October 13, 2011

The virgin post

Posted by Spaceman Spiff at 7:00 PM
“So you’re a virgin?” I’ve been asked this so many times, I’ve lost count. And I say, “Umm.. my zodiac is Virgo, ya.”

Turns out they were asking about my sun sign when I told them my DOB, rather than about THE V. Some guys do it deliberately, to see whether I get embarrassed, but the shameless that I am, I smile saccharine-sweetly and reply “Like I’ll tell you.”

Anyways, moving on.

You know when that whole Oh-the-world-is-going-to-end-in-2012-hallelujah!” brouhaha was going on, the first thought that came to my mind was “Damn! I don’t wanna die a virgin! I have to do something about this!!” And I said it out loud. Not just in my head. As expected, I was met with a lot of weird glances because a)everyone else was worried about the world ending, and here I was, worried about dying a virgin( they just didn’t get it), and b)I was not married. And isn’t it a sin for an unmarried girl to even think about sex?

Why is it made out to be such a sin if a girl loses her virginity before she gets married, especially considering the fact that after a married couple’s first night, EVERYONE wants to talk about it? Your mother-in-law, your sister-in-law, your cousin-in-law, your neighbour-in-law- everyone wants to know whether ‘IT’ happened the previous night. Some cultures even demand that the blood-stained bed-sheet be paraded for proof. (True story. Not trying to gross you out.)

So while Indians claim to be conservative about sex, they also make it their business to know what is going on in others’ personal lives. And if they find out that an unmarried girl is not a virgin, then they’ll judge her for sure. They picture sex as ‘wrong’, but themselves go ahead and make babies enough to start a football team.

I think on one hand, why a girl is hesitant to take the plunge before marriage is fear. Fear of what the guy will think of her. “Will he think I’m a slut? Will he lose respect for me? Will he break up with me just because I slept with him before even talking about a future together? What if he doesn’t marry me? What if I get pregnant? What will my husband say when he finds out I’m not a virgin?” Fear of pain. “My best friend’s sister’s friend’s aunt’s grandmother said that the first time hurts a lot.” Fear of being judged/punished. “My friend’s parents found contraceptive pills in her bag and now she’s under house arrest.”

By this time, not only would the girl have changed her mind, she would also have developed a life-long revulsion towards sex.

Do you know what I really feel? Virginity, just like religion, caste, creed, is an unnecessary label, made up by narrow-minded individuals who probably thought up of this theory when they were about to die, without having had any action in their life. And not to forget, sexist. Why else would there be a ‘test’ to know whether a girl is a virgin or not, but no such thing for a guy? How is that fair?

There is nothing wrong in feeling more than just love towards the guy you love (applies to guys too). Hormones were given to you for a reason. To feel them. So if you feel them, but just shut it all up inside for the fear of society, then you’ll just end up getting frustrated. Isn’t ‘sexually aroused’ a much better feeling that ‘frustrated’? Some people express their love through words, some physically. If it works for both the guy and girl, then what’s the issue? Love is not the only emotion you are conditioned to feel.

But hey, at the end of the day, it’s every girl’s personal choice. Remember that. Just like you can’t force your body to get its first period, you cannot force your body to have sex unless your mind is not ready for it. If it feels right, do it. You can put at least that much of trust in your own judgment, can’t you? But remember, there is a thin line between being modern and promiscuous. As long as you know what you’re doing, you don’t need to listen to anyone else.

As for the debate ‘Virginity is directly proportional to marriage’, that has been going on since my great-grandmother’s time, and will go on till the time your children have great-grandchildren. You live your life the way you want to. Personally, I would much rather ‘lose’ my virginity to a guy I love before marriage than to the complete stranger I got married to. Because it’s not just an animal act.

And for those of you who are wondering whether I’m still a virgin or not, yes, my zodiac is still Virgo. ;)

P.S:- Apologies for the long, meandering, lost-its-track-somewhere-in-between post. Only when I started writing did I realize that I have too many opinions on this topic. So many, that I couldn’t channel it. Extremely sorry for the rambling. And also apologies if any of my views have offended you. That wasn’t my intention at all.

ETA: I read Maithili's post about this topic and what she's written about the fear factor after I published my post. Sorry, Maithili! Agree with each and every point you've written.


Keirthana on October 13, 2011 at 5:50 PM said...

Awesome post, Spaceman Spiff! Every word of it deserves an applause!

meoww on October 13, 2011 at 7:58 PM said...

super super...!!!
hmmm..i liked the way you bluntly stated your mind..!!
cheers girl..!!

Red Handed on October 13, 2011 at 10:27 PM said...

I have been asked about my sunsign being a VIRGIN too :P
and i think girls dont go for sex before marriage only because they fear as to what will happen if they do not end up with the guy they did it with. Life is uncertain and you cannot be really sure as to whom you are going to marry. Not having sex with someone you really love and really want to do it with is just because you are scared about wahat the society will say if even they find out, what your future husband might say and the fear that the first time will hurt a lot. I think that is rubbish!

Yes my sunsign is virgin too :P

kalpak n. on October 14, 2011 at 11:59 AM said...

hey...virgo virgin my joke :(

and curse my english grammar-cum-spelling-cum-pronunciation obsessed self if u want, but please correct the spelling of 'Hesistant'...its really bothering me.

And bout virginity, well...i jus feel that the reason why people make a big deal of it only in case of girls is because they have a tangible proof. we guys dont have a hymen. (god forbid we had one!!)

and ya...indian hypocrisy exists not just in sex, but in many places. thats somethin we cant help.

anyway...good post. nice read.

Stay Virgin!! :D

Spaceman Spiff on October 14, 2011 at 12:24 PM said...

@Keirthana: Thanks! :)

@meoww: This is one place I really can speak my mind. :)

@Red: I agree with that point. May girls, no matter how modern they claim to be, will eventually look for a future together with the guy they first made love with. Can't blame them. They've been conditioned to believe that you can only have sex with one man all your life.

@kalpak: Where have I written 'hesistant'?

kalpak n. on October 14, 2011 at 12:32 PM said...

sorry. my bad. :)

Smita on October 19, 2011 at 9:07 PM said...

damn, I too don't wanna die a virgin. rofl!!!
loved the whole post :) so true and bold :)

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