Discussions and Celebrations..

The idea for last discussion started from a Confession. The comments that the Confession triggered showed that most of us have experienced such situations in life sometimes,somewhere.
We were apprehensive when the topic of "sexual abuse" was started. We wondered if you will bare your souls to us with your stories and so the fiction option was given. Some realities are better conveyed through fiction..
The support and response you Darlings gave was overwhelming. We can safely say that this month has brought a lot of us closer and we shared the most embarrassing and intimate episodes of our life.
Be it Vinati's attitude to life, Red's alertness, Dragon's display of sheer courage, Meoww's heart wrenching incident, MSM's reality woven into fiction, Viya's attempt at fiction, Paanipuri lover's endurance, Smita's forgiving nature, Sunitha's advice and tips or Anonymous post's innocence or Soumya's take on abuse in love, you all have come up very boldly and made us proud.
We respect the choice of our some Darlings who preferred to not talk of it. Also, we are sorry if any of the darlings had a hard time relieving those moments through our posts.
Darlings of Venus salutes the strength of our Darlings..

The last two discussions were serious and so we preferred to have a lighter subject this month.

December- the month of many birthdays, Christmas, New Year's Eve, resolutions, dreams and GIFTS.. We Venusians love receiving and pampering with gifts.. 

The topic for discussion this month is- "THE ART OF GIVING"


What can you write under this topic?
Like always- Anything you like! :)
Write about giving or receiving a gift that spreads smiles, some unique gifting ideas, about to HOW to give and WHAT to give..
If any of the members here is good at art or craft then please please do post some handmade stuff to gift.

We hope this month no one would need "Anonymous" choice. But still option is open like always.
New members please do participate this month.

Come on Darlings, let make this month a celebration for our readers..

P.S : The dicussion and Confession pages will be updated shortly. Admins are busy bees for now ;)
P.P.S: Please label your posts for discussion as "Your name" "Discussion Number" and any other label if you want. Makes it easier to sort..

Love Bites

The Agreement: He said he loved her. She needed him the most. She did love him, but not in the most conventional way. They agreed on being this way, until they felt that they are now ready to give a name to their relationship.

He wooed her for years, about 5 to be precise. He showered her with all that he could, but to no avail. She was still in the process of eliminating someone from her heart and she couldn't or rather didn't want to care two hoots about him. To her, he was an obnoxious narcissistic. Someone who couldn't look beyond himself and someone who wanted her just for a sense of accomplishment.

It all changed after 3 years, she now began to look at him in a totally different light. She now saw the vulnerable loner inside the Casanova, the insecure painful soul inside the beautiful veneer. They came close for various reasons, need being the pivotal one. He completed her in ways she couldn't think of. She supported him when he was collapsing. It was a beautiful relationship, called uncertainty.

The first time they made love was magical. It was fire and air all around, blending into hot smoke enveloping them and bringing them more closer as if to embed them together forever. It was the most beautiful night of their lives and this was just the beginning. She gave him more pleasures than one and she felt his love with every touch of his. Even if she did not love him before, now she was beginning too. The feeling was special. Good.

The arrangement worked fine for a long time with both of them discovering new areas of life, love and passion. There were expectations but they were always fulfilled or spoken about. They belonged to each other and both felt that they were heading towards a common path in the future. Some place both wanted to be, some place that was bound to happen.

One day in February she opened her eyes to find herself tightly clutched in his arms. Waking up next to him always gave her a sense of contentment and happiness. It was all that she wanted from life and she had it. As she freed herself from him she felt a sense of burning all around her. It was unexplainable. As though a million bees had covered her from head to toe slowly stinging, one at a time. She writhed in agony and rushed to the mirror. Her naked body was now covered with a dozen bruises that looked like ripe strawberries. It stung her and dressing up would hardly cover them. The night was passionate yes, but it sure was not worth this pain.

She spoke to him about it, he apologised saying that it was an enormous rush of love he felt last night. For once, she believed him and let it be forgotten. She ignored the weird looks from people around and brushed away the questions raised by her friends. She let it be, knowing that he's not the one to hurt her again. But, she was wrong. It happened again. And again. And again. He was gentle and passionate, but for some reason best known to him he always, always wanted to leave his imprint as if to mark her as his territory.

When she could not take it anymore, she confronted him. She could have stayed away from him and not let him touch her. But she loved him, she wanted to be there for him at every step. When the bruises became the talk of her small crowd she knew it was time to clip those teeth. His reply was "So what if people ask? Atleast now people would know that you belong to me. Me. And noone else. Everything of you is mine. They need to know that."

The thought hit her then! 5 years ago, she had stayed away from him fearing that all she could be to him was an accomplishment. Talk about inviting fear in your life. He loved her she knew that, but he just needed to believe that she belonged to him now. There was absolute no need to stamp her with his identity. She walked away from him the next day and till date he has not found her. She loved him yes, but abuse in love can hurt more than domestic violence.

He gave her pleasures yes, but left marks on her heart. He touched her body, but her soul ached.

If only he believed that she was his. She still is his.

Like I always say, love is a real funny thing.

~ Soumya

How much is too much?

Blogging-world can be so welcoming that it can sometimes overwhelm you and side track you. We have all experienced phases of blogging where we start writing for our readers more than for ourselves. We've been addicted to blogging, checking if somebody has left comments on our latest posts and checking for new followers. And we have also obsessively stalked our favorite bloggers, waiting for them to update their blogs. I've also known a couple of bloggers who have shared 'a little too much' about their lives only to have deeply regretted it later.

How much is too much?

Most people you interact with here are so genuine and warm and welcoming. Once you meet such people and once they start following your blog, you realize that you can relate to almost everything they write and so can they. It only makes you want to be more open and more forthcoming in your posts. When I first saw the topic for this month's discussion, I was all for sharing my story along with the others. But as I started writing it, I realized there are some parts of my life that that are private and definitely not meant for the internet, specially not for the silent readers. It may sound weird coming from me, someone who shares her pictures on the blog- my face, my identity. But honestly sharing pictures doesn't seem as intimate to me as sharing the happenings in my life. I never share details about my life, only my lifestyle. 

