The Men in my Life-The What-if Men!

(This is an excerpt from a magazine article written by a famous female writer Tishani Doshi. I found the piece truly intriguing and an echo of my own sentiment...gawsh, how I wish I had written it! Anyways, I share it here and hope it stirs you too. Kudos to the thought!)

Male female relationships are circumscribed by expectations and slotted into categories- boyfriend, father, brother, friend. But some elude this classification and testify to the pleasure of the detour. These bonds flirt on the lines between formality and intimacy and yet these are often men that we still want despite it all.

“In recent years I have come to realize that it’s impossible and a little unfair to expect one man to fulfil all your intellectual, emotional and sexual needs. Once you get your head around this idea and let go of the monochromatic, either-or vision of the world, you begin to see a whole grey spectrum out there. The relationships that are most important to me now are those that defy category or logic. I call them my what-if men. What if he weren’t married? What if he lived in the same city? What if he weren’t ultra religious or didn’t do drugs or loved dogs? The range of the what-if man is truly awesome.

A relationship with a what-if man is a nurturing one, it may be fleeting or permanent, but it is nothing like the cliché of an affair, which is hot and hurried and poof! Love and sexual tension may hover over the periphery, but for it to really work, certain boundaries have to be maintained- that’s right, no sex because physical intimacy puts a spin on things and slides it into murky territory.

You may hold hands with your what-if man or not. You may unburden your darkest secrets and fears or not. You may consider each other as your ‘back up’ or not. The joy is in recognizing something special in another human being, in making that connection regardless of timing and circumstances, and learning how to draw fire from it.

My favourite what-if man is 40 years older than me: a demigod in his own country, a poet and a political hero. We meet once in a year, if we are lucky; eat spaghetti alle vongale and drink copious amount of wine. We talk about ways of living and share histories. When people look at us, undoubtedly they’re thinking, what’s going on there? But it is nothing inappropriate or sleazy. It’s just what-if. What if he were younger or I older? We meet, we talk, we return to our lives, and we carry the other person with us.

The great beauty in what-if is that you never take anything for granted because there is no ownership or expectation. It enjoys a longevity that other relationships can’t sustain and it exists in continuity always shifting and moving to accommodate both your worlds. The what-if man represents possibility, yearning. His place is never fixed. If you know what you want and what you are willing to allow, it’s worth having a what-if man or two or three in your life; like manna straight from the skies.”

  

P.S. (Caution, mini post ahead):

Hi everyone! I don’t even know how to show my face for I have been so badly missing in action here. But when Maiths told me that the discussion for the month was “Men in our life”, and poked me to write, I could not resist the temptation to create this-almost a confession box of sorts. While I was scrolling down the articles already posted, I was amazed that some of you wonderful women thought of your father and brothers when “men” per se were referred to. I must have been born under a stupid, horny, faulty by default star for my first thought at this mention went to all the drool worthy male specimens that have come into my life and decided to stay. As for father/brothers/uncles/cousins... oh yes, thanks for reminding that these are guys too, for as such they relegate to the backgrounds as the air you take for granted.

Through blogging I have interacted with some of the wittiest of heads and three of them have become the fabric of my life and in communication with me from years. It is sometimes quite amusing to admit that my best friend, with whom I yack my heart out is actually an amazing 22 years old software engineer, who is in a relationship with the girl he loves, after I badgered him enough to do so. He started by calling me ‘fairy godmother’ but soon realized how I juggle between my halo and horns and the ‘fairy’ part disappeared. He is often hearing me out with such awe, as though my word is the epitome of truth that affects his thinking. He is half mad, overflowing with facts that he knows I don’t care a damn about, most brutally subjected to my poor jokes and possibly the funniest guy I have known.

Another is a 26 years old engineer again, who is a cassanova online yet the cutest, most sharmila guy otherwise. The repartee he churns out garnished with his super sexy voice makes him an irresistible catch. He came out of anonymity for me after almost half a year of me pestering him for that. He has a beautiful mind and such gentlemanly mannerisms that often I feel like the man here when I sometimes throw my flirting volleys at him. He just laughs and calls me crazy.

The third is another 25 years old animation expert, mighty deep and no-nonsense sweetheart with whom it all began after ages ago he had read my blog and we became best of friends. He does not write per se but expresses himself better in words than most I know. He has no qualms in saying “bahut kameene ho aap” when I pull his leg too much for not being able to lose his virginity yet despite being in the U.S of A. He is what girls should take home to mommy.

