The yellow flower....

*The spark of the first moment doesn't last long,

but it does light a flame that would keep us warm!*

She had marvelled at the beauty of the sentence right from day one. And now again when they met after 3 months, it still felt the same. The spark of the first moment was still there. They never had to say a formal 'Hie' or shake hands when they met, it was always said and done by their eyes and their mere presence. What a handshake did for others, a simple smile did it for them. The fact that they had not been in touch at all through-out these 3 months suddenly seemed so unreal. It didnt feel like they had vanished from each others lives for such a long time, the spark was still alive!

"Where had you been all these months? You just vanished from the face of earth!!"

"Yeahh.. I was in solitude. I just had to be alone. I needed that. I avoided everyone. But now I am back!" He grinned at her.

There was no awkwardness, no hesitation, no anxiety, no second thoughts. It seemed like they started it again right from where they had left it back then. The same sentence, continued after the coma. The same story, continued after the interval. He was still the same talkative, calm & sensible as he was before and she was still the bubbly butterfly.

"Sit, we are going to Gorai!"

"Gorai???!!" Now she was jumping happily.

"Yes madam, Gorai." He smiled. He was always amused by the sight of her jumping like a kid on the streets and clapping. He suddenly had the urge to call her a kiddo, he knew how much it annoyed her. 'I am NOT a kiddo!', she would always say, but suddenly she got serious.

"Okay, we will go to gorai, but on one condition. I'll ride!" 

"Sure, but you have to wear the helmet!"

"No helmet pleeeaseee!!! I hate helmets!" She pouted.

"If you wanna ride, you have to wear them. They are head-condoms!" And she burst out laughing.

"Pleeaaseeeee...."

"No. You have your licence with you?"

"Bwhahahahahaa... I dont have a licence yet!! I've been riding without a licence since ages! Heeheehee.."

His straight face made her stop laughing.

"So you dont get to ride. Simple!" Now it was his turn to laugh, and she pouted.

"Pleeeaaseeeeee....."

"Okay, but not on the highway. And you'll have to wear the helmet."

She pouted again, "hmmm... okayy...!"

She was riding the bike after many months, and she felt exhilarated. Freed from all the chains that bound her lately.

"Slow down... we are going very fast..."

"But its just around 50, I ride at a speed of 70-80, on the highway, without a licence, and without a fucking helmet on my head!" she giggled slowing to 40kmph.

She waited for him to say something, but when he didnt she slowly increased the speed again.

She was thrilled by the ride and the only thing she missed was the breeze on her face, the 'head-condom' was being the spoilt-sport!

"Can I please remove the helmet?? Pleeaasseeee.."

"Hmmm.. okay..!" They were in the village lanes, and now he trusted her driving skills.

The breeze was hot and humid. It hadnt rained since 3 days, and she was secretly praying for it to rain now. She liked the wind hitting her face. Her hair flying wildly behind her, and a happy grin plastered on her face. It was bliss. A perfect moment. A perfect day. A perfect memory. But then, he always had created perfect memories for her. Right from their first outing, to till date. He had given her perfect memories to cherish. Be it the early mornings on marine drive or the long walks in the unknown lanes of colaba, they were all beautiful perfect memories. 

"Lets sit on those rocks!" She pointed. Gorai had always been her get-away-destination. A quiet beach in the outskirts of Mumbai with the sceneic beauty that hardly any beach offered. They climbed the rocks and sat facing the sea. The breeze was cooler and the dark clouds floated on top, promising a good shower in a few hours. And they talked. And talked. And talked. They were both happy to find each other's company after so long, and talked about every possible topic on Earth! They laughed, on jokes, on each other, on themselves. Just laughed. Careless laughter.

"I have decided I'll marry a guy, I'll have sex with girls ofcourse, but marry a guy! Homosexual!" He said with a wink. And it took her several minutes to stop laughing.

"What??? Why??" she managed inbetween her laughter.

"coz girls are so cranky. They are intolerable sometimes. They freak-out so often and have so many mood swings and have problems with everything that guys do! So I have decided, I'll marry a boy and live happily ever after!"

She laughed harder.

"You know, I sometimes miss those winter days, those early mornings on marine drive."

"Hmmmm... Sometimes even I do." She smiled and looked at him, and he was lost in his thoughts. Those days were truly nostalgic! They were simply beautiful!

"We'll go someday again soon. What say?"

"Sure, I'll let you know when I'm free!"

"Yes miss busy bee!"

And she giggled again.

"Okay, tell me your best memory of us."

"Umm... Its when you first picked up the yellow flower and turned to me, and suddenly ate it, saying this yellow flower was very delicious! Damn, I thought you would give it to me, but you ate it... ATE IT??!!....." she cried with laughter.

"okay okay.. stop laughing! Its embarassing!"

"But you ate the flower !!!" and there she went again. Her stomach was aching, but she still couldnt stop laughing.

