December 6, 2011

Daag acche hain? Ghanta!!

Posted by Spaceman Spiff at 6:19 PM
You know those detergent and bar soap ads that they show on TV, where they claim to get rid of ANY kind of stains? Oh you know the ones I’m talking about. The ones where a dirty shirt goes into the washing machine, and a clean, dried, blinding-white, ironed shirt comes out. It has always made me wonder whether there is an ishthri-wala sitting inside their washing machine, who presses the clothes soon as it gets washed and then hands it out.

But how come none of these ads show how to get rid of a period-stain? No, seriously.

Because they still haven’t invented a detergent that can remove period-stain that easily. It can be removed, if you’re ready to scrub for a day. But never easily.

Oh c’mon, don’t tell me none of you girls have had to deal with it! Stop cringing then. Ever since we got our first period, along with words of caution from nosey aunties about having become a ‘big girl’ and hence a baby-machine, monthly doses of cramps etc., staining is also very much a part of a girl’s life. You can’t wear light coloured clothes on those days, you constantly tell your friends to keep checking whether ‘there is anything behind’, you are very conscious while sleeping whether you’ll stain the bed-sheet or not, and no matter how much all these sanitary napkins claim to not twist or dislocate, it will happen eventually. Unless you’re sitting at home in one place all day long.

I still remember wearing white-and-white uniform to school one Saturday. I had got my first period only a month or two before that. That stupid Saturday, we had to sit on the floor for some class. And when I got up, lo and behold, a dark red blotch on my white skirt. That I was in a co-ed school didn’t help matters one bit. I was so embarrassed! I ran to the bathroom and asked one of my friends to pin up my skirt with a safety pin in a way that’ll cover up the stain. Thankfully it was the last class of the day, and I hurried to the school bus and sat in the front, so that I won’t have to pass many people while getting down at my stop.

There was this girl in my class who had got her period a month previously, and she got it again after a couple of weeks (the first couple of cycles can be pretty irregular, I’ve heard). She panicked that she had got it again so soon and didn’t tell her mom about it. Instead, she came to school, on a Saturday wearing white uniform, without putting a napkin. By the second period (the class, not the cycle), it was like a crime scene on her back-side. And you know how guys are, right? They ask exactly those questions that we don’t want to answer. Especially when they know the answer themselves! These are 7th standard boys we’re talking about. Almost reaching puberty, and curious as hell about girls. So finally, this girl got all teary-eyed because all the guys were staring at her (well, at her skirt, to be precise). The teachers called her mom to come pick her up, and she was packed off home.

I used to be very careless when I was younger about staining. I mean, I never used to be bothered about it. And Amma used to hiss at me to be more careful, because it was getting to be a pain when we visited others’ homes. :/ (Damn, I’m still embarrassed by it). I’m more careful about it. But I know I will never be confident enough to wear white jeans or skirts or salwars, or sleep flat on my back during my chums. Heck, I don’t even like visiting others’ houses at that time. I’ll always have it at the back of my mind that I might end up staining their bed-sheets. I would die of shame then! :/

Maybe we should invite one of those detergent companies to our homes (they have those campaigns na, where they barge into random people’s toilets and clean them. What fun), and instead of giving them curry-stained or dirt-stained dress, we should give them a period-stained dress. If they can clean it, then I will agree that it definitely is the best detergent in the world. Yes, I will even ignore the fact that they hide isthri-walas inside their washing machines.

P.S 1:- To the male readers of DOV, stop cringing and judging. Just keep in mind that you will also get married (or not) one day and will have to live with a girl, who will gets her chums every month and you’ll just have to put up with all the mood swings and cramps and what-not’s. Oh all the best with that, by the way.

P.S 2:- I’m so sorry I haven’t been more regular with my posting here. Was going through a writing-slump. But I’ve been around and reading all the posts religiously. Will definitely try to be more regular!

24 comments:

p00ja on December 6, 2011 at 7:34 PM said...

Oh you've hit bulls eye with this. But let me tel you it is dried stains that are a pain to get rid of, and all those advertising is applicable only on fresh stains.

