YES I AM STALKING YOU !

So yes, I stalk. I have declared it as my favorite Hobby and I am not ashamed to tell anyone about it. Like sex is the baser urge of men, stalking has become my basic urge. Yes it has! My stalking does not follow a pattern. I stalk different categories of people and this kind of uplifts my inner peace and sometimes tickles the devil in me.

So whom should I blame for my brand new addiction? Facebook and Twitter have a tie here. Facebook for its Photo Albums and Twitter for it’s per minute updates.

Here are the people I stalk and why

1)      The Fat Chicks from my school who have now with the help of VLCC successfully become living Barbie Dolls- Yes!!! It’s been five fucking years since the School drama got over, but I cannot stop myself from clicking the albums of these recently turned petite creatures open and curse myself as I move on from one image to another. 

2)      The Thin Chicks from my school who have now become Fat pigs- “ I Love You God!” is the sentence that leaves my cake hole every time I go through their albums. How awesomely my inner beast dances to their misery. Call me a bitch and I shall take a bow.

3)      The Fighting Boyfriend- He tops the list of the people I stalk. I am the owner of two twitter accounts. One the real me and one for this blog which maybe 2% of you follow! *Hear Curse Words*. My guy loves tweeting more than he loves me and I have come to friendly terms with that brutal fact. The fun part is after every fight he tweets about this random inexistent person (I know he is referring to me) and how he hates that someone. He updates as to how the bitch needs to be taught a lesson or tweets like ‘A lesson learnt and a bitch forgotten’. All I do is sit back and enjoy the limelight. The boy has no clue that indirectly he is letting me know that he is still thinking about me and loves me.

4)      My Lesbian School mate- I had one such schoolmate whom I had to stick with for some months after I fought with my bestfriend. I thank her for telling me that she likes me and that she wants to get inside the toilet with me, otherwise I would never have run the race of my life and patched up with my straight best friend again. It’s been 8 yrs since that incident but I still love going through her facebook albums where she is holding her girlfriends tight and close to her. I wonder what their faces would look like when she proposes them. Maybe they move both ways. 

5)      The Salman Khans and Katrina Kaifs- Ah yes! They give me my daily doze of pure innocent laughter. My facebook account is friends with such wonderful people I tell you! Men with the body structure of ‘A cloth on hanger walking down the street’ and their status going something like “On my way to gym. Today its Cardio”. Then there are some chicks with lips as thick as an earthworm, pouting seductively in their display pictures. I thank them for having such an outrageous level of self esteem.

Is there some kind of a rehab for fighting this addiction?

P.S- I am taking a break from making lists. Thank your heavenly stars!

P.P.S- This coincidentally happens to be the 14th post of SEPTEMBER and my birthday is on Sept 14th :P