"I picked it up to give it to you only, but I got so nervous when I looked at you, and you were constantly staring at me, that made me all the more conscience, and I froze, and couldnt give it to you, so ate it!"

And that followed another cachinnation.

They were on their way back home, and suddenly she didnt want the day to end. The day had unfurled rather quickly and it was evening already. She wanted the time to stop, so that she could enjoy a few more hours in a few seconds. But the irony was that hours had flown by just like seconds and they had to go home now.

"Where do we go the next time we meet?" she asked quietly and nonchalantly, hoping he didnt read between the lines, but how could she betray him! It was him, who answered her every question before she could frame it in her mind. The door to her mind was still open, and he still frequented it, with or without her knowledge!

"Hmm.. so you are already waiting for the next time?" Although she couldnt see him, she could feel his smile grow wider with every word.

"We could go anywhere you want, you think and decide and let me know, ok!"

She was again grinning like a idiot. 

"Okay!"

He dropped her outside her gate, and before she could turn back and head home...

"By the way, you are looking really pretty in this top."

She blushed. She wondered how he still managed to make her blush and giggle all the time.

"Thank you!" and she turned back and again he stopped her.

"Oh by the way, I got something for you....." and he removed the yellow flower from his bag, and handed it to her. She was completely balled over. Suddenly nostalgic and astonied. He had always given her that same yellow flower everytime they met, and he didnt forget about it today! All she could do was stare at him and smile. Silence always spoke for them, and even now, she left the unspoken words for silence to convey.

Mango Mousse!

              Monsoon is due in Mumbai any time and it is now that we are finally seeing some mangoes in the market! Read affordable mangoes :D 

               

              I tried to chill last evening with this Mango dessert. Its easy to make and yummy to taste! 

         What you will need:

         1 cup fresh cream ( I got Amul Fresh Cream)

         1/2 cup whipping cream ( You get it at shops selling cake and chocolate products or get Blue bird instant whipped cream)

         1 cup Mango pulp (fresh)

         1 cup white chocolate ( I made do with Milky bar instead of white chocolate!)

         chocolate chips (optional)

         How to make it:

       

         Put a cup of fresh cream on a nonstick pan and heat it slowly to boil. 

         Melt the white chocolate in this  hot fresh cream. Let it cool for sometime.

         Whisk your whipping cream for sometime until it gets a thick consistency. Approximately 10 minutes.

       

         Peel the mango and get the pulp by grinding the pieces. 

         Mix 3/4th of the quantity into the fresh cream (after it has cooled)

         Blend the whipped cream in the fresh cream mixture and after it has mixed properly, pour it into thin small glasses or bowls.

         Chill this for 5 minutes.

         Add the 1/4th mango pulp on the top of the chilled mousse. 

         Top it with the chocolate chips. 

      

         Chill the mousse for another 20 minutes if you like and your mousse is ready to serve.

    

                                          

                   Easy to make, great to taste :D :D 

         

         

It must have been love...

It's getting colder by the minute as I wait next to my punctured/now repaired car. I have changed the tyres but am so tired, that I have no energy to drive back right now. But the sky looks downcast and I am sure it will start snowing anytime. I tighten my overcoat and muffler and sit inside the car. What was the point of going back anyway? I have lost the love that I'd been waiting for.

I sit inside the car and turn on the ignition, thinking of the warmth and comfort of my apartment. Turing on the radio, I drift away into my thoughts. Andrew. His face formed behind my eyelids - piece by piece. That square jawline, that flyaway dark hair tumbling on his forehead, his voice - like a soft rumble from his heart, his eyes - those eyes - magnificently dark - inviting. I had never known that dark could be beautiful too. But Andrew...his...his face was strong, yet soft. Words simply don't have the ability of explaining his appearance.

Image Source: autos.aol.com

I shake my head in a futile attempt to disperse his image like dandelion seeds in the wind. I press the gas and steer the car out of this highway. My flower shop needs attending. My flower shop...that's where Andy and I had started to talk. We were in the same University and shared some classes as well, but we never moved beyond the casual hellos and his. I remember, this was 5 years back... I had just started the flower shop with my Mother, after class hours, to get extra income and to sell the beautiful flowers my mother grew in our backyard. Soon we had enough money to import cut flowers from other states and my tiny flower shop became a hit among the locals. But we didn't enlarge the size and turn it into a boutique. 

Image Source: mostphotos.com

It was still the small, front display shop - but we had a tiny coffee shop attached to it now, which my mother took care of. Andrew, on one such day, dropped by. He was surprised to see me at the flower shop. I had never mentioned about it to anyone. It was mostly my mother on the forefront. He wanted to buy assortment of flowers for his then girlfriend Pauline. He was hopelessly in love. We started talking, when he asked me, which flower bouquet would be best for Pauline. I suggested Lilac and Roses would be good. He asked me to make one for him. I happily complied. 