Its not that I am scared of what people might think about me or my life, its just that I decided to draw the line here. People who matter in my life, know all that there is to know about me. I have nothing to hide from anyone but that does not mean that I need to share everything with everyone either.

This is not to scare anyone off or to offend anyone. Its great that those of you who have shared their stories here, did so, and if it has given you some sort of relief, release or just a feeling of 'you are not alone', then I am more than happy for you! 

I am not particularly talking about this discussion topic(its just that it triggered this thought process) but any post in general. This is only to make sure that you are aware of what you are posting and to make sure that you are posting it for the right reasons. If what you are posting is something that you are going to regret after 10 hours, 10 days or even 10 years then don't put it up for the whole world to see.

If I don't love, respect and appreciate my post they you definitely wouldn't. 

Where would you draw the line?

A hit of reality...innocence robbed..

I couldn't ever forget that night in my life.
It had been raining and I was feeling rather restless. The place I stay has quite a few parks nearby and we tend to go for a walk in there every now and then . That night, my friends were all too engrossed in a daily soap and since I couldn't make sense of it anyway, I decided to go for a stroll…on my own.
In retrospect, that is arguably (one of) the (most) foolish things I've done but I can be really impulsive. Out came the blue umbrella and I set about the ritual of walking 30 steps to and another 30 fro - that was pretty much the whole of the broad but short street that I live in. All the while talking to my dad, sis and *ahem* a friend one after another. By the time the conversations ended, I'd made about 4 rounds. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I seem to have noticed that a stranger passed by in a two wheeler. Twice. The little voice told me - 'What if…??' Another louder voice cackled with suppressed laughter and said - 'Haha, cmon, as if the world has no other work than following you around. Get a grip, will ya?'
After bidding goodbye to the said friend, I switched on the radio and was tapping my feet to some song even as I walked by the huge houses on both sides of the road. It was still drizzling and I liked the thuddish sound made by the raindrops on the umbrella. I lost count of the number of times I'd trodden on the same path.
At one instant, instinctively, all my senses became uber-alert and in the next micro-instant, somebody had grabbed by a**.
Blood rushed to my face and I turned to see that two wheeler guy leering at me. He said something in a language alien to me but I understood it to mean 'Will you come?' as he was repeatedly gesturing the pillion seat.
The next instant, I had pulled away from him towards my left. I realized that since that was a 'residential' area, everybody was well inside their cozy home and no one would have noticed what was happening at the entrance to their homes let alone the streets! There was a car between me and the place where the guy stood. Luckily, still on the two-wheeler. I ran - my home was hardly ten steps away from where I stood but that felt like the longest journey I've had to make. I knew he was following, although a few feet away, on parallel. I rushed into the safety of my home and looked out of the window - he had parked his vehicle a little away from my home and was still staring at me. With that look in his eyes. I hope you understand.
There are some things which can only be felt…it's hard to explain.
I leaped into my room, thankfully unnoticed by my friends in the hall. Locked it and stood still. Hot tears came streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't accept the fact that I'd just been mistaken for a prostitute.
I couldn't come out of my room for the rest of the night. The next day, try as I might, I felt really awkward…and since I couldn't tell the truth to anybody, my friends found my mood swings quite weird.
At first, I couldn't understand it at all. I'd been dressed in a traditional chudidhar. I had even pinned my dupatta. How could he have mistaken me for a slut? Then, it hit me. This city is known for call girls dressed up in traditional salwar/sarees - I've seen them at times. And I had been roaming about all alone around 9:15pm…with a flashy umbrella. No wonder!
On the roads, I felt NAKED. I couldn't stand the sight of a single man. Even office felt burdensome. It took about a week for me to recover. And man, how have I changed! I don't loiter about late at nights. Else, I make sure I've someone to escort me back home - till the very entrance.

30 after I am 30!

Alright!

I know the title for the post is quiet funny enough to grab your attention to read the post.Hope you won't be disappointed as I won't be making it too long for you all to read.

Few months back, while blog-walking, I came across a blog post, "30  before I turn 30". It was a list of thirty things that the blogger had made, and he was ticking his list, doing a two or more thing every year. The list included a variety of things to be done. Like doing bungee-jumping to attending a rock concert, meeting Avril Lavigne to doing some nasty stuff to at a funeral. The list wasn't disclosed but some of the things were boasted there that he had checked on his list.

Now, my mind too started ticking. Every nice thing we see, we want it! Human Nature.

I have been a kind of sober, mommy's girl but then I am not one of those who would miss the fun. I just mould things my way. Hence, 30 after I am 30! I don't have a boyfriend to accompany me in the things I have planned to do nor do I have a brother or a sister for that company. I have good friends (read Best friends) but na, I have loads other things to do with them. Now what other way is left for the poor girl like me to choose ! Oh No, No, I am not so innocent as I look!

I have a list, actually still preparing it, and now that I have jotted down what all I would like to do, all I need is somebody. Boyfriend thing is a No No scenario in my life, I haven't been fortunate enough in that department yet, No Regrets, but definitely I will be married one day! Giving me License to anything I wish! ( Big Grin ) And My husband will have to have to do all that that list includes! (Devil Laugh)

Oh! I am so Cruel at times !

P.S.:I have been looking for 10 days challenge, where the blogger introduces itself to its readers through a list of 10 things, writing one every day, I have searched a lot many  blogs but couldn't find one. If by chance you have it on your blog and are reading this post, please let me know :) 

Smita 

jus wondering...

The season of hot chocolate, bisi-bisi- kaapi ( hot coffee ), Warm woolies, thick cozy blankys, moisturizers is hereeee.. nah its not a post about Winter..

The TV channels have been playing the moisturizer ads over and over and over agaaaiinn!!... 

Most of these moisturizer ads have the guys yeeeeaaarrrninng to touch the women who apparently'll have soft-silky-smooth-thekindyoujuswannabiteinto kinda skin :P...

