Love Bites

The Agreement: He said he loved her. She needed him the most. She did love him, but not in the most conventional way. They agreed on being this way, until they felt that they are now ready to give a name to their relationship.

He wooed her for years, about 5 to be precise. He showered her with all that he could, but to no avail. She was still in the process of eliminating someone from her heart and she couldn't or rather didn't want to care two hoots about him. To her, he was an obnoxious narcissistic. Someone who couldn't look beyond himself and someone who wanted her just for a sense of accomplishment.

It all changed after 3 years, she now began to look at him in a totally different light. She now saw the vulnerable loner inside the Casanova, the insecure painful soul inside the beautiful veneer. They came close for various reasons, need being the pivotal one. He completed her in ways she couldn't think of. She supported him when he was collapsing. It was a beautiful relationship, called uncertainty.

The first time they made love was magical. It was fire and air all around, blending into hot smoke enveloping them and bringing them more closer as if to embed them together forever. It was the most beautiful night of their lives and this was just the beginning. She gave him more pleasures than one and she felt his love with every touch of his. Even if she did not love him before, now she was beginning too. The feeling was special. Good.

The arrangement worked fine for a long time with both of them discovering new areas of life, love and passion. There were expectations but they were always fulfilled or spoken about. They belonged to each other and both felt that they were heading towards a common path in the future. Some place both wanted to be, some place that was bound to happen.

One day in February she opened her eyes to find herself tightly clutched in his arms. Waking up next to him always gave her a sense of contentment and happiness. It was all that she wanted from life and she had it. As she freed herself from him she felt a sense of burning all around her. It was unexplainable. As though a million bees had covered her from head to toe slowly stinging, one at a time. She writhed in agony and rushed to the mirror. Her naked body was now covered with a dozen bruises that looked like ripe strawberries. It stung her and dressing up would hardly cover them. The night was passionate yes, but it sure was not worth this pain.

She spoke to him about it, he apologised saying that it was an enormous rush of love he felt last night. For once, she believed him and let it be forgotten. She ignored the weird looks from people around and brushed away the questions raised by her friends. She let it be, knowing that he's not the one to hurt her again. But, she was wrong. It happened again. And again. And again. He was gentle and passionate, but for some reason best known to him he always, always wanted to leave his imprint as if to mark her as his territory.

When she could not take it anymore, she confronted him. She could have stayed away from him and not let him touch her. But she loved him, she wanted to be there for him at every step. When the bruises became the talk of her small crowd she knew it was time to clip those teeth. His reply was "So what if people ask? Atleast now people would know that you belong to me. Me. And noone else. Everything of you is mine. They need to know that."

The thought hit her then! 5 years ago, she had stayed away from him fearing that all she could be to him was an accomplishment. Talk about inviting fear in your life. He loved her she knew that, but he just needed to believe that she belonged to him now. There was absolute no need to stamp her with his identity. She walked away from him the next day and till date he has not found her. She loved him yes, but abuse in love can hurt more than domestic violence.

He gave her pleasures yes, but left marks on her heart. He touched her body, but her soul ached.

If only he believed that she was his. She still is his.

Like I always say, love is a real funny thing.

~ Soumya

A hit of reality...innocence robbed..