Image Source: thefrenchbouquettulsa

He was easy to talk to - unlike the cool demeanor he maintained at the University. Every alternate week, he would come to my shop for a bouquet, otherwise on every Friday, for some coffee. It was a comforting pattern that developed. I came to know of him as an only child of his parents - he wanted to take up Medicine professionally while I was happy with my Coffee and Bouquet Shop. My mother doted on him, offering him for free her special blueberry muffins with his coffee. She was very sure he liked me. I always ignored her. Pauline had left Andrew 8 months after they had started dating, for another man. He was shattered. Mother and I were by his side, for he wouldn't tell his parents. We became best friends by the time University ended and he enrolled into a hospital as trainee. I took over the Cafe and the shop completely, letting my mother rest. Two years back, he asked me out on a date and I agreed. We were falling in love slowly.

Image Source: mywedding.com

Then he had to leave for his new job as a doctor to another city. He was trying hard to get back here, where I was. But I asked to him to work without worry, for when he was established, he could come back to me. That day and today - so much happened. My friend Rodney had come for a visit for a week. And today, during our evening coffee, with Mother and me, he sat down on his knees and opened a beautiful ring case. He was proposing to me. Oh God. Andrew! He was standing at the door, with a Large bouquet of roses, staring. I didn't know he would come today. And he had gotten it all wrong! 

"May be I should come later." He turned on his heels and walked out. I looked at Rodney angrily and made it clear that I had no intentions of being married to him. And I looked at my mother, she had a worried expression on her face - I took my car keys and ran after Andrew. I was just a mile away from his apartment when my tyres fell flat. And now...I have no idea where he would be. His phone is switched off. I drive up to his apartment anyway. Warily, I accept that he isn't here. It was 8 PM now. I have to go back now. There was no other way. I reverse my car, call up my mother and before she can say anything, I hang up. I am in no mood to talk. I reach my home at 9:30 driving on an Auto Plot mode. 

"Grace?" I stop dead. Andy is here. Sitting with my Mother, with a cup of coffee and a hot blueberry muffin.

"Andrew, look! I am sorry..." I rush up to him, my heart hammering in my chest. I notice my Mother get up and leave, muttering Kids these days. Though we were far from being one.

"Grace! Calm down. I am sorry! I should have stayed. It..it was just a misunderstanding from my side. I was being stupid." Andrew gets up and holds my shoulders. I haven't realized that I've been crying.

"Rodney...I didn't know he would...You know...I...Oh God! When did you come here? I mean..." Okay. I have lost the ability to talk coherently.

I simply stare at him. So many unspoken emotions - but the most potent was the love I could see in his eyes for me. This is one moment, I never thought, I believed in, but it is true. You can feel love. I start to open my mouth to speak again when Andy quietens me.

Or are we Ashes and Wine

"Shhhh...." Andrew hugs me tightly. And I stop talking and breathing.

"I know Grace...you don't have to say anything. I spoke to your mother. She scolded me dearly at my haughty exit. She told me that I should've walked in and whisked you away." Andrew says, a smile in his voice teasing me.

"She said that??! Oh God, she is so embarrassing!" I groan.

"Well, she is right." Andrew says and holds me at an arms length. Then he sits on his knees and holds out a rose which I hadn't noticed before, and says,

"Miss Grace Lawson, will you marry this Doctor, who cannot be cured without you?" I laugh at his funny-cheesy proposal and say,

"I shall cure you just fine. I will...marry you." Tears stream down my face as he hugs me.

PS: Story inspired by this BEAUTIFUL song called Ashes by Andy Brown. Please listen to it. You may thank me later :D :D :D

Darlings from Fiction

Here is a list of my all time favourite women from fiction.I have read and re-read these books time and again , going through their trials and tribulations and happiness every time . It is not a top ten because each character has a part of me and is dear to me in a special way.

Scarlett O' Hara -Gone with the Wind -Margaret Mitchell

Practical, Cunning, Scheming, with the most earthy never say die attitude. She is optimism personified with the ability to say "Tomorrow is another day" when adversity is smiling at her from all sides. The vow she makes to "Never stay hungry again" makes you love her in spite of all her  flaws. Just a small introduction to one of the most famous women characters of all times.

Laura Castellano- Doctors -Erich Segal

Extremely beautiful, superbly talented , yet insecure and never really realizing her true worth until she meets the right man in her life. Somehow it is this insecurity that makes her so endearing to me. And every time I read the part where she says "Nothing's Up, everything is down." I can feel tears in my eyes.

Elizabeth Bennet- Pride and Prejudice -Jane Austen

Prudent, Intelligent and sensible would be the words to describe Jane Austen's most famous heroine. But Elizabeth is all this and more. Though she represents an era where women were brought up with the sole objective of hunting for a rich husband, her situation is identifiable with the contemporary Indian society that considers the marriage of its girls as the parents' primary duty. Her pride , and her natural prejudice towards a rich arrogant man, her inner turmoil as the man she hated turns out to be the one to help.. All this make her a living breathing woman rather than just a character.

