First post, First Confession

I stood there, in the middle of the playground. People around, just stood and watched it happen. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I was yelled at, a verbal abuse, in front of so many people. They said I had gone insane. They blamed me. They didn't like me. They pledged never to talk to me. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I collapsed. Right there.

It was the second year of Engineering. For most of them, the first year was spent making friends, getting to know people and the college, writing exams and more and more tests, working away in laboratories. But for me, I had an addition. I had always believed that falling in love was not my cup of tea. Yet, I ALMOST fell in love. With a classmate. I never knew I could love someone so deeply and truly. For four months, We liked each other for what we were. No, I would never EVER cheat on somebody or lie. I don't know how to do it. Those four months, were really wonderful. For, it led to a self-discovery and discovering someone else who liked me and loved for who I am. But little did I know that, it would end soon. 

Me and him had this group of friends in class. I always loved them. I always thought my life would be empty without them. I shared my feelings, my joys, sorrows, everything with them. I trusted them. Not once did I feel that they would back-stab me. 

.... "I don't believe you said all that about me", he retorted one day.

"Said what?", I asked.

"Everything that you have told about me to our classmates", he said.

"Why would I tell anything about you to them?", I asked.

"Its over. WE are over. You were right, love can never be your cup of tea", he said and walked away.

I tried talking to my friends, asked them what the matter was. They would never even look at my face, leave alone talking. I tried convincing the guy. He wouldn't agree to talk. A class-meeting was held. The ENTIRE class decided NOT to talk to me. EVER. I was left abandoned. And one day, I lost patience, frustration to find out the truth took over. I abused them.

They made me stand in the middle of the playground.. People around, just stood and watched it happen. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I was yelled at, a verbal abuse, in front of so many people. They said I had gone insane. They blamed me. They didn't like me. They pledged never to talk to me. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I collapsed.

...And two years after that, not even a single soul in class spoke to me. I was left all by myself. I used to sit alone, study alone, eat alone, go home alone. In fact, I had forgotten what hanging out with friends felt like. 

Did I deserve this punishment? For which fault of mine was I being punished? Why wouldn't anybody tell me what the matter was? All these questions ran in my head. Once I tried finding out what went wrong, a classmate told me that my BEST FRIEND was jealous of me and him being together. So she had intentionally told crap about me to him. He, had conveniently believed her. I thought trust and faith were very important in a relationship.

 I would literally weep each morning on my mother's lap before going to college. I was twenty, and I cried to go to college. I hadn't done anything to her. My best friend, she was. She back-stabbed me. So much that the whole class wouldn't look at me. The walk from the class door to the bench where I used to sit was very painful. I could sense all eyes staring at me in disgust.

I was taken to a doctor. The diagnosis - Severe nervous tension and depression. Anti-depressants were given. It wouldn't make me feel any better. My grades in semester exams stooped down. From the topper whose name always featured on the College Notice Board, I had come down to being nowhere in the top ten. Yet, life had to go on. The loneliness had completely taken over in an year. I had learnt to be alone. At the end of two years, I felt really uncomfortable if there were people around me. I didn't know how to socialize. Home and college were the only two places I knew in the city and Parents and Sister were the only people I had to come home for.

A semester later, I had picked up. My grades were coming back to me. I had decided not to screw up academics. Life was already screwed up. Acads were my only solace.

If you had asked me then, what I thought about having friends in life, I would have surely yelled at you stating that friends are nothing but back-stabbers.

All this, because I had always been true.

I had never expected that someone would walk into my life, all over again, to change all that I believed in. To change the way I saw life. We were friends (or acquaintance shall I call it?) in school. Primary school that was. Like Second Standard! He was in my school till Seventh Standard. Later, he just disappeared.
One fine evening, he walked into my life again, only to make me realize that life is wonderful. He was the best friend. I could share anything and everything with him so easily. We connected instantly. Soon, I realized I was falling for him. His stupidity, innocence, intelligence, friendliness, comfortability... Everything.

But somewhere in my mind, I feared. I shuddered at the very thought of being in a relationship. But my heart said, Life was giving me another chance, to pick myself up from where it had left me off. I was still thinking....
When..........
 my classmates got back to me again. A series of apologies followed. It all came to me out of the blue. Something that I had never expected. I didn't even know if I could forgive. So many friends got back to me at once. I was overwhelmed. They had realized they were wrong. They had realized that they had given in to the rumours that was spread about me by none other than the best friend. The ex-guy, also apologized. Happiness returned. New friends were made, the final year of college became really memorable.


I believe Gaaamp's entry into my life brought me loads of best things. I got back the perfect friends I ever wanted. I got a new life. I got confidence, in fact, he brought confidence into me. He still does. And without much of a thought, I had realized the lucky charm in my life. Gaaamp. Who brought me back to life. Who made me feel alive. Who fell in love with me. Who made me fall in love with him. Who made ME, a new ME.

It's been ten months, since I'm in a relationship with my lucky charm. My Angel. :)
Sometimes life gives us difficulties. But it does send a solace. And when stuck in difficulties, life also sends an Angel, in some form, to get you out of there. Look out for it, For me, it did! :)

P.S : Phew! I can't believe I wrote such a long, first post on DOV :D Anyway, now that I'm here, you all will be entitled for more of such 'pakau-fying' posts :P


P.P.S : Till date, I do not know what was the exact rumor that went around about me two years back. My friends never tell that to me. But going by the hints that I have got so far, it is involved with talks about my Character! Can people really get this bitchy or am I just realizing that the world out there is Cruel?
Either way, it helped me emerge stronger and better. And luckier ;)