I couldn't ever forget that night in my life.
It had been raining and I was feeling rather restless. The place I stay has quite a few parks nearby and we tend to go for a walk in there every now and then . That night, my friends were all too engrossed in a daily soap and since I couldn't make sense of it anyway, I decided to go for a stroll…on my own.
In retrospect, that is arguably (one of) the (most) foolish things I've done but I can be really impulsive. Out came the blue umbrella and I set about the ritual of walking 30 steps to and another 30 fro - that was pretty much the whole of the broad but short street that I live in. All the while talking to my dad, sis and *ahem* a friend one after another. By the time the conversations ended, I'd made about 4 rounds. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I seem to have noticed that a stranger passed by in a two wheeler. Twice. The little voice told me - 'What if…??' Another louder voice cackled with suppressed laughter and said - 'Haha, cmon, as if the world has no other work than following you around. Get a grip, will ya?'
After bidding goodbye to the said friend, I switched on the radio and was tapping my feet to some song even as I walked by the huge houses on both sides of the road. It was still drizzling and I liked the thuddish sound made by the raindrops on the umbrella. I lost count of the number of times I'd trodden on the same path.
At one instant, instinctively, all my senses became uber-alert and in the next micro-instant, somebody had grabbed by a**.
Blood rushed to my face and I turned to see that two wheeler guy leering at me. He said something in a language alien to me but I understood it to mean 'Will you come?' as he was repeatedly gesturing the pillion seat.
The next instant, I had pulled away from him towards my left. I realized that since that was a 'residential' area, everybody was well inside their cozy home and no one would have noticed what was happening at the entrance to their homes let alone the streets! There was a car between me and the place where the guy stood. Luckily, still on the two-wheeler. I ran - my home was hardly ten steps away from where I stood but that felt like the longest journey I've had to make. I knew he was following, although a few feet away, on parallel. I rushed into the safety of my home and looked out of the window - he had parked his vehicle a little away from my home and was still staring at me. With that look in his eyes. I hope you understand.
There are some things which can only be felt…it's hard to explain.
I leaped into my room, thankfully unnoticed by my friends in the hall. Locked it and stood still. Hot tears came streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't accept the fact that I'd just been mistaken for a prostitute.
I couldn't come out of my room for the rest of the night. The next day, try as I might, I felt really awkward…and since I couldn't tell the truth to anybody, my friends found my mood swings quite weird.
At first, I couldn't understand it at all. I'd been dressed in a traditional chudidhar. I had even pinned my dupatta. How could he have mistaken me for a slut? Then, it hit me. This city is known for call girls dressed up in traditional salwar/sarees - I've seen them at times. And I had been roaming about all alone around 9:15pm…with a flashy umbrella. No wonder!
On the roads, I felt NAKED. I couldn't stand the sight of a single man. Even office felt burdensome. It took about a week for me to recover. And man, how have I changed! I don't loiter about late at nights. Else, I make sure I've someone to escort me back home - till the very entrance.

Things happen....

Shit like this happens, but then it's that strong spirit of the feminism in us, that we bear it all with dignity.
One doesn't know whether one should write this, but let's face it, for once and all.

She went on a vacation to this distant place with her realtives. Very very close relatives they were hence she was allowed to for a week long trip with their two boys to this distant place.
She was young, in her early teens and so was he. Also was there another boy, younger to both of them. He being two-three years elder to her.  And technically, they were cousin brother-sisters.
The relative couple had rented a room but due to much cost the couple would sleep in the bed while the three children were made to sleep on two mattresses joined together, laid on the floor in the other room.
She would sleep on one side, he on the other side, with the youngest boy in the middle.
Things were fine as they are supposed to be between brother and sisters but one early morning, she felt a touch, a touch that she didn't like.She was waken up by it! The moment she woke up, everything was back to normal. She ignored.
Next morning too happened the same thing. With close inspection she discovered, every early morning, the eldest boy would wake up before she and anybody else wakes up and would slid his hand in her sheet just to ......................(sorry I can't write all that).
But how was she supposed to say it to anybody? Her mother won't believe her and her relative, she looked up-to her after her mother. She didn't want to hurt anybody. Also nobody would believe. She was too young to complain about anything like that. Also, it was about her cousin brother sexually abusing her!
She couldn't sleep properly till the trip ended. Every night she would wrap herself from both sides up-to the neck, not to leave any gaps to give him a chance to repeat all that again. Little did she succeed and little did she fail.
She maintained her distance from that cousin for some next few years. And maybe he too realized he was arong and felt the guilt of doing wrong with his only cousin sister. After a communication gap of few years they are again talking now. The girl has forgiven his brother for everything. That stupid act of his might be just a rush of some bad company back at school or just a rush of doing that bad things that teenagers get attracted to easily int heir teens without proper guidance for maturity and all those things. They have never ever talked about that. Brother still doesn't know that she knows what he did to her during that trip. Nobody else knows. It's a secret she will carry to her grave no matter what.
He now cares for her little sister way more than too much. Like she's his real sister. Things are all normal now. But what was all that happened? Something she should have complained about or something that should be deep buried. Shitty things happen, but let's just pray such shitty things never ever happens to anyone.