Sarah Crewe- A little Princess -Frances Hodgsen Burnett

Who cannot but love the sweet and angelic Sarah Crewe who bears all her sorrow in un-complaining silence even when her situation changes over night from that of a parlour boarder (special student) to that of a maid. And I feel happy for this little Cinderella every time I read about the magic that makes things happy for her once again.

Jo March -Little Women -Louisa May Alcott

Tom -boyish, with a flair for the pen. That is Jo March for you. But that is not all. Despite her wild nature and her unsuccessful attempts at being lady like, she is a most sensitive person. Loving , and caring and feminine in a totally different way.

Tracy Whitney -If Tomorrow Comes -Sidney Sheldon

If you have seen 22 Female Kottayam /Ek Haseena thi and similar movies, and admired the heroine, rest assured you will love her . For she is their fore -runner, the inspiration  and the original avenging angel. Beautiful and Brilliant like all of Sidney Sheldon's heroines, she is more than a few notches above all of the rest because of her pluck in times of adversity that rasies her from the ashes like a Phoenix from fire. She is truly what dreams are made of.

Hermione Granger - The Harry Potter Series- J. K. Rowling

She knows everything and she can apply her knowledge. It is safe to say that without the help of the brilliant girl ,the most famous boy wizard of all times could never have achieved his destiny. More than her brains , her love for her friends and the ultimate sacrifice that she makes to erase herself from  the memory of her parents to keep them safe, endear her to me.

Durga -Pather Panchali -Bibhuti Bhushan Banerjee

Tied to a childhood in abject poverty , for no fault of hers. She represents the flickering innocence in children even when poverty tries to snuff it out at an early age. The earthy and childlike Durga who guards her possessions like a tigress till she succumbs to starvation., can bring tears to my eyes after every read.

Thethi (Devaki Manambilly) - Agnisakshi -Lalitambika Antharjanam

A character from Malayalam literature.I'm sure she would not be on most people's list. But to me she is special because , her life symbolizes what my life would have been like a century or may be even half a century ago. Her courage to stand up against a society that shuns her, the trials of a free spirit chained to the whims of an archaic society oblivious of the changing world and the ills within itself.
The story that inspired a thousand women to come forward during those tough times.

Maya -

She is the elusive protagonist that keeps coming back to my mind though I can remember neither the book nor the author. Maya is just an ordinary girl, in an ordinary Indian family that considers the marriage of its daughters as the sole purpose of its existence.When arranged marriages f her sisters fail , her strength helps her face life in her own way.

Hope you enjoy it.. :). Happy reading..

Ramblings of a Facebook User

Note- The post is totally useless just like facebook is :P

Facebook has taken over our lives. It has become as necessary as oxygen to breathe. I can't find a single person not registered with Facebook, be it children aging 10 yrs (despite they are not allowed to register before 18, but to hell with! rules are meant to be broken & why not!) or the senior citizens.

Talking of networking in this age- without a doubt, Credits to Facebook.

Bringing people closer who hesitate to even a utter a word in person, but don't shy while chatting /commenting - Credits to Facebook.

Taking online shops to another level- Credits to Facebook.

But here I am limiting my ramblings( in a way critical opinion) as to how Facebook has evolved over time in terms of the applications it provides etc.

1.The "LIKE" Button

I see "LIKE"  option is made for those lazy bums who find any status/photo interesting but their indolence refuses to leave the mouse so as to reach the keyboard and take the trouble to type something & speak their minds. (Yeah, I do this most of the times :D).

But talking about the another category of people who play the role of charity to distribute free "likes" no matter what is posted, do exist.

And coming to the EPIC part, people liking their own respective posts. Its like giving themselves a Hi 5 in public( thats what I read on Facebook itself). Zuckerberg should seriously consider removing this option for our own respective posts like SERIOUSLY.
Personally I feel, popularity or should I say TRP of a status/post is now judged by "like count" from "comment count".

2. TIMELINE
The most useless option I've come across. Needless to say I'm still using that age old "wall". Timeline is created for photo freaks, just to give them yet another space to glue their photos & make the profile look more like an exhibition.
P.S- I'm not bringing the page owners who use timeline constructively for displaying their logo name or for like things.

3. CHECK-INS
Ah! the one I envy. Dude, what is the use of beating your own trumpet and forcibly telling people where are you, what are you doing, with whom are you. I feel as if Facebook has humbly assumed the responsibility of parents and take care of their whereabouts in their absence.
I've seen people checking-in & tagging their homes, not to forget "home sweet home". But some intelligent people have taken this to a notch higher & they are checking in and tagging some exotic/grand places while they are sitting at their homes, not to forget "home sweet home":D. For what? just to flash their status! hahah
I detest this even more when I'm trying to study for exams and then I see somebody checking in ( remember I'm a religious Facebook user:D) First day first show, watching XYZ movie at ABC cinemas. Huhh I so hate Facebook's technical team for creating such an option.

