A long time ago, I read or heard in one of Arundhati Roy's opinions , that being thin and dark is the biggest sin a girl in Kerala could do. And that is to date the only thing I agree with her on. When you are a baby and you are not plump, it is your parents who get the blame , and once you reach that contentious age of puberty, it becomes your family's , your extended family's , your neighbor's and any random relative who you meet at a wedding's primary concern.
In spite of having a healthy weight all through my adolescent period, I was extremely thin and hence was usually greeted by people at any function with the same "You have become so thin. In fact , much thinner than the last time I saw you.Are you not eating anything?" This would be followed by an accusing look at my mother and some equally unscientific nonsense like being plump is essential for an easy pregnancy .
I was inwardly happy at being thin , and rejoiced whenever I saw how the plump daughters of the above mentioned advisers struggled to look good in any dress other than Salwar Kameez and Saree. Secretly I imagined that they might be jealous of my slim figure. At some point , I got married and that was when I realized that if being thin and single was bad , being thin and married was sacrilege- the general idea being that good cooking and happy life are symbolized by bride becoming fat after the wedding. Being busy professionals with little time for cooking did little to help my cause and I remained as thin as ever.
Then I became pregnant, and for the first time in my life , I did not care about my figure or my size . I followed my body's whims and happily put on 25kg of weight and gave birth to a healthy baby. Once the baby was out , I did not want to remain that way, but the food and the Ayurveda medicines prevalent in post-natal care invariably made you look like an over sized pillow and worst of all, the people in my hometown were beginning to look at me with approving eyes. But soon I saw the other side of the misery-that of being fat. The same people started greeting me with "Oh !you have put on weight. Now you are just right.Don't put on any more" . This was just the politest way of telling you that you are putting on weight and for the first time in my life , I understood what it felt like to be really fat.
This was a wake up call, and once back in routine, I tried my best to get back in shape . A reality check told me that S and XS days are history. But then , I console myself that an M isn't bad .I have decided to stick to the M and stay there. I do not want to be one of those plump middle aged ladies with a pot belly that sticks out of their Saree who look twice their real age. Looking at them , I see a future that I dread. I have no idea if I will ever become huge again.. I want to stay small , (at least medium) and healthy as long as I can. But I also do not want to be obsessed with my weight in such a manner as to spend my whole life eating salads. It is a thin line, but I'm game to walk on it because size matters to me.
In spite of having a healthy weight all through my adolescent period, I was extremely thin and hence was usually greeted by people at any function with the same "You have become so thin. In fact , much thinner than the last time I saw you.Are you not eating anything?" This would be followed by an accusing look at my mother and some equally unscientific nonsense like being plump is essential for an easy pregnancy .
I was inwardly happy at being thin , and rejoiced whenever I saw how the plump daughters of the above mentioned advisers struggled to look good in any dress other than Salwar Kameez and Saree. Secretly I imagined that they might be jealous of my slim figure. At some point , I got married and that was when I realized that if being thin and single was bad , being thin and married was sacrilege- the general idea being that good cooking and happy life are symbolized by bride becoming fat after the wedding. Being busy professionals with little time for cooking did little to help my cause and I remained as thin as ever.
Then I became pregnant, and for the first time in my life , I did not care about my figure or my size . I followed my body's whims and happily put on 25kg of weight and gave birth to a healthy baby. Once the baby was out , I did not want to remain that way, but the food and the Ayurveda medicines prevalent in post-natal care invariably made you look like an over sized pillow and worst of all, the people in my hometown were beginning to look at me with approving eyes. But soon I saw the other side of the misery-that of being fat. The same people started greeting me with "Oh !you have put on weight. Now you are just right.Don't put on any more" . This was just the politest way of telling you that you are putting on weight and for the first time in my life , I understood what it felt like to be really fat.
This was a wake up call, and once back in routine, I tried my best to get back in shape . A reality check told me that S and XS days are history. But then , I console myself that an M isn't bad .I have decided to stick to the M and stay there. I do not want to be one of those plump middle aged ladies with a pot belly that sticks out of their Saree who look twice their real age. Looking at them , I see a future that I dread. I have no idea if I will ever become huge again.. I want to stay small , (at least medium) and healthy as long as I can. But I also do not want to be obsessed with my weight in such a manner as to spend my whole life eating salads. It is a thin line, but I'm game to walk on it because size matters to me.
9 comments:
"If u have curves, u r fat…If u don’t, then u r flat." People are always out to make us feel bad about ourselves! Your post reminded me of an article I read some years back about a skinny girl who was called "carromboard" and who covered herself in layers of cloth to look fat to stay away from the taunts and the moment she put on weight after pregnancy she was constantly reminded how fat she was. So she reduced but no one noticed :P The gist of it is that there is no end to this :D
Heheheeheh, so true! :D I mean, there's no end to the things people see, want and expect. Let's just be comfortable in our own skin. :D :D
Thanks Maithili and MSM. Feels great to be back here blogging. :)
You know...its politically correct to say that it doesnt matter if you're thin or fat...and fashion magazines and regional expectations are going to be the end of us all...but frankly...at the end of the day, when u look at yourself in the mirror, and see something different from what you want, it does affect your confidence and esteem.
So here's hoping you do achieve your ideal size and weight. Please note, YOUR ideal size and weight, who cares what the aunties want!
Huh. People always have some or the other problem no? =P
I am in love with the header of this blog. Pure love !
And thank God, you're stable and comfortable with yourself, kudos to you for that! =D
x
Thank You Shreya and Blahblaholic, I'm perfectly satisfied the way I am..:) . Well, who doesn't want to a little thinner ,a little fairer, a little taller.. :)
Good luck with walking on the thin line, girl! I just went over to the fatter side being careless ;) Anyway if you are comfortable being yourself, then you'd be happy. That's the bottom line :)
Thank you Keirthana.. :)Yes being comfortable is the word
Sigh, no woman is ever satisfied with her size :/ nice post! :D stay M!
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