Alright don't touch me..

My parents are working and from a very young age I was made independent and equipped to face the world. It was the way they brought me up that I never felt at loss. I knew what was happening due to their frank and correct knowledge which they gave me.

My Mummy never left me alone in the care of neighbors. She would carry me along or leave me with my grandparents. Papa never used to allow me to go to neighbors house to play.I used to feel it was unfair that I never got to play when all friends went to others houses to play.
 Mummy would also tell  me, "It is not that we have a problem with your friends or their houses, but we never know who else is there in their house. When we are not at home and you go to their house to play, they might tell you that your friend is home and invite you in. They could harm  you." I was irritated with this argument and felt they were being overprotective. I used to throw a fit and say, "Everyone goes to play at each others house, they come to ours and my friends also go to other houses. Nothing happens to them." Mummy wouldn't say anything but she wouldn't budge from her stand.. Years later I realised how wrong I was.. Things did happen to my friends..

   When I was about 9 years old, Mummy told me all about maturing and what a bad touch was. It was due to her timely teaching I can say that I grew up more mature about my surroundings than others my age. I could scrutinize situations for myself.

   

The important question after you know what a bad touch is, "Whether it was intentional or unintentional"

Incident 1

I was 10 years old and I had those chubby cheeks. I was used to people pulling my cheeks. 

One day a man from cylinder company had come to our house. My Papa went inside the kitchen to check if the connection was okay. This man was sitting close to me. He pulled my cheeks and while he was taking his hands away it sort of slipped and touched the soft bulge on my chest.. I could have told my Papa who returned in just 2 minutes but I didn't know if it was accidental or purposely done act.. Now when I think back I know for sure what it was..

Incident 2

I was returning home from my classes. There was small path and suddenly a lot of people were walking from the opposite side. A man came rushing and just dashed into me. I was shocked when I realised he managed to grope me. He clearly took advantage but I couldn't do a thing about it because he had rushed and I hadn't even seen his face.. 

Incident 3

This happened when I was in second year of Junior college. We were all giving our prelim exams and most of us were girls in that exam room. A senior professor had exam duty in the class. While most senior teachers signed the answer sheets before giving them to us, this man would first distribute the sheets and then come on a round to sign the paper. He was not from Science faculty and we were not acquainted with him or his reputation.

When he came to my desk I was busy writing my paper. In a hurry I gave him my answer sheet. He signed it and came more closer than required to return it back. He brushed his hand against me while returning it back. I was aghast and confused. Was this really an accident? In the top college of Mumbai? Was this person a pervert? How dare he take advantage of students busy writing exam? I was angry and didn't know what to do. I wasn't even sure if this had happened only to me. 

After a few more days, he again came as the supervisor in my room. This time I was prepared. While he started his rounds I saw all the girls ahead of me shifting a little away and I knew it! This man was doing it purposely to all girls. 

When he came at my desk I gave him my paper and shifted inside. I looked straight into his eyes and he dared not move any closer to me. He knew that I knew and I gave him a dirty look. 

After the paper ended I asked the other girls and each one of them thought it was a MISTAKE until they got to know that it happened with all of us. 

It was a difficult thing to prove and I knew that in a such a high profile college this things will be stashed under the carpet. To be true I was helpless because it was a college of students who were scoring above 90% and most of them wouldn't want to get into a controversy at such a time of their career. I was weak too. I accept that I too didn't feel like getting involved in such a mess. 

The least I could do was inform my juniors about this pervert and tell them to spread it to their juniors as well. Atleast they will be better informed and not be confused like our batch was.

Incident 4

I and Mummy were in a market. It was getting dark and we were going to the bus stop. A short man was walking towards us. He started getting a little closer as he was about to get past me. I had observed his change in direction. I was proved right when he was about to touch me. I grabbed his hand before he could touch me and pushed it away with a force that made him stumble. I knew the tactics too well..