4. SUBSCRIBE OPTION
People subscribing for updates of renowned personalities- OK, good enough but what about those subscribing for just another Facebook user, particularly talking of the one subscribing for updates from a girl, who has rejected his friend request. What is he expecting? she'll update where is she heading to & inviting you to meet her. Grow up!

Well the views are totally personal. May be some people find these options useful, something usefully useful.

P.S- My Lair replaced by the name Sugar. :D

Darlings of Earth...!!

What comes in your mind when in you hear the below mentioned incidents? Like when we hear any crime news  in some 'breaking news' channel, most of us has somewhere in our mind that it doesn't happens in our social circle. Read this:

Incident 1: A mother who delivered her baby 7 months back and has been working in a MNC prior to her delivery has to stay back at her parents' house. Her husband has visited her only twice and MIL once post delivery even if the distance between two places is within 30 Kms. All the expenses of delivery and post that is taken care by the parents of the girl as her own salary/savings account is controlled solely by her husband who happens to be a well known orthopaedic surgeon. They made her and her new born feel uncomfortable & unwelcome in all possible ways. Should I have to mention here that new born is a girl!!!

Incident 2: A single mother who works in a bank is beaten black & blue by her brother. He along with his family members justifies this action as an action he did to discipline (!!) his sister. As per him just because she is earning and has 'no man' in her life to control her therefore he obliged to volunteer for taking up the task of controlling her.

Incident 3: A hearing-speech impaired girl is married off to some person (hiding the truth) by her family members. Obviously they find out & send back the girl to her parent's place while she was pregnant. Her husband was furious that girl's parents have fooled him by passing on a 'defective piece'. Her kid was born at her parent's place and she takes care of her baby whole day. After 3 years, husband comes back and offers to take her back. However he seems not interested in taking responsibility of the kid. Her parents again bundle her up with him and keep the kid with them. They are happy now that their girl is 'accepted' by her husband but completely ignore the pitiable mental condition of the girl who was estranged from her 3 year old.

I am not reading out any newspaper to you. I know all these families and couple of them are even so-called 'well educated'. They stay in this millennium city in up market areas. But how that education or their residential location does make any difference to their Neanderthal mindset and thought process. The XX chromosome is always unwelcome in their families. They want the wholesome control on the women folk of their life. This baton of control is passed on to another man by the institution called 'marriage'. Since childhood she is conditioned to surrender her lever of control to the man of her life...it can be grandfather, father, brother, husband,FIL, BIL, son. Independent thinking, decision making, taking control of her own life are considered a sin for her. Her conditioning make her believe that she is ought to be treated this way and thus even a women also reinforces this biased fact to her children.

While the hate groups of Amir Khan increases manifold after he took up to discuss sensitive topics through 'Satyamev Jayate', can we still choose to behave like 'ostriches in storm'. Amir is not showing something new or bizarre, these are naked truth which lies beneath the various layers of our society. As an individual, we can stand against any discrimination by passing on the right mindset to at least one person or make a difference to at least one life around us. I start this trend by bringing up my daughter with right attitude and groom her to become an independent individual devoid of any gender stereotype...What about you??

Looking forward for that day when all "Darlings of Venus" would also become "Darlings of Earth" in true sense :-D

P.S. This is my first post in DOV :-)

Resurrection

I don't even remember the last time i wrote here.Seems like it was a different time altogether for me.
Its not that i have not wanted to come and voice my thoughts out aloud. I tried..a lot..and then i simply gave up.
Every time i would open my blogger,i would see these wonderful updates on the DOV dashboard.

Interviews, Discussions,New Joinees..and some really amazing posts.
I feel like an outsider right now :D
A long lost wanderer, tracing her steps..back to a wonderful family.
Its really charming isn't it? People whom you don't even know, whom you haven't even met,who are nothing but a collection of words,lines,stories...they all become a part of your life.
Without even you realizing it, they are there for you. A part of the journey of your life, at times much more than your closest kin. It does soothe you, when you just have someone to hear you out. Even if it means being a silent spectator to all the events unfolding in your life.

I know if i had vented out all my bottled up feelings right here, i would have gotten a lot of support from you all.
I want to tell my story. I will. But i know it will take some time.
Things happened, which probably could have been prevented. Maybe i was too naive. Maybe i was blind.
Or..maybe it was love.
But..lets reserve it for some other day shall we..?

What i want to write about now is the amazing power we women have in us to soak in as much pain as possible..and yet try the level best to come out of it...and move on.
Let me just concentrate on relationships over here.
You may call me biased. My gender is reason enough for me to speak highly of my own sex.
But my own experiences make me speak so.

