September 10, 2011

YES I AM STALKING YOU !

Posted by Red Handed at 7:32 PM


So yes, I stalk. I have declared it as my favorite Hobby and I am not ashamed to tell anyone about it. Like sex is the baser urge of men, stalking has become my basic urge. Yes it has! My stalking does not follow a pattern. I stalk different categories of people and this kind of uplifts my inner peace and sometimes tickles the devil in me.

So whom should I blame for my brand new addiction? Facebook and Twitter have a tie here. Facebook for its Photo Albums and Twitter for it’s per minute updates.

Here are the people I stalk and why

1)      The Fat Chicks from my school who have now with the help of VLCC successfully become living Barbie Dolls- Yes!!! It’s been five fucking years since the School drama got over, but I cannot stop myself from clicking the albums of these recently turned petite creatures open and curse myself as I move on from one image to another. 

2)      The Thin Chicks from my school who have now become Fat pigs- “ I Love You God!” is the sentence that leaves my cake hole every time I go through their albums. How awesomely my inner beast dances to their misery. Call me a bitch and I shall take a bow.

3)      The Fighting Boyfriend- He tops the list of the people I stalk. I am the owner of two twitter accounts. One the real me and one for this blog which maybe 2% of you follow! *Hear Curse Words*. My guy loves tweeting more than he loves me and I have come to friendly terms with that brutal fact. The fun part is after every fight he tweets about this random inexistent person (I know he is referring to me) and how he hates that someone. He updates as to how the bitch needs to be taught a lesson or tweets like ‘A lesson learnt and a bitch forgotten’. All I do is sit back and enjoy the limelight. The boy has no clue that indirectly he is letting me know that he is still thinking about me and loves me.

4)      My Lesbian School mate- I had one such schoolmate whom I had to stick with for some months after I fought with my bestfriend. I thank her for telling me that she likes me and that she wants to get inside the toilet with me, otherwise I would never have run the race of my life and patched up with my straight best friend again. It’s been 8 yrs since that incident but I still love going through her facebook albums where she is holding her girlfriends tight and close to her. I wonder what their faces would look like when she proposes them. Maybe they move both ways. 

5)      The Salman Khans and Katrina Kaifs- Ah yes! They give me my daily doze of pure innocent laughter. My facebook account is friends with such wonderful people I tell you! Men with the body structure of ‘A cloth on hanger walking down the street’ and their status going something like “On my way to gym. Today its Cardio”. Then there are some chicks with lips as thick as an earthworm, pouting seductively in their display pictures. I thank them for having such an outrageous level of self esteem.

Is there some kind of a rehab for fighting this addiction?


P.S- I am taking a break from making lists. Thank your heavenly stars!
P.P.S- This coincidentally happens to be the 14th post of SEPTEMBER and my birthday is on Sept 14th :P

21 comments:

Mystical Skeptical Me on September 10, 2011 at 7:46 PM said...

Yayyyyy Red!!! I am "stalking" you :P No No, I am straight, won't ask you to come to bathroom with me ;) xD Nice Post, especially the fighting boyfriend one. :D You are a smarty pant, ain't you? :P :D

Red Handed on September 10, 2011 at 7:49 PM said...

eee..I am stalking you too missy..especially your brilliant blog :P Love to you!Straight kind love tht is :P

Priyanka on September 10, 2011 at 8:18 PM said...

A lot of stalking leao in the air, I see:P

Ah, the satisfaction of seeing the pretty ones turn into hags and the pain of watching ugly duckling grow into swans while you know you don't fit in either category:D

Lesbian BFF?! Wow xP

And yes, when the bf puts up pointed updates, that's ultimate revenge ;)

Good one Red, as usual..

Red Handed on September 10, 2011 at 8:29 PM said...

@Priyanka- I dont think i have changed abit since my school days..not a kg put on nor lost :(

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue on September 10, 2011 at 10:47 PM said...

I am too lazy to stalk :P
Except for blogs... That's the only thing that i very religiously stalk!

"she wants to get inside the toilet with me" ROLF!!!!! Did she really say that???? I fell off the bed laughing! Poor you!

Red Handed on September 10, 2011 at 11:17 PM said...

@TheGirlAtFirstAvenue- Yes she did :( i still shudder at the thought!

Viya ;) on September 10, 2011 at 11:36 PM said...

OMG!!!
Lesbian BFF??!! wth!!!
haha.. the fat girls becoming barbie dolls! damn.. i have few friends like that tooo.. :P :P
People are soooo interested in each others life.. damn! :P

Red Handed on September 11, 2011 at 5:14 AM said...

@Viya- Yes a lesfbian friend..happily dint become a bff :P. This is not interest..this is a timepass resulting out of sheer boredom.I need a life! :P

Santosh Kumar on September 11, 2011 at 11:57 AM said...

Good move taken you. Birthday wishes for your upcoming Birthday.

Freelancer on September 11, 2011 at 8:42 PM said...

ohkay girl, i need to find your guy in twitter.

For a moment i was like, are u talking of me?? I am straight though, but it looks like it will be fun when i and him bitch about our respective girls together. Occasionally, in case my girl is reading this.

Red Handed on September 11, 2011 at 10:24 PM said...

@Santosh Kumar- Thankyou.
@Freelancer- Hahaha he already read this post before i published it :P.Now whatttt :D.Thankyou so much for reading.

Vinati on September 12, 2011 at 6:58 PM said...

Haha... I swear, stalking on networking sites is definitely the best time pass.. :D

Red Handed on September 12, 2011 at 8:05 PM said...

@Vinati- I swear too man! Hi5!!!

Mystical Skeptical Me on September 13, 2011 at 1:18 AM said...

@Red: Ahahaha! Straight Love! :D <3

Red Handed on September 13, 2011 at 5:57 PM said...

@MSM- heh !

FashionPhD on September 13, 2011 at 9:24 PM said...

hahah so true abt the fat-skinny/skinny-fat!

Red Handed on September 13, 2011 at 10:38 PM said...

@Fashion PhD- hey thanks girl!

Aasiyah on September 14, 2011 at 9:10 AM said...

Salman Khans and Katrina Kaifs!!!! EPIC XD

i wonder why women have to pout their lips like some wasp bit it. so ugly. XD

and those who take photos in bathroom mirrors. *stopping myself from giggling*

Sovina on September 14, 2011 at 11:21 AM said...

wow! awesome article...such fun!

http://weddingonthecards.blogspot.com/

suruchi on September 14, 2011 at 7:57 PM said...

haha...ain't we all stalkers!
and yes, we won't call you the bitch cause we have yet to find a soul who does not do so!

those thin gals are actually a spoil sport and the fat ones are such a comfort to hang around with...offo, matlab is liye people hang around me...boo hoo!

super fun post Red and wish u a very happy birthday and all the happiness:-)

Red Handed on September 14, 2011 at 8:00 PM said...

@Aasiyah-Bathroom mirror pictures...Gahahahaahah!So effing hilarious@
@Sovina- Thankyou so much!
@Suruchi- Ooooh no wonder people looove standing beside me everytime someone is clicking a photo :( I am so shattered :P
thanks love!

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