These are men who know me inside out and still want to know more. These are men I have never met and probably would never either. They NEVER compliment me...in fact you’d see them pulling my leg all over Facebook. But I know that if I were on my death bed, they would come from remote corners of the earth to see me, just so that they could tell me what a nautanki I look while dying.

We talk everything under the sun, yes, the most personal of stuff too without the teeniest hint of any sexual tension. They've been there as the unbiased third party whenever turbulent times rocked my boat. They make me laugh like none other and provide me something that I value most “effortless conversations that have a life of their own”. They make me accept that men and women can actually be just “best friends”.

And then there are other friends I have managed to find in the Head of a software firm, a Captain of ships, a Colonel in the army, an almost doctor in the making; The best of minds-the range is staggeringly large aged from 22 to 52, for I never can let go of people who once come past my periphery. Each communication happening now and again brings in a beautiful flavour to my life-like hand-picked best of flowers blooming in my little balcony garden where I tip toe to, every once in a while to escape the mundane and then carry back the smiles and warmth they leave me with. Does it make me disloyal to my man? Does it interfere in my relation with him? The answer is NO without any explanations. Try it out, maybe the What-If man unlocks you to your potential so that the man in your life sees you as he should.

How to keep Husbands eternally yours!

Since many of you here are girls in love or on the verge of an adult life and thereby a possible wedding, I thought of letting in some secrets from my own married life to be a sort of guiding light:

How to keep the husband hooked, booked and cooked?

-THE ESSENTIAL COMMANDMENTS!

Part 1:

Little everyday efforts which every woman should practise and please it doesn’t make us drubbed or less feminist:

1. Wake him up each day with a gentle pat on the cheek and a hush mush voice, coming close and resting your cheek on his. Make sure this does not become a startling act instead-just a tender ‘wake up to me honey’ kinda thing.

2. Follow it up with a kiss on the cheek and a hug-just as his eyes have opened up. It is always soothing to feel you are waking up to a dream come true and also always hug, snuggle and kiss good night, it’s like sleeping into a dream.

3. Make sure he gets his meals as soon as he comes on the dining table or on time. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach but then only when it is empty and not stretched.

4. Keep his cupboards neat and things easily accessible. Don’t tamper with his things without asking.

5. Cook food at least once in a while or contrive anything reasonably edible even if he wakes you up at 4 am (yes, in the morning) for it.

6. It makes you no less modern if you press his feet once in a while after a tiring day or give him a hot-oil head massage and watch how eagerly the favours are returned. You’d be surprised to find that men love it if their shoes and socks are removed lovingly by you once in a while.

7. Drop all chores and greet him with a smile and a hug when he returns back from work and follow it up with a glass of water. That’s the least by the way, I am leaving room for innovation and improvisation here.

8. Stand by him if he’s been slighted or ignored, especially by family members or relatives from your side.

9. Always ask your man’s choice before picking up clothes for yourself and try to follow mostly what he suggests. Makes him feel that you value his opinion! If his own choice sucks, give him option between the two things that you most like in the shop and any one of them, if picked, would do just as well.

10. When he is talking to you lend him your ears (and the rest of the body too) completely and show no distractions. Nothing interests a man than a woman who’s interested in him okay, correction-a “hot” woman who’s interested in him!

11. Once in a while, cancel outing programmes when he’s not in the mood or tag along even if disinterested, when he’s all for a party-kuch paane ke liye kuch khona padta hain, kabhi kabhi hansne ke liye thoda rona padta hain!

12. Keep his hot water bucket ready and covered with a lid before he gets into the loo for a shower-refurnish his toothbrush, soap, toothpaste, his shaving blades, etc before he’d have to ask you for it. Heck, I even used to keep his entire clothes from the UG’s to the sparkling shoes ready and laid out on the bed before he got out of the bathroom in the initial wedded years.

 13. If he goes to work unwell, call up a couple of times to ensure he’s okay or send in a medicine. Stay up with him if he can’t sleep-a cuddle here works wonders.

14. Be the one to initiate a kiss and make up-saying sorry never hurts anyone and we can’t compete with men’s ego anyways!

15. Take the initiative to dress with just as much bother when going out alone with him, as you do when going out with friends.

16. Laugh at his jokes and with him-go up to him if he’s standing alone at a party or getting bored, even of it means leaving your own gang.

17. Avoid blame games and angry outbursts and the phrase “I told you so...” Keep the explaining for later when you both are quieter.

18. Give him space-for boys’ night out, for watching television late night or being on the internet once in a while, for wanting to be alone, for choosing the clothes he wants to wear, for not calling you for days, etc.

