Life Lessons from Tanu Weds Manu Returns

Pic Courtesy: Google Images / zingtv.in

Last evening I saw this movie 'Tanu Weds Manu Returns". Kangana Ranaut is outstanding, Outstanding is a very small word to describe her performance. A new hero is born, The hero is Kangana

This is not a movie review post, its something that the movie gave lessons about, just a few dialogues say a lot

1. "Weekdays pe 4 kabootar, 4 racoon k alava kuch nahi hota"
Seriously, that's true, You live in a foreign country, your husband goes away to work. You don't have family there. There is this timezone difference, when you are awake, your family and friends here are asleep. You can't get a job easily. You don't have a maid, a iron guy, a milkman, a car wash guy so you do everything on your own. Your have been there long and have gone to most of the nearby places.
Nothing else to do except for everyday monotony. Its bound to make an person irritable and nagging
People may show a rosy picture of the country on Facebook, but reality might be different

2. 'chaar saal mei 1st year acha tha, fir ye aadmi apna asli rang dikhane laga"
First year of marriage is always the best, happy, fun, roaming, lots of sex, regularly eating out, weekly movies. But, later, say after 2-3-4 years there are kids, a new house, its EMI's, parents to take care of, a career to take care of
I don't say that the fun part goes out of the window, but it does reduce.
Expecting the same things that you had during the honeymoon phase or courtship phase is dumb

This movie also shows many other things,

1. Love is the base of any relationship.
Every relationships have fights. The trick is to come to a conclusion in those fights. Prolonging those fights doesn't take you anywhere. Fight. Talk, Shout. End and never speak about it again

2. Marriage counselors are not bad news
Getting married is no big deal, staying married requires effort.
If the couple, can't sort issues by themselves, its not wrong to consult a marriage counselor.
Its just like, you fall sick, you self medicate, you don't get alright and you visit a doctor

3. Never change yourself after marriage
Your partner married you knowing exactly what you are. They love you for what you are and not what you have turned into.
Tanu becomes this lone girl after marriage whereas she is this bubbly, chirpy girl before her marriage and she become one as soon as she comes back.

4. Communicate
Many relationships fall apart because of misunderstandings.
Talk to your partner,
"I am angry I wont talk"
 "let him / her come and talk"
 'Why should I go first, is his fault"
No, relationships don't work that way.
Ego and love cannot go well together, burst that ego bubble, talk it out and sort it out else some third person will come in and create a mess of your relation
Eg: This Chintu guy, sends a divorce notice without Tanu's consent and Tanu didn't call and clarify to Manu on it

5. As far as possible, sort issues between yourself before involving a third party or another family member
After Manu is pushed in the mental hospital, Tanu could have gone there are bailed him out instead of calling his friend to London
Manu might have been angry for a while, but later he would realize that Tanu got him out of that hospital because she loves him

6. Keep your friends close 
At the time of crisis, Tanu's ex-boyfriend now-friend Raja was her biggest support. Your friends will have your back even after you being a real ass with them

7. Test tube baby is not a sin
in today's world, with all the stress involved, the health might take a toll and there might be various reasons to not conceiving naturally.
Its not wrong to take medical help to have a baby.

8. Rebound is bad news
Just because you had a massive showdown with your spouse doesn't mean you rush into another relationship as a revenge. Its not just wrong to your spouse, its wrong for the person whom you have a relationship too.

9. Parents want the best for their kids.
Manu's mom shouts ar Tanu for leaving him in a mental hospital
Any mom would, its obvious. Her baby is in trouble.
You break an egg on your brother's head, its obvious your mom is going to give you a long lecture for half a day, till you go and hug her.

10. Not all in-laws are monsters
Manu's mom and dad, support Tanu all the while. They shout at her but still care for their daughter-in-law

11. Love cant be forced
This guy Manu's friend goes all the way to Punjab for the girl he loves, who simply says that she sees him only as a friend. He tries to even kidnap her, but even after all this she did not love him.
Love cant be forced, it just happens

12. Love conquers all
Love hurts
Love brings happiness
Love brings tears
Love in the end makes everything alright

So that's all folks!

Sunglasses

*knock knock* "hey" is all I said
Her back was to the door but she didn't have to turn to see who it was, she knew me just too well to recognize my voice "hey" she said

"Woah, what tha...I mean..you are looking like a girl today"
She quips "I have to, its my wedding dumbo, by the way, how am i looking?"

