Just like that - Smile !

“Oh God! Now why won’t you start!”, and she puffed.

With her palm on her forehead, she was waiting for HP QC (a testing tool) to open.

Suddenly a ping appeared at the bottom of the screen.

It was her friend Siddartha.

“Did your QC start working? Mine has started. So if you want, you can resume your work from my system”, the ping read.

“Yea ok”, saying so she locked her system and went to Siddartha’s system to work.

“Now how do I fill these mandatory fields ?”, she was confused for some fields in the tool.

“Let’s ping Vinay and ask for help”, he suggested.

“Okay”, she said and pinged Vinay using office’s communicator.

 

So technically it was Siddartha who was pinging Vinay but in real, it was Smita who was pinging him.

 

“Hey”, first line of the ping read.

“Hi”, Vinay replied.

“I need your help in filling the mandatory fields of the defect. Can you come to my system for a minute”, read the second line of the ping.

“Tell him that it’s you”, Siddartha said, just to avoid confusion for Vinay.

“Why, by seeing ping from you he won’t come?”, she said turning to Siddartha, “and by seing my name he will come huh?”, she joked and turned to the screen back and wrote in the ping,”Smita here”.

And the following conversation made both of them laugh for the next few minutes.

 

n  Siddartha :

“Hey”

n  Vinay :

“Hi”

n  Siddartha :

Can you come to my system for a minute”.

 

n  Vinay :

“No Dude”

n  Siddartha

“Smita here”

n  Vinay:

“Kinda Busy”

“Oh”

“Yea Smita tell me”

 

 

Wedding Bells Or Blues?

So much has happened since I was last here. I don't dare apologize, I can only promise that I will be regular enough here from here on.

How have you been, Darlings?

Anyhoo..

I was one who never shied away from the thought of marriage. As in, though I knew it was something that would only happen sometime in the far, non-forseeable future, I always knew that one day when it is time to commit to the man I love in front of all and sundry, I would be ready and I would be happy to.

Friends are falling like flies getting married to men they don't know anything about and some have even had babies in the time I took to grow up and get my head screwed on tight enough. Blogger friends went off to blissful married life too and I silently send up a prayer that they are happy. And though I realised that I have gotten to a point where I can legally choose to tie myself to someone's neck(?), the only thing that really freaked me out was the thought of losing my childhood, losing the simplicity of existence.


I still never had a problem in looking at white dresses and wedding photographers (though, chances of me having a white wedding are less than zero), well, I will be a bride someday, won't I?

Recently a situation came up which might mean that I will be married by April next year. And that's when all hell broke lose. I spent the entire day palpitating, hands shaking and completely unfocussed.

I realise I'll be 24 by then but wtf? How can I commit to someone, anyone, without the guarantee that I will not abhor him in a couple of years for all the things I didn't know about him. How can I make such a big commitment knowing that things can fall apart as easily as they come together... Sometimes even more easily. How can I let a man have all I have got without the guarantee that he won't throw it back in my face?

More importantly, how can I know he will not tire of me or get bored with me? Somehow the thought of the man losing interest scares me more than anything else does. 

When a relationship breaks up, only the parties concerned get hurt but marriage involves families, relatives, friends, classmates, the world and their uncle. And considering marriage is for a good solid 50 years, I wouldn't say my fears are not grounded enough. Would you?

I admit that my faith was always shaky subconsciously given my past and all that I have seen through my childhood, adolescence and recent adulthood, but I need to be able to commit some time right? Relationships were never a problem, now when I think of it, probably because there is no finality in them.

But marriage? The word scares me.

Good News Bad News !!!!!!

Tring Tring

Tring Tring

She hurried to answer the call.

Reason: It was him calling obviously.

"Hello".

"Hey.....", he seemed to be quiet happy and excited from his voice.

"So, tell me....somebody seems to have something good to tell me", and a lot many things started to churn her stomach with pain.

What could it be??

We visiting some good place??

Some good news regarding his home or job.

He’s getting her something??

What could it be??

A lot of thoughts flashed into her mind in those five second pause in their conversation.

He was giggling.

“Tell me…what is it…”, she was more than curious to know what it could be.

