As rare as it happens, I have been inspired by my own writing. I
came across this piece of writing on The Darlings of Venus. (Okay, I lied. I didn't ‘come across’ it. I ‘searched’ for it.)
I wanted the wound to re-open. The deep cut in the heart has dried but the heart that yearned should be purged, washed
clean and clear until what remains would be a piece of colorless flesh, drained
of blood. The deep cut would still remain like a mark – a mark that would never
get erased, a mark that would be hidden beneath the perpetual flow of blood, a mark that
would surface every now and then, every time the heart slowed down and pumped a
little less blood than the usual.
I might try to pacify the heart, instruct it to beat
normally, plaster the wound with new memories, but what about the old ones?
What about those missing pieces in the deep cut? Zindagi Bhar Nahin Bhoolegi…
The attached strings have been cut long ago; reason –
Tightened Tuners. I tightened the tuners initially, I didn't stop there. I
tightened the tuners more, the strings were pulled apart, the tension
increased, and finally a threshold was reached. The strings could no longer
hold on to the tuners, they decided to split. Now, they stand cut. No more
music can be made out of the Guitar. If I ever attempt to make music out of it,
they will only end up making ‘noise’ and not ‘music’.
I might fix the strings, I might fix the tuners, but what
about my bleeding fingers? The fingers that cut and bled when I played on the
over-tuned strings? Zindagi Bhar Nahin Bhoolegi...
Trust and Faith – clichéd words, so clichéd, that we even
know the context the very moment they are uttered. Once the trust is lost, no
amount of love and consolation will bring it back. It’s like the missing piece
of the cut in the heart, like the bleeding fingers. You will patch the heart,
you will set the strings right, but you will always doubt if the heart is still
working fine, you will check and test every now and then. You will still feel
that your guitar now feels ‘different’ with a new set of strings. You will then
realize, that, “It can never be the same.”
And… Zindagi Bhar Nahin Bhoolegi…
P.S : It has been exactly a year, since I went “Away” and penned that post. Exactly an year since the heartbreak. I apologized to the Darlings and ran away. To where? I saw half the country, went places, changed houses,
met new people, derived experiences, got some sunshine, and here I’m. Back.
Right from where it all started. I’m back to square one. Still feeling hurt
even after an year. All I need is one gentle push and truck loads of strength. But
now, I’m back home, I’m back to the Darlings.