19. Make him feel it is okay with you if he communicates with female friends. In fact discuss his interests in the opposite sex by being casual about it, encouraging him to feel free to share things with you.

20. Remember the tasks he asked you to carry out before leaving for work or make a note of them-get his medicine, sew the button, keep the evening shirt ironed, call up the sick relative, get the fused tube light changed, or the spider webs from the bathroom window removed, etc. Get it done without reminders!

Part 2:

These are sure shot winners, come on gals add that zing and dash of romance:

1. Remember dates and days that matter to him and make them special and memorable-like the day he grabbed a big contract or deal, calls for a pastry and candle waiting on his return that says “You are a genius”

2. His birthdays should be flooded with special gestures- give him as many knick knacks as gifts as the age he is stepping into/ a surprise party/ candle lit your room-make him a king for the day! I’ve done them all and ready to share the secrets.

3. Hold hands sometimes in public like while watching a movie in a theatre or playing footsy from under the table.

4. Form your own codes to be able to send across a message even in a crowd like touching the nose means wanna hug you, pulling ears stands for a much needed kiss and so on!

5. Occasionally put little notes in his travelling bag, in office pouch or in his cupboard to remind him of you always. My husband’s wardrobe opens with a big sticker on the door within that says “I love you soooo much.”

6. Have your own song that reminds you of each other whenever it’s played anywhere-create a love poem for him with mad personal touches of course and yup keep the language simple-you are not writing for Shakespeare, gals!

7. Put photographs of your holidays or just the two of you together in the room-on the walls or in frames on shelves around. Nope, you are not giving him an overdose of you-you remind him every now and then that his life with you is beautiful.

8. Text personal mobile love messages just like that and send them each day, till it becomes a ‘looking forward to’ habit.Once in a while make the message sexy to double the impact. Men go dumb and numb under the influence of seductive provocation, even if it’s just in words!

9.  A nice body massage if done properly can ignite many a flame. Introduce more physical variety to spice up lives and throw the head-ache woes out of the window.

10. Buy new lingerie every now and then. There’s nothing as exciting for him to hear you say mischievously ‘you get into bed and I’ll be back in a minute’ and then come back n how;)

11. Take a spa treatment together or gift him one. Showers together always do more than just double cleaning! Tuck him in bed and under the sheets every night-make him cosy howsoever he may desire it and by how so ever I hope so ever that you get my point.

12. Say ‘I love you’ everyday and in every possible way like in the fog clad night, written with your fingers on the glass of the car or after a hot bath on the steam masked mirror; on the sand or with bamboo sticks laid out on the beach, with diyas saying it adorning the floor when he walks in for a surprise on a very special day.

13. Go for walks or long drives just like that-create a CD of all his favourite songs and put that on or update his I-pod. Have morning tea or after dinner walk together. Form rituals and be around at the times when he is mostly alone to fill up his voids.

14. Plan a boys night out for him that’s a surprise. Do all the bookings and maybe once in a blue moon make it an all expenses paid outing. You would have an occasional dent in your pocket but never in your heart.

15. Keep buying gifts of no reason or occasion for him every now and then like a shirt when you go shopping for yourself, or a take away burger when you went for your gals only brunch!

 16. Share his past-make him talk about his school days, college gigs, girlfriends and crushes, memorable moments. Gently persist if he resists and not forcefully demand. But please don’t hold on to the past-learn to accept it and move on.

17. It makes a man so proud when the girl on his arm shows him a hot chick that he must check out before she gets out of the domain. He’d just be looking at her with you, instead of looking for excuses to send you in the shops and then ogle. I do that all the time, sometimes we even discuss the assets and their worth and have a good laugh over it.

18. Take him out for a date dinner some night. He does not need to take his wallet because this one’s on you-drive him there, keep a mini bar ready in the car (means two glasses, an ice bucket, a packet of chips and the drinks...see not much!) and push back his seat and let him relax. Make sure to stop the car in a deserted place for some sweet “mouth” savouries every now and then!

19. Learn to pack his suitcase for his journeys and make the effort to ensure his comfort like put newspapers in the shirts so that they don’t crinkle, a mini medical kit, extra polythenes to put in used clothes, etc.

20. You must give him a hang of close, really close dancing at least once through a dancing out night. It should be his moment there with you, when you make him unaware of people, noise or other hot chicks around coz you are stupendously and teasingly close, yet not really “in”!

  

Part 3:

What every woman should know and remember too for these are the basics-The ABC...I know you know, but a reminder never hurts.

