An Honest Confession

Can falling Out Of Love for Someone be justified...?

She got up that morning with a smile on her face and joy in heart.It was her birthday.
She was 22 years old.She had just gotten placed and had a good relationship with her guy since college.
Yes there were many rocky patches..many breaks in between..but then she had learnt to adjust with time and she was only thankful to God that He had bestowed her with so much happiness.
She got up with a song on her lips..her parents wished her and the barrage of phone calls and messages from her friends and relatives never seemed to stop..!!
She felt things could never have been better..yes she had a lot of insecurities with her love life..but then she thought..who doesn't..she had learnt to adjust with time..hadn't she..?
She brushed those thoughts aside and decided to get ready.

She was giving a treat to all her friends..hers was a BIG group of 14 people..and she knew it was going to be a huge bash..and her last few moments with all her friends and her guy for a long time to come.
She was leaving for Bangalore in 2 days for her training.
She realized with a pang in her heart..how much she was going to miss all her friends and her guy..because by the time she would return from her month long training..they would have gone abroad..for their future studies.
But then right now wasn't the time to have any unhappy thoughts..it was her day and she wanted to live it to the fullest..and she did..!
She met all of her friends..had a blast..and got lots of gifts.. :)
Yes she wept a lil when she was alone with her guy..she was going to miss him..he was going to the U.S.
But then he consoled her..not to worry..it was going to be fine.

So with a heavy heart she left for her new job..away from home..from her friends..from her guy.
She had never lived in a hostel before..so she was kinda skeptical.
But then she decided she will be brave and get through all of this with a smile.
She had a tough time coping initially..she fell ill..she missed her guy..
She used to talk to him a lot of times.
Maybe she was afraid..that the distance between them would cause problems in her relationship.
Maybe she was insecure that all the previous issues would come back to haunt her.
Maybe she just wanted to stay in a quaint bubble she had built around her.
So she clung on..like a drowning man to a straw..

Slowly and gradually she started liking the new place she was in.She met a lot of people..she made new friends..but she kept in touch with her old buddies.she considered them very dear to her.
Now she didn't feel lonely at all..She looked forward to every new dawn in the new environs..
and then..something happened..

She met him...

He was a part of her newly formed project group.
He had a lovely smile.When he laughed there was a twinkle in his eyes which made you laugh with him.
They became acquaintances..but hardly spoke much.
Even she didn't bother much initially..she had kept herself occupied with thoughts of her guy..she shut down all the negative instances she had had earlier..
She had learnt to adjust with time, remember..?

Before she could realize she started talking to the new guy.There was never a dull moment with him.They spoke about so many things..friends,college,memories,science,politics,movies,life..everything..!
She told him about all the funny incidents she had in her college life.
He told him how much he missed his college days..his friends..playing basketball.
And one thing she noticed in his eyes when he spoke was the passion for everything he told her about.
No words could describe the joy in his voice when he spoke about his 2 best friends,
the sorrow he felt in leaving them behind, the love and care he felt for his kid sister.
She felt she had found an amazing friend in the melee.

She found herself opening to him..slowly.
She shared certain very painful moments of her past which no one knew about.
He had managed to understand her so well..better than herself.
She could relate to quite a lot of things he shared with her.

She kept convincing herself its just pure friendship.She could never think of betraying her guy.
She knew he loved her a lot.

But one day she did something she had never done earlier.
She avoided a call from her guy..cos she was in the middle of taking a long walk with "her friend"
That night she couldn't sleep.
She felt guilty.She re assured herself it was just a tiny incident and pushed it into the darkness of her mind and forced her eyes shut.

That was the first of many more to come...
She decided to tell her friend about her guy.She did.She could see he felt sad.
He told her of his past too.
That night she couldn't sleep.For the first time she felt drawn to him.
She new it was wrong.She decided she would have nothing to do with "her friend" and keep him out of her life.
She tried..a lot...but she found herself searching for those deep eyes in the crowd and wasn't surprised to find them looking at her.

One fine day she blurted out her feelings for him..he reciprocated.
He loved her too..
But he knew she was someone else's girl.
So he decided he would not take her away from her guy.
They agreed to remain "just friends"
---------------------X----------------------

With a heavy heart she returned home.
Her guy and her friends had long gone abroad.
She got on with her new job hoping working like mad would take her mind off "her friend".
But she knew in the deep abyss of her heart it was foolish to think so.
The damage had long been done.There would now be no looking back.
Every single day she fought with herself telling it was just a passing phase.
A small infatuation, a healthy crush..
It would all fade away.
She loved her guy..and she had learnt to adjust..remember..?

