Cries...Young & Old!

"Aee......", the little girl came crying to her mother.
Loud and clear cry with no tears.
Elder brother had hit her in hide and seek game since she was making fun of him.
And she kept on crying and crying and crying with no tears.
Her mother kept pacifying her but deep down she knew her daughter.
She knew her nature and she knew no matter what she gives her now, nothign can stop her cries.
Nothing can stop her shouts.
Nothing can stop her cries.
Left alone for an hour or so she would calm and get along with the game once again.

Noted: A small incident but huge cries.

"I saw him with another girl", the words kept repeating in her mind.
:How can he cheat on me", she kept asking herself.
She had been a nice partner in all his work, humble listener for all his troubles, patient girlfriend in their stormy relationship yet she had lost it all today.
She just could not change who he really was.
A Liar! A cheater! A backstabber!
Not only was he cheating on her, also he had abused her with various allegations!
She was used and then thrown in the middle of nowhere!
She succumbed to her broken heart injuries and decided never to trust any man.

Noted: A big incident but no cries.

To err is to Human!
Yet Humans are scared to even be the natrual themselves!
Look at the small babies crying their lungs out because of hunger or wet diaper or the reason that they don't know what else to do to express they need attention and care. They cry and they cry it all out. The cries bring out all that they inside in them. Tears wash away every bit of sorrow/discomfort/pain from their inside. And they forget it all after they are done with the crying.
Grown ups don't cry. They keep everything inside them and suffer more than the original hurt. They don't want to show tears to anyone. In the process of being strong they actually make themselves weak from the inside. Pain kept with them results in suicide, grudges, depression, mental illness and what not heart disease.

 Why not cry over the hurt?
Why not cry over the injury?
Why not cry over the loss?
Why boast about fake strength?
Why pose about hopeless support?
Why not let it all out?
Why not let tears wash it all out?
Why keep the pain inside?
Why hide tears in heart?
Why not cry it all out ?

Keeping Pain inside rather than letting it out?
Is it really worth it?
Think!

Smita

To Losing It With Pride

Kudos to Maithili for coming up with a topic that is amazingly relevant to every single Darling we have here. This is something that we have all thought about, have opinions on and even contemplated upon some time or the other, I'm sure.

Growing up in a country where sex is taboo and relegated to a dark nooks of decisions, I, the eternal liver of Utopia and believer of all things perfect, am forced to become a realist. Virginity is still pseudo-sacrosanct and I don't see anything changing that for at least another decade (by which time most of us won't have to worry about virginity and related issues at all).

I say 'pseudo' for all the reasons that the girls have already covered.
That though it's taboo, elders always want to know what happened on the first night.
That guys always want their girlfriends to prove their trust in them by giving them their virginity.
That guys will go ahead and label a girl and judge her based on the state of her hymen; the fact that she loved the guy and he cheated her notwithstanding.
That it was and is never asked if the groom is a virgin, only if the bride is.
That even a girl who talks about sex boldly, discusses her life (not in sordid detail but using it to illustrate a point) and is generally outspoken is put down because they call her 'an easy lay'.

The first thing that comes under scrutiny when it comes to a girl's character is her virginity. I have heard guy friends call a girl a whore because she's gone out with more than two guys. Not at once, mind you but over a period of a year. And the way the say it, makes you cringe. And I find myself wondering if she's actually a virgin and becoming judgmental before I catch myself and blame my conditioning. Empathizing with the rest of women kind does not come easily to us, we are a wee bit hypocritical that way.

And questioning a girl's virginity remains the worst way for elders to hurt her.

Coming to the three factors:

Choice: No way, man. Though I'm all for losing my virginity to a guy I love and trust and will marry someday, we all know it doesn't work that way. Personally, I'd do it in the bat of an eyelid if I think it's the right thing to do, I have never had a problem acknowledging my hormones. And if I think it's right, I wouldn't be ashamed of telling my mother either. But it doesn't work that way does it. I couldn't acknowledge it in front of everyone  and be proud of it, can I?
My virginity is not at all my own choice. I have friends, family and the rest of the world to answer to. At least us Indians do.

Lack of opportunity: That is the biggest bull ever. Dime a dozen motels and no shame. Working parents and apartment buildings. Even beaches and public monuments. All at our mercy, if we are shameless bold. There are options dime a dozen. I have seen a woman give her husband(?) a frikkin' BJ on the beach. In Chennai of all places.
So if you want to do it, the place, the time automatically become nitpicky details which work themselves out.

Fear of outcome: This, my dears, is what keep us from losing it. Pun unintended.
Of what our bff is going to think of us. Or what our guy-friends will say if they ever find out. What if the guy himself loses interest. What if his parents ever find out and think lowly of me. What if my parents ever find out. What if I get pregnant. What if...
It's an endless cycle of questions which more often than not varies considerably with each individual and yet are essentially the same world-over.
We are unable to let others judge us and not care. We are unable to not give a damn and follow our hearts, if that's what it takes.

At the end of the day, Darlings, losing our virginity depends on our mind set. We might choose to wait till we're married (that's not prudish, it's just sweet) and we might decide to lose it to that guy who's our soul mate because it doesn't make sense and it's just the logical step (that not whory, it's just love). But whichever path we choose to take, it should be one that's from the heart AND the head, one that you'd be proud of later, one that you're ready to accept the consequences of.

And mostly, one that you will be able to tell your daughter about in 20 years time without shame.