Incident 5
I had gone to my school regarding some work of my younger brother who studies there. I met some of my teachers and I was on my way to the ground when I met our Physical education sir. When I was in school I never noticed or thought of him as someone who could misbehave. He was casually talking and suddenly he put his hand on my shoulder and was putting pressure. I was momentarily shocked and there were few other students there. He asked me something when I replied, "Alright, don't touch me" and took his hand away. He looked embarrassed and well, he deserved that. I didn't think if he was just being casual or was actually having mean intentions. But I was proud that I never gave him the chance to misbehave if he intended to.

I don't have any story that will talk of strength. It might be because of the timely guidance of my parents that I have the ability to sense tharkis. 
I would sound a little old fashioned if I say that one must always keep a little distance. Precaution is what we must take from such situations. I m not very bold and I know that. Its not necessary that you fight back always. It is okay if you don't have the courage to fight. But be strong to get over it, be caring enough to see that no one else suffers, be wise to educate your siblings and children about it at the right age. 


We women have really progressed a lot but nature hasn't given us the same physical strength as men. It isn't always safe to confront people who tease you. You never know if the road side romeo is a criminal.. 
Speak out, complain if you must. But unless you are trained in self defense, do not get into altercations with people you don't know. 

Broken Innocence

courtesy-Google

When maithz came up with this month's discussion i was dead sure i would never be able to write about it.
Abuse..be it in childhood or your teens or whenever for that matter always leaves a scar on the person's mind.
And no its not just girls who are abused..
Young boys also fall prey to it unfortunately..

Sadly I have never been able to make peace with what happened with me in my past.
But  thanks to a very emotional conversation i had with MSM recently ; i think i got the strength to write this one out.
I know it has taken a lot of time for me to finally come out with it..but i am happy i was able to pen it down.
---------------------------------

Childhood is a happy place for all kids.They live in a world conjured up by their innocence..where in they are ready to trust any sweet person who comes into their life.
I was no different. I lived in a family of 3..Appa, Amma and Me.
Being the only child i always used to wish for an elder brother or sister i could play with and who would take care of me.
Our neighbors were nice people.They were like our family friends.
They were also a family of 3 and they had an only Son.
He was much elder to me.
When i started interacting with them..i was probably in my 2nd standard or even younger and that guy was in doing his graduation.
I used to idolise that fellow..Since he was like this elder fellow..kinda cool..i used to find a big bro in him.

My parents used to go to work leaving me in the care of a full time  maid.
Now a small kid itching to play with someone..i used to frequent my neighbor's place pretty often after my school hours and would while away my time at their place.
The lady was a nice female..and she used to pamper me with toys and chocolates since she had no daughter.
even that son of his used to play with me..cuddling me with care.
I obviously couldn't see any hidden intentions behind all of that.
But little did i know that my inability to understand would become such a curse for me.

In the absence of his mother ; he used to initiate different  kinda games for me and him.
No points for guessing ; it would usually involve lots of touching and stuff.
Since i didn't want to let down my idol i used to play along.
Usually i would dose off in the middle and he would wake me up and ask me to go home.
It was always weird that i could never understand why it hurt so much and i would end up having a burning sensation in my sensitive areas..

That family left soon and i was back to my own world once again.
A year later they came back to visit us.
I was happy to that i was able to meet them again.
That night after dinner i insisted to my appa that i would sleep in their room.

Not sensing any problem whatsoever he let me.
I snuggled between Aunty and that Fellow and fell asleep.

I woke up some time in the middle of the night to experience the most disgusting thing ever.
My clothes were in a disarray..the bedsheet was covering my body..
and..and..its difficult to even write about it.
It was paining a lot..and i could feel it was difficult for me to even move.
He had obviously touched me when i was asleep and he was lying in a state of undress that need not be explained.

Honestly to this day..i don't know if he had raped me during the night.

That moment i lost all the innocence of being a child.
In that one moment i grew up from a tiny fun loving carefree kid to a stone hearted girl.

