Suitcase of memories

                Goodbyes are never easy. Not when you are saying it to a way of life, to a lifetime of memories, to family. I am standing and staring at an important event to unravel. I have been running around shops, dropping down on the couch with all the bags, making lists of things on my mind. All without a moment to stop and wonder. Now that the day is about to descend on me, I feel the weight of it. It is more than all the bags that are packed and lying all about the house. Two decades of existence cannot be just folded into bags and carried away.

                Every girl has been given generous dose of preparation for this day. "What will you do at your inlaws house?", "Who will do this for you at your inlaws house?", "Its ok if you do all this here, will your inlaws tolerate such behavior?", every girl has heard of it enough times, if not by parents then by every nosy relative! Its known all along that a daughter has to leave the house. Yet,  nothing prepares a girl for this day. The day she has to leave her home. For me, that day is about to come.

               It feels like someone seriously played with time! It feel like just some days back I was learning to ride a bicycle. Dad kept running, holding the handle and seat so that I don't fall. I sometimes ran a wheel over his feet and although it hurt, he kept on having my back until I managed to balance myself.

              I feel terrified to think of waking up with a fever and not having Mom to run to. Of not having her constantly feel my temperature or check on me. Not having her company to indulge in paani puri. Of not being pampered by her with gifts and little goodies. Of coming home thinking of some food and not having her to keep that ready, without me telling anything about it!

              I feel armless without the little brother. The one who would be partner in crime. The one who would get me a box of erasers because I kept losing them. The one who would come all the way back from college just to receive a courier for me. The one who would say, "Don't worry. I am there, I would take the blame."

              I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful family.

              My romance with the city is about to end. Mumbai, how shall you ever go out of me!
The city that gave me multiple cultures to imbibe. The city that taught me that relations deeper than blood can be formed with people of various histories. The city where the most grass root class of people have important values to share. The city which gave me the best of friends, the best kind of exposure and the city where I came home at 12.30 am from work and still felt safe.
   
             How shall I ever say goodbye to the booksellers outside stations who get some of the best books at great deals so that the bibliophile in me is at peace? How shall I ever say goodbye to the shopkeepers who have known me over the years? How shall I ever say goodbye to the people I would drop to visit without notice and be welcomed wholeheartedly? Goodbyes are never enough!

            If only all these could be packed in suitcases!

             
            pic courtesy: inloveandwar.ca
           

             
           
             
              

Daddy and his baby

It is said that a girl is closer to her father than to her mother. 

For a daughter, a mother is an epitome of discipline, whereas, a father is like her partner in crime! 

There is special bond that a girl shares with her father; after all, he is the first man in her life. And, she is always a little princess to him. 

From infant to toddler to pre-teen to teen, a father sees the apple of his eye grow up from a little baby to a pretty woman.
From a little girl in pony tails to an elegant lady in a saree

But what happens when the time to search for her groom arrives. Dads start having the feeling of losing their gorgeous little princess overnight to some stranger who may or may not keep his angel happy. 

The mere thought of giving away his daughter to a person who he barely knows or has probably just met, starts giving him restless nights.  

From the start of seeing the groom, to the marriage preparations to the main ceremony. I am sure father's might be going through different emotions.

The excitement in his daughters eyes while shopping, the smile when she is talking to her fiance, the sad face when she doesn't get the exact shade of what she wants.
It makes him very happy as well as sad, to think that the time for her to leave him is coming nearer.

  

On the day of her marriage, all the memories from her childhood to now, even those forgotten memories flash through his life, like a photo album. 

During the Kanyadaan, father goes through a wave of emotion in this biggest moment of his and his daughter's life. That moment when its time for him to finally accept that there is going to be another man who will love her and protect her.

Silently, he wishes that this man loves, cares and protects his daughter more than daddy can does. 

When his daughter steps out of  her parents house as "Miss" to become a "Mrs" she leaves a gazillion memories in that house.

