So much has happened since I was last here. I don't dare apologize, I can only promise that I will be regular enough here from here on.
How have you been, Darlings?
Anyhoo..
I was one who never shied away from the thought of marriage. As in, though I knew it was something that would only happen sometime in the far, non-forseeable future, I always knew that one day when it is time to commit to the man I love in front of all and sundry, I would be ready and I would be happy to.
Friends arefalling like flies getting married to men they don't know anything about and some have even had babies in the time I took to grow up and get my head screwed on tight enough. Blogger friends went off to blissful married life too and I silently send up a prayer that they are happy. And though I realised that I have gotten to a point where I can legally choose to tie myself to someone's neck(?), the only thing that really freaked me out was the thought of losing my childhood, losing the simplicity of existence.
I still never had a problem in looking at white dresses and wedding photographers (though, chances of me having a white wedding are less than zero), well, I will be a bride someday, won't I?
Recently a situation came up which might mean that I will be married by April next year. And that's when all hell broke lose. I spent the entire day palpitating, hands shaking and completely unfocussed.
I realise I'll be 24 by then but wtf? How can I commit to someone, anyone, without the guarantee that I will not abhor him in a couple of years for all the things I didn't know about him. How can I make such a big commitment knowing that things can fall apart as easily as they come together... Sometimes even more easily. How can I let a man have all I have got without the guarantee that he won't throw it back in my face?
More importantly, how can I know he will not tire of me or get bored with me? Somehow the thought of the man losing interest scares me more than anything else does.
When a relationship breaks up, only the parties concerned get hurt but marriage involves families, relatives, friends, classmates, the world and their uncle. And considering marriage is for a good solid 50 years, I wouldn't say my fears are not grounded enough. Would you?
I admit that my faith was always shaky subconsciously given my past and all that I have seen through my childhood, adolescence and recent adulthood, but I need to be able to commit some time right? Relationships were never a problem, now when I think of it, probably because there is no finality in them.
But marriage? The word scares me.
How have you been, Darlings?
Anyhoo..
I was one who never shied away from the thought of marriage. As in, though I knew it was something that would only happen sometime in the far, non-forseeable future, I always knew that one day when it is time to commit to the man I love in front of all and sundry, I would be ready and I would be happy to.
Friends are
I still never had a problem in looking at white dresses and wedding photographers (though, chances of me having a white wedding are less than zero), well, I will be a bride someday, won't I?
Recently a situation came up which might mean that I will be married by April next year. And that's when all hell broke lose. I spent the entire day palpitating, hands shaking and completely unfocussed.
I realise I'll be 24 by then but wtf? How can I commit to someone, anyone, without the guarantee that I will not abhor him in a couple of years for all the things I didn't know about him. How can I make such a big commitment knowing that things can fall apart as easily as they come together... Sometimes even more easily. How can I let a man have all I have got without the guarantee that he won't throw it back in my face?
More importantly, how can I know he will not tire of me or get bored with me? Somehow the thought of the man losing interest scares me more than anything else does.
When a relationship breaks up, only the parties concerned get hurt but marriage involves families, relatives, friends, classmates, the world and their uncle. And considering marriage is for a good solid 50 years, I wouldn't say my fears are not grounded enough. Would you?
I admit that my faith was always shaky subconsciously given my past and all that I have seen through my childhood, adolescence and recent adulthood, but I need to be able to commit some time right? Relationships were never a problem, now when I think of it, probably because there is no finality in them.
But marriage? The word scares me.