"Not bad, too much gold, why do you think I am wearing sunglasses"

She hits my arm are walks away carrying that heavily embellished lehenga of hers "Looking dumb with those sunglasses" her voice trials away

Why am I wearing sunglasses, I think to myself?
'Pretty girl, I am wearing sunglasses to hide my feelings"
"I am sorry, I hurt you when you were readily giving me your heart"
"I am sorry, I broke your heart when you said I love you"
"I am sorry to walk away holding someone else's hand when you had tears in your eyes because of me"

I realized I love you, I always have. But, I realized it too late.

Today, I see you waving me good bye, I feel my heart tearing apart. I see you walking to a man who is adoringly looking at you, and I have knots of the size of a football in my stomach.
Have you fallen out of love for me? Or have you given up on me?"

She turns to me and smiles.

My girl, All I want to do now is to run to you a take her in my arms and tell you how much I love you
I lost the diamond in search of rocks.

Baby girl, I am wearing this glasses to hide my tears, when right now I want to hug you and weep on your lap"

Me feet feel like stones when I walk towards you "You are looking stunning honey" I mean every word girl.

I'm wearing these sunglasses because its a horrible feeling to see you go away forever.
Good bye Sweetheart!

"The hardest thing in the world is to see the one you love with they one they love"

True Love is...

Doc: "Your BP is high, Cholesterol is high, Are you taking the medicines are prescribed?"
Ram: "Yes, Chitra my wife makes sure that I do" *Looks at his wife Chitra*
Doc to Chitra "Chitraji, the medicines are not really working. You have to take care of his diet too"
Chitra 'I do doctor, but he doesn't it anything, he has just lost his appetite and hates healthy food"

On the dinner table, Ram refuses all the healthy meal that Chitra has made. this goes on for a few days.
Ram: "I hate this saltless, boiled veggies"
Chitra "Well, we need to get that BP in control right"

Secretly, everyday Ram goes out and has samosas, chaats, batata vadas, and Chitra poor thing, makes all the healthy food that Ram keeps rejecting.

Dejected Chitra, walks down to the market and catches Ram red handed with a plate of Onion bhajiyas.
Guilt ridden Ram, doesn't have the guts to go home.
He roams around the streets all day thinking
"Cmon, i cant have that boiled food, I am no patient"
"She dictates too much, i am not going to go home"
"Today is the last day of her commanding me what to eat. Divorce it is"
"I wont go home this time, the divorce papers will"

Its 11.30pm, Ram thinks "Its almost midnight, she must have slept, will go home and check"

He enters the house, switches on the light and sees Chitra sitting on the dinner table.
Guity Ram, looks down, he just cant get enough guts to face Chitra. He knows what Chitra did is for his own good. On the table he sees a letter and a covered plate.

The letter says "If you want to have poison, you should have told me, I would have given it to you instead of hogging out"

Courtesy: Google Images

Ram lifts the cover over the plate, it has bhaiyas, jalebis, vadas, pizza. Ram pushes the plate away.

Ram sheepishly looks at Chitra and holds his ears, looking like the Puss in Boots from the movie Shrek. Seeing him, Chitra's heart melts and she smiles and says "Even after 40 years, I just can be angry at you if you make that baby face sweetheart" and gives Ram a bowl of boiled veggies and his medicine.

Ram pics up one boiled broccoli and raises a toast with his fork "For you smile, my lovely wife"

True love is Forgive and Forget is the key, 
Sometimes something tasteless can bring a dash of spice into your life.

Its a true story inspired by my parents

Sometimes

Some relationships are strange

Like ours,

Sometimes we are friends
Sometimes we are lovers
Sometimes we are just strangers to each other

Sometimes we can share so many things even in silence
Sometimes even many words don't say anything

Sometimes only "I'm there for you" is needed
Sometimes being there isn't enough
Sometimes "I love you" seems so true
Sometimes "Leave me alone" feels like a lie

Sometimes one hug from you makes the world seem alright
Sometimes even nicest gift from you doesn't bring a smile

Sometimes...in life..relationships are strange..

Love is...

Love, Its such a small word and is such a powerful feeling.
I never knew that I had the capability to love someone so much and be loved back more than I have ever expected.

In my past, I have been in what I though was love. It wasn't, now i know that for sure.It might have been very strong attraction, a lot of like, big infatuation but not love.