With tears in her eyes, when she turns back, she sees a man standing in the corner with sad red eyes, trying hard not to cry.
When she comes and hugs him, he doesn't see the bride, the grown up woman but he sees the little girl who used to hug him. He sees his little baby.

And a single tear rolls out from his eyes.

He is the father of the bride

Daddy's are always the daughter's first hero -Google Quote
A son is a son till he finds a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life-Google Quote 

Original Post: http://indiandramaqueen.blogspot.in/2014/10/daddy-and-his-baby.html
I really wanted to share this post here, since there are a lot of girls here and would understand the sentiments. 
Thanks Maithili for letting me post from my blog.

Lastly, Happy Diwali all you pretty ladies

Do Not Disturb

Some situations when people should clearly not talk to me

Scene #1

There I'm standing in a crowded train with my earphones on,dancing in my head.
Suddenly I see this lady saying something,and staring at me expecting me to react.
It seems she asked me where I burnt my hand.
I take the pain of fishing my phone out of my bag,wriggling in that crowd. Hitting pause. Removing my earphones and explain that it isn't a burn.
By then everyone around is more interested in me and staring at me like I am a freak.
Lady, Earphones stuck in the ear = Do Not Disturb Mode

Scene #2

I'm on my phone, animatedly talking or just talking, and you come and start talking to me or giving background inputs for my call.
I know what to talk, I don't need to be taught.
Like seriously,I got 2 ears and one head only. I can hear my caller and you but I can concentrate on either. Thanks to you.

Scene #3

I'm playing a game, in full concentration.
Enough Said.

Scene #4

I am in a movie hall. I want to watch the movie.
I do not want your expert tips.
I am not blind I can see, so I do not need you running commentary.
And we are in a movie hall, and that is the exact place that you decide to tell me your sob story.
Why couldn't you rant about that in the coffee shop, when you were fidgeting with your damn phone.

Scene #5

I am getting a massage. I need peace. So, keep quitet.

Scene #6

I am sleeping. I have no idea you sneaked into my room.I certainly do not want you screaming in my ears.

In all the scenes, trust me peeps I would be murdering you, if I wasn't so very nice.
Meri acchai ka fayda na uthao

A Thousand words .... !

I look and I look for a thousand views
I search and I search for a thousand questions
I desire and I desire for a thousand friends
I hope and I hope for infinite love!

I need and I need a thousand help
I give and I give a thousand selfless support
I perform and I perform a thousand jobs
I seek and I seek for a thousand multiple opportunities!

At the end

I sit and I sit to count

Count and Calculate

How successful life has been!

Peace in mind and smile at face

is what gives the soul a new peaceful start.

Smita

You Are a Girl

"This is so unladylike"
"Wear something longer, cover your legs, is this how you sit at home"
"Learn to cook, else your in laws will say parents have taught nothing to the girl"
"Why is that neckline so deep"
"Wear a salwar kameez, we are traveling by 2AC remember"
"Let your brother go, he is a boy. You cant go its 10pm already"
"She is in one of "those" days"

Are these phrases familiar?
I am a woman, I have breasts, I have a vagina. But,  that doesn't make me any less human. Does it?
Yes, I wear a bra. Doesn't mean that I expect you to judge my size.
I go through PMS, mood swings, cramps, cravings, periods every month. That doesn't make me any unpure than I was a few days back.

I get stared upon, I get whistles, I get comments, I get groped from men of varied age group.
Doesn't matter what outfit I'm in. Doesn't matter what time of the day it is. I'm like a public property.
If I wear or act like myself, and "Myself" may differ from the conceptions of different people, then I'm bound to get teased and raped. I asked for it. Just because I don't fit the bill of a "normal girl" its OK for me to be leered at.
I am a girl, I can't party alone. I have to have a male company. And not just any male company, it has to be my brother, father or husband.
I'm a characterless slut if I go out dancing with my guy friends.