1. Respect his parents.

2. Appreciate his efforts and shower compliments regularly.

3. Keep his home and home atmosphere neat and pleasant.

4. Share his hassles and encourage his interests.

5. Control your anger and never shout at him.

6. Adapt to his friends-at least sometimes if not always.

7. Cook what he likes occasionally.

8. Look presentable when you go out, if not a head turner.

9. Learn to trace his mood and act accordingly.

10. Give him company and time.

11. Don’t nag, complain or crib all the time.

12. Don’t start off with in-laws woes as soon as he enters home.

13. Don’t go on and on about your own parents and family.

14. Don’t compare him with anyone, even to educate him.

15. Don’t underestimate the power of physical intimacy.

16. Never laugh at him publically or check him always on his actions.

17. Never criticize a gift given by him.

18. Money doesn’t count all the time-don’t scrutinize or post-mortem all his spending.

19. Be yourself!

20. Keep the romance alive, be his support and strength and by his side always.

Happy Hubby Humping!

Getting candid with Suruchi

Time for the much awaited interview..

This month we have Suruchi as our Darling of the Month.. 

A teacher, a blogger and someone who leaves a smile on your face.. 

We got her for the interview in between her teaching time, feeding her daughter and her busy schedule of full time motherhood!

                                                  that is Suruchi for you.. ain't she just gorgeous?

suruchi arora : hellooooooooooo

maithilibhatnagar : Hii finally we managed to start this!

suruchi arora : yes and you got me on chat after ages-rekindling fond memories

Maithili: I was actually going through some of your posts all day to get some good questions

Suruchi: Oh my god-poor you.

Suruchi: And I was wondering what would I come up with about the usual questions-like why I started blogging and all...phew!

Maithili: Well then there’s been good amount of planning on both sides-this should be fun. Let’s see who takes whom by surprise.

Suruchi: MSM's interview was superb-smooth, flowing and intriguing, it's difficult to match up those standards. Madam, you started with the home run.

And no planning really, so if I say something very classy and oh-so-actressy I will be so pleasantly surprised

Maithili: Oh don't worry, you have to be just YOU to make this great!

Suruchi: *hugs*Now that's why I loooooooooUve DOV

Maithili: *hugs back*

Maithili: So now we can start our interview

Suruchi: Yes, before I blabber more on the starting itself.

Maithili: Suruchi means good taste right?
Suruchi: Yes-a good taste, a good interest-basically anything "good" gets copyrighted here.

Maithili: Ok so let’s hear something about your tastes then!

Suruchi: You mean apart from the chocolate bar that just got tasted and mmmmm-ed? I like music, movies, used to like reading books, teaching and a whole lot of blogging!

Maithili: We know of your love for blogging so we will move on to the teaching. Are you like that Miss Chandni from ‘Mein hoon na’ kind of a teacher?

Suruchi: Haha...how I wish-if not her IQ her statistics would do! But naah, no saree ka palloo lehraaoinghere and no Shahrukh Khan types students either. Though I manage to get one or two doting ones every year!

Maithili: Boys will be boys and every boy has a crush on one of his teacher in his school time. Any experience of the same?

Suruchi: There have been some cute students who have studied with me in senior classes and grown really fond-like one has become a pilot and still keeps in touch, another is working in the US and manages to find time for me whenever he comes visiting home. Baaki sab compliments try karte hain-just so that the teaching time gets reduced as ma'am would get all flushed and smug.

Maithili: Any pranks that you remember in particular?

Suruchi: Okay, there have been some funny ones. Like when I was teaching in a school many, many years ago, there was an essay to be written on “Nehru and his Public life” and there was this prankster of a boy who deliberately omitted the alphabet “L” in public on the entire page just to see me cringe. I made him read the essay in front of the whole class and watch him self-correct his speech, though a bit sheepishly. Then there was this little girl with whom I was doing genders-I asked her the Feminine of ram (male sheep) and she answered very confidently-Sita. Such recurring experiences light up an otherwise boring teaching day sometimes.

Maithili: Ohhh so smart students I would say! What's the most memorable line used by a student to hit on you?

SuruchI: Tch, koi memorable line nahi yaar-very non-innovative types I must say-fortunately or unfortunately they don't go beyond the "Ma'am you are looking very nice today" or "Ma'am, new haircut...niiiiiceeee"

Maithili: For getting hooked their cool ma'am helps them right? I did read somewhere that you give them ideas *looks smug*

Suruchi: Yes, ma'am-guilty for doing that a couple of times with completely love-lost soul-as in they were so droopy with hopeless unrequited love that they could give gravity a run for its money.

