Confessions of a Daughter

Dear Dad,

I have probably never said this directly to you, but I love you. I have always found our relationship in a bit of swirl and always going through ups and downs. I have heard that father-daughter relationships can be as complicated as it can get. I also saw the movie “Abiyum Naanum” and got to know what you undergo watching your daughter grow and let her out of your hands into the world. In my younger days, I did not understand you even that much as I do now. I just used to think that you are being way too strict and short-tempered and stubborn. As I grew, I convinced myself that I cannot reach you as certain people reach their fathers. So easily. As a close friend. I thought that you can never understand what I think.

All the while, my inner voice kept chiding me that I am misjudging you. It took me a while to realize I was blinded by my childish nature that I failed to see that you were just taking care of me with each restriction and that you just wanted me to reach new heights by each scolding. Though, I did not get as close to you as I am to Mom, I knew that you missed me when I was away in spite of the fact that we both fought most times when I am at home for holidays. I would not say you are 100% flawless. For that matter, no one is 100% perfect. But, you were all one could ask for, for a dad, even much more. You were unique in your own way of nurturing me and anna.

This distance from the start somehow made me not being able to convey personal stuff to you as much as I tell mom. We both are that way till now- feeling awkward when it comes to discuss certain personal stuff. But now I know. It is like that for you because you want me to get the best and at the same time want me to be safe. It is like that for me just because of habit. I will work on it. 

I know the struggle you are undergoing inside- a struggle between letting your daughter have what she desires and not letting her get hurt. I have learnt to exercise tolerance when you say the same thing over and over again. Because, now I know. I know that you want me to do well. I have learnt to find a way around things when your ideas seem a wee bit orthodox for me. Because, now I know. I know that you have been living in that kind of mindset for so long that you do not know that there is another way of seeing things. The way I do. Nevertheless, you always have given me my freedom and space to open up my wings and fly high and wide. You know I have to fly high and I will too. But however high I go, I will always be coming back to you and amma. For, without you two I am nothing.

Your loving daughter,

Keirthu

Until later,

Keirthana :)