I am not trying to belittle the pain suffered by guys in a break-up. Yes, you do suffer a lot.But that is not my purview right now.
I want to talk about us girls. Well, its DOV :) Why shouldn't i??!!

Its a beautiful thing to do you know..Love.
Its one of the biggest powers bestowed by The Almighty, on us humans.
That ability to give and give and give the tenderest feelings in your heart to that special one. Its not easy.

Women have this innate ability to shower unfathomable amount of affection on their men. We think, but from our heart. I know you will agree with me when i say that, every relationship we get into, we envision it till the very end.
And that is why when things don't work out, we snap. Its like a void that gets created within us.

A love, that gnaws itself to the very core of our existence. It becomes our world...we live it like it means everything for us..it defines us..and then...before we realize,it goes away. The bubble bursts and the bitter sweet truth hits us on the face...full force.

Moving on...isn't easy. We tend to put our heart and soul into it and when it doesn't work, we end up feeling hurt,devastated,broken and wilted.
I am not saying, women are weak. But its kinda inherent in us to depend on someone emotionally. And most of the times, we tend to seek that support in our guys.So when that emotional chord gets broken, it becomes very very hard for us to gather ourselves.

So what do we do when the inevitable occurs. Wallow ourselves in self pity and feel miserable that our world has come to an end..? If that were to happen, almost every broken relationship would end up in the girls committing suicide or something life threatening like that.

But no, the women are still there.Shining,smiling,cheering,hoping...despite all the pain and the heartbreak.
We know its not gonna be easy...to fill up that void..to feel the same for someone else.But we will.And we do. Because we are capable of filling all the lives that come in touch with ours with the glorious mellow warmth of our love. We know somewhere down the line...we might be hurt again..but that wont stop us from loving. We are programmed to be such. God simply forgot to put the STOP button there.

Why am i saying all this...?
Cos i see such strong women all around me.Even here, I read posts of
moving on-living-loving-getting hurt-moving on-loving some more.
And that is what makes each and all of us so special.

The title of the post...means just that. We mend ourselves. Pick up the broken pieces.. and resurrect our lives..from the ashes of the pain and evolve..more mature...yet always filled with love
and get on with our journey..of life..

seeking new a horizon,
leaving behind the old
she will move on in a new direction,
and let her journey unfold

So all i want to say is "Hats Off"
To all you lovely darlings out there.
You don't need a Women's Day to realize your worth.
Every day is your day.
Live it with your head held high.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

To Women..nope..Darlings,
Cheers!!

PS-and yes i am proud of myself too. :)

PPS- mishti..thanks a million for the pic :*

Know Me...

Hi all!

This is going to be my first post ever in this blogging world. As of now I don't own any blog ( so plz be nice to me ;))

Couple of months back I was oblivious of existence of such an interactive world called BLOGGING. But yes here I am,writing a blog, thanks to DOV for letting me a part of this. I can spend my whole day reading, such is the love for reading.This love dates back to the 9th or 10th year of my life. During my visit to naani's (granny) home, we used to travel via train & there was this bookseller,with that Close Up smile on his face. Those colourful books were like a magnet. I was so enthralled with that Champak in my hand & used to finish reading the entire book in one go.

Once i suggested one of my friends to go for some novel to pass time but he retorted saying he's not interested in killing time by reading 'useless novels' rather he would go for something which would add to his intellect. I was like WTF! I felt like he's abnormal.:D But such is the world comprising people with personalities & demeanours in its myriad forms. 

Everyone won't like, what you like.

Everyone won't think, what you think.

Everyone won't expect, what you expect.

There ARE like minded people but not necessarily around you. So accept the fact that this is yet another category of people with which you are sharing the world.

Coming to the writing part, I don't know what brings me here but I know this is (even while typing this post) & would give me uber satisfaction to pen down my thoughts, to channelize my energy, to interact with people, knowing that someone is interested what I am up to through my posts. But as they say 'everything comes at a cost' and here the cost is living with the fear of  non acceptability.Going through some blogs I realised its not a cakewalk to grab the attention of readers. Neither am I a scintillating writer, nor do I possess any  humour in my writing. So what if I am unable to bring any readers,   what if nobody even cared to comment never mind follow the blog, what if  I am criticized overtly and to make it worse publically . But then one day i read somewhere 

"NEVER write about things the world wants to hear. Write about what you want to tell. The former is tempting, I agree, but the latter, you must know, is rewarding" 

And that marks why I am here. 

Apologies for the long post.:D but bear with this newbie.

P.S- constructive criticism is welcome.As you all have to guide me through.

P.P.S- Going with the intent of this blog, and connecting with the fellow bloggers, try linking on facebook too. Send me a request ( this'll prove that you have read my post. hahah)

 

The first time.......