I could never get to tell this to my parents.
Appa ; a very strict man in front of whom i could never open my mouth.
Amma ; a silent soul who would probably shush me talking about society and stuff..not her fault though.

That guy left before i woke up in the morning.
My parents are still in touch with them.
But i don't talk to him.
I am sure he knew what he did to me was not unnoticed by me.

Years have passed to this incident.I have grown and this story now resides in one of the lost pages in the story of my life.


I have heard he has daughter..
Should i feel sorry for her..?

-------------------------------------

I know today i have a guy who loves me and respects me for my individuality.
Who values me as a special person in his life.
Who gives me all the care and all the things a woman would hope for from her man.

But after that day..i have never felt pure..chaste.
My innocence was taken away from me..and i know i will never be able to correct this incident of my life.

I know i am not super suuuperr brave like DIGS..bold like RED..brave and strong like VINATI..
compassionate like MSM..
i am sorry if i have missed out anyone..
These people i admire..and am proud of.

But i know i have taken atleast one tiny step towards progressing in my life by writing about this.
If it wasn't for DOV i am sure i would never have been able to do it..

Thank You..
Love you all..

meoww

If The Street Dog Barks And Escapes, Do Not Mind.

“Don’t go deep into the waves. Be at the shore only. Okay!” Her mother told her as she nodded uninterestingly. She was on a trip with her younger sister and parents and with two more families. There was a lot of hustle-bustle and jovialness on the beach as it was New Year time. She was wearing black shorts and a simple yellow coloured tee. Her family along with the other two families were at a distance from her. Of Course, she missed her friends on the trip but being a free-spirited and a beach lover at heart, she did not skip a chance to take pleasure in the same.

The sea breeze made her lose hair dance angelically. She wanted to go into the waters and she did but remained close to the periphery. She loved when waves swayed her backwards and forth. She smiled and took a step further. Around her were a few sluggish looking boys who had all eyes on her. She noticed once but did not gaze.

And just as she took another step towards the deep waters a huge wave rose and stroked her down so bad that it took her some time to regain consciousness and come to the surface. What happened in those few minutes cleaved her soul real bad. With water in her nose and mouth, she could barely breathe. She splashed her hands and legs frantically just to realise somebody’s hand inside her tee and pressing her breasts. She tried to relieve herself from the gruesome feel on her body as the hands slowly went towards her neck and pulled her and kissed her. She was in a helpless state.

She could not shout in the waters. She could not use her strength in the waters. The pressure of the wave was so intense that she could not come up to the surface instantly. The water was salty and she could not open her eyes to see the devil who committed the hideous act on her. All she could do was regain her physical and mental stability and come out of the waters as quickly as possible.

After she rose up, it was hard for her to conceive what has happened minutes ago. A loud scream echoed inside her head. She looked around and tried to identify the evil spirited. Her eyes stopped at the same group of boys and this time they were laughing and giggling among themselves with their eyes fixed on her. She ran to her family but did not tell anything to anyone. Simple reason: She felt it would be a shame for her parents to know that her daughter was molested by some douche bag whom she could not even recognize. She maintained composure and indulged herself in other activities so that her face doesn’t show the image of the burnt embers of her soul and make others worry.

The shocking experience left her body and spirit flush with anger, helplessness and fear. It etched a scar in her memory which she could not delete but could bury. And that’s what she did. She buried the incident deep in her mind.

She was molested but it was not her choice. She did not let that incident be an impediment on her way and yes, it was her choice.

*******

The presence of diseases like eve teasing, molestation, sexual abuses etc is inevitable. They are there in the society and they will always be. We cannot eradicate them. We can only fight back or take precautions. I know there are times when we cannot do any goddamn thing and are left with the only option i.e., to bear silently.

