Someone I can't have

I love her because she doesn't belong in my world

I am protective about her, for I know my deeds might kill her

She is my sunshine and that's why I keep her away from my dark alley life

Some girls are good, Some girls are bad

She comes in mixed flavors

She is the best I have ever had

My life is about cars, drugs and money

With her my life is about, flowers, smiles and love

Most of my acts instill fear in people,

It takes me more courage to love her and not lose her

Girls come, girls go

Girls warm my bed,

The condoms in my bed stand gets used

But, its her I want to keep safe

Its her I want to kiss good night

Its her, my love, whom I can never have

Thoughts

Things change, situations evolve
For the better, for the worst
that's a mystery to be resolved.

People come, People go
Some leave imprints, some just leave.
You like some, some like you
All that matters is, who genuinely lokes you.

Life is a book, with genre unknown
Mystery, romance or thriller,
with author also still to be known.

Keep moving, keep marching
is the myntra of life.

Thing that amuses one about it is
How can we meet our perfect one
in such a short time!

Smita

The long drive...

It's a saturday night,
and we are out for a drive.
we choose the lonely route,
with you I feel so alive.

Listening to the beats,
lost in our talks.
Little did we realize,
when the midnight knocked.

We stop by to feel the cool breeze,
your arms still feel so warm.
Oh! the great ocean of love,
and the lord of sweet misty wine.

The cold night, the dew drops,
the moonlight and the stars.
they all acknowledge our presence,
and try to hide their scars.

Are they jealous, do they envy,
or are they just happy at our sight!
I can stay here... just you and me,
in this long starry night.

Holding your hands, safe in your arms,
I wish to seal it with a kiss.
The sweet passion erupting within us,
our hearts so full of bliss.

FRUSTATION ALERT !

What do you do when you are suffering through a rough patch in your life... your loved ones are not nearby to comfort you... and if that was not enough, there is someone in your life, who makes it even more difficult for you to live through the rough patch? Right when you are trying to get out of it, he comes back again and makes sure that your life remains fucked up all the time. What do you do then ? Flush him out of your life ? I wish things were so easy all the time... Or maybe say what you really are thinking and just ruin it all ? Ruin all the friendly relation you have with that person and move on ? mind you, just ending all the relations wont help, because he is going to meet you everyday, by default ofcourse, for the next couple of months ? What do you do then ? He comes to you everytime you thought your life is all settled, and now...you are finally back on track... and then again ruin all your efforts and quite literally eat up your mental peace and harmony. What do you do then ?

I know I am just ranting about it here... I know I sound all kickass, but when it comes to facing an issue I fall straight on my face. I know I suck at solving problems. I know that! I wish I could be that person whom everybody hates because they think she has too much of ego problems... or that bitch who thinks too much of herself... or something like that. I so desperately wish to be one of those. Atleast then, nobody comes to disturb your mental sanity. Even if nobody talks to you, you feel at peace. You feel self dependent. You can do whatever you want without thinking about what you may have to hear after you do this or that. That way you dont really have to answer to anybody.... Isnt that what I really want ? Accountability for myself ? Is that too much I am asking for ? Cant I be responsible for my own actions and decisions ? Why the hell should someone else be willing to decide for me ? And why the hell should I let that happen ?

I know I am a coward when it comes to resolving problems face to face. Dont get me wrong, I do finish matters once and for all, but only when the matter goes above my intake capacity. But should I really wait for my intake capacity to overflow and then react ? Why should I hang on to something which is taking a toll on my mental peace ? Why should I wait for the water to go above my nose ? I dont know, what should I really do ?

Should I just yell back, finish all the friendly space we shared, and not see his face even if he passes right infront of me ? Or should I be what I usualy am, a diplomat, and politely and sweetly tell to him back off... and listen to his taunts everyday that I am no longer the person he met before... that I have changed... and that I should tell him if I have any issues in my life. Hell, he himself is the issue I'm trying to tackle!

I am so mind-fucked. I dont know what to do ? Its a fight between the Libran and the Leo in me. The diplomat wants me to peacefully resolve the issue without getting mean and violent, but the fighter wants me to go and yell at his face that I think he's an absolute loser, and I'd be better off without him !

I know its one of those things that will resolve itself eventually (damn you libran!)... but right now its really taking a toll on my mental health. I feel frustated. Its taking more mental space than it actually deserves. I am trying everything to bring back my mental sanity back home. Writing helps, sure. And probably that is the reason I am here. But how long should I keep consoling myself that everything will be allright with time. Sometimes you need to take control of the situation instead of waiting for it to get better by itself. And everytime I think of doing something, the question pops up...

 What should I do ?

And honestly, I dont know what to do !