November 17, 2011

First post, First Confession

Posted by Divya at 2:06 PM
I stood there, in the middle of the playground. People around, just stood and watched it happen. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I was yelled at, a verbal abuse, in front of so many people. They said I had gone insane. They blamed me. They didn't like me. They pledged never to talk to me. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I collapsed. Right there.

It was the second year of Engineering. For most of them, the first year was spent making friends, getting to know people and the college, writing exams and more and more tests, working away in laboratories. But for me, I had an addition. I had always believed that falling in love was not my cup of tea. Yet, I ALMOST fell in love. With a classmate. I never knew I could love someone so deeply and truly. For four months, We liked each other for what we were. No, I would never EVER cheat on somebody or lie. I don't know how to do it. Those four months, were really wonderful. For, it led to a self-discovery and discovering someone else who liked me and loved for who I am. But little did I know that, it would end soon. 

Me and him had this group of friends in class. I always loved them. I always thought my life would be empty without them. I shared my feelings, my joys, sorrows, everything with them. I trusted them. Not once did I feel that they would back-stab me. 

.... "I don't believe you said all that about me", he retorted one day.
"Said what?", I asked.
"Everything that you have told about me to our classmates", he said.
"Why would I tell anything about you to them?", I asked.
"Its over. WE are over. You were right, love can never be your cup of tea", he said and walked away.

I tried talking to my friends, asked them what the matter was. They would never even look at my face, leave alone talking. I tried convincing the guy. He wouldn't agree to talk. A class-meeting was held. The ENTIRE class decided NOT to talk to me. EVER. I was left abandoned. And one day, I lost patience, frustration to find out the truth took over. I abused them.

They made me stand in the middle of the playground.. People around, just stood and watched it happen. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I was yelled at, a verbal abuse, in front of so many people. They said I had gone insane. They blamed me. They didn't like me. They pledged never to talk to me. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I collapsed.

...And two years after that, not even a single soul in class spoke to me. I was left all by myself. I used to sit alone, study alone, eat alone, go home alone. In fact, I had forgotten what hanging out with friends felt like. 
Did I deserve this punishment? For which fault of mine was I being punished? Why wouldn't anybody tell me what the matter was? All these questions ran in my head. Once I tried finding out what went wrong, a classmate told me that my BEST FRIEND was jealous of me and him being together. So she had intentionally told crap about me to him. He, had conveniently believed her. I thought trust and faith were very important in a relationship.

 I would literally weep each morning on my mother's lap before going to college. I was twenty, and I cried to go to college. I hadn't done anything to her. My best friend, she was. She back-stabbed me. So much that the whole class wouldn't look at me. The walk from the class door to the bench where I used to sit was very painful. I could sense all eyes staring at me in disgust.

I was taken to a doctor. The diagnosis - Severe nervous tension and depression. Anti-depressants were given. It wouldn't make me feel any better. My grades in semester exams stooped down. From the topper whose name always featured on the College Notice Board, I had come down to being nowhere in the top ten. Yet, life had to go on. The loneliness had completely taken over in an year. I had learnt to be alone. At the end of two years, I felt really uncomfortable if there were people around me. I didn't know how to socialize. Home and college were the only two places I knew in the city and Parents and Sister were the only people I had to come home for.

A semester later, I had picked up. My grades were coming back to me. I had decided not to screw up academics. Life was already screwed up. Acads were my only solace.
If you had asked me then, what I thought about having friends in life, I would have surely yelled at you stating that friends are nothing but back-stabbers.
All this, because I had always been true.

I had never expected that someone would walk into my life, all over again, to change all that I believed in. To change the way I saw life. We were friends (or acquaintance shall I call it?) in school. Primary school that was. Like Second Standard! He was in my school till Seventh Standard. Later, he just disappeared.
One fine evening, he walked into my life again, only to make me realize that life is wonderful. He was the best friend. I could share anything and everything with him so easily. We connected instantly. Soon, I realized I was falling for him. His stupidity, innocence, intelligence, friendliness, comfortability... Everything.

But somewhere in my mind, I feared. I shuddered at the very thought of being in a relationship. But my heart said, Life was giving me another chance, to pick myself up from where it had left me off. I was still thinking....
When..........
 my classmates got back to me again. A series of apologies followed. It all came to me out of the blue. Something that I had never expected. I didn't even know if I could forgive. So many friends got back to me at once. I was overwhelmed. They had realized they were wrong. They had realized that they had given in to the rumours that was spread about me by none other than the best friend. The ex-guy, also apologized. Happiness returned. New friends were made, the final year of college became really memorable.


