But, he said "I love you"

12th December 2009

I am sitting here staring at the computer screen.
An email open in front of me.

To anyone else it would look like just another email. For me it was different
It was the wedding card of the man I loved the most.
The man I have dreamt of living a life with every waking hour.
It gave a very bitter taste in my mouth to read someone elses name in the place where I have pictured mine to be.

There was a link of wedding website in the email too.
They say "curiosity kills the cat". This time it hit me real hard and I opened the site "Mayan Goya weds Ishjal Frakha" was written in big bole cursive letters
Beneath the title was the story of how they met.
I realised, the man who promised me love, promised it to someone else too.
The places, their meeting points mentioned there were the places where we held hands and promised togetherness.
The way he proposed her was they way I had described my dream proposal to him.

There was a picture of them holding hands, hugging, him kissing her forehead.

A bile rose in my stomach.
I wanted to throw up all the bottled emotions that have rotted without proper nurturing.

Its a weird feeling knowing soon he will officially be a husband. ...someone elses husband

I want to scream out loud, I want to shed every unshed tear, I want to rip off every emotion I have for him, I want him to know that he has hurt me real bad, I want him to know am breaking inside
But, I sit here silently penning down my feelings.

19th January 2014

Now, stumbling over this letter hidden in between my files makes me feel how dumb I was then
Why did I cry over someone who wasn't worth anything
Karma is a darling when she is on your side,
But, it surely doesnt make me a bitch when I get this sadistic pleasure to hear that he is going through a traumatic divorce because she was caught cheating on him.
Maybe this is what is called 'What goes around comes around"


Image Courtesy: Google Images

Sorry, Wrong Number

Onika, a 30 year old, average single girl of a protective family.
A young woman, who was dynamic, enthusiastic about life about 10 years back. Now, quiet, subdued, working as an Executive Assistant to a biggie of a music company.

To Oni, her life was aimless, going no where, no money in her bank, no boyfriend, .a few occasional uninteresting flings, some quickies, nothing exciting, nothing to really look forward to.

Marriage was on Onika's mind, but nothing seems to be really shaping up for her.
Opening her Facebook account, felt like opening a global wedding and baby album.
All her friends, were posing with their better halves and the juniors that they made.

Onika, felt she had no luck by her side. And she blamed her name for it
"Onika, whose name starts with an O...a Big O..."
"its my name that my life is also an O and I also look like a big fat O"

In the meanwhile, some nosy internet bugger, released about 600 numbers of famous musicians on to the internet,Onika's number gets mixed among them under the name of a less famous singer Yashika
 
Onika's phone rings UNKNOWN NUMBER
"Maam, I'm a big fan of your. I so love you"
Then 1 sms "you have a golden voice"
2nd ..3rd..4th........55th..........96 Missed calls
155 Unread Messages

Confused and scared Onika wanted to throw her phone, but no she could not throw her only distraction into the thrash.
While Oni find its annoying at first, soon she receives a text from a very cute member Rahul of a budding rock band whom she had a crush on.
Rahul thinks this is Yashika, the singer and send her beautifully composed lyrics and cute messages.
Onika starts feeling good about herself, and her crush for Rahul, slowly turns into love.

Rahul keeps asking her to meet him somewhere, he starts having feelings for the replies that "Yashika" sends. He wants to profess these feelings to her. Look into her eyes and say it.

Onika is scared, for obvious reasons that if she reveals that she isn't the Miss. Hot Bod Yashika, but petite Onika he will go away. At this age it is going to hurt her a lot.

On 31st December, Onika wanted to start her New Year with a clean slate and a clean heart.
"Rahul, I love you, but i have to tell you something. I know you might be hurt. But, I'm not Yashika, my name is Onika and I stay in Thane. I cant sing to save my life. But, my replies to all your lyrics are from my heart"

Rahul read the message and was confused, Did he love Yashika? or the replies that this girl Onika gave him?
He didn't reply for a long time, well..he didn't know what to reply to her.
He types a message "Meet me at Marine Drive at 1145pm today"

Onika didn't know what to do, laugh cry smile..
Time passed too slowly. She picked up her prettiest salwar kameez, Obviously she didn't have any dresses, one pieces or skirts.

