October 12, 2011

All that revolves around the V!

Posted by maithili at 7:08 PM
Prescript: All the ideas and thoughts mentioned here are strictly my individual opinions. I apologize before hand if any sentiments here are hurt for it is unintentional. All images used are from google. 

        The V in question here is the much talked and hyped about - Virginity. Of the many events that are truly life defining for a women, losing virginity is one of the most tabooed and discussed one. Before I venture into the topic of discussion let me just say it aloud for the underage readers of this blog yes there are many and simply putting the topic out of reach for them is useless that sex with an individual below 18 is legally called rape even if the concerned minor has consented to the coitus. 
        At the heart of it, virginity is a matter of choice. What drives this choice? No it has nothing to do with moral or sanskaars of a bhartiya naari. The libido and the desire to be loved is same in both genders. But the restraints of exploring this sensuality rests only on the fairer gender. Don't tell me that morals or upbringing makes the woman choose virginity because that is not the same when it comes to some fondling and petting that is the other forms of expressing love physically. It could be a choice of self control when the girl is still not sure about her relation. 
        Here I would say, if you don't feel comfortable with the idea of losing your V but love your partner a lot then DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT fall into the trap of , "Don't you love me?" or "Don't you trust me?" asked by him and jump on to the bed to prove that you do! 
        Then there is another story, when both partners decide to stay away till marriage (ironically the marriage only a few months away) and show this amazing sanskaar of theirs.
 Lack of opportunity?? Now no kidding here, in times when virginity is put on auction and can fetch you whatever sum of amount you want, lack of opportunity still can happen to a woman! However liberal a woman may be, she wants her first time to be memorable and with someone who loves her. No love, no chance! 
Women take the term "making love" seriously. I don't think inspite of all the freedom talks, women really want to lose it just for the sake of  "experience". There may be a few but they are hardly any numbers to go by except in Chetan Bhagat books. Women may be open to physical intimacies before marriage but remember that we are in India.
   India,  country where still in certain parts, marriage between a man and woman is consummated on white sheets and that sheet shown to the entire community the next day embarassing and shaming the bride. If that membrane of hers betrays her then she is an outcaste from the household and community. 
   A country where a male child is proudly named Arjun after the great warrior never mind how many marriages he and his brothers cumulatively had but no one dare name their daughter Draupadi! 
  Here a man is known for his merits and a woman judged by the presence or absence of a membrane called hymen. 
  By now it is quite clear what makes the choice for the women, yes -- fear of the outcome. 

By outcome I do not mean just  that bundle of joy who would be disowned in a garbage bin or better aborted!
Its 21st century and we are all well aware and educated never mind those blushing aunties who came to teach us life science and ended up with some bee business about the precautions and protections to be taken. 
If not precaution we know the miraculous pills that can correct our errors.

The fear here is of losing the respect.. Yes I m just echoing out aloud what most of us think..

Fear of losing the interest of the guy for whom the chase is over. Fear of those scandals and those cameras which could pay anything to get a peek at our most personal moments.  Fear of the guy.. What if he turns out the wrong one and you want to move on? What if he wags his tongue against the girl who leaves him? What if it was just a game for him? 

If the guy is perfect, then fear of doubt.. What if he thinks , if she could do with me she's really easy.. she could do it with anyone.. Yes this is real! very real! Still need proof?? Go watch Dev D! 

I once again stress that it is FEAR and by that I do not mean that all guys think the same about women who trust them enough to take this step. 

Then there is always the looming fear of getting caught and the shame that will fall upon the girl never mind the guy, he was getting some experience while the girl was the slut.

Sometimes a physical relation does add complexities.. I heard this somewhere from someone I know " Getting sexually active, is like giving the tiger its first taste of human flesh, it wont stop". The fear of that quotient changing is always there. 

But above everything else, a girl wants her first time to be secure and memorable.. Isn't it kind of funny how if a girl has had that experience before marriage society treats it so different than the much filmy suhaagraat! 
Like many things that we sacrifice all our life, so is this choice .. the fear of breaking the constraints.. 