Love is when someone has tears in his eyes, in front of his family and friends, on his own wedding mandap, when he saw me cry in my father's arms.

Love is when he holds my hand tight, when he knows I might breakdown anytime while bidding good-bye to my parents.

Love is, when no matter how far, he comes to pick you up despite him having prior commitments.

Love is, when he calls 10 times a day, just to make sure you aren't lonely.

Love is when he wants you to go out independently in a new city, but still subtly tells you that he is there whenever I need him.

Love is fighting and making up over a cup of coffee.

Love is, when you cough in the middle of the night and he who is lying beside you is all alert and asks "you ok? need something?"

Love is, when the kitchen shelf bangs, and he comes running in to see if I am ok.

Love is, when he tries everything in his hands to make you comfortable.

Love is when, he tries real hard to plan surprises for you.

Love is when you know that he is there.

Love is that,silent side glances while he is driving.

Love is holding hands on the car gear.

Love is, laughing over stupid jokes.

Love is, keeping each other annoying animal names.

Love is, to see him smile when he sees his lunch box.

Love is, that warm hug on a cold night.

Love is, him wrapping a blanket around you just because you were "looking" as if you were freezing to him.

Love is, that smile he has pasted on his face, when he sees you. (Such smiles are reserved only for you)

Love is when you both act stupid together.

Love is, when  he books a ticket for your parents as a surprise for you, just because you said you are missing your parents.

Love is us.

Its a great feeling be loved by the person you love.

To Do Or Not To Do

I'm in such a juncture of my life where on one side I have "happily" married or pretend to be happily married couples..and on the other side I have late 20's and 30 somethings singles..

Well, I have always been a very patient listener to all my buddies...
Reason? simple..i love to listen to the saga's other people's life..Basically I love gossip.

I  am perfectly happy with my "i-dunno-whats-happening" relationship status until my 30 something spinster girl buddy make a "Droopy dog" like face and rants saying
"Dee, I want to get married"
"Dee, I need a companion"
"Dee, its high time you settle down before your biological clock stops ticking"
"Dee, settle down with who ever comes along...your too old to stick to your checklist"

I mean..woahhh..ok..I know you are going nuts and paranoid..but please don't let it get on to others...you make me feel like a lonely old lady with a black cat in a mansion that's always dark and lightening falling only on my mansion...

Why cant you see the happy part of your life?
No responsibilities...No one to answer...Attention from every eligible/not eligible opposites..
Besides marriage is just a legal license for sex...and babies...love comes when you  both are like 40 or 50 only (its a proven fact)..

Then I have my "married" buddies of every stage i.e. newly married, 2 years married, married with toddlers, married and pregnant....you get the picture right..

They drool all over me talking about exotic vacations....the "romp"...the shopping...and also whine about
"i loved my single life"..
"i hate to get up in the morning and cook"
"my kid keeps crying all night"
"sorry i cant come for the night out like before ya...you know my mishtarr doesn't like it" things...

And that.....makes me feel that I am missing out on something...or am i really missing anything at all?

but then for some reason I'm least bothered about both kinds of buddies...wondering why?

Maybe I'm so saturated with both that my head has stopped responding either of them...
Have made peace with myself...whooosssaaaaaa.....

I feel so blessed now..Or maybe I am in a simple denial mode

Dialogs for my kinda state
1. Duniya gai tel lagane..
2. Bhaad mei jaaye...
3. mara jaa...
4. To hell with it..
5. Yeah..ok..well...huh...what?

Someone I can't have

I love her because she doesn't belong in my world

I am protective about her, for I know my deeds might kill her

She is my sunshine and that's why I keep her away from my dark alley life

Some girls are good, Some girls are bad

She comes in mixed flavors

She is the best I have ever had

My life is about cars, drugs and money

With her my life is about, flowers, smiles and love

Most of my acts instill fear in people,

It takes me more courage to love her and not lose her

Girls come, girls go

Girls warm my bed,

The condoms in my bed stand gets used

But, its her I want to keep safe

Its her I want to kiss good night

Its her, my love, whom I can never have

Bruised, battered and still going strong

In 6 months of her married life, there hasn't been more than 6 days that Neeti has spent happy and contented. Every moment she lived in dread and fright. Fright of her husband Ritesh.

