situation came up which might mean that I will be married by April next year. And that's when all hell broke lose. I spent the entire day palpitating, hands shaking and completely unfocussed.
I realise I'll be 24 by then but wtf? How can I commit to someone, anyone, without the guarantee that I will not abhor him in a couple of years for all the things I didn't know about him. How can I make such a big commitment knowing that things can fall apart as easily as they come together... Sometimes even more easily. How can I let a man have all I have got without the guarantee that he won't throw it back in my face?
More importantly, how can I know he will not tire of me or get bored with me? Somehow the thought of the man losing interest scares me more than anything else does.
When a relationship breaks up, only the parties concerned get hurt but marriage involves families, relatives, friends, classmates, the world and their uncle. And considering marriage is for a good solid 50 years, I wouldn't say my fears are not grounded enough. Would you?
I admit that my faith was always shaky subconsciously given my past and all that I have seen through my childhood, adolescence and recent adulthood, but I need to be able to commit some time right? Relationships were never a problem, now when I think of it, probably because there is no finality in them.
But marriage? The word scares me.
How have you been, Darlings?
Anyhoo..
I was one who never shied away from the thought of marriage. As in, though I knew it was something that would only happen sometime in the far, non-forseeable future, I always knew that one day when it is time to commit to the man I love in front of all and sundry, I would be ready and I would be happy to.
Friends are
I still never had a problem in looking at white dresses and wedding photographers (though, chances of me having a white wedding are less than zero), well, I will be a bride someday, won't I?
Recently a situation came up which might mean that I will be married by April next year. And that's when all hell broke lose. I spent the entire day palpitating, hands shaking and completely unfocussed.
I realise I'll be 24 by then but wtf? How can I commit to someone, anyone, without the guarantee that I will not abhor him in a couple of years for all the things I didn't know about him. How can I make such a big commitment knowing that things can fall apart as easily as they come together... Sometimes even more easily. How can I let a man have all I have got without the guarantee that he won't throw it back in my face?
More importantly, how can I know he will not tire of me or get bored with me? Somehow the thought of the man losing interest scares me more than anything else does.
When a relationship breaks up, only the parties concerned get hurt but marriage involves families, relatives, friends, classmates, the world and their uncle. And considering marriage is for a good solid 50 years, I wouldn't say my fears are not grounded enough. Would you?
I admit that my faith was always shaky subconsciously given my past and all that I have seen through my childhood, adolescence and recent adulthood, but I need to be able to commit some time right? Relationships were never a problem, now when I think of it, probably because there is no finality in them.
But marriage? The word scares me.
6 comments:
AMEN TO THAT WOMAN!!!!
I am tired of thinking about marriage and writing about marriage. So I am happy about everyone who is married, I dont want to. Y shud I marry :(
and more than the man losing his interest in me....I am sure I will get tired of him much sooner.
When you find that ONE person, all these fears will lay to rest. Believe me. Until then, they all still remain frogs.
Let go of the past darling, it should never come back to haunt you. I've been there and I know its tough, but the sooner you get past it the better.
Hugs!
Every woman including myself, stay away from marriage and the idea of it and abhors it. Than a day comes when we are too old and we HAVE to get married to someone we might now know completely. Rather than living that pathetic timeline,why not prepare our self that, yes, being an Indian woman, I HAVE to get married someday(unless you are confident & strong enough to fight all the consequence and stay single throughout your life). And may be try to keep the heart and mind open for a suitable mate if not the best. I have seen friends whose parents introduced them, they stayed friends and talked for year or two, fell in love and got married. Is it not better than smirking around whole life from marriage and than at the end marry a stranger because we are too old or the time has come????
P.S. I got married at 26, just a year ago. It was a love marriage. This one year have been happier than all those 25 years combined. And I have not yet seen a woman, who hated the institution of marriage, like I did before I met my husband. There is nothing better than HOPE.
Hope I made sense.
@ Red, you get it. You really do.
@ Soum, thank you xoxo
@ Dhara, I think my fears are founded there where I have seen too many important marriages fall apart, I don't have a problem with the institution of marriage itself. But yes, hope. Hope that I will find someone that I can keep it together with. Thank you :)
I can so totally relate to every word written here. I fervently want to believe in marriage and be ready for it but I somehow can't see myself there. We all sail in the same boat and I really hope we reach some shore. :)
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