Suruchi: Baaki I am a very serious teacher by the way, just in case some student/student's mom stumbles upon DOV-it is hugely popular now, you know.

Maithili: Now who wouldn't want a teacher like that! No wonder you enjoy such popularity. Now turning on to your blog, more than 200 followers and in a way they have all become audience to your life now. Doesn't that make you apprehensive to post everything that comes to your mind?

Suruchi: Not at all because there is no other way that I know of writing than being blunt and personal. I don't know a flying fig about politics or social issues-all I can do is rip myself apart with the outrageous to gather some laughter or together strip the ridiculous that I see around.

And god has been kind to keep me in insane situations for these 200 people to be entertained. In fact when everything's going in order and as per my plans and very methodical, I know I have missed something. Although trust me there is loads I wanna talk about that I can't for the very reason that there are many known people among the readers.

Maithili: Do your family members read it? Has your writing ever bothered your other half?

Suruchi: My family members read my blog occasionally (like when I pull them by the collar and make them sit before the screen with a bucketful of emotional blackmail) and my better half says that he is “content with half the world reading me as he has better things to do with me instead." So gets away with "Absent" marked on My Tumbling Thoughts. Besides, he knows I am mostly bantering and exaggerating and harmless like a jalebi.

Maithili: Well, you are indeed lucky to have G support you to write what you want!

Suruchi: Yes, it has developed into a mutually comfortable zone. Stupidity is not a crime, so I get away with it. He knows I love being me and I love him just being.

Suruchi: Though sometimes I toy with the idea of an anonymous blog. You know where I can crib about my mother-in-law, do loads of blah-blah on sex and not watch eyebrows being raised and stuff and also flirt my guts out without bothering about my sindoor...sigh!

Maithili: That is every woman's dream my lady! Although you do have that option at DOV.

Suruchi: I know right, but then DOV went on to become hugely popular, so you never know. We'll let some secrets lie silent in my little heart. I decided both of us-my blog and me, can't look good at the same time, so I juggle between doing one thing good at a time.

Maithili: Speaking about looking good, why are we not getting any beauty tips from the Beauty Queen?

Suruchi: Because the Beauty Queen is losing her throne sitting so much on the net that her butt is growing too big for it! Koi beauty nahi hain yaar...it is just strategic clicking of pictures.

Maithili: Now you are being humble! Didn't you win a beauty contest once?

Suruchi: Oh my god-how did you get that random fact? This was in school farewell where I was crowned the Miss SMC and that was also probably due to the fact that I was the School Captain and hence popular. And sometimes not just love is blind-judges can be too.

Maithili: I told you I came prepared to interview you! Not too many people can be blind to your beauty darling!

Suruchi: Awwww...and full marks to Ms Perfectionist! Anyways, those who compliment us for our beauty-you know all that shoo-shaa on Fb n all...at some level, every woman knows how to demarcate between flattery for a purpose and genuine appreciation. There are very few genuine things and people around these days.

Maithili: Yes agreed on that part.. You are one blogger who speaks her mind, shares her photos and adds bloggers to her facebook account. What would you say about private life on public domain? Where does one draw a line?

Suruchi: See it is all very individualistic. I feel that if I am reading someone's thoughts over a period of time on his blog page or he on mine, there is no reason why he may not get admission into my space on facebook. And I am always the one who believes in seeing good in people till they absolutely prove it otherwise. One may and should share about their lives on blogs/social networking sites, etc. Otherwise what else is the purpose of these-we don't want to hear inspirational quotes on statuses which we can any day hear on Astha Channel on the idiot box. Although one must be careful of whom they are allowing into their private sphere for sure, especially the young girls

Maithili: A very good perspective on this! This already looks like a good topic for discussion!

Suruchi: You know a lot of people have told me to be discreet on my blog, like there was an anonymous comment once and the person said-

 “I know where you live, when you go for a walk, how many times you have sex and whom you have had crushes on...Don't you think your entire life is out there?”

And I thought even if it was, so what? Just because I wrote a post on having sex 5 times a week, does not mean that I am inviting entries for it or the fact that where I go for a walk, would make readers want to travel all the way to Kanpur to kidnap me? Bull shit is expected but not accepted!

Maithili: Wow lady! A very bold take on this! You have not written for the discussion on blog this month. Any reason?