It is hypocritic how majority women scorn upon sex with a stranger and yet majority of the women believe in arranged marriages! 

At the end of my post, I would still say that, "Your body, your choice." No one has the right to judge you for your boldness to accept the needs of your body. Neither does anyone has the right to laugh on you for your CHOICE of not getting into bed for the heck of it ! 

P.S : I m actually surprised why the outspoken and expressive girls have not yet come with a post for the discussion. I thought I would be the last due to all the exam thing and schedule! Once again I would say the option of posting anonymously is open darlings.. Only me and 2 admins would know who wrote and we would not disclose it here. I sense that there is hesitation to write on this topic. Please feel free to choose the anonymity! No judging on that! 


Keirthana on October 12, 2011 at 8:00 PM said...

Nice One Maithili :)

I agree strongly with most of your ideas, meaning you said word by word on many of my thoughts.

I will give more of my thoughts in my discussion post rather than commenting here:)

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue on October 12, 2011 at 9:34 PM said...

Hmmm... I can see that my post is going to sound a bit repetitive after this! I've mentioned many similar points... But one thing I definitely agree is that in most cases it is the 'fear of outcome' that makes people make 'the choice'!

And seriously in WHAT part of the country do they do that??? That's disgusting!!!

Center Shocker on October 12, 2011 at 9:57 PM said...

nice one.. lots to agree wit!


L.Guruprasad on October 12, 2011 at 11:35 PM said...

"except in Chetan Bhagat books" ouch! ;)

Vinati on October 13, 2011 at 12:34 AM said...

A very interesting post, Maithili. While reading, I nodded my head with almost all the points.

Pria on October 13, 2011 at 3:38 AM said...

Thats really embarassing and stupidity!! I agree with your 'fear of outcome'. Where the hell trust hides sometimes?
I just feel to say - 'Self-respect!'

meoww on October 13, 2011 at 7:46 AM said...

nice one girl..:) well yeah..though i will come up with my thoughts sooner..lot of points gonna similar i guess..! Hehe..hmm..ya even m aware of that disgusting so called 'tradition' followed even today in so many parts of the country..i feel how much ever we stress on education and all that jazz..the orthodox minds are as stubborn as a dog's tail..how much ever u try..it will always remain crooked..
Liked your post..
Cheers :)

maithili on October 13, 2011 at 9:39 AM said...

@Keirthana : Thank you :)

@Chandana: This custom is prevalent in many places. I read about it in newspaper once when one of the girl was disowned by her in-laws and it was later realised that her husband had failed to penetrate her! Imagine being given such a life for someone else's mistake!

maithili on October 13, 2011 at 9:39 AM said...

@Center Shocker : Thanks :)

@L. Guruprasad : hehe that is true.. His female characters tend to have no fear in experimenting!

@Vinati : Thanks dear.

maithili on October 13, 2011 at 9:40 AM said...

@Pria : Sadly respect is one thing that the fairer gender is denied for being bold! Everything comes at a cost. Here I m not talking just about a few urban populace, but the entire female population at large!

@meoww : Thanks meoww.. THere is still lot that I would have written but I have concentrated only on the fear of outcome. Maybe you could explore more on the other two!

L.Guruprasad on October 13, 2011 at 11:33 AM said...

@Maithili: :-) Pre-marital sex is something that is always there in his books. Though boldness and the choice to experiment is welcome, it is fiction and expected to be far from reality. I hope it doesn't inspire people on that pretext. :-)

maithili on October 13, 2011 at 11:49 AM said...

@L. Guruprasad: Exactly my point in the post! :)

Paanipuri Lover on October 14, 2011 at 7:25 PM said...

Ok, Maithili, I promise to come up with my post ASAP. And about your post, its really informative. I never knew this disgusting ritual of showing blood-stained sheets, really! I was shocked! That's just cheap. What hypocrisy man? *shaking head*
But girl, you touched my nerve. It was so wonderful and bold of you to initiate this topic. Love it. :D

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