She reached at 11.30pm, and was a nervous wreak,
Would he come?
Would he like me?
Would he be angry?

Then beside her came a nice sports car, and Rahul got out of it, with the most beautiful arrangement of roses Oni had ever seen.

At, the stroke of 12, when the fireworks colorfully gleamed over the Arabian sea, and the city lights reflecting on the waters, Rahul and Oni started their new relationship with a kiss.

Picture Courtesy: Google Images

Fate of Destiny.

She sat there, calmly smoking the cigarette neatly perched inbetween her fingers. The remaining fingers supported the whiskey glass in her hand. She inhaled the smoked and felt the mild kick her brain got. It felt good, it felt relaxing, it felt better. She needed her mind to stop working for sometime, and though marijuana was the perfect drug for her, she preferred the cigarette. She drank occasionaly, but wasnt this a perfect occasion? She smirked at herself and gulped down the undiluted neat whiskey. She took a deep breathe, the effect of cigarette and whiskey was wearing off, maybe she really needed to switch to marijuana, she thought lazily. She walked to her private bar and poured herself another large peg. Again draining her glass completely, she thought she needed another cigarette, but before she could light the next one, the glass stumbled out of her fingers and she slumped down the marble floor. She was no more in control of herself. She looked around her lavish expansive room and tears ran through her cheeks, smudging her perfectly kohled eyes. 

  "I dont think I'm ever going to marry Anu. I dont want to marry. Thats it. What do I lack in life? Nothing! I have everything...parents, friends, you, money...everything! Why should I ruin it all with a guy and marriage? No way, I am not marrying!"

  "Oh comon, dont you want a good loving husband? A caring guy? A few kids to to call you mumma and run about your house....dont you want all that?? Oh comon! I too have everything that you have, but I want to marry so eagerly! I want to have kids....lots of them!"  and they both giggled together just like they had always done since childhood.

  "But you want to do that because you have a guy in your life, I dont! And honestly, I'm happy without one. They are just useless. Look at me, dont I look happy and content? Why do you want to spoil my happiness Anu?"

   "Idiot, I want you to enjoy and experience happiness which is beyong the happiness you currenly feel. I want you to be a happy and a complete woman, not just a happy and independent girl!"  and like always, Priya had to agree with her childhood best friend.

  "I know my mother has bribed you get me married, she just cant stand her daughter so happy!" She sulked and Anu chastly kissed her cheeks and hugged her tightly.

  "You know we both want you to be happy!"

The earth was spinning around her and she held the leg of the bar stool tightly. Someone was hammering inside her head, and it was getting intolerable. Hot tears ran through her cheeks and she wiped them off smudging the kohl on her blushed cheeks. She wished to find a dagger somewhere to end the pain she felt in her heart, but all she found was emptiness all around. The loneliness was killing her and she was willing to give away anything to end it. She needed someone to talk to...someone to hug...someone to wipe her tears and comfort her, but all she was left with was a big vacuum in her life. She wanted to get sucked into the black hole and get lost in the blackness forever. It was getting unbearable. She longed for companionship, for company. She needed someone around...someone to make her feel alive. She wanted someone to make her feel special, someone to make her feel happy. The emptiness was biting her, and she wanted to run away and save her life.

  "I cant tell you how happy I am Priya!"

  "I know bitch, you are getting married to the guy you love so madly!"

  "Yes, and see how happy I am? Now comon, either find a guy for yourself or start meeting these short-listed guys...plz Priya! I want us to get married around the same time!"

  "Are you out of your mind girl? You will be getting married by the end of this year, which leaves me with hardly 8 months! And you want me to find a guy and marry him in these 8 months?! You must be kidding me!"