Another set of ads shows the man spraying this oomph-la-la/ yousocan'tresistmemaaahlaaddy deodorants and perfumes...

Was juuss wondering, if women are jus satisfied with the 'oommph' deos while the men are to be treated with the softsilkysmooth skin... what if it was the other way round??

Wouldn't women want to touch if not the silky smooth kinda skin atleast a decently moisturized body instead  of the scratchy-parchment like one? 

At the end of the day, i guess the Advertisements jus sells :D :P 

Things happen....

Shit like this happens, but then it's that strong spirit of the feminism in us, that we bear it all with dignity.
One doesn't know whether one should write this, but let's face it, for once and all.

She went on a vacation to this distant place with her realtives. Very very close relatives they were hence she was allowed to for a week long trip with their two boys to this distant place.
She was young, in her early teens and so was he. Also was there another boy, younger to both of them. He being two-three years elder to her.  And technically, they were cousin brother-sisters.
The relative couple had rented a room but due to much cost the couple would sleep in the bed while the three children were made to sleep on two mattresses joined together, laid on the floor in the other room.
She would sleep on one side, he on the other side, with the youngest boy in the middle.
Things were fine as they are supposed to be between brother and sisters but one early morning, she felt a touch, a touch that she didn't like.She was waken up by it! The moment she woke up, everything was back to normal. She ignored.
Next morning too happened the same thing. With close inspection she discovered, every early morning, the eldest boy would wake up before she and anybody else wakes up and would slid his hand in her sheet just to ......................(sorry I can't write all that).
But how was she supposed to say it to anybody? Her mother won't believe her and her relative, she looked up-to her after her mother. She didn't want to hurt anybody. Also nobody would believe. She was too young to complain about anything like that. Also, it was about her cousin brother sexually abusing her!
She couldn't sleep properly till the trip ended. Every night she would wrap herself from both sides up-to the neck, not to leave any gaps to give him a chance to repeat all that again. Little did she succeed and little did she fail.
She maintained her distance from that cousin for some next few years. And maybe he too realized he was arong and felt the guilt of doing wrong with his only cousin sister. After a communication gap of few years they are again talking now. The girl has forgiven his brother for everything. That stupid act of his might be just a rush of some bad company back at school or just a rush of doing that bad things that teenagers get attracted to easily int heir teens without proper guidance for maturity and all those things. They have never ever talked about that. Brother still doesn't know that she knows what he did to her during that trip. Nobody else knows. It's a secret she will carry to her grave no matter what.
He now cares for her little sister way more than too much. Like she's his real sister. Things are all normal now. But what was all that happened? Something she should have complained about or something that should be deep buried. Shitty things happen, but let's just pray such shitty things never ever happens to anyone.

In the Path of Thorns

When this month's discussion topic was announced  and Maithili implored all of us to come out with our experience,I was sure that there would not be many entries.But was shocked beyond belief to read the revelations from my friends at DOV and after reading what each of them shared , my respect for these amazing ladies have increased a hundred fold.

An age old saying in my language goes like this "immaterial of whether a leaf falls on a thorn or the thorn falls on a leaf,the leaf gets damaged ". And from the moment a girl child is born ,these cliched lines are oft repeated to the parents and the girl alike.That being said,every girl at some point gets her share of prickly sex repressed male thorns.

Being in a close knit family with grand parents,uncles , aunts and cousins living almost on the same compound to look after me and by God's grace, I haven't had to encounter such bastards in my life.But just as a leaf on a rose bush cannot escape grazing through the thorns to fly in the wind, I too have fleeting memories of nameless and faceless parasites that refuse to go away that must be the part of memories of even the most ordinary Indian girl.

1)The hairy hand that made into my purple frock when I was standing in queue for darshan at one of the most famous temples in Kerala and how I with all my might pushed it back and somehow exchanged position with a fat old lady in front of me.

2)The pointed fingers that kept poking me through the gap between the seat and the back rest in the TNSRTC bus while the teacher was taking me and a friend for a science camp in Tamil Nadu. the frustration when the teacher asked us to ignore the constant pokes and the my friend's fiery outburst at the guy which finally resulted in him moving to a different seat.


3)The numerous times I have had to ask my friends (guys) or cousins to exchange seats with me at a movie theater because some dark hands were trying to grope me in the safe darkness of the movie hall.


4)The lecherous eyes of the random guy who stopped me mid road to ask if I wear clothes when I take bath (!!!!).

5)Those decently dressed men in the heavily crowded trains and buses , whose only aim in life is to bump on to you with each movement the vehicle makes and then look back with a false smile as if it was an accident.

6)The showmen who post themselves at strategic locations near girls hostels and embarrass the girls by showing off their strategic body areas.

7)The hands that always try to find their way towards a girl when you are sleeping in a second class sleeper compartment and how you always remembered to sleep with your feet in the direction of the corridor and keep them covered under a blanket.

8)The fake sleeping guy who tries to fall asleep on your shoulders as if by some horrible quirk of  fate you did not get a lady's seat in one of those overpriced overnight Volvo buses.

With time and experience , I learned that this was the way of life and there was nothing much a woman could do to avoid such people completely (unless of course I wanted to shut myself off in a nunnery, which after some second thoughts involving Sister Abhaya might not be that safe either )

But some of my favorite weapons that helped me are an umbrella and a safety pin. Of course having a fierce look helps and some martial arts would be amazing.

Here are a few small tips to stay safe in daily life , which I used to follow

1)The open umbrella is a savior while walking through crowded foot paths , in that it gives you a  little space and a much needed weapon from guys whose only intent is to bump you and touch your breast.

2) A closed umbrella is a good weapon to use against auto  or taxi drivers if you feel they are planning something for you. (Have always been told this , but haven't had to use it personally).

3)Safety pin is a good weapon to be used when the perpetrator is hiding in a crowded or dark place, like a bus or movie theater.I have successfully used it on the guy who tried to poke me in
the movie theater .(3 pricks and 20 min later that guy left the theater). Compass or other sharp instruments can be used too but for the difficulty of carrying it around.

