October 14, 2011

The 'it' factor

Posted by Chandana M at 7:43 PM
I haven't yet met a girl who doesn't consider losing her virginity as a very special/important/emotional/sentimental moment of her life. As it is, girls tend to be emotional in matters concerning love. So when it comes to something as huge as loosing your virginity, without a doubt there are a lot of sentiments attached to it. 

Someone once observed that female virgins are more often virgins 'by choice' whereas male virgins are virgins through 'lack of choice' (well that's what they say anyway!). In most cases that 'choice' is made because of the fear of outcome. Fear of what if I get pregnant? What if he leaves me later? What if he starts wanting me just for sex? What if? What if? What if? Naturally this leaves you with no other choice but to NOT do it. Generally I am the type of person who says 'When you are in doubt, just do it and get it over with and you'll know the answer one way or the other'. BUT not in this case. If you have even an iota of doubt in your mind, don't do it. Simple as that.

The final decision of wanting to be physically intimate in a relationship should always lie with the girl. Because she has a lot more to lose than gain. Call it our society's backward thinking or the innate sensitive nature of a girl - but there is no point denying that consequences(if any) need to dealt by women more often than men. I've also seen cases where its not 'fear of outcome', but 'peer pressure' that makes people make 'the choice'. Some of you may disagree with this as it seems quite unlikely. Every author on this blog is a strong, opinionated woman who has a mind of her own and knows how to use it. So this concept of 'peer pressure' might be difficult to relate to, but trust me I have seen it happen. 

At the heart of it, everybody will agree that losing your virginity is a matter of personal choice. But what most people fail to realize is that this choice is almost always influenced by one or all of the factors mentioned above. And since virginity has been a tabooed subject for so long, and the point that "sex before marriage" is wrong has been drilled and embedded into our minds since ages, its hard to NOT get influenced by all these when you are trying to make your personal choice. We live in a society where even falling in love is considered wrong, so sex is definitely a criminal offense. But right after marriage both love and sex are glorified to such an extent that you are left wondering is there an on-off switch for this? Before marriage - love is wrong, sex is wrong. After marriage - flip the switch on and now everything is right.

Just for a second, forget that this was drilled into your mind. What would you choose? Would you go ahead with what your body and mind crave? 

As long as you know that you won't regret it, as long as its something that both of you are comfortable with, as long as its something that works for both of you - I don't see why anything else should come in between. 


p.s - After reading the previous three posts that have already been posted about this discussion, I came to the conclusion that all of us have the same views (more or less!) So I tried to keep mine short to avoid unnecessary repetition of points!

11 comments:

Keirthana on October 14, 2011 at 7:47 PM said...

Nice one Chandana! Yeah, I agree that all the personal choices are influenced by the conditioning of mind that has been going on for eons and eons of ages. Damned be the society!

That flipping the switch on after marriage point is soooo true. I shouted, "Hai na?" involuntarily. Wish people would think for themselves independent of pre-formed notions.

Keirthana on October 14, 2011 at 7:49 PM said...

And that dealing with the consequences thing, damn, why should the society be so biased in this one aspect when it is slowly evolving in all others??

maithili on October 14, 2011 at 8:32 PM said...

You actually raise a point which I wanted to but didn't know how to go about it and let it pass! IT was PEER pressure.. Ofcourse most of our writers here are matured enough to know where to draw the line but it is very instrumental to this choice. IF all your friends are doing it then somewhere "chalta hai" and "so wat? everyone is doing! " kind of a feeling develops and if your friends are very conservative ones, then becoming intimate with your guy does make you feel guilty or bad or shameful of the act!!

maithili on October 14, 2011 at 8:32 PM said...

You actually raise a point which I wanted to but didn't know how to go about it and let it pass! IT was PEER pressure.. Ofcourse most of our writers here are matured enough to know where to draw the line but it is very instrumental to this choice. IF all your friends are doing it then somewhere "chalta hai" and "so wat? everyone is doing! " kind of a feeling develops and if your friends are very conservative ones, then becoming intimate with your guy does make you feel guilty or bad or shameful of the act!!

Red Handed on October 14, 2011 at 10:17 PM said...

We have grown up with time, we live in the present. But the society we belong to have their own notions. Fear is the reason behind everything!
Good one Chandana!

meoww on October 15, 2011 at 6:24 AM said...

very well put chandana..even i had thought of including peer pressure point in my post..which still has to come..hehe..hmmm..
Society can be so pathetically biased no ?
:/
hmm..liked the post :)

Freelancer on October 15, 2011 at 8:05 AM said...

*reads the post*
*shrugs*
No such issues with me at all :P

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue on October 15, 2011 at 9:14 AM said...

@Keirthana-
Thanks!
Its not just about bias. Suppose the girl in question gets pregnant before marriage... whether the guy supports her or not, it is she who has to go through the whole thing - the emotional and physical trauma of it all. Whether the society is biased or not will not matter because either way, its upon the girl to deal with it.

@Maithili-
Yes.. Your surrounding environment definitely influences you.. whether its family or friends..

@Red-
Thanks!
Everything boils down to that one word - fear.

@meoww-
yes it is pathetic :/

Vinati on October 15, 2011 at 3:13 PM said...

That on-off switch thing is so correct. We all at some point or the other face this societal interference in our lives.
I recently wrote a piece to give an outlet to all my frustration regarding it.

Nice post, Chandana! :)

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue on October 17, 2011 at 7:44 PM said...

Thanks Vinati! :)

Smita on October 19, 2011 at 9:02 PM said...

I liked the point made about male virgins ;) lack of choice! lol
Also, one very strong point has been raised, kudos to you for that.
The point of losing virginity should lie with girls, bcz we have more to loose than to gain. also we women are the ones capable of handling, creating, supporting, destroying and what not. we are superior to men! so it should be ours decision at the end . :) as I believe we women have better understanding about it's consequences better than the males, be it the case of a married women, or a lover or just somebody losing it for fun!

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