  "No. I am very much serious! So you better hurry up!"

  "But...but...heyy...wait...listen to me...Anu...wait..."

She crawled up back to the bar table. The pain was unbearable. She needed something to ease her out of the pain, to make her forget all her past, infact even the present. It was the present that was killing her.... the past had been beautiful. Fresh tears blinded her vision, and her aching throat simply added to her aching heart. She caught hold of the Jack Daniel she had been pouring from and drank directly from the bottle....and slumped back to the floor again, only this time sobbing uncontrollably.

  "Hey baby...I love you so much...come here in my arms..."

  "I love you too darling..."

Her eyes were blood-shot, but tears kept flowing. Everything in front of her eyes started turning hazy. Her head was spinning and she could no longer make sense of the world around her. She though of him and a small smile played on her lips. She still was madly in love with that bastard. His eyes... His smile... His arms... His voice... was all she ever needed in her life. It was all perfect untill yesterday. Only if she hadnt anwered that phone call.

  "Hey sexy...am in town for a couple of days. Heritage Hotel, room no - 6. Be here at sharp 7...I'll be waiting for my naughty lover! Bye. And I missed you darling!"

  "Who is she?"

  "None of your business. Get away."

  "It is my damn business!! We are getting married next week!! Who is she?"

  "Mind your own business. I have to go. Get away."

  "Tell me the truth Raj...how long has it been going on..."

  "You wanna know the truth...fine! Listen, Its been 6 months since I've been sleeping with her! Anything else?"

-----

  "Hey Anu, Priya here. I called you several times but you never replied...so...ummm... mom was asking when should we call the beautician.... and..umm... Mohan said, maroon really suits me, so I was thinking, we'll get more of maroon tops...*giggle*... ok...and yea..u were right bitch, I did fall for him, and I cant believe I am getting married! And all thanks to you and Raj...man, you both are a couple made in heaven! Without you both I would have never agreed to marry! Thanku guys! And can you believe, its just a week for our marriage! You were right, we really are getting married on the same day! Isnt that super exciting! Ok, call me when you get this message. Need to discuss a lot with you."

-----

  "Mom, I hope she gets allrite. I cant contact Raj too, I hope everything's ok with him......Doctor how is she? Is everything ok? What happened to her?"

  "She's out of danger now. She had gone into shock, which led to depression. She's fine now."

------

  "Anu aunty...mummy says when I grow up, a handsome prince will come for me on a white horse, is it true?"

  "Yes darling, its true. You are a princess, and a handsome strong prince will come to get you on horseback!"

  "Mummy says even you are a princess...then why didnt a prince come to get you?"

-----

"Always have, always will"

He is married. Married. She told herself once more hoping that it would stop her from doing what she was about to do. It din't feel wrong, in fact nothing had felt more right to her. She knew he felt the same way, which was why they had decided to meet today. She waited in her car, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel while glancing at her watch for the nth time. Late as always. She smiled to herself inspite of her annoyance at him. Her phone beeped. "Be right there love. Can't wait to see those beautiful eyes once again". Her face broke into a spontaneous smile like it always did when she thought of him. She settled back into her seat and let her mind wander to those magical moments…

12 years back..

Her eyes. Big, round, black, beautiful and absolutely mesmerizing. That was the first thing that drew him to her, that made him drown in those black beauties. It was love at first sight. The moment he looked into her eyes on that fateful day he was irrevocably in love. "You are my life", her eyes seemed to tell him and he was more than willing to be anything for her. There were meant to be together, and it was almost like they both had been waiting for each other. All those shy glances from her side, and bright smiles from him had resulted in something extraordinary. 