But even otherwise I don know why we are so gullible to such advs.

meoww on December 6, 2011 at 8:54 PM said...

the minute i read the title...
i spent full 5 minutes laughing like mad in a repeated cycle of
ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaaaa
pheww...
yusssssssssssssss
aiyoooooooooooo periods and their stains
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
pathetic pathetic experiences..
and the worst part wud be..being amongst boys who are as curious as cats..
sighhh..
the trouble and the pain of chacking and cross checking whether i am not leaving a brilliant patch to mark my presence in that place..
uggghhh

gawwwd how i hate i hate i HATEEEE those days..
grrrr...guess will just have to live with it..

sighh
nice post spaceman..
naaaaaaaaiiiicee
keep writing..

cheers !!

kalpak n. on December 6, 2011 at 9:11 PM said...

ahem...ghanta copyrights, madam.

ok big compliment coming your way. when i saw on my blogger homepage new post by spaceman spiff, i was like 'oh cool' and i started reading it. it was later when i reached the line 'to the male readers on DOV' that i realized i was on DOV. i was only readin ur post till then, but then i saw the bigger picture. i looked around and realised this isnt where i was thinkin i was. i was on DOV!!! now i dont know about u, but if some reader wud be so excitedly reading something i wrote without realisin he/she was on some other blog, i wud take that as one of my biggest compliment.

and after describing detergent ads, u unknowingly started describing whisper ads, do u realize? i laughed out really loud at 'it was a crime scene at her back'

but this post taught me one thing. never get white bedsheets after u get married :P

gud one spiffy gurl.

maithili on December 7, 2011 at 8:55 AM said...

Every girl can identify with the situations you have written about. I hate anyone coming into my room or going to any body's house during those days.. I keep worrying if I have stained anywhere..
Somehow the sanitary pads ads girl always has a white trouser on!

Confused Soul on December 7, 2011 at 10:58 AM said...

Oh this is so so true Spif.. The whole period cycle and the consciousness is soooo sooo maddening :P .. Gosh I feel bad for that girl.. poor thing yaar! And yes if you find a detergent like that, please hand it over to us pavam girls also ok :D

Awesome post! :)

Paanipuri Lover on December 7, 2011 at 11:46 AM said...

Aww! True man! I can vouch for it, we all can!
How careful we have to be! How, conscious we become! How we tread lightly!
All this is such a pain! X_X
I hate it!
And, if you find such detergent company, give their address to me!
And, what is "pavam"...?!
I'm tired of reading it all over the place and not knowing its meaning! :|

Nice post! :D :D

Spaceman Spiff on December 7, 2011 at 2:19 PM said...

@Pooja: Ha, you're right. They show mostly fresh stains. :/

@meoww: I know! What a pain! :/

@kalpak: Ok ji. Copyright is yours. I'll send you five packs of Stayfree Ultrathins as compensation. :P
And thatn you for that sooper compliment. :)
And if you buy white bedsheets, your bedroom will look like hospital room.

@Maithili: Sacchi! The girls in the ads wear only white. I would be worried to death if I had to do that.

@Confused Soul: Doned. I will hand it over. :P

@Paanipuri Lover: Paavom is malayalam (and a few toher sounth indian languages) for bechaara or bechaari. :)

The DRAGON in the skin of a goat ;-p on December 7, 2011 at 2:40 PM said...

AH a topic close to yevery gal's heart!!! Staining...just attended a wedding with all my clothes selected were light and the vigil I've had to maintian...the way I slept, and general would be happy to have me in his battalion:ram-rod straight!!!

Those bleedy wretched stains have ruined many a peice of my clothing and none of those stupid napkin ads speak the truth!!! I've had so many embarrasing moments of staining my mother had literally disowned me during a phase and was embarrased to take me out anywhere!!! Me being the tom boy I was didn't know the art of being lady like back then and stained anything I ever sat one...arghh...shiver when I think about it. Even if a detergent comes along which might do the afore mentioned magic nothing will ever remove the stain those stupid red blotches left on our growing up years!!!

P.S (Only cause of chums, God has to be a male...sadistic bastard!!!)

Viya on December 7, 2011 at 8:27 PM said...

lol.. :P so true!!.. damn these stains!!... and so much for those 'daag acche hai' ads!...

Sunitha on December 7, 2011 at 10:51 PM said...

so true, I never wear light coloured clothes if I can help it on such days and was mortified of the white uniforms and the wenesday drills at school. (Why do most schools have white uniforms? sadistic people!!)