Suruchi: Naah, just not finding time Miaths-Seeya keeps me on the toes and the festivities keep me dressed like a cake, so leaves me with less of what I really want to do. But even regarding the virginity issue-I feel it is no longer such an awaited moment as it used to be before...youngsters have little hang ups about being physical and it is growing rather silly to expect to marry virgins. Although I always tell my young friends or anyone who asks me for this advice -even if you have been in relationships, there is no need to be Satyavadi Harish Chandra to your newly married husband and vomit it all. Many men still have an ego when it comes to knowing "their" girl has been physically intimate with someone before.

Maithili: But don't you think a relation should start with a plain slate? The partners should have prior info on each other?

Suruchi: It is alright when one is being friendly with someone and then gradually a relationship develops. But in arranged marriages, one should not take the risk. And while detailing everywhere else helps, not here, when it comes to describing about your colourful past! I mean there is no reason why the naya naya husband should have to sit through a meet-my-reality session on a couch.

Maithili: Turning on from the in depth discussion to the rapid fire round now

You would have to answer these very quick!

Suruchi: Yes, but Seeya's got up from her sleep and I'll try my best to keep her from pressing onto the keys.

Maithili: 5 words which describe Suruchi-only FIVE words.

Suruchi: Lively, dependable, witty, loving and charming.

Maithili: What would do the first thing if you turned a man RIGHT now?

Suruchi: You mean what I would do to a turned on man or what I would do to turn a man on...my god, just a few words, change it all, doesn't it?

Maithili: Yes, if you turned into a man?

Suruchi: Oh, I would go and propose to a whole lot of women using as many pick up lines as possible without the fear of hearing "Tere ghar mein ma-behen nahi hain kya?” and being affected by it.

Maithili: Although I’m all ears now to hear the answer to the "turned on" man question too!

Suruchi: Haha...which part? It is easy to turn on men yaar-may be coz they are technically never turned off. They just go on a "silent" mode

Maithili: Hehe well said madame.

Maithili: If you were a type of food what would you be?

Suruchi: Chocolates, of course, they can be used in so many ways and so pleasurable-what else can be as gratifying?

Maithili: You would like to be used in those gratifying ways? Ahaan?

Suruchi: Nopes, I would like to be pleasurable, all said and done.

Maithili: If you were written about in the newspaper, on the front page, what would the headline say?

Suruchi: The headline would probably say-"A little known blogger shoots to stardom after world-wide internet sites come crashing down due to hits made on her bog"....very lame, I know, but the write up following it would be juicy as there would be mini world wars for me. Such complacent souls we are-zyaada kuch nahi maangte! There is an angel inside of me, whom I am constantly shocking!

Maithili: Well I don't mind you shooting to fame but crashing www could be heart breaking for me.

Suruchi: haha...it has to be dhamaakedar na.

Maithili: What's the most touching thing G has done for you?

Suruchi: Well, besides always wanting to be touchy, once in the early years of our marriage, I was in a really sad mood and almost cried on the phone, he came home from office, during the middle of the day and stayed with me for a couple of hours-that was a great gesture from someone who's a work-o-holic. He keeps doing little things every now and then which matter more than the big ones

Maithili: Awww that is really what matters right?

Suruchi: Yes, he isn't the types to sing songs or write poetry or read my blogs to show that he cares...but he is the kinds to bring a chocolate without fail on every Karva Chauth, to take my side when I am cribbing about something until i simmer down, to respect my parents a whole lot, even more than me, ask me what bothers me even after I tell him a hundred times that it is nothing...and all this makes a huge difference at the end of the day.

Maithili: Indeed you are a lucky woman..

Suruchi: Thank you.

                                  That's Suruchi, Seeya and G

Maithili: What turns you on instantly?

Suruchi: Gimme a witty conversationalist-any day! Wit and a good repartee-it starts and ends with it.

Maithili: Have you ever Adam teased?

Suruchi: Oh tons of times-in college we used to gang up at popular hang outs and tease some shy ones with loud comments made randomly. And then there were the times of prank calls.

Maithili: And what is the naughtiest thing you have done in such pranks?

Suruchi: I managed to get clicked with a very cute guy, first asking him to click a picture for us and then generally chit chatting and eventually he became like a group buddy-ah, good old school days!

Suruchi: Maiths, I have to go as Seeya is refusing to get distracted...can we finish this later in the evening?

Maithili: ok sure, we will continue this session later.


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Maithili: Hey welcome back to the interview.

Suruchi: Hi, thank you.

Maithili: So we were at the rapid fire round...

Suruchi: Oh god, still? Yes ma'am, shoot.

Maithili: When you enter a room what is the general reaction you get?

Suruchi: Big smiles, a mischievous wink sometimes and a general pleasant welcome and where I don't get these-I just don't enter. Also often people expect me to walk in and they give me the expectant look that ah, here she comes-now make us laugh.