I remember once when I was in 11^th or 12^th grade. My school got over and I with two of my girl friends, was walking towards my home (my school shared the adjoining wall with my home). We were chatting and laughing all the way and I was on the side of the road while my friends were on the inner side. When we were almost half way to our places, two thug looking creatures came on a bike and the one sitting behind slapped on my shoulder and went away giving me a silly smirk. Thank god it was the cold season and I was wearing a coat and thank god that man (It’s a sheer disgrace to call him a man!) I mean that bastard missed the spot (and you know where he intended to hit). But I was an immature and was really taken aback by the incident so much so that I did not attend the school next day.

Anyway, the crux is, like my mother once told me that almost every girl faces such things at least once in her life. What matters is how we deal with situations. Do we sit back like cowards and curse our fate or do we learn to fight back whenever possible and not let such creatures mess up with our sanity. If you can do something about the said diseases then do it. If you cannot (like in my situation or the above girl's situation) then do not let it spoil your present and future. Also, good and evil are all our creations. Both are here in this world and this is the reason we cannot escape the evil.

So girls, do not let anyone hamper your dignity. Do not let the Shakti within you be subordinate to any shameless creature (Oh! How I love calling them creatures). Street dogs are meant to be in the streets and not in our lives. It is your life and your rules work. Be Aware and Be Strong!

P.S: The story written above is not a piece of fiction.

_______________________

Okay darlings, I have got a brand new song for you all. I loved it the first time I heard it which means yesterday. It's from the latest album of Coldplay (one my favorite bands). Hope you all like it.

And just look at the video. Isn't it out-of-this-world? =)

End of one discussion, start of another..

                       I thank you all darlings for participating in the discussion last month. Your posts made interesting read and reasserted what every women feels..

                      The discussion got a good response and it showed in the number of followers who commented on the posts :) So well done all of you..

                      From the posts written by 8 authors on Darlings of Venus, we could draw a few conclusions which are:

1.. Losing virginity is STILL a very important event of a girl's life..

2.. The CHOICE of losing virginity largely depends on the FEAR OF OUTCOME..

3.. That every girl wants to lose her virginity to the man she truly loves.

It was interesting to read the views of our authors as well as the comments of our readers.. Thank you all for the active participation in the discussion..

One post that really made us think back on the decision was PeeVee's Losing it with Pride.. She indeed talked of things which would make us think and decide if the decision was right.. Would it be something you would take pride in telling your grandchildren? 

Paanipuri lover's post was straight in the face and the very first paragraph hit you ! 

 It all depends on my choice. If I feel like doing drugs, I will. If I feel like running nude on a beach, I will. But, by God's graciousness, I've been blessed with a brain that functions well, so I won't do such stupid silly things.

Mystical skeptical Me (MSM) presented us with a different view on the same topic.. 

" Chastity or Purity goes beyond the body or state of it" this line of hers indeed is very true.

So generally none of you thought virginity was lack of opportunity as such if you have found your love!! 

The discussion ended at the end of october and some of the authors didn't write for it. Some felt it was too bold and some didn't write due to lack of time.. Hoping you all write for the next discussion.. I would once again stress that the option of writing ANONYMOUS post is always open for each post, discussion and confession.. 

Also I would like to see the new members writing  for the discussion :) 

The next topic of discussion is: 

 Sexual abuse 

This topic is lot more sensitive than the previous one. Many of us have been fortunate enough to not ever get abused sexually at a young age. But to be true each one has experienced it.. in a very subtle form.. a bad touch, hovering hands, eve teasing, someone talking dirty to you.. It has all happened right?

To be more precise, we do not want rape cases and statistics here. We want to know YOUR story.. What YOU have experienced or been witness to. How did you escape being tormented? What effect did it have on you? Did you ever help someone undergoing this type of abuse? How can young girls avoid it ? 

Be true to yourself and us and talk it out here.. IT will help you heal.. If you have been really really fortunate to never ever have experienced any of the things talked above, then maybe you can write about statistics and all.. But be true.. 

I know talking out here again would be a problem for some so please please use the ANONYMOUS option given.. Your story might just help someone undergoing similar situation.. 

The discussion would go on all month.. This month you all have more time.. I m waiting for more posts :) 

Readers too can write a post and mail it to us at darlingsofvenus@gmail.com..