But she never found the courage to tell all of it to her guy..why..?
Maybe she was afraid..that she would lose his trust.
Maybe she wanted to keep it hidden inside of her.
Maybe she wasn't brave enough to admit all of it to herself..

"She had fallen in love...Again..With another guy"

She had never felt this way before.
She had only read that love was a sacred emotion.But she was experiencing it now.
The few weeks she had spent with her "friend" had made her go through emotions she had never experienced before.
He had made her more connected with herself.
He had gotten through her walls and managed to strike a chord deep within her heart.
His patience, understanding, maturity made her hold him in some kind of awe.

She couldn't name the emotions she had for him.
It had felt divine when she spoke to him.
It felt as if a light shone within her..making her feel blessed.
Though he wasn't with her,near her she could feel him pulsating through every cell of her body.
He hadn't touched her even once..but it felt as if she belonged to him.
It was more than lust or a mere carnal desire..
She felt love in the purest form..
His innocence, his tenderness bought a lump in her throat.

She was torn between the feeling of loyalty she wanted to keep for her guy and pull of love she felt for her  "friend"
Her guy had noticed changes in her behavior..he complained she didn't have time for him anymore..
he sent messages in her inbox..
Each time she read them she would end up crying.She had no clue how to respond..She could never feel anything for him anymore.

"Her friend" wasn't in mumbai any more.His job had taken him away from her.
She missed seeing him..but even his voice on the phone seemed to make her day.
She found herself wanting to talk to him more and more..
It was like a disease..But she had never felt better.People said she was glowing.
She was..it was the warmth of the love she felt for him.

It was then she decided to take a bold step in her life.
she didn't want to hurt her guy anymore.She didn't want to keep him in the dark.She felt she had been a bitch anyway.
She decided to break up.
Not because she wanted to date "her friend".
It was something she doubted would happen.He had many problems and issues of his own and he was certain he wouldn't want to burden her life with them
But she knew she would never stop loving him.
She had no right whatsoever to keep her guy in the lurch and she finally blurted it out to him..


She broke up with him..


She had hurt him a lot..He was shocked.
She knew how much ever she tried to explain it wouldn't help anything.
She had given him a pain beyond measure.
But he understood.
Her friends were baffled.
Wasn't she the embodiment of a perfect girlfriend..??A symbol of loyalty for everyone in college..??
How could she do this..?when did she become such a big flirt..??

So many questions..accusations..rumors.
She tried to justify her actions to her friends.They were her life.
But they refused to listen..to believe..
She was shattered...She had thought her friends would atleast listen to her
Only her best friend stuck with her..She knew her too well to believe in such rumors..

She wept on the phone..and told everything to "her friend"..
She was tired of being judged..of being tagged as an evil person..
He listened to it all..and comforted her..

Her friends accused her of enjoying with her new guy after betraying her ex.
Only she knew the pain she was going through.
She chose not to react
The person she so dearly loved could not be with her..
She had never felt lonelier in her life..
But she was happy..
She didn't feel guilty anymore.

Maybe the fact that she could not be with "her friend"..was God's way of punishing her for her sins.
She had given her ex a lot of pain..maybe it was her turn to suffer.
But she didn't complain..she knew she deserved it.

Life moved on and she had resigned to her fate.
"her friend" was never coming back to her she realized..

She felt a stab of pain each time she thought about him..
Some people laughed at her misery..but she remained her quiet self.



But she prayed silently to God for a miracle..she wished to be with him..to hold his hands and smile in joy..
to share  moments of her life with him..

Just when she was thinking her life couldn't have been worse..
Things took a turn..for the better..

He came back..and she had never felt happier..
She had heard of miracles..and now she had experienced one.
His love for her had never gone away..it was just certain circumstances that made him stay away from her..
But he realized how precious she was for him..:):):)

He had turned her into a better person .
He had turned her into a poet.
He had turned her into a blogger.

She still loves him a lot..
She still values his presence in her life..
Each day she prays to God for his well being..
Each day she thanks God for her share of happiness..

She believes God has finally forgiven her for her mistakes..
She wishes the best in life for her Ex..and knows that he will always hold a special place in her memories..

She wanted to show the world what inspiration "her friend"..(who was now her guy)..
is for her..

So she started a Blog for him..

She still writes about him..

She calls him Mr.Maverick

and this is the story behind her Blog...

May God Bless One & All..
Cheers :)

PS-I request any of the Admins to link this post under Confessions.

image courtesy : fineartamerica.com