I believe Gaaamp's entry into my life brought me loads of best things. I got back the perfect friends I ever wanted. I got a new life. I got confidence, in fact, he brought confidence into me. He still does. And without much of a thought, I had realized the lucky charm in my life. Gaaamp. Who brought me back to life. Who made me feel alive. Who fell in love with me. Who made me fall in love with him. Who made ME, a new ME.

It's been ten months, since I'm in a relationship with my lucky charm. My Angel. :)
Sometimes life gives us difficulties. But it does send a solace. And when stuck in difficulties, life also sends an Angel, in some form, to get you out of there. Look out for it, For me, it did! :)

P.S : Phew! I can't believe I wrote such a long, first post on DOV :D Anyway, now that I'm here, you all will be entitled for more of such 'pakau-fying' posts :P


P.P.S : Till date, I do not know what was the exact rumor that went around about me two years back. My friends never tell that to me. But going by the hints that I have got so far, it is involved with talks about my Character! Can people really get this bitchy or am I just realizing that the world out there is Cruel?
Either way, it helped me emerge stronger and better. And luckier ;)

18 comments:

Mystical Skeptical Me on November 17, 2011 at 5:31 PM said...

Heya Divya! Welcome here, sweetheart!
Okay, this post was so touching that I left reading mid way, because I started crying. Some memories, some memories... to write all of this down...the pain, you suffered alone...and then you WON! I was so happy to read those lines!! I read again...fully...And the lucky charm guy... Blessed Be Both of you! :D :D

Hats off to you! :) :)

Spaceman Spiff on November 17, 2011 at 6:14 PM said...

People CAN get bitchy, sweety. ANd especially towards people they know won't retaliate. I used to be one of those who believed that every human being is esentially good. Until my ex went around town bitching about me royally. Well, I still do believe in the inherent goodness of a person, but I am a bit more wary now. :)

And god bless you and your gaamp. :)

Viya on November 17, 2011 at 8:12 PM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Viya on November 17, 2011 at 8:12 PM said...

I can sooo understand what you've been through man.. :| and man! these rumors can literally turn someone's life upside down.. :(
I'm so proud of you for not giving up on your career and emerging up like a phoenix babe! :) *huuug*

annnd Welcome to DOV!!! :D :D

meoww on November 17, 2011 at 9:39 PM said...

helyoo helyooo and helyooooo..!!!!
there...a beeegggg welcome to you in full Meoww Style..;););)

hmmm..people can be so foolish and stupid and prejudiced and pathetically judgemental at times..

i know only a person going through all that will be able to understand the pain..
i have been privy to judging eyes of people a lot many times..

so i feel you are one helluva brave chick o have come out of the pain with dignity..:):)

soo suuper happy for You and your Gaaamp..:):)

A waaarm huug to the Newest Darling in the Family..:):)

looking forward to many more posts from yeh..!!

Cheers !!

Paanipuri Lover on November 17, 2011 at 11:32 PM said...

Yowza! Welcome girlie! Firstly, it was one helluva post! :D
And you come across as a brave girl! Its tough to face people, like all of them, all at a time! I'm happy that your sad times are over! And Gaamp?! Cute nickname, I must tell you! And he must be one lucky guy na, for you?! ;)
Anyway! Its awesome to see you here! Expecting more dhamakas to come, in your further posts!

A big bear hug! :D :D <3

aakash on November 18, 2011 at 12:04 AM said...

I just feel amazed at times, the way you guys are able to share a piece of life, with everyone, raw..
Anyways, Life does give us hard times, just to make us appreciate the good times we have.. glad to see the happy ending part.. good luck on tht!

aJ

Keirthana on November 18, 2011 at 12:41 AM said...

A very biiiiiiiiiiiiiig welcome to you here! And I appreciate you for coming up with such a confession on your first post here. It takes some guts to pen down or rather relive those memories which once caused us so much pain.

On a similar note, I have been through a similar incident. Someone misunderstood me and stopped talking to me and because of that news spread and suddenly all of my best friends were gone and I was all alone. What I went through and what happened would make up another post like yours, but I never got the guts to pen it down or rather I should say, I never got over that pain to pen it down. After reading your post, I feel better. A lot! Maybe I will pen down my experience someday. Thanks girl! You made me feel elated with your first post.

Sorry for having written an essay, but I had to say! :P

The Updater on November 18, 2011 at 1:09 AM said...

