Guilty conscience of a daughter

Dear Amma,

I am sorry. This is an apologetic post for being that daughter who probably fulfilled all the dreams in your eyes when it came to the outside world but missed it totally when it came to household work. All those days when I should have helped you but instead lay on the bed like a sloth and read Harry Potter books over and over again, all those days when I knew the efforts it took you to give everything to me on a platter but still thought I can relax only when I come home, all those days when I saw you working non-stop from 5 in the morning to 11 in the night but still thought "It's amma. She is used to it and she is built that way". I am sorry for all those days.

I know you don't mind it even now, because you are indeed built that way. You are okay as long as I am. Never once have I heard you complain that I am not helping you at home. When all the members of the family complained one or the other time, you were the one who supported me saying "Let her rest. She has come home for only 2 days". You like work and hate sitting idle. If someone makes you sit idle, you'd doze off. Even if you're in a public place. That shows how much you work and how less you sleep. I get how that feels now because let alone sitting, if you ask me to just stand for a couple of minutes, I will doze off. The physical work and reduced sleep does that to you and I am not  doing even 1/10th of your day's work.

Today as I try to complete the household chores, I try to be you and I realize how difficult it is. It always seemed so easy to be you - a home maker with the entire 24 hrs of the day at hand. But yours is the toughest job on earth. I can vouch for that anywhere and anytime. When I was young, I remember asking you why your hands are so rough and you used to smile and then say, "With age, it becomes like that" or some answer of the sort. Now I know- Yours became rough so that mine could stay soft. Now I know the reason of everything you do. It's always the family. When you used to teasingly tell me that I will understand the intricacies when I am a woman running a family, I shrugged it off. Every single thing you said, seriously or teasingly, is true.

I call you a hundred times today. Asking myriad doubts of all kinds. You have all the answers, the work-around, solutions for my mess ups ready. Now I think back of what more I should have done at home. I sincerely do hope that my future daughter listens to me earlier than I did to you. I hope that she realizes things at a faster pace than I did.

Love,

Your lazy daughter who got a tight slap from life
and has been forced to face reality.