It was an late arranged marriage, 4 months of courtship after the engagement, Ritesh was like a dream come true for Neeti. Good looking, well settled, good family, caring, loving NRI from Canada. He used to take care of Neeti's small small wishes, give her surprises. He sweeped her off her feet, the moment he and his family had come to see her. Neeti just knew that Ritesh is the one for her.

But, not even in her scariest dreams had she thought. what Ritesh might turn into after their wedded life. The first night in her martial home Ritesh came in the bedroom, reeking alcohol. Neeti thought maybe it was his friend who had made him drink.
Her Ritu, was just innocent. But, her assumptions were so wrong. Neeti got a shock of her life when Ritesh flung is arms and placed an unexpected slap on Neeti's specially made up face. The shock was so intense that even tears just stung into her eyes. Neeti was suddenly hearing so many loud abuses flung towards her. She had no idea, what she had done to get all this.
After a while, drunk Ritesh fell asleep on their decorated martial bed. Slowly, realization dawned into Neeti and she spent her first martial night weeping into her beautiful saree.
Next morn was another mixed emotions for Neeti, when a paled faced, sober Ritesh came to her an apologized for his irate behavior last night. Neeti was happy, that Ritesh did realize and hoped that this wouldn't ever happen again. She loved him so much that his, guilt-ridden baby face made her heart melt.
Their honeymoon was lovely and peaceful, amidst the serene nature of Manali. After their honeymoon, Neeti and Ritesh flew back to Canada.

Neeti's ordeal started immediately after she returned from hre honeymoon..Every night Ritesh would come home in an inebriated state,... beat Neeti black and blue, forcibly bed her and sleep off. Next morning he would apologize.
Neeti couldn't face her poor parents because they always wanted to see her happy, her in laws were far away. She was left there, to face her ordeal alone. 30 year old, Bubble, Lively Neeti was now reserved, shy, scared Neeti. She never went out, since the scars were very evident of her body.  She never spoke to her neighbors, dreading their questioning stares.

The neighbors, would many a times hear loud banging, and a sobbing woman. Many times, she would want to run out of the door, but the strange country and her life long teachings of a good wife made her stay back.

Neeti's tears had ceased to flow too, her body now became accustomed to the abuse, every night she would expect Ritesh to whip her nerves off her body and the day he falls flat on the bed without beating her, she says a million thanks to the Almighty.,

After 3 months of constant harassment,Neeti felt very sick and nauseous, a shiver went through her body when she realized that she was pregnant. The moment when she should have been ecstatic, Neeti was dreading the prospect of nurturing a baby with a man like Ritesh. But, she knew she cant or wont kill her child.
She knew, she would guard her baby against the tyranny of Ritesh. The love of her unborn baby was so much that Neeti gained an unknown courage, to walk out of her house, with just the little money that she saved in search of happiness..in search of life....in search of a a future for her unborn baby

Today, there are a millions of Neeti's in the world who have walked out of the traditional typical wife character to make a happy life for themselves

Ladies, Never take an abuse quietly, you are no one's slave. You arent born to impress anyone. Put your happiness first. Speak out. There are ears out there to listen to you..there are hearts out there to love you..there are arms out there to take care of you. You are not alone

Pic Courtsey: www.fanpop.com

The Men in my Life-The What-if Men!

(This is an excerpt from a magazine article written by a famous female writer Tishani Doshi. I found the piece truly intriguing and an echo of my own sentiment...gawsh, how I wish I had written it! Anyways, I share it here and hope it stirs you too. Kudos to the thought!)

Male female relationships are circumscribed by expectations and slotted into categories- boyfriend, father, brother, friend. But some elude this classification and testify to the pleasure of the detour. These bonds flirt on the lines between formality and intimacy and yet these are often men that we still want despite it all.

“In recent years I have come to realize that it’s impossible and a little unfair to expect one man to fulfil all your intellectual, emotional and sexual needs. Once you get your head around this idea and let go of the monochromatic, either-or vision of the world, you begin to see a whole grey spectrum out there. The relationships that are most important to me now are those that defy category or logic. I call them my what-if men. What if he weren’t married? What if he lived in the same city? What if he weren’t ultra religious or didn’t do drugs or loved dogs? The range of the what-if man is truly awesome.

A relationship with a what-if man is a nurturing one, it may be fleeting or permanent, but it is nothing like the cliché of an affair, which is hot and hurried and poof! Love and sexual tension may hover over the periphery, but for it to really work, certain boundaries have to be maintained- that’s right, no sex because physical intimacy puts a spin on things and slides it into murky territory.