4)Having one or more trusted people of the stronger sex , unfortunately is one of the most fool proof ways to keep yourself safe.

Alright don't touch me..

My parents are working and from a very young age I was made independent and equipped to face the world. It was the way they brought me up that I never felt at loss. I knew what was happening due to their frank and correct knowledge which they gave me.

My Mummy never left me alone in the care of neighbors. She would carry me along or leave me with my grandparents. Papa never used to allow me to go to neighbors house to play.I used to feel it was unfair that I never got to play when all friends went to others houses to play.
 Mummy would also tell  me, "It is not that we have a problem with your friends or their houses, but we never know who else is there in their house. When we are not at home and you go to their house to play, they might tell you that your friend is home and invite you in. They could harm  you." I was irritated with this argument and felt they were being overprotective. I used to throw a fit and say, "Everyone goes to play at each others house, they come to ours and my friends also go to other houses. Nothing happens to them." Mummy wouldn't say anything but she wouldn't budge from her stand.. Years later I realised how wrong I was.. Things did happen to my friends..

   When I was about 9 years old, Mummy told me all about maturing and what a bad touch was. It was due to her timely teaching I can say that I grew up more mature about my surroundings than others my age. I could scrutinize situations for myself.

   

The important question after you know what a bad touch is, "Whether it was intentional or unintentional"

Incident 1

I was 10 years old and I had those chubby cheeks. I was used to people pulling my cheeks. 

One day a man from cylinder company had come to our house. My Papa went inside the kitchen to check if the connection was okay. This man was sitting close to me. He pulled my cheeks and while he was taking his hands away it sort of slipped and touched the soft bulge on my chest.. I could have told my Papa who returned in just 2 minutes but I didn't know if it was accidental or purposely done act.. Now when I think back I know for sure what it was..

Incident 2

I was returning home from my classes. There was small path and suddenly a lot of people were walking from the opposite side. A man came rushing and just dashed into me. I was shocked when I realised he managed to grope me. He clearly took advantage but I couldn't do a thing about it because he had rushed and I hadn't even seen his face.. 

Incident 3

This happened when I was in second year of Junior college. We were all giving our prelim exams and most of us were girls in that exam room. A senior professor had exam duty in the class. While most senior teachers signed the answer sheets before giving them to us, this man would first distribute the sheets and then come on a round to sign the paper. He was not from Science faculty and we were not acquainted with him or his reputation.

When he came to my desk I was busy writing my paper. In a hurry I gave him my answer sheet. He signed it and came more closer than required to return it back. He brushed his hand against me while returning it back. I was aghast and confused. Was this really an accident? In the top college of Mumbai? Was this person a pervert? How dare he take advantage of students busy writing exam? I was angry and didn't know what to do. I wasn't even sure if this had happened only to me. 

After a few more days, he again came as the supervisor in my room. This time I was prepared. While he started his rounds I saw all the girls ahead of me shifting a little away and I knew it! This man was doing it purposely to all girls. 

When he came at my desk I gave him my paper and shifted inside. I looked straight into his eyes and he dared not move any closer to me. He knew that I knew and I gave him a dirty look. 

After the paper ended I asked the other girls and each one of them thought it was a MISTAKE until they got to know that it happened with all of us. 

It was a difficult thing to prove and I knew that in a such a high profile college this things will be stashed under the carpet. To be true I was helpless because it was a college of students who were scoring above 90% and most of them wouldn't want to get into a controversy at such a time of their career. I was weak too. I accept that I too didn't feel like getting involved in such a mess. 

The least I could do was inform my juniors about this pervert and tell them to spread it to their juniors as well. Atleast they will be better informed and not be confused like our batch was.

Incident 4

I and Mummy were in a market. It was getting dark and we were going to the bus stop. A short man was walking towards us. He started getting a little closer as he was about to get past me. I had observed his change in direction. I was proved right when he was about to touch me. I grabbed his hand before he could touch me and pushed it away with a force that made him stumble. I knew the tactics too well..

Incident 5
I had gone to my school regarding some work of my younger brother who studies there. I met some of my teachers and I was on my way to the ground when I met our Physical education sir. When I was in school I never noticed or thought of him as someone who could misbehave. He was casually talking and suddenly he put his hand on my shoulder and was putting pressure. I was momentarily shocked and there were few other students there. He asked me something when I replied, "Alright, don't touch me" and took his hand away. He looked embarrassed and well, he deserved that. I didn't think if he was just being casual or was actually having mean intentions. But I was proud that I never gave him the chance to misbehave if he intended to.

I don't have any story that will talk of strength. It might be because of the timely guidance of my parents that I have the ability to sense tharkis. 
I would sound a little old fashioned if I say that one must always keep a little distance. Precaution is what we must take from such situations. I m not very bold and I know that. Its not necessary that you fight back always. It is okay if you don't have the courage to fight. But be strong to get over it, be caring enough to see that no one else suffers, be wise to educate your siblings and children about it at the right age. 


We women have really progressed a lot but nature hasn't given us the same physical strength as men. It isn't always safe to confront people who tease you. You never know if the road side romeo is a criminal.. 
Speak out, complain if you must. But unless you are trained in self defense, do not get into altercations with people you don't know. 

A Father-Daughter Story

She looks at her father who is busy typing away on his laptop for three hours now as she plays with her Barbie Doll. She glances at him once again and thinks just how can she go and talk to him. Not that her father would not listen to her, but most of the things she tells him are 'nonsense', 'gibberish' and 'unintelligible'. She knows that her father is angry but does not understand what has she done to make him so. She wants to tell him that her questions are BIG for her, that she stays up all night thinking about the answers as she curls up feeling cold. But this would only make her father angrier.

She thinks about last week when she had asked him -
"Daddy, why does Mummy come to see me only on weekends? Doesn't she miss me? Doesn't she love me?" 
She recalls frightfully her father's face contorting with some hidden rage -
"Thank your stars that she even visits you. If not for the Court orders, I would not have allowed her anywhere near you. Now get lost and stop bothering me. I am working." 