A guy proposes me, I reject him. I invite him to throw acid on my and ruin my life.
I propose a guy, I an easy girl.
I stay in a urban city, travel places alone, well, according to the people staying in not-so-urban cities I must be sleeping and making out with everyone and not the "marriage material".

I get promoted. I am sleeping with my boss. I have no talent of my own, I have no achievements in my career. My only achievement is I have a vagina.
My would-be husband may have had a gazellion girlfriends, and might have visited Bangkok many times. But, if I have fallen in love when I was younger. I was a bad girl and not worthy to carry a heir of another family in my womb.

I get married. My parents have tried their best to give me everything. They provided me the best education and values. But, I couldn't give my in-laws money. I have the right to be thrown out or burnt alive.
I have a baby. I have a cute little girl. But, I should have had a son. Its only my fault that I don't have a son. Its not my husband's fault. I and my daughter deserve no home.

I lose my husband. I am coping up with his death. I deserve to be treated as a dead human too. No good dresses, no colors, no good food, no attending any functions. Yes, I have to be treated as a corpse, because I am a woman.

Why is this world like this?
Why cant a woman celebrate individuality?
Why are we women all about tits and ass only?
Why are we treated as objects?

All these talks about women's liberation, is in the end of the day just talks.
Even good educated families put their restrictions on women, to look good in the society.
From her attire to her lifestyle, nothing is her choice. Its just the society's norm.
If she tries to take  a different route, either she is tagged with some vulgar name, raped, or killed.

I hope, my daughter or my grand daughter or my great grand daughter would live in a world where she lives like herself.

Power of words.....

Words when take the form of rage

The more they pour, the more they are vague

With the sense gone long ago

The tongue wags now, with full force

There is no time to think and speak

The words banter away as they creak

Endless are the arguments that are no more sane

It is like watching the rise of bane

As words cut through hearts to keep alive the fear of hurt

It's time to wake up and throw away the rut

For no balm can soothe a bleeding heart

But those words of kindness that bind all pieces from falling apart…..

What scares you off !!!!

What is it that scares you off.

Scares you off from asking the question.

Asking the question about life and things.

Life and things that matter to you.

That matter may make up your destiny.

And your destiny is in the controls of your hands and no one else’s.

No one else will be there tomorrow.

Tomorrow there shall be no time to make up for your mistakes.

Your mistakes then shall haunt you forever.

Forever you shall then regret of not asking that question,

The question which you would have wanted to ask then

Then maybe you could have been happy now

Happy and not scared

So what scares you off!

Smita

The charade ~ From a nomad's diary

 There are times when fury consumes

Like a colossal wave, it engulfs the soul

Then, the travesty of pretense resumes

Every time the heart takes over, its role

Rationale takes a backseat

As hate brims over the bowl

And then, the heart squeezes a little more

Why can’t there be more room for one’s own?

The maddening parody continues

Between the heart and the soul

There is no more room for absolution

Will the soul ever speak, for its own?

There are days when I wonder

Why is there no peace for the soul?

The answer it gives makes me ponder,

Will the heart ever forgive the errors of its own?

Love or lust, for social networking? ~ From a Nomad's Diary

(Below is a fictional conversation)

X: “Hey! Check out my selfie with my fiancée.”

Y: “Really? Shared already? Quite quick you are dear!”

X: “Oh it is…!! After all, it is my new phone and the clicking experiments are so much fun!! It feels awesome!!”

Y:”Wow! Which phone? Your pics are too good! I love your expressions!! So much of love….so much cuteness…..adorable you both are!! Awesome!!”

X: “Thanks!! Can’t believe I already have got so much likes for the pic!”

Y: “Just wait till they flood!! Ok! Got to go!! Ciao….xoxoxo!”

Why do we love the Internet? Why do we love the web? Why is this virtual world like a natural cocaine for us? Why does it feel good to reach out to people you do not know, over photos, groups, books, interests, food etcs? Why does it get more exciting when ‘xoxo’, ‘cheers’ and sweet chocolaty messages flood your timeline or your screen? The answer is so palpable!! Isn’t it?