Spaceman Spiff on December 8, 2011 at 10:43 AM said...

@Pinx: Same pinch! I just never used to bother and my mom was so sick and tired of it!
Not just coz of chums but because of delivery pains as well, god has to be a male! :D

@Viya: I know, right! Daag acche hai tho we'll give it to them only to wash. :/

@Sunitha: I think the white uniforms are a sneaky mechanism to make us a little prim and proper. Doesn't really work, actually. Out moms end up washing the brown coloured uniforms. :/

Freelancer on December 8, 2011 at 1:46 PM said...

hey, absolutely no judgement here!!

I don't know how you girls manage it, but you do. For a guy who never had to go through this, the worst part was those dreaded mood-swings.

Made me wish i got my periods instead of my girl

phatichar on December 8, 2011 at 2:14 PM said...

hi spaceman..nice to see u here - been married now for 13 years..i totally understand..in fact i have a daughter who'll maybe start blogging like you in 10 - 12 years.. ;-)

Daag achche hain? ghanta!!! (ROTFL)

sumitra on December 8, 2011 at 7:34 PM said...

Oh you couldn't have put it better, girl! I had that school incident too, since I hadn't expected it to start at all. Thankfully my uniform was navy blue so the situation was under control.

And sleeping in other people's houses was a nightmare when I was younger. I was so terrified of staining their sheets.

PeeVee™ on December 9, 2011 at 12:14 AM said...

Ghanta:P ROFL...
And 'crime scene on her back'...

I could write a book called 'Classics By Spiff'

:D

Spaceman Spiff on December 9, 2011 at 11:28 AM said...

@Freelancer: Ah, finally a guy who understands it. :)

@phatichar: So you live with two women.. you must be used to this by now, right? :)

@Sumitra: Visiting others' houses is the worst nightmare during those times, right? :/ I'm still not comfortable with it.

@PeeVee: "Crime scene at her back" was adapted from a line I heard in a movie, so not entirely my own. :)

Express on December 9, 2011 at 3:32 PM said...

Its my 1st time here and oh-my-god!

You just took it away this time, man! I kept playing 'laaga chunri mein daag' in my head and yet, managed to enjoy ur post so much!

You know what sucks most? When the jeans get stained :-/ Its like a day of brushing and soaking and more brushing! aarrgghh!

The detergent ads are crap only. They talk about mud stains and yet, everytime any cloth takes up color from another one bleeding color, we have 2 either bleach it or throw it in the dumpster. Being a laundry fanatic, these things totally have a toll on me and you have struck just the right chord :)

Spaceman Spiff on December 9, 2011 at 6:22 PM said...

@Express: You know, in HCU, one or two times I got my chums while I was cycling. You can imagine how that must've stained my jeans no? :/
And 'Laaga chunari mein daag' would be the perfect song for a sanitary napkin ad no? :D
Oh, and welcome to DOV!

Sujatha Sathya on December 9, 2011 at 8:46 PM said...

what a messy situation indeed and yes no detergent yet in sight :D nor a machine that can handle it

Smita on December 9, 2011 at 10:55 PM said...

lovely post spaceman spiff. A very honest post and honestly, the detergent companies should pay heed to this post!!! It's a every girl's story out there and the white uniform problem, it's like every girl has gone through that! We should have a detergent that can remove that stains, that detergent would be the best in the world I tell you !

Mystical Skeptical Me on December 12, 2011 at 11:31 PM said...

SPIFF, I have become you BIG fan nowwwww....like Seriously!!! :D :D *Smacks herself* I should have done this before. :D :D :D Ohhh and the post....sahi, daag achche hain??? Khaakh! The trouble yaa....sachchi!!! :D :D Bull's eye, ma'am! :D

Spaceman Spiff on December 13, 2011 at 11:13 AM said...

@Sujatha: Oh forget washing it in the machine. Hand-scrubbing works better. :/

@Smita: Exactly! A detergent specifically for this na?! :)

@MSM: :D No issues, sweety. Better late than never. :)

Archana on December 13, 2011 at 2:16 PM said...

Oh my, hit the nail on the head.. I have had the same white-skirt-dark stain episode.. and I remember telling everyone it was a chemistry lab experiment failure thing.. god, one of my worst memories.

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