Every second silence was killing her patience and increasing her curiosity to get the secret revealed.  

When you make up some suspense, it’s really important as to how it’s revealed in combination with the atmosphere built up for the suspense to be a great success.

The curiosity of the listener should remain till the last word of the secret’s narration.

She stood their dumbstruck to hear the excited innocence for the craze of ShahRukh Khan.

“ShahRukh Khan’s new movie trailer has released”, he shouted.

“Go and watch it now on YouTube”, and he hung up on her.

Confusion !!!!

"Here, take it", he said pulling out something from his pocket.

It was pitch dark on the pavement so there was no question of  making out as to what was being pulled from the smart blue shirt's pocket.

"Keep it", and a yellow flower was placed on her palm.

A flower that had earlier that day survived from being crushed under the foot of some devotee.

"So from where is this coming?", was her next question.

It was not the general category of flowers which she had received in the past.

"It's from the temple", he replied.

"Temple??", she was startled to hear that.

"Yes, the one which is near to my office, remember?", he said.

"Yea...yea...okay", she got the source of the flower.

"But you went to the temple? When ? Why and with whom?", a lot of inquiries were done. Usual nature of women.

"I don't need a company to go to a temple", he found the question way too weird to answer.

"But yaar, I don't know whose temple I visited?", he said.

"You don't know? Matlab (what do you mean?)", she was confused now.

"I mean, I went to the temple, offered the prayers, got the Pundit's blessings but I actually don't know which God or Goddess I worshipped !!", his reply was enough for her to keep laughing for next few minutes.

Smita

Mistress of the Universe?

Blessed Be My Darlings! 

Remember Me? Not wondering where I've been? I have no idea where I am and what I am doing. I am not even lazing around, but I not even climbing mountains or parting rivers. My vanity has been now addressed publicly as an issue of grave human behavioral threat and I am trying my best to get over myself. Not getting what I am sayin'?

Self`-con`ceit´ed 

Adj. 1. self-conceited - characteristic of false pride; having an exaggerated sense of self-importance; (From http://www.thefreedictionary.com )

a.1. Having an overweening opinion of one's own powers, attainments; vain; conceited. (Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary)

Exactly my point. I have a disease now, that this word suggests. I am vain and I give myself wayyyyy too much importance, than is necessary. So, help me please. I am not afraid to go to the root of this issue, and if I can get some suggestions here, I am more than happy to oblige.

Image Source: cartoonstock.com

1. I am big - in size. So are many people. But God has gifted me with a pretty face. I hide my loathing for my own body by enhancing what I have. My face. I know, I look good. If I talk about how my new hair cut suits me, does that make me, vain?
2. I am the oldest child, like many others here - I've always tried to learn quickly, be the responsible one...unconsciously may be, I don't know. Therefore, there are some things, I do better than the others I stay with, who are younger than I am. If I need a bit of appreciation, is that wrong?
3. I was ignored and intimidated as a kid. Not intentionally of course. I was bullied in school when I was younger, rather I was a timid child. I had no friends. Now that I do, I tend to talk about myself, so that the attention doesn't disappear. Do I have an ADD*?
4. I am ready to change. So when you are talking and I am not listening, you can ask me, with love of course, to stop. Tell me, that I am doing that thing again. Believe me, I will stop. Make me feel like you are there for me, even when I am not talking, show me that you are interested in me and not what I've achieved. Be patient with me. If you are my friend, you will understand.
5. I crave for attention. I never got it before. I never had balls to go out there and stand up for myself. I have always been too self - conscious. I talk about myself and I talk a lot, just to make myself feel better. It's that simple. Be patient with me. I am learning to love myself and not depend on you.
6.What or who you were as a child, doesn't define you anymore. Something I am learning. Just be with me. Help me believe in myself. And tomorrow, you may feel proud of me, that you made me become a better person.
7. Don't get mad at me if I don't listen to you. Realize, I am dealing with an issue - about myself. Once again, I may happen to not listen to you. Ask me to stop, patiently or ask me to listen to you. I will make an effort, I promise.