She blushed a deep beet-root red. It was sometime before she gained back her composure and her pulse-rate went back to normal. She thanked God silently that her mouth didnt dry this time and embarass her like it did the last time. She still remembered the incident crystal clear. She had replayed it in her mind thousands of times and cursed herself every single time.

    It was the first time she was meeting him, she was nervous, she didnt knw what to expect, she didnt know how he looked, although they had been talking regularly on the phone over the past few weeks, but this was the first time she was to meet him, her pulse rate was high, her heart beat was doing a emphatic dance, and to make the matters worse, he was late!! Every mili-second that passed by, felt like hours altogether. She tried focussing her thoughts to something else, so as to relax her mind but nothing helped. She tried calling her bestfriend, it always helped, but this time this too was in vain. She thought to herself, she couldnt let him see her in that state! What will her first impression be? A girl in pyjamas, chappals, over-sized t-shirt, chewing her nails, hands cold as stone, breathing erratic, sweating in this winter, walking to and fro in the busy street, outside their meeting spot, and now her mouth was dry! She couldnt speak a single word without coughing... She was nervousness personified! Damn! What a first impression, she thought to herself!! It was 20 minutes since she was walking to and fro at the same place. 

'God, save me, I'm gonna faint', she said aloud. 'Its been 20 minutes!!'

And in those 20 minutes, she had invited 20 odd uninvited pairs of eyes on her. They all followed her every movement. 'Wow! Can this get any worse?!', she thought to herself. 

Just then, a man stood infront of her, giving her his best smile, an honest pleased smile, she couldnt resist smiling back.

'Kate??'

She had lost her voice already, blame it on those long 20 minutes (read: 20 hours!). She simply nodded, wagging her head a little too fast, smiling happily.

'Hie!'

Pheww... He had finally come. They shook hands. His hands were strong, confident, and warm...every quality that was currently missing in her. He shook her hand warmly.

'Shall we?'

She nodded again. This time though, the nod was lady-like, slow, gentle and precise! They walked together, slowly to the adjoining coffee shop.

'Sorry for calling you out at such a short notice. Actually, I didnt expect my work to be done by late at night today, but when it got over so early, I thought of asking you if you were free and could meet me now. I hope I didnt make you wait for too long.'

Eh, well... no... not at all! Hell... you made me wait for 20 minutes! 20 MINUTES!!!! She smiled, 'Umm...no.. not really! Its okay.'

'Alrite, so what will you have?'

Oxygen... gimme some oxygen. Thats what I need right now! 'Ehh... nothing. I'm fine.' She started coughing. Dammit! She thought she could manage a few words without showing that her mouth had gone paper-dry!

'Are you okay? Do you need some water?'

'No no.. I'm fine!' She coughed again. Aarghhh! Noo..nooo... please dont!

'Should I get you some water? Are you fine?' Now he was really concerned.

'Noo..noo.. its fine. I'm fine. Its just the weather. How are you?' She thought changing the topic will help, it did, but only for a few mili-seconds! She coughed again.

'Hmph... I am great! And I'll get some water for you. And you miss, relax. ok? I'll be back.'

Before she could say anything to stop him he was gone. Woww! What a start! What a first impression! What a date!! She was nervous as hell, and he was so relaxed! Only if she could borrow some from him! She cursed herself. Maybe its all her fault, she shouldnt have been so excited about meeting him, or maybe she should have come late as usual and not tried  being punctual for the first time! But then how could she know he was going to be late? Dammit... dammit.. dammit..!!! She saw him coming with a glass of water in his hand. He had an amused smile on his lips. Ofcourse, he had all the right in the world to be amused! She did amuse him. Her nervousness did amuse him. 

'Here you go. And why are you being so nervous? Relax babes!'

She nodded obidiently, and drank the water in small gulps. Aaahh! 'Thanks.'

Although the water wet her mouth, it couldnt stop her from sweating. She was still sweating. Although he made her start talking, she was still not in her original form. The nervousness hadnt crept out of her. She was still self-conscious. They chatted for what seemed like a long time to her turned out to be just an hour. Although not completely herself, she was enjoying herself, and was slowly getting back in her element. She wanted to sit right there and talk to him, just simply talk. She was intimaded by him. His presence affected her, and she liked the novelty of it, it was the first time someone affected her merely with his presence. It seemed to her that the time was running out and suddenly it was the time for her to go back home. She hated it. She wanted to talk more. She wanted to spend some more time with him. Only if this fool didnt come 20 minutes late she would have had 20 minutes more to spend with him! She sighed.

'Its time I have to be back home.'

He didnt wince at all but simply nodded, and it saddened her for a moment. Nevertheless, she gathered herself up. It was time for her to go back home. His enchanting smile was all she needed to give him one of her honest happy grins. She smiled so easily and so frequently through out the date. Date?!! umm..welll...it was anything but a DATE!! She left him with mixed feelings... happy that she finally met him, sad that she was departing from him. She had thought of him all the week. Going through every moment of that evening again and again. Hoping she didnt do this... or hadnt said that... behaved lik this... or laughed like that.....