Maithili: So you are the bubbly types who set the party on fire!

Suruchi: Often yes, also because I am so full of double meaning statements

Maithili: Tell me who is the person who you first turn to, when you are upset?

Suruchi: The first person used to be my mom...now there are friends coz mom used to end up being more upset than me and I ended cheering her up than being cheered. I have been blessed to find some of my best friends through the blogosphere.

Maithili: That is great! And here come to the end of the rapid fire round.

Suruchi: Phew! Thank god...I don't like rapid things so much.

Maithili: You gave some swift and smart replies! So a pat on your back for this round!

Suruchi: Thank you, thank you...Don't I get a coffee hamper or something?

Maithili: Ah we wish we could give away those, but we are pretty much bankrupt here at DOV. Okay so moving on from rapid fire, we have last two questions. Every woman goes through a rough patch... Any experience you would like to share- in love, marriage, friends or motherhood?

Suruchi: Ah, well, I had a very rough time before my daughter Seeya came along-it was almost ten years of trying for a baby and not succeeding that took its toll on me and me too. But then things looked up! There were times when you lose faith in yourself, god and those around you...when all actions are doubted as though they are aimed at a set motive-it was the lowest point in my life...and then we found Seeya. She's been like a bright star though a very twinkling one-going on and off with mischief and trouble to awakening a very dormant motherly feeling in me.

Maithili: Well Seeya is most definitely the brightest spark in your life. Also I am proud of you for giving Seeya such a wonderful life.

Suruchi: You know it was not like the easiest or most natural decision for me. I was unlike most girls who grow up with dreams of a husband and house and children-I almost never saw me doing or with all that. I was too busy doing my own things and went along with the flow. A child has brought stability in me which I lacked. And she is magnetic when it comes to gathering attention and affection.

                                     Like mother like daughter..

Maithili: I have seen that in the thousand expressions your princess gives for the camera!

Suruchi: Haha, she's gone on me-the chocolate and burger fetish, the insane love with the camera, the mockery of horror stories or anything conjured to scare her, wet kisses, nautanki and smiling to get away with stuff-I guess influences rub in.

Maithili: She is tailor made to be your daughter!

Suruchi: Or perhaps we were separated at god ji ke tailor ka mela to unite again on earth.I just hope she is not half as mad and as yearning to flirt as I am

Maithili: Ahh, now you are going to have a tough time with that.

Suruchi: I know-keeping away prying boys and the escalating curiosity of little girls-OH MY GOD!

                                       She learn't it early- the posing from her mom!

Maithili: And finally we come to the question- Suruchi's life-any regrets or guilt?

Suruchi: Yes, the only regret is I should have studied more and done something with my life before succumbing to the marriage pressure. It is absolutely necessary that girls learn to stand on their feet and make their mark before shaadi, though I make up for it in my little ways.

And guilt-naaah! What we do wrong, we make amends and life goes on-nothing is forever and neither is no one.

Maithili: Thank you Suruchi for your wonderful interview for DOV

Suruchi: You are most welcome Maiths, it was my pleasure. It was like talking so much about ME for a change-thank you for giving me my celebrity moment. Lemme circulate some muaaaahs also in the air, just for the perfect closure.

*muaaah

The Jing-Bang of a Family!

Yes, this is in dedication to the big fat clan I belong to-The Arora battalion as I like to fondly call them. I hail from a very widely spread out family tree whose roots and branches are hell bent on spreading in as far a direction as would be physically possible for them. Often people ask me, ‘So how many people are there in your in-laws?’ And I say, ‘You name an in-law that should be and surely would a hand be raised to mark present!’

If I got you baffled here just imagine a typical Sooraj Barjatya flick with an over the top family saga and endless characters taking up the screen space-you’d get a picture of things in my humble abode, only a bit doubled for the members in line here go on and on and on. After my wedding I even jokingly asked our chaiji, my father-in-law’s mother, ‘Aapke zamaane mein family planning nahi hote the na?’ We have five generations living in the same house and all together. And hey, we better not come in the eyes of the Population Control Board else taxes and fines would make us national headlines.

I remember the time I had just got engaged to my dearly beloved. Before putting a tick mark on me by the ‘boy’ there had to be a preview of the ‘girl’ from the boy’s side. So a meeting was arranged in a temple ground and my mom, me and a family friend who got the negotiations started, waited there under the shade of a tree with bated breath, to let them come and the on-the-display ceremony to commence. A big car came to a screeching halt, followed by another car not so big. I was wondering if a police escort drill is under way, when there emerged a seasoned smart lady, followed by another and then yet another and ho!ho! another still! A pretty young thing came out next and then another and another and more galore! Made me wonder how just two cars could have possibly contained so many people or did they sit on each other’s laps and in the bonnet and come?