Image Source: cartoonstock,com

I am writing this, because off late, a lot of people have told me that I only talk about myself and what is happening in my life. I also sometimes, interrupt ongoing conversations to make my point. Since the time I've been told this, I find myself doing it more. Or may be, I am just becoming conscious of the fact that I am indeed doing it. I have been feeling quite awful and feel confused about how I must talk without sounding like I am vain. Help?

that Red sweater....! (Part I)

"I was expexting your text and you were expecting mine! Wow! Now we have expectations from each other..! Now, when did that happen?? ;)"

"Hehehe.. I guess the long walk yesterday did that!" she said giggling.

       She was talking to him with the enthusiasm which lacked while she spoke to her bf! They spoke about almost everything in d world..frm music, movies, emotions, frnds, hobbies, passions, career goals, experiences, views to just plain PJs with incessant energy n enthusiasm! They understood each other in silence. They didnt any longer need words to express themselves, just the look in their eyes did that. She hadnt met him long ago..no..hardly a few weeks with last saturday morning spent completely with him on marine drive n then loitering on the roads of colaba. She never thought getting lost on a random road in colaba could be so memorable..bt it was! 

         She was secretly feeling guilty for being so happy with another man and not her bf. She was secretly wishing if he could be her man. He would have been just 'perfect'! Tall, strong, smart, sensitive, intelligent, brilliantly brilliant, poet, guitarist, a sense of humor that could make her giggle more than anyone else. Just perfect in all senses! 

      

        She wanted to tell him that she was falling for his sincerity, honesty and brilliance. She, herself being a chatterbox, who couldnt keep quiet even for a mili-second when with her friends or bf, could spend hours listening to him speaking, just blankly looking to him and nodding, smiling once in a while, blushing if he said something about her, and just staring at him, with the pretence of listening to him, her eyes locked to his, not leaving his eyes even for a mili-second.

        Somewhere down there, she felt guilty for adoring him more than any guy in her life. She even posed for him when he asked her to, to click her pictures (she never did that for her bf! NEVER!). She told him everything without hesitating, everything.... except one thing - the fact that she had a bf! She felt guilty about being so close to him. She had no right to be so close to another man when she was already in a relationship with a guy for more than a year! 

       'Why now?' she wondered to herself often while thinking about him. Yes! these days she thought about him and not her bf! This disturbed her, she tried focussing her thoughts on her bf, but ended up comparing them both! John was better than her bf in every step! It made her sad, thinking why didnt she met him before. Thinking about her bf, her one year long relationship, the happy times, she strongly thought to herself, she wasnt going to let this sudden new feeling affect her one year long relationship!

         She had been having fights with her bf  right from the day she started spending time with John. She behaved arrogantly, rudely. Talking to him and suddenly going silent. When asked for a reason she simply cut the call. She was very different these days with her bf. She didnt like his company anymore! It was someone else that she was thinking of. Whenever her bf tried to ask her something, she fired at him verbally, making him quiet. It was not him that she wanted any longer! Later she felt guilty about her behaviour but was afraid of her true feelings coming out. She didnt want to hurt him either! He was a great guy, but............

         She told herself she wont meet John again, or reply back his texts, or talk to him for long hours, or hang out with him ever! She wasnt supposed to do all this! It was like a sin. She couldnt cheat on her bf! Neither could she break off with him.... after all she had met John just a month ago. She took a deep breathe and took her cellphone out. Yes, she would call her bf and say sorry for her recent behaviour. He will forgive her. They will be happy again. There was no place for John in her life... 

         Just when her cellphone beeped. It was John.
 "U free tomoro mornin??"
 she immidiately replied, "yup..m free! :)"

 "Joinin me tomoro @ marine drive? Early mornin... just lik last tym? ;)" 

 "oh sure! thts gr8! :D"

 "K.. wil pik u up frm ur place @ 6.30am! B ready..n b on tym!"

 "okay.. I'l b ready! :)"

 "cya tomoro den.. :)"

 "yep.. gn!"

 "btw... wear tht red sweater, its gonna b cold at tht tym, plus u look fab in it! :D"

 "okay! :D"

she blushed... forgot about the call she had to make. She headed to her wardrobe with a smile on her face... looking for that red sweater!!