'Here are the tickets. Come on... lets go, the movie has just started. We need to hurry if you dont want to miss the start.'

Today, after two weeks, it was their second date, and again... he was late and she was nervous!! :P

TOUGH DECISIONS

...........Sometimes you have no explanations for your actions

The world seemed to stop turning for her. Her first crush, the guy who has been evading her dreams for three years, had finally proposed to her. He was the one she was saving herself for. She was a girl who had the world at her feet. Still she has rejected innumerable proposals even though she knew that he was committed, that he loved her girl a lot and he could never be hers. Still she had kept her hopes high. Somewhere she had read that if you have a crush on someone for more than 4 months, you are definitely in love with that person. She has now been in love for three years. She has realised what she felt for him was something real, something more than just a little teenage fantasy. She could not just stop thinking about him.

The first time she heard his name, a bell rang in her ears. She didn’t know why, it was a pretty common name. As soon as she heard his name being called, she reflexively started shifting her eyes from here and there trying to get a glimpse of him. Then she was in first year of her college. He was a year senior. She didn’t get to see him. She didn’t know why she remembered his name even a few days later.

Second year, she had forgotten that incident, she had forgotten him. But when she received a text message one evening which said she had been assigned a project with him as her direct mentor, her heart skipped a bit. Was it destiny? There was meeting that day where all the second years were supposed to be introduced to the mentors. She was excited. She went there and sat silently, one amongst the timid juniors, her eyes scanning everywhere for him. But he wasn’t there. She didn’t know the names of any senior out there, but she knew that none of them was him, else she would have known. She was upset.

He did come to the meeting, a little late though. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. She was scared of him though, she didn’t know why. Maybe because he seemed too serious, too simple, the no-nonsense type. She didn’t talk to him, but she just couldn’t get him out of her mind. While leaving the meeting room she even turned back to get a glimpse of him. Her feelings were getting stronger, she didn’t know why.

Few months of work and the boundary between them started fading. Any work he got, he used to transfer them to her. Any problems she faced, she used to go to him. The fear she had started shedding off. She started liking his simplicity, his indifference, his carefree-ness. They went past the professional barriers and became friends. He too started relying a lot on her.

She learnt that he had a girl-friend, he loved her a lot. Her dreams and hopes were shattered. She had never let him know about her feelings. She tried dumping her feelings; she tried moving away from him. But she didn’t know why she couldn’t get away.

She met another guy. She got into a relationship with him. She loved him passionately. She decided never to think about her mentor again other than work.

One day, from nowhere he came back, back in her life. All her determination shattered. She just couldn’t let him go. He was in a mess with his relationships and everything else. He tried getting closer to her, she let him. They grew very close to each other. All barriers were broken between them. She let him intrude into her territory. In the mornings, she felt guilty. She hated herself. She was being with two guys at the same time-One with who, she was in a committed relationship, the other who was just a close friend. He had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend- but none of that seemed to matter then.

A few months later, her relationship died. In the meantime he had got closer to his girlfriend. She was sad. But she couldn’t say anything, he was just a friend, whatever was between them didn’t have a name. Whenever she saw him with his girlfriend, she could feel herself turning cold, her heart ached, she couldn’t bear to see him with another girl. She tried staying away from them. But the girl seemed to pop up everywhere. Wherever she went, whatever she did, his girl was everywhere. She was starting to lose it all, She felt as if she was going into a deep dark depression.

In third year, she realised that nothing was worth this pain; she had to get out from it all. Her broken relationship and the indifference of her crush were eating her from inside. She couldn’t ignore either of them, but she realised she had to stay away from both of them. She got herself busy in other obsessions. For all the work related problems she faced, she didn’t go to him; she tried solving them herself.

Few months later she has moved on. She didn’t feel pain in seeing him with his girlfriend, though it did hurt her a little. Things started getting better between them. She was getting to know him better. She realised he wasn’t serious about his girlfriend, he was trying to get closer to her, she was letting him. Sometimes she felt his indifference towards her also. Still she couldn’t love him less.

After the submission of their project paper, he took her to a restaurant where he popped the question. He told her how much she meant, to him, that he has met no one like her. He told her that he could open as frankly before her as his best friend, he couldn't do that before anyone else. Her heart stopped beating; she didn’t know what to reply. This was what she had wanted for three years; this was what she was struggling for. After a long pause, she replied- ‘No, I am sorry.’

As she was returning back that night, she didn’t know why she said that, but she felt a strange calmness surrounding her...

P.S- I know I have been MIA for long, but darlings, I am going through a tough phase in life and so can't keep up with much of blogging. But I promise I will be back soon...