Oh my good god! Almost the whole jing bang had arrived to inspect whether the prospective new entrant in the family was good enough or not. I looked here and I looked there-anywhere I looked, a specimen of the Arora battalion smiled sheepishly at me and I smiled back. I could sense being eyed from top to bottom and didn’t know what to do to hide my bountiful bottom for even if I faced one-my butt faced another. The introductions came about followed by-what have you studied beta and what do you like to do in your free time- I mean reallyyyy, I was wondering at the back of my mind-they STILL ask these questions? Thank god for small mercies, I didn’t have to bring in a tray of tea and enumerate which all snacks I had made for then they would have to suffice with Maggi and whether the tea cosy was hand embroidered by moi. I was almost anticipating the unfurling of a scroll with some questionnaire and was gearing up with my general knowledge and home science when soon they lost interest in me almost insulting hain na? and a bitching and gossiping session went under way against those unfortunate members who were not present there at that time I later realized that it was a sort of family tradition, carried on perhaps through generations-a little gossip keeps our doctors away. And my god, they were explicit-it was as though I was suddenly transparent and so were they-I mused, ‘Kya family hain!’

Anyways, I passed the litmus test and also finally the boy-meeting-the-girl- test which was strictly "private"-just twenty people from the clan as against four of mine with flying colours because my dearly beloved says he was hooked at first sight. The ‘rooka’ ceremony at my beloved’s home soon came by and yo-ho, more members and more introductions! I was almost tempted to check the closets to ascertain if there were few of them hiding in there because they kept tumbling out at astonishingly regular intervals. 'Beta, yeh hain bade papa, yeh chote papa, yeh Abc papa, yeh Cde papa and more papas and chachas and tayajis and buas and masis and mamis' and endless list of cousins popping out and asking, bhabhi, you remember me don’t you? Ya sure, I would say-you are the cute one, you are the intelligent one, you are the sweet one because honest to goodness, I would be damned if I said I remembered what their parents addressed them with yes, diplomacy is my middle name sometimes. Since the gift envelopes in my hand were doubling with the same lightning speed, I gave up counting heads in a while for even in utter helplessness we women tend to not lose sight of monetary delights amassing within our reach to splurge.

After that was the toe touching ritual. I was pleading to bhagwan ji in my mind-why can’t they all just stand in a line so in one breathe I go about touching everyone’s feet and get over with it. I was even contemplating to suggest the flying-toe touching version like the flying kiss ones. I mean, I had to bend and then stand, bend again and straighten up, hold the neck of my kurta from sinking dangerously low and then bend again. I truly believe that severe back aches in women are an indirect outcome of the toe touching rituals that they are subjected to and also if everyone lived in joint families like these they would not need gyming never mind the fact that I still do-it proves I am exceptional in more ways than one.

At the next meeting with my dearly beloved, I went all armed to face the crisis-a big art sheet, a pencil and a rubber. I drew a big tree and then a flowchart of the members and their siblings with offspring and their off springs and any other extensions I should know of. All names neatly written and relations enumerated for me to go home and mug up and also tell my parents so that they do not commit any blunders that cause the words, "Baraat wapas le chalo" uttered at the mandap and me saying a long, screeching 'Naaahiinnnnn!' And here I had thought my education days were over! My father- in-law has four real brothers and a sister and then his father had many siblings and thereby a cartload of chachas and cousins whom I don’t think I would be able to humanly categorize or recognize even now or ever in this birth!

So like this, a nuclear family girl got entry into a big household, thronged with people of all shapes and sizes, egos and magnanimities, sweetness and sourness-and boy what a ride it has been!

If we could ever collect everyone at one place to be clicked, we'd probably look like this!

 Each one here has welcomed me with such open arms in their existing fabrics that I never felt that I didn’t belong here in the first place. Being the youngest I feel so overwhelmed when everyone pampers me to the hilt-all my eccentricities are ignored and whims upheld as they go out of their way to show how much they care. And the children of the house and I, have formed mutual admiration societies. When the whole clan gets together, the guffaws can be heard till miles down the street and the dirtiest of naughty minds were all born and nurtured here. We can never have small gatherings or small hearts. Oh God! I must have done something right to deserve this and hope and pray that I and they continue to do so!