You may hold hands with your what-if man or not. You may unburden your darkest secrets and fears or not. You may consider each other as your ‘back up’ or not. The joy is in recognizing something special in another human being, in making that connection regardless of timing and circumstances, and learning how to draw fire from it.

My favourite what-if man is 40 years older than me: a demigod in his own country, a poet and a political hero. We meet once in a year, if we are lucky; eat spaghetti alle vongale and drink copious amount of wine. We talk about ways of living and share histories. When people look at us, undoubtedly they’re thinking, what’s going on there? But it is nothing inappropriate or sleazy. It’s just what-if. What if he were younger or I older? We meet, we talk, we return to our lives, and we carry the other person with us.

The great beauty in what-if is that you never take anything for granted because there is no ownership or expectation. It enjoys a longevity that other relationships can’t sustain and it exists in continuity always shifting and moving to accommodate both your worlds. The what-if man represents possibility, yearning. His place is never fixed. If you know what you want and what you are willing to allow, it’s worth having a what-if man or two or three in your life; like manna straight from the skies.”

  

P.S. (Caution, mini post ahead):

Hi everyone! I don’t even know how to show my face for I have been so badly missing in action here. But when Maiths told me that the discussion for the month was “Men in our life”, and poked me to write, I could not resist the temptation to create this-almost a confession box of sorts. While I was scrolling down the articles already posted, I was amazed that some of you wonderful women thought of your father and brothers when “men” per se were referred to. I must have been born under a stupid, horny, faulty by default star for my first thought at this mention went to all the drool worthy male specimens that have come into my life and decided to stay. As for father/brothers/uncles/cousins... oh yes, thanks for reminding that these are guys too, for as such they relegate to the backgrounds as the air you take for granted.

Through blogging I have interacted with some of the wittiest of heads and three of them have become the fabric of my life and in communication with me from years. It is sometimes quite amusing to admit that my best friend, with whom I yack my heart out is actually an amazing 22 years old software engineer, who is in a relationship with the girl he loves, after I badgered him enough to do so. He started by calling me ‘fairy godmother’ but soon realized how I juggle between my halo and horns and the ‘fairy’ part disappeared. He is often hearing me out with such awe, as though my word is the epitome of truth that affects his thinking. He is half mad, overflowing with facts that he knows I don’t care a damn about, most brutally subjected to my poor jokes and possibly the funniest guy I have known.

Another is a 26 years old engineer again, who is a cassanova online yet the cutest, most sharmila guy otherwise. The repartee he churns out garnished with his super sexy voice makes him an irresistible catch. He came out of anonymity for me after almost half a year of me pestering him for that. He has a beautiful mind and such gentlemanly mannerisms that often I feel like the man here when I sometimes throw my flirting volleys at him. He just laughs and calls me crazy.

The third is another 25 years old animation expert, mighty deep and no-nonsense sweetheart with whom it all began after ages ago he had read my blog and we became best of friends. He does not write per se but expresses himself better in words than most I know. He has no qualms in saying “bahut kameene ho aap” when I pull his leg too much for not being able to lose his virginity yet despite being in the U.S of A. He is what girls should take home to mommy.

These are men who know me inside out and still want to know more. These are men I have never met and probably would never either. They NEVER compliment me...in fact you’d see them pulling my leg all over Facebook. But I know that if I were on my death bed, they would come from remote corners of the earth to see me, just so that they could tell me what a nautanki I look while dying.

We talk everything under the sun, yes, the most personal of stuff too without the teeniest hint of any sexual tension. They've been there as the unbiased third party whenever turbulent times rocked my boat. They make me laugh like none other and provide me something that I value most “effortless conversations that have a life of their own”. They make me accept that men and women can actually be just “best friends”.

And then there are other friends I have managed to find in the Head of a software firm, a Captain of ships, a Colonel in the army, an almost doctor in the making; The best of minds-the range is staggeringly large aged from 22 to 52, for I never can let go of people who once come past my periphery. Each communication happening now and again brings in a beautiful flavour to my life-like hand-picked best of flowers blooming in my little balcony garden where I tip toe to, every once in a while to escape the mundane and then carry back the smiles and warmth they leave me with. Does it make me disloyal to my man? Does it interfere in my relation with him? The answer is NO without any explanations. Try it out, maybe the What-If man unlocks you to your potential so that the man in your life sees you as he should.