She cried that night thinking about her mother - about the times when they were together - when they would go out for picnics, visit her school for PTMs, but then things changed. She used to hear her parents shout at each other, yell and break things. She used to cower under her blanket fearing to leave her room. 

Today she was planning to ask her father what would he like for his birthday which would be tomorrow. She was worried she had not done enough to make him happy and so, she wanted to gift him something from the money she had saved in her Piggy-Bank. But seeing her father immersed in work deflated her courage. She quietly waited for her Nanny to come and went with her to buy a greeting card for him. She loved him no matter how he treated her. She knew he loved her too, but knew he feels lonely and she angers him. 

That night after dinner, she went to her room and decided to write a note inside the card. The note said - 

"Dearest Daddy,

Happy Birthday! You are the best Daddy in the world. God made me very lucky to send you in my life. I know you are angry because Mummy left us. I also know that you both fought because of me Daddy and I am really sorry. Daddy, I love you and I feel sad that you are unhappy because you have to look after me. So Daddy, on this birthday, I hope all your wishes come true. I promise not to bother you anymore and I am ready to go to Boarding school. Daddy, I cannot see you sad and I am sorry for hurting you. May your wishes come true. With lots of love - Happy Birthday.
Your Daughter"

She re-reads her letter and decides to wish her father at 12 midnight. She quietly comes out of her room, with the card hiding behind her back. Her father is still working on his laptop. 

"Papa?" she cooes. Her father does not respond. She tries again, a little more loudly, "Papa, I have to give you something." Her father 'tch'-es at her. She moves towards her father, placing her tiny hand on his arm, "Papa, please listen to me."

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO BOTHER ME YOU SILLY GIRL! GO TO YOUR ROOM, NOW!" 

He shouts at her as she yelps and starts crying - card slipping away from her hand. She looks at her father scared and runs to her room to avoid a slap from him. After an hour of sobbing breathlessly, she sleeps - her eyes puffed and her body curled. 

In the other room, her father listens to her sobs but he has an important document to finish. He does not want his Boss to insult him again. He finishes his work at around 3 in the morning. His chair screeches as he gets up.  He turns towards his room, when he steps on a paper. He looks down to see, it is a Greeting Card with curly handwriting crawling on it. He picks it up to find that it is from his daughter. 

He starts reading the note inside it - At first he feels a jab of anger but then with every line that he reads, he realizes how much love deprived his 7 year old daughter is. By the time he reaches the last line, tears are rolling down from his eyes as he sits on the floor for support. He recalls the moment when he fought with his wife for her custody, screaming before the Court to prove that he'd be the best guardian for his daughter - that he loves her and would never let her feel the need for any other parent. That her mother was incapable because she was not a good mother - that she was busy with her work always. He recalls the time when he kept a Nanny for her, no longer having time to look after her. He recalls the time when he has screamed at her, raised his hands just to shoo her away. 

Guilt cuts his heart as he realizes what a monster he has been towards his only child. What a worse man he has been! His heart starts beating faster as he gets up to go towards his daughter's room - afraid to face her, even though he knows she'd be asleep. He opens the door slowly, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest. He feels a new pang of pain and guilt when he looks at his daughter. Her face is streaked with dried up tears and her eyes are puffed up. She is curled in on herself - shivering ever so slightly. He cannot stop himself from sobbing. He feels like even death punishment would not be enough for him - placing his daughter in such a mess. He sits on the edge of her bed and picks her up. She flinches as he hugs her to his chest, suddenly crying. 

"I am sorry. I am so sorry my baby! Oh God! Please forgive me." He cries as he wipes her face. She wakes up in his arms - "Daddy? What happened Daddy? Why are you crying? It is your Birthday! You should be happy." She hugs him and wipes his tears. 

"I am Happy my dear, I am happy now." he says, as he promises to himself that he'd never let her cry again. From that day, she started believing that her Daddy was the world's best Daddy.

Love sometimes comes in such forms, we do not recognize. Sometimes it is so oppressive, so claustrophobic, that one forgets what did they love in the first place. Expression of feelings does not have to be elaborate always - a mere hug, a pat on the back and a smile of appreciation is all it takes. Let's love while we can - no matter whether no one loves us or not. 

PS: I wrote this story on Daughters' Day, on my Blog...and thought I can post it here...on DOV. It's been a long time I have written something like this.

First post, First Confession

I stood there, in the middle of the playground. People around, just stood and watched it happen. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I was yelled at, a verbal abuse, in front of so many people. They said I had gone insane. They blamed me. They didn't like me. They pledged never to talk to me. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I collapsed. Right there.

It was the second year of Engineering. For most of them, the first year was spent making friends, getting to know people and the college, writing exams and more and more tests, working away in laboratories. But for me, I had an addition. I had always believed that falling in love was not my cup of tea. Yet, I ALMOST fell in love. With a classmate. I never knew I could love someone so deeply and truly. For four months, We liked each other for what we were. No, I would never EVER cheat on somebody or lie. I don't know how to do it. Those four months, were really wonderful. For, it led to a self-discovery and discovering someone else who liked me and loved for who I am. But little did I know that, it would end soon. 

Me and him had this group of friends in class. I always loved them. I always thought my life would be empty without them. I shared my feelings, my joys, sorrows, everything with them. I trusted them. Not once did I feel that they would back-stab me. 

.... "I don't believe you said all that about me", he retorted one day.

"Said what?", I asked.

"Everything that you have told about me to our classmates", he said.

"Why would I tell anything about you to them?", I asked.

"Its over. WE are over. You were right, love can never be your cup of tea", he said and walked away.

I tried talking to my friends, asked them what the matter was. They would never even look at my face, leave alone talking. I tried convincing the guy. He wouldn't agree to talk. A class-meeting was held. The ENTIRE class decided NOT to talk to me. EVER. I was left abandoned. And one day, I lost patience, frustration to find out the truth took over. I abused them.

