October 27, 2011

To Losing It With Pride

Posted by CookieCrumbs Inc. at 5:00 PM
Kudos to Maithili for coming up with a topic that is amazingly relevant to every single Darling we have here. This is something that we have all thought about, have opinions on and even contemplated upon some time or the other, I'm sure.

Growing up in a country where sex is taboo and relegated to a dark nooks of decisions, I, the eternal liver of Utopia and believer of all things perfect, am forced to become a realist. Virginity is still pseudo-sacrosanct and I don't see anything changing that for at least another decade (by which time most of us won't have to worry about virginity and related issues at all).

I say 'pseudo' for all the reasons that the girls have already covered.
That though it's taboo, elders always want to know what happened on the first night.
That guys always want their girlfriends to prove their trust in them by giving them their virginity.
That guys will go ahead and label a girl and judge her based on the state of her hymen; the fact that she loved the guy and he cheated her notwithstanding.
That it was and is never asked if the groom is a virgin, only if the bride is.
That even a girl who talks about sex boldly, discusses her life (not in sordid detail but using it to illustrate a point) and is generally outspoken is put down because they call her 'an easy lay'.

The first thing that comes under scrutiny when it comes to a girl's character is her virginity. I have heard guy friends call a girl a whore because she's gone out with more than two guys. Not at once, mind you but over a period of a year. And the way the say it, makes you cringe. And I find myself wondering if she's actually a virgin and becoming judgmental before I catch myself and blame my conditioning. Empathizing with the rest of women kind does not come easily to us, we are a wee bit hypocritical that way.

And questioning a girl's virginity remains the worst way for elders to hurt her.

Coming to the three factors:

Choice: No way, man. Though I'm all for losing my virginity to a guy I love and trust and will marry someday, we all know it doesn't work that way. Personally, I'd do it in the bat of an eyelid if I think it's the right thing to do, I have never had a problem acknowledging my hormones. And if I think it's right, I wouldn't be ashamed of telling my mother either. But it doesn't work that way does it. I couldn't acknowledge it in front of everyone  and be proud of it, can I?
My virginity is not at all my own choice. I have friends, family and the rest of the world to answer to. At least us Indians do.

Lack of opportunity: That is the biggest bull ever. Dime a dozen motels and no shame. Working parents and apartment buildings. Even beaches and public monuments. All at our mercy, if we are shameless bold. There are options dime a dozen. I have seen a woman give her husband(?) a frikkin' BJ on the beach. In Chennai of all places.
So if you want to do it, the place, the time automatically become nitpicky details which work themselves out.

Fear of outcome: This, my dears, is what keep us from losing it. Pun unintended.
Of what our bff is going to think of us. Or what our guy-friends will say if they ever find out. What if the guy himself loses interest. What if his parents ever find out and think lowly of me. What if my parents ever find out. What if I get pregnant. What if...
It's an endless cycle of questions which more often than not varies considerably with each individual and yet are essentially the same world-over.
We are unable to let others judge us and not care. We are unable to not give a damn and follow our hearts, if that's what it takes.

At the end of the day, Darlings, losing our virginity depends on our mind set. We might choose to wait till we're married (that's not prudish, it's just sweet) and we might decide to lose it to that guy who's our soul mate because it doesn't make sense and it's just the logical step (that not whory, it's just love). But whichever path we choose to take, it should be one that's from the heart AND the head, one that you'd be proud of later, one that you're ready to accept the consequences of.

And mostly, one that you will be able to tell your daughter about in 20 years time without shame.


meoww on October 27, 2011 at 7:18 PM said...

nice it feels to read about the discussion after so long..
hmmm..liked your honesty peevee..:):)
the part about Choice..hmm..well put.

and you saw a WHAT?????

and..the end was just brilliant..!!


maithili on October 27, 2011 at 8:03 PM said...

Couldn't agree more with the title of your post.. and the post did complete justice to the title..

I particularly liked the part of how we Indians still have the mentality of wondering if a girl is a virgin if shes gone out with more than one guy.. and not to mention that if a girl has been in a relation for long time then it is considered by default that she is not a virgin..

And yes, the strongest point elders can make to hurt a girl is about her virginity!

But your last lines really felt soo right!

Nice one dear :)

The DRAGON in the skin of a goat ;-p on October 28, 2011 at 2:08 AM said...

I read the title and I was like this has to be Red or PV :D...I'm yet to voice my opinion but I wonder what more to say that hasn't already been told. I love this "we might decide to lose it to that guy who's our soul mate because it doesn't make sense and it's just the logical step (that not whory, it's just love)".

Pythoroshan on October 28, 2011 at 11:27 AM said...

been loving the topics this month cos they're genuine and more importantly rational. This definitely fits in that category. A very logical, apt way of looking at things.

Dont u sometimes wish society would listen to blogs rather than age-old mindsets.

Mystical Skeptical Me on October 28, 2011 at 5:43 PM said...

A very clear and crisp post, I was nodding at every point you mentioned... the question of virginity is the most volatile one and I am saddened by the state of things...you are right, it will need at least a decade for people to even be OK with not being a virgin.

PeeVee™ on October 28, 2011 at 6:56 PM said...

@ meoww, hee hee, it's been lying in the drafts for too long:P
I did, I swear:D

@ maithili, thanks girl:)

@ Pinx, :P how well you know:D

@ Pythoroshan, thank you:)
Mind sets are what we must change, hopefully in a few years, our generation will be dominant and we'll then take decisions based on logic and custom rather than custom alone:)

@ MSM, thanks:)

Freelancer on October 30, 2011 at 9:38 PM said...

the only question i have is....what were u doing in a chennai beach???

also, i hv to guess its marina! Besant Nagar is too pretty

The Solitary Writer on October 30, 2011 at 11:39 PM said...

hardhitting...great article Priyanka..

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