First of all, a biiiiiig THANK YOU and a HUG to all the darlings out here for such a WARM WELCOME. Feels like I've entered a whole new family here :) I'm so glad to be a part of it :) *dances around the blog in a child-like glee* :D :P

@MSM : Aww! Bringing tears was totally unintentional :) Nevertheless, thanks so much :)

@Spaceman Spiff : Ex bitching about you? You must have been shattered. Thats when the views change, but I'm sure you'll get back to your old beliefs soon :) I hope...
And thank you so much :)

@Viya : Thanks babe :) It really was the hardest phase of my life. TWO YEARS! :) Thanks for the wonderful welcome :) *hugs*

@Meoww : Meoww, meoww, meoww (That was a thank you, thank you, thank you, in the moeww style :P ) I know, sometimes people get sooo judgemental, and I really hate it. Anyway, *hugs* and the 'newest darling', it made me feel like a new born baby :P LOL :D
Cheers! :)

@Paanipuri Lover : It is a cute name, isn't it? Gaaamp in my mother tongue, means an IDIOT :D
And he really is lucky for me :) Thank you sooo much.
*double big bear hug* :D

@aakash : Soo true :) It showed me that life has various colors and acceptance is all that we need to keep it going on :) Thanks so much :)

@Keirthana : Frankly, I had to stop typing this post many times in between to wipe away my tears :( It still causes so much pain when I think about it. Nevertheless, you had actually been through something like this? No, I'm not waiting to hear about it, because I know how much pain it takes for anybody to even think about it. Let alone, writing it as a post. I hope you do get the strength to write it up someday here :) I'm glad this post made you feel better. Like I said, life has a lot of colors. Take the right ones and brighten up your painting of life. And for the dull colors, let them be. They help you discriminate and appreciate the bright colors :)
And oh, dont be sorry for the essay :P An essay, for an essay ;)

Red Handed on November 18, 2011 at 12:10 PM said...

Well shit happens...actually a lot! I have been backstabbed sooo much and now I just stopped believing in friendship with college mates :P. School friends are still with me. Hi Bye with college ones. Smile to all but never allow them close.
And u deserved Gaaamp anyway. Ur ex did not have the faith and trust that is required. He was supposed to stand for u.

U r a gem!

The Updater on November 18, 2011 at 1:21 PM said...

@Red handed : Aw :( sad that you stopped believing. But somewhere, life does that to us :(
Thank you :)

The life-a-holic on November 18, 2011 at 6:56 PM said...

Loved the post!! Loved it a lot!! And people can get very bitchy!! There have been people who have called me a slut for no good reason!! And in fact I can't believe I am actually saying that aloud out here!! But I guess life just has to move on!! It just has to!! And I am glad you received an Angel to help you get pass all the tough times!!
Swallowed a lot of confidence from your post!! Seriously Thank you!!

Smita on November 18, 2011 at 10:48 PM said...

I so love happy endings :)
Don't worry about the unkown rumors, let the fools enjoy !! ;) :P
God bless ya both <3 and welcome to DOV darling :)

Sunitha on November 19, 2011 at 2:44 AM said...

I have no idea,why people sprea rumours about other people. I think may be they do it because they are jealous. But there are a whole lot of inherently good people who get influenced by these rumours and that is what hurts you most. I have seen the same kind of runours about many beautiful or talented girls which are just far from truth.Good 4 you have everything cleared up in the end. Have a great life ahead.. :)

Rahul Bhatia on November 20, 2011 at 11:02 AM said...

A touching post!

The Updater on November 20, 2011 at 9:51 PM said...

@Life-a-holic : I'm glad that you got some confidence out of it :) Happy that the post was not only a confession, but productive too :) Thank you soooo much :) *hugs*

@Smita : Thanks Smita. TOtally loved this place. Thanks for the warm welcome :)

@sunitha : I think its jealousy. They are jealous because they can't be like us :) Thanks so much :)

@Rahul Bhatia : Thank you :)

maithili on November 21, 2011 at 9:44 AM said...

A very warm welcome to you Divya on Darlings of Venus.. I m sorry to comment so late.. I read your post a few days back but was a lazy bum that time :P :P

IT is really something very unfortunate to happen to you.. I shudder to think of a life of isolation in college and you lived it for 2 years!!!! It could have broken anyone.. But alls well that ends well right?
You are too lucky to have your guy as your lucky charm.. You deserve Gaaamp :D :D

God bless you both and may you be happy always..

Of Prisms and Lives on November 30, 2011 at 12:41 AM said...

I like to come back to your blog everyday . Keep writing and keep fighting the good fight .

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