They made me stand in the middle of the playground.. People around, just stood and watched it happen. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I was yelled at, a verbal abuse, in front of so many people. They said I had gone insane. They blamed me. They didn't like me. They pledged never to talk to me. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I collapsed.

...And two years after that, not even a single soul in class spoke to me. I was left all by myself. I used to sit alone, study alone, eat alone, go home alone. In fact, I had forgotten what hanging out with friends felt like. 

Did I deserve this punishment? For which fault of mine was I being punished? Why wouldn't anybody tell me what the matter was? All these questions ran in my head. Once I tried finding out what went wrong, a classmate told me that my BEST FRIEND was jealous of me and him being together. So she had intentionally told crap about me to him. He, had conveniently believed her. I thought trust and faith were very important in a relationship.

 I would literally weep each morning on my mother's lap before going to college. I was twenty, and I cried to go to college. I hadn't done anything to her. My best friend, she was. She back-stabbed me. So much that the whole class wouldn't look at me. The walk from the class door to the bench where I used to sit was very painful. I could sense all eyes staring at me in disgust.

I was taken to a doctor. The diagnosis - Severe nervous tension and depression. Anti-depressants were given. It wouldn't make me feel any better. My grades in semester exams stooped down. From the topper whose name always featured on the College Notice Board, I had come down to being nowhere in the top ten. Yet, life had to go on. The loneliness had completely taken over in an year. I had learnt to be alone. At the end of two years, I felt really uncomfortable if there were people around me. I didn't know how to socialize. Home and college were the only two places I knew in the city and Parents and Sister were the only people I had to come home for.

A semester later, I had picked up. My grades were coming back to me. I had decided not to screw up academics. Life was already screwed up. Acads were my only solace.

If you had asked me then, what I thought about having friends in life, I would have surely yelled at you stating that friends are nothing but back-stabbers.

All this, because I had always been true.

I had never expected that someone would walk into my life, all over again, to change all that I believed in. To change the way I saw life. We were friends (or acquaintance shall I call it?) in school. Primary school that was. Like Second Standard! He was in my school till Seventh Standard. Later, he just disappeared.
One fine evening, he walked into my life again, only to make me realize that life is wonderful. He was the best friend. I could share anything and everything with him so easily. We connected instantly. Soon, I realized I was falling for him. His stupidity, innocence, intelligence, friendliness, comfortability... Everything.

But somewhere in my mind, I feared. I shuddered at the very thought of being in a relationship. But my heart said, Life was giving me another chance, to pick myself up from where it had left me off. I was still thinking....
When..........
 my classmates got back to me again. A series of apologies followed. It all came to me out of the blue. Something that I had never expected. I didn't even know if I could forgive. So many friends got back to me at once. I was overwhelmed. They had realized they were wrong. They had realized that they had given in to the rumours that was spread about me by none other than the best friend. The ex-guy, also apologized. Happiness returned. New friends were made, the final year of college became really memorable.


I believe Gaaamp's entry into my life brought me loads of best things. I got back the perfect friends I ever wanted. I got a new life. I got confidence, in fact, he brought confidence into me. He still does. And without much of a thought, I had realized the lucky charm in my life. Gaaamp. Who brought me back to life. Who made me feel alive. Who fell in love with me. Who made me fall in love with him. Who made ME, a new ME.

It's been ten months, since I'm in a relationship with my lucky charm. My Angel. :)
Sometimes life gives us difficulties. But it does send a solace. And when stuck in difficulties, life also sends an Angel, in some form, to get you out of there. Look out for it, For me, it did! :)

P.S : Phew! I can't believe I wrote such a long, first post on DOV :D Anyway, now that I'm here, you all will be entitled for more of such 'pakau-fying' posts :P


P.P.S : Till date, I do not know what was the exact rumor that went around about me two years back. My friends never tell that to me. But going by the hints that I have got so far, it is involved with talks about my Character! Can people really get this bitchy or am I just realizing that the world out there is Cruel?
Either way, it helped me emerge stronger and better. And luckier ;)

Broken Innocence

courtesy-Google

When maithz came up with this month's discussion i was dead sure i would never be able to write about it.
Abuse..be it in childhood or your teens or whenever for that matter always leaves a scar on the person's mind.
And no its not just girls who are abused..
Young boys also fall prey to it unfortunately..

Sadly I have never been able to make peace with what happened with me in my past.
But  thanks to a very emotional conversation i had with MSM recently ; i think i got the strength to write this one out.
I know it has taken a lot of time for me to finally come out with it..but i am happy i was able to pen it down.
---------------------------------

Childhood is a happy place for all kids.They live in a world conjured up by their innocence..where in they are ready to trust any sweet person who comes into their life.
I was no different. I lived in a family of 3..Appa, Amma and Me.
Being the only child i always used to wish for an elder brother or sister i could play with and who would take care of me.
Our neighbors were nice people.They were like our family friends.
They were also a family of 3 and they had an only Son.
He was much elder to me.
When i started interacting with them..i was probably in my 2nd standard or even younger and that guy was in doing his graduation.
I used to idolise that fellow..Since he was like this elder fellow..kinda cool..i used to find a big bro in him.

My parents used to go to work leaving me in the care of a full time  maid.
Now a small kid itching to play with someone..i used to frequent my neighbor's place pretty often after my school hours and would while away my time at their place.
The lady was a nice female..and she used to pamper me with toys and chocolates since she had no daughter.
even that son of his used to play with me..cuddling me with care.
I obviously couldn't see any hidden intentions behind all of that.
But little did i know that my inability to understand would become such a curse for me.

In the absence of his mother ; he used to initiate different  kinda games for me and him.
No points for guessing ; it would usually involve lots of touching and stuff.
Since i didn't want to let down my idol i used to play along.
Usually i would dose off in the middle and he would wake me up and ask me to go home.
It was always weird that i could never understand why it hurt so much and i would end up having a burning sensation in my sensitive areas..

That family left soon and i was back to my own world once again.
A year later they came back to visit us.
I was happy to that i was able to meet them again.
That night after dinner i insisted to my appa that i would sleep in their room.