Much has been written about how our social lives have undergone a paradigm shift and most of us find solace in ‘likes’, ‘shares’, ‘promotions’, et al. Some of us love our own pictures in different poses so much, that the expectation to get a ‘like’ is more exhilarating than waiting for that much awaited message to flash on the mobile screen on payday! A ‘selfie’ is a must for people no matter which age group one belongs to! And to start with, selfies come in various forms..different outfits and different expressions, same outfit and different expressions and then, different outfits and different apparels!! Do a math and one can calculate how active a person’s social life is in terms of friends, fans and countless unknown admirers. Even when meeting a friend or a relation in person, or maybe pitching in for potlucks and family dinners or going out with friends to a lounge or disc or even going for a long drive with family must necessarily find a mention on one’s timeline.

Is it what the word social means? To show the world that you are important just like the celebrity who does not have anything to own up as his/her. Today, each one of us in the virtual world is a celebrity of sorts, a mini to say so. “Feeling low”, “feeling blessed”, “feeling happy”, “feeling satisfied”, “slurping and burping”, “feeling lonely”, “feeling hungry”, and name the feeling, the emotions are right there on a domain where there is nothing private. The world has to know what you feel. The world has to know when you laugh, cry or get hurt (physically and mentally alike). The world also has to make sure that there are enough agony aunts and sympathetic souls out there to offer you solace, share joy and give an emotional support whenever you need. It is a world that has to essentially know everything about you, with you expecting the same.

And it is here, I am tempted to believe, we are all lonely now, lonelier than before. Be it having a buffet lunch with friends at a star rated restaurant, or dining with family at home, be it shopping in the posh malls of the city, or be it cruising away to exotic holiday destinations, the urge to share it with the virtual world has become a necessity or perhaps, an act propelled by addiction. The world must know, how happy you are. Or perhaps, is it you who wants to desperately convince self, “I am happy, no matter what!”?

But then, if one were to see the flip side of everything, pessimism would overrule all hopes on being better! And, before I sound critical of what social life has become today, let me share my second perspective. At least, I would like to believe there has been some good too. Connecting with like minded people, sharing knowledge and enriching it, picking on new hobbies and experimenting a variety of recipes on untried taste buds, exploring a spiritual side in self, home makers turning into entrepreneurs from home and a lot more, are some encouraging signs in social lives of many today. The hope to learn, the faith to achieve and the gumption to step out and pursue one’s dreams is no less than a feat for many educated home makers for whom, virtual world is surely a blessing. The catch however lies in the reigns that control the addiction to this world. And who holds the reigns, but our minds! The heart is free to feel anything but it is the mind that balances the rationale. Considering the mania that has taken over, how paramount a role shall this world play in our lives? And, for better or for worse? Only time shall tell!

Mind Oh Mind, take a break please!! ~ From a nomad's diary

Mind oh mind, take a break please…..

With thoughts galloping fast, it is hardly at ease

There is not a minute to stop and think

Even if it were, it snaps in a blink

Like a drop in the ocean, the minute lives

Until the moment it seizes what it gives

There is no definite stop in this journey of life

that hurls more curveballs with seldom respite

But, isn’t it always about the ride one takes

where destination is never the ultimate aim?

Coz, it is the spices of life that must, one enjoy,

sans the qualms that be the part of this game…..

Dark and Beautiful

It was late evening when I reached Coimbatore airport. Small airport with a lot of crowd.
Right then, 3 British women entered (I know they are British because we ended up lounging beside each other) and everyone around started to stare at them as if some alien has come out tumbling out of its space ship.

Men staring at them
Women feeling insecure already

I mean, what is this obsession about fair skin in this country?

An average Indian woman, is dusky. Its a fact and this fact is so celebrated outside India.

People in the Westerns and other "fairer" parts of the world, get treatments done, get themselves baked in the sun to get a skin tone (tan) like us.
We here are blessed with that beautiful bronze and we hate it.