They were the hottest pair in school and throughout college. The ideal pair, the pair that was meant to be. You couldn't think of one of them without the other popping into your head. They were together for five perfect years when all of it suddenly ended. Nobody knew the reason why. They went their separate ways, chose their respective paths, built their lives around it. Even after all these years, their common friends sometimes spoke about them - as a couple. Of how it would have been had they not broken up. The mused over the whole situation, guessing as to what could have happened. They couldn't imagine something going wrong, they were such a perfect fit.

She sighed. 12 years and he still made her blush like a school girl. 12 years and the thought of him still sent shivers down her spine. 12 years and she had never gotten over him. 

He was the practical one, the one with a clear head, the one who was capable of making tough decisions and sticking to them. He had all those qualities which she prided herself in having but somehow when it came to him, she became a hopelessly romantic fool. Her tough exterior, her cold rational approach towards life, her quick decision making - it was all for others. With him, walls came down and she was back to being the young innocent girl that she was 12 years back. She had cursed him, cried to him, begged him, ignored him, worshipped him - but he had remained the same, loving as ever. Of course he'd been a jerk, no doubt about it, but he had made up for it. More than made up for it.

She snapped out of her day dream when she saw the familiar car turning into the lonely road. Her body tensed and her eyes smiled as he parked the car right in front of hers, almost touching it. She took a deep breath, steadied herself and got out of the car a few seconds after he did. Her heart thudded and spluttered as she took a step forward. The moment their eyes locked it was as if nothing bad had ever happened between them. All that pain, the guilt, the heart-ache, all those months she had spent crying, all those nights he had held his head in despair not knowing how to make things right - none of it mattered. They were in a bubble, in a world of their own. 

"Shall we take a walk?" he said, with that heart melting smile of his. 

She nodded silently and walked with him.

He loved that about her. They way she hardly spoke around him, but her eyes said it all. He looked at her delicate frame, her long straight hair, her graceful walk and the way she was clutching her phone tightly it her hand. She was tensed and nervous and shy. It gave her away. He took her hand into his and they kept on walking. His mind flashed back to that time 7 years back when he had held the very same hand and place a ring on her finger. She had refused to accept such an expensive gift but he had shoved the box into her hand. She had looked at the ring, smiled and asked him to place it on her finger. 

He noticed now, that she had a ring on almost every other finger except that one. His eyes kept going back to her face, to her eyes. Oh what he wouldn't do to see those eyes happy, to see them dance with joy! He had done everything he could to make sure she had a perfect life. He had made the ultimate sacrifice for her seven years back - he broke up with her, a sacrifice that almost shattered her delicate heart, a sacrifice that made him seem like the villain, the bad guy, the betrayer, the heartless one. It had cost him a lot but still, it was a small price to pay. Specially when it was to make her happy.

They had reached the park, their favorite spot. "I have an early flight tomorrow, at 5:30", he said. Her eyes saddened "You're leaving? Already?" she asked him. 

"Told you, seven out of twelve months I am on the road". 

"I have no idea why your wife puts up with you"

He laughed. "I am pretty sure she is having an affair" he said. 

"Convenient. For you. For both of you actually" she said

"You wouldn't understand. Its not that simple. I still love her" 

"Yeah I get it" she said softly "It took me twelve years but I finally get it. It wouldn't have worked out if we had gotten married"

"You know what i believe right.. Just because two people love each other doesn't mean they have to get married"

"I know. I believe that NOW. Specially us. Lord! That would have been a disaster" she laughed.

He smiled and kissed her forehead lightly "I have to get going"

They walked back to the car. "Be in touch?" she asked

"Always have, always will" he smiled.

She got into her car and sent him a text message "Just had an epiphany. Just because some one doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have"

He looked through his window and gave her his bright mischievous smile and mouthed 'I love you'. She laughed, shook her head and waved to him.

She drove back to her boyfriend, he drove back to his wife.

p.s - Inspired from  true incident.

p.p.s - I SWORE to myself that I wouldn't write ANY love stories (I have many reasons and its a long story.. don't ask!). But I couldn't ignore something that was happening right in front of my eyes.