Not sensing any problem whatsoever he let me.
I snuggled between Aunty and that Fellow and fell asleep.

I woke up some time in the middle of the night to experience the most disgusting thing ever.
My clothes were in a disarray..the bedsheet was covering my body..
and..and..its difficult to even write about it.
It was paining a lot..and i could feel it was difficult for me to even move.
He had obviously touched me when i was asleep and he was lying in a state of undress that need not be explained.

Honestly to this day..i don't know if he had raped me during the night.

That moment i lost all the innocence of being a child.
In that one moment i grew up from a tiny fun loving carefree kid to a stone hearted girl.

I could never get to tell this to my parents.
Appa ; a very strict man in front of whom i could never open my mouth.
Amma ; a silent soul who would probably shush me talking about society and stuff..not her fault though.

That guy left before i woke up in the morning.
My parents are still in touch with them.
But i don't talk to him.
I am sure he knew what he did to me was not unnoticed by me.

Years have passed to this incident.I have grown and this story now resides in one of the lost pages in the story of my life.


I have heard he has daughter..
Should i feel sorry for her..?

-------------------------------------

I know today i have a guy who loves me and respects me for my individuality.
Who values me as a special person in his life.
Who gives me all the care and all the things a woman would hope for from her man.

But after that day..i have never felt pure..chaste.
My innocence was taken away from me..and i know i will never be able to correct this incident of my life.

I know i am not super suuuperr brave like DIGS..bold like RED..brave and strong like VINATI..
compassionate like MSM..
i am sorry if i have missed out anyone..
These people i admire..and am proud of.

But i know i have taken atleast one tiny step towards progressing in my life by writing about this.
If it wasn't for DOV i am sure i would never have been able to do it..

Thank You..
Love you all..

meoww

Chicken L'Orange

CHICKEN L'ORANGE

[pssstt...its a microwave dish, try on wok at your own risk]

What you need :

1. Chicken [700grams to 1 kg]
2. Cornflour
3. Orange juice
4. Chilli powder
5. Soya Sauce
6. Mustard Sauce/paste
7. Ginger garlic paste/garlic paste
8. Salt/pepper
9. Capsicum and tomato (for garnish)
10. and a real crave for chicken :D

How to prepare :

Put the chicken in the microwave bowl and introduce 1 cup Orange juice to it. If you pour more, the taste will be more tangy and not to your liking. Add 1 tbsp garlic paste, mustard paste and soya sauce. Also add 2-3 tbsp chili powder and salt as per taste. The chili powder is mainly for the coloring. If you don't like spicy food, don't worry, it won't be.

Mix well and put it in the microwave. You can cover it with a lid. I prefer leaving it open. Turn the juice upto 100% power and cook for 20-25 minutes. Or less. You can always pause and check to see if its properly cooked and taste for salt. When its done, put the chicken pieces in a different dish and keep the liquid in the bowl.

Now to make the sauce. Add 2 tbsp cornflour in the liquid. Stir well so that it dissolves properly. Put the liquid with cornflour back into the microwave and cook at 80% power for 5-8 minutes until it thickens. That's it. Pour the sauce over the chicken pieces and serve hot.

Nom nom nom nom

Cooking is fun when you experiment and learn....

How to keep Husbands eternally yours!

Since many of you here are girls in love or on the verge of an adult life and thereby a possible wedding, I thought of letting in some secrets from my own married life to be a sort of guiding light:

How to keep the husband hooked, booked and cooked?

-THE ESSENTIAL COMMANDMENTS!

Part 1:

Little everyday efforts which every woman should practise and please it doesn’t make us drubbed or less feminist:

1. Wake him up each day with a gentle pat on the cheek and a hush mush voice, coming close and resting your cheek on his. Make sure this does not become a startling act instead-just a tender ‘wake up to me honey’ kinda thing.

2. Follow it up with a kiss on the cheek and a hug-just as his eyes have opened up. It is always soothing to feel you are waking up to a dream come true and also always hug, snuggle and kiss good night, it’s like sleeping into a dream.

3. Make sure he gets his meals as soon as he comes on the dining table or on time. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach but then only when it is empty and not stretched.

4. Keep his cupboards neat and things easily accessible. Don’t tamper with his things without asking.

5. Cook food at least once in a while or contrive anything reasonably edible even if he wakes you up at 4 am (yes, in the morning) for it.

6. It makes you no less modern if you press his feet once in a while after a tiring day or give him a hot-oil head massage and watch how eagerly the favours are returned. You’d be surprised to find that men love it if their shoes and socks are removed lovingly by you once in a while.

7. Drop all chores and greet him with a smile and a hug when he returns back from work and follow it up with a glass of water. That’s the least by the way, I am leaving room for innovation and improvisation here.

8. Stand by him if he’s been slighted or ignored, especially by family members or relatives from your side.

9. Always ask your man’s choice before picking up clothes for yourself and try to follow mostly what he suggests. Makes him feel that you value his opinion! If his own choice sucks, give him option between the two things that you most like in the shop and any one of them, if picked, would do just as well.

10. When he is talking to you lend him your ears (and the rest of the body too) completely and show no distractions. Nothing interests a man than a woman who’s interested in him okay, correction-a “hot” woman who’s interested in him!

11. Once in a while, cancel outing programmes when he’s not in the mood or tag along even if disinterested, when he’s all for a party-kuch paane ke liye kuch khona padta hain, kabhi kabhi hansne ke liye thoda rona padta hain!

12. Keep his hot water bucket ready and covered with a lid before he gets into the loo for a shower-refurnish his toothbrush, soap, toothpaste, his shaving blades, etc before he’d have to ask you for it. Heck, I even used to keep his entire clothes from the UG’s to the sparkling shoes ready and laid out on the bed before he got out of the bathroom in the initial wedded years.

 13. If he goes to work unwell, call up a couple of times to ensure he’s okay or send in a medicine. Stay up with him if he can’t sleep-a cuddle here works wonders.