There are so many women with lovely features who are dusky and get rejected in the marriage market for being "dark".
These girls are not just rejected by some uneducated dude, they are actually rejected by properly educated, working guys.

People from the south of India are ridiculed by the North people for being "black.

Why do you think the fairness creams get their businesses running for all these years?
Simple, its because a dusky girl is being told from the time she is a little about her dark skin. Mother's, Aunts, other relatives compare them with the so-called "fairer" cousins.
They keep telling her, that she won't find a job or a man to marry.

Fairness cream ad's show the exact same thing. A dusky girl, is sad has no friends, no boyfriend, no job, she uses the fairness cream and instantly becomes pink and she has friends, she has men swooning over her, a very lucrative job just on her looks and not credentials.
She has a whole freaking personality transformation just because of her skin color.

Even friends, sometimes unknowingly tease the dusky person on the color grounds.

Trust me!!
People who know me, would know that in my school days and college, I was match-stick thin and dusky.
People used to say
"you are so dark that if you walk out in the night people can see only your teeth"
"Don't touch me or else your color will pass on to mine"

I have seen so many matrimony profiles that say "Wanted bride, FAIR, well educated etc etc."
Why cant a dusky, well educated, nice, homey girl do?

Why cant our society just accept the people the way they are.
 Its the genes, the sun, the states near the equator that reflects in the skin.

So many girls whom I personally know have a low self-esteem in spite of being educated, earning well, the only reason is they are "black". If you ask me, I would say the darker, prettier, exotic skin tone.

The toxic belief that "fair is beautiful" has to be eradicated. Measuring a person's worth by their skin color is so wrong. So, very wrong.

There is more to people that their skin color.
Hope Indians really come to accept this fact some day.

The Broken Vase

My own glistening eyes I see
In a thousand reflections
On the remnant pieces 
Of my favorite vase that broke

May be the cracks
Were always a part of it.
Inherent , incomprehensibly subtle or Invisible
From my rose tinted fools paradise.

Blood flows through my cracked fingers
As I try to pick up the fragments
One by one , each  hurting me anew
Leaving yet another scar ..

With a broad sweep ,
I want to shove it away
All the hundreds of shining parts
Of that beautiful vase that I thought it once was.

Ringing anew in my ears
The laughter of crackling glass 
Brings thoughts of happy past.
Distracted , I 'd let them hurt me again.

Leaving 'time' to dry the glistening drops
Of blood and tears on glass,
I look into your loving eyes and find
That strength to walk away.

P.S : 
Friendship is like a vase. Once broken , always the cracks remain....I wish I didn't but now I know it is true.

P.P.S : Posting after a very long hiatus. I will make every effort to be regular from now on..

Tension !

“:(” the message read.

“What happened” she replied.

“Tell me one thing honestly”, came another message.

“Hmm…okay…go ahead…shoot”, she replied.

“:(”, the message read.

“Arre…what is it.”

“Do I look like a drug addict to you?”, the question was straight and clear.

“Lol Lol Lol”, she replied.

“L You think I am joking, right? :(”

“No yaar, I know why you would have been given that title. Lol”, she laughed.

“:(”

“I know you gym a lot so that is the reason that your eyes are a bit … hmm … you know what I mean right? :p”, she chuckled.

“Yea, it’s the gym but do my eyes look like as that of a drunkard? :(”, he said.

“Arree … no .. but why would you say so?”, she asked.

“I was visiting my friend in hospital yesterday. There I met his mother and she started enquiring from me about things like – Do you people drink often? You people have it over or you go out? Do you people drink it for fun or to get high? :( Yaar, I had gone to console her, to relieve her from her tensions but instead she gave me tension! Am never meeting her now”, he ended the conversation.

She smiled.
Innocence sometimes come in masked funny ways. Opening the unknown truth of the heart to strangers.

The conversation ended.