14. Be the one to initiate a kiss and make up-saying sorry never hurts anyone and we can’t compete with men’s ego anyways!

15. Take the initiative to dress with just as much bother when going out alone with him, as you do when going out with friends.

16. Laugh at his jokes and with him-go up to him if he’s standing alone at a party or getting bored, even of it means leaving your own gang.

17. Avoid blame games and angry outbursts and the phrase “I told you so...” Keep the explaining for later when you both are quieter.

18. Give him space-for boys’ night out, for watching television late night or being on the internet once in a while, for wanting to be alone, for choosing the clothes he wants to wear, for not calling you for days, etc.

19. Make him feel it is okay with you if he communicates with female friends. In fact discuss his interests in the opposite sex by being casual about it, encouraging him to feel free to share things with you.

20. Remember the tasks he asked you to carry out before leaving for work or make a note of them-get his medicine, sew the button, keep the evening shirt ironed, call up the sick relative, get the fused tube light changed, or the spider webs from the bathroom window removed, etc. Get it done without reminders!

Part 2:

These are sure shot winners, come on gals add that zing and dash of romance:

1. Remember dates and days that matter to him and make them special and memorable-like the day he grabbed a big contract or deal, calls for a pastry and candle waiting on his return that says “You are a genius”

2. His birthdays should be flooded with special gestures- give him as many knick knacks as gifts as the age he is stepping into/ a surprise party/ candle lit your room-make him a king for the day! I’ve done them all and ready to share the secrets.

3. Hold hands sometimes in public like while watching a movie in a theatre or playing footsy from under the table.

4. Form your own codes to be able to send across a message even in a crowd like touching the nose means wanna hug you, pulling ears stands for a much needed kiss and so on!

5. Occasionally put little notes in his travelling bag, in office pouch or in his cupboard to remind him of you always. My husband’s wardrobe opens with a big sticker on the door within that says “I love you soooo much.”

6. Have your own song that reminds you of each other whenever it’s played anywhere-create a love poem for him with mad personal touches of course and yup keep the language simple-you are not writing for Shakespeare, gals!

7. Put photographs of your holidays or just the two of you together in the room-on the walls or in frames on shelves around. Nope, you are not giving him an overdose of you-you remind him every now and then that his life with you is beautiful.

8. Text personal mobile love messages just like that and send them each day, till it becomes a ‘looking forward to’ habit.Once in a while make the message sexy to double the impact. Men go dumb and numb under the influence of seductive provocation, even if it’s just in words!

9.  A nice body massage if done properly can ignite many a flame. Introduce more physical variety to spice up lives and throw the head-ache woes out of the window.

10. Buy new lingerie every now and then. There’s nothing as exciting for him to hear you say mischievously ‘you get into bed and I’ll be back in a minute’ and then come back n how;)

11. Take a spa treatment together or gift him one. Showers together always do more than just double cleaning! Tuck him in bed and under the sheets every night-make him cosy howsoever he may desire it and by how so ever I hope so ever that you get my point.

12. Say ‘I love you’ everyday and in every possible way like in the fog clad night, written with your fingers on the glass of the car or after a hot bath on the steam masked mirror; on the sand or with bamboo sticks laid out on the beach, with diyas saying it adorning the floor when he walks in for a surprise on a very special day.

13. Go for walks or long drives just like that-create a CD of all his favourite songs and put that on or update his I-pod. Have morning tea or after dinner walk together. Form rituals and be around at the times when he is mostly alone to fill up his voids.

14. Plan a boys night out for him that’s a surprise. Do all the bookings and maybe once in a blue moon make it an all expenses paid outing. You would have an occasional dent in your pocket but never in your heart.

15. Keep buying gifts of no reason or occasion for him every now and then like a shirt when you go shopping for yourself, or a take away burger when you went for your gals only brunch!

 16. Share his past-make him talk about his school days, college gigs, girlfriends and crushes, memorable moments. Gently persist if he resists and not forcefully demand. But please don’t hold on to the past-learn to accept it and move on.

17. It makes a man so proud when the girl on his arm shows him a hot chick that he must check out before she gets out of the domain. He’d just be looking at her with you, instead of looking for excuses to send you in the shops and then ogle. I do that all the time, sometimes we even discuss the assets and their worth and have a good laugh over it.

18. Take him out for a date dinner some night. He does not need to take his wallet because this one’s on you-drive him there, keep a mini bar ready in the car (means two glasses, an ice bucket, a packet of chips and the drinks...see not much!) and push back his seat and let him relax. Make sure to stop the car in a deserted place for some sweet “mouth” savouries every now and then!

19. Learn to pack his suitcase for his journeys and make the effort to ensure his comfort like put newspapers in the shirts so that they don’t crinkle, a mini medical kit, extra polythenes to put in used clothes, etc.

20. You must give him a hang of close, really close dancing at least once through a dancing out night. It should be his moment there with you, when you make him unaware of people, noise or other hot chicks around coz you are stupendously and teasingly close, yet not really “in”!

  

Part 3:

What every woman should know and remember too for these are the basics-The ABC...I know you know, but a reminder never hurts.

1. Respect his parents.

2. Appreciate his efforts and shower compliments regularly.

3. Keep his home and home atmosphere neat and pleasant.

4. Share his hassles and encourage his interests.

5. Control your anger and never shout at him.

6. Adapt to his friends-at least sometimes if not always.

7. Cook what he likes occasionally.

8. Look presentable when you go out, if not a head turner.

9. Learn to trace his mood and act accordingly.

10. Give him company and time.

11. Don’t nag, complain or crib all the time.

12. Don’t start off with in-laws woes as soon as he enters home.

13. Don’t go on and on about your own parents and family.

14. Don’t compare him with anyone, even to educate him.

15. Don’t underestimate the power of physical intimacy.

16. Never laugh at him publically or check him always on his actions.

17. Never criticize a gift given by him.

18. Money doesn’t count all the time-don’t scrutinize or post-mortem all his spending.

19. Be yourself!

20. Keep the romance alive, be his support and strength and by his side always.

Happy Hubby Humping!