Single doesn't mean Desperate.

Blessed be everyone! 

As the title might have been a HUGE give away, I am in a mood for some serious lashing out. You may call it a Single Girl's confession or a sore spot that I have developed recently, I needed to send out a serious message across. Now now, please, this isn't meant to be taken offensively by the people who are in relationships or committed to a person - it is my personal opinion, do not go hating me about this. (Saw the need in me to not be hated/disliked/disagreed with?? :P Anyway, that's not the point.)

Few things I must lay down, before I say anything else. I am 23. An Adult. With Hormones and Brains that work perfectly in harmony with each other, sometimes taking a dip at the lack of sheer nice weather, coffee or some music. Otherwise, I am perfectly normal. I look alright. And I do not have a board hanging around my neck which reads - "Duuude, I am SINGLE, Wanna DATE ME Please!!!" Why am I saying this? Recently, in fact, over the last two years, I have noticed a drastic change in the youth these days, of my (our) generation. Everyone seems to be "in a relationship" or seeking to be in one. Not that it's a bad thing, but this has changed the dynamics of interpersonal relations of persons in social community. (I did sound like an MBA student there, I digress).

[Click on the Image to Read the strip]

So, my point. I was sitting in my college food court a few days back, when I noticed a guy (black hair, tall, fair, sexy stubble and eyes that spoke like 1000 words - you get the idea). I was searching a character for a chapter I was writing for my wannabe novel - and this guy was perfect. Like exactly what I wanted. So you can imagine the joy that lit up my face as I exclaimed - "Wow! He is perfect!" Now my friends know, that I have been really interested in this one guy for past four years...so when I 'ooooh' and 'aaah' over any other guy, it's like I am really 'desperate' for love (lust?) and I am being told so. I checked my response and shut the fuck up and kept quiet. I do that now mostly because I really don't want to sound defensive. It will just reinforce what they all are trying to say. At another such occasion, I complimented the guy (the one I like) and was told that I make it too obvious that I like him - that I am desperate to get his attention! WTF?? Of course I am. Why would I like him then????

Image source: aloftyexistence.wordpress.com

Now, there's one quality that I have acquired (involuntarily) is that I can talk to guys/men/boys pretty well. (lesser mortals call it Flirting). It's apparently when you are seeking attention or want to get laid or send out wrong signals, that you flirt. Who the hell ever said that???? Flirting is GOOD! It gives you confidence about yourself and of course, your ability to charm people, not necessarily men. I am really pissed off with the fact that I have known some couples - people who have been in relationships or have recently gotten into one, for them, it's like now their eyes hover on me (Rules of Engagement anyone?)...I seem too interested in men (read: on TV or the guys (not from college) I have met and who are now sort of good friends) and that's a bone of contention. "You are really getting desperate man!" Why??? Just because someone asked me for a cup of coffee and I said yes??? Or just because someone couldn't get back home, because it was late in the night and not safe at all and it's assumed that just because she is single, she must have done something with the guy she met - hence she did not return but came back at 5 in the morning on one such occasion??? I am amazed by the hypocratic attitude. You are permitted to call over your boyfriend to stay with you behind closed doors, but I am not allowed to judge because he is your boyfriend. Isn't that wrong?? 

Image source: istockphotos.com

I know someone (A very very close friend of mine) who is single and really pretty, tall and has lots of brains - someone who technically should not be single. However, she is and we both spend hours discussing about how we are judged. The moment she praises a guy (along with me sometimes - we do check out some good looking men. :D) she gets looks. That really hurt her. And she made a valid point - that it's so easy to judge someone who's single when you are not. Because there's no denying that we all NEED someone, that does not make you desperate - that makes you a HUMAN. 

Image source: visulaphotos.com

Desperation is when you get clingy, you go out with every guy who leers at you, when you have always been in a relationship and now you are not and therefore, seek attention because you cannot live without one. Desperation is when you have decided the names of your kids, the place where you will get married and the color of dress you will wear when you get married - and all of this, when you haven't been on a date twice with the guy. That's desperation. Desperation is when you are a pushover - trying to do whatever the guy does, says and wishes.

Image source: featurepics.com

Desperation is not when you check out a guy and say - Oooh, he's hot. Oooh, I love your hair/shirt/perfume/smile/jokes blah blah. And when you are single, doesn't flirting make sense? And what's wrong in liking what you see?? If I talk about the guy I like, ceaselessly, I will be tagged as infatuated/obsessed/pretentious (because apparently, you cannot love someone for four years straight - without telling them). Desperation is not when you play hard to get, when you show the guy that you are not just another Blonde or you end up liking more than two men. It's okayyyy! It's your life and you can make mistakes! Single-dome is to be enjoyed! In which ever way you like! Date a million men and don't be with anyone, how does it matter?  

Image Source: 123rf.com

But if I accompany you with your boyfriend to anyplace you like and then you tell me how you guys fight cutely and ogle at each other with that secret smile lingering at your lips, what am I supposed to do? When I stay put, respecting your relationship, why is it hard for you to not judge me when I am trying to divert my mind by checking out who's hot and who's not? I may blush at the compliment given to me by a boy - does that mean I have a crush on him??? No effing wayyyy! It's just that genuine compliments make people blush! And I accept the compliment, hence I blush! How is it even related to the fact that I am single? If I sound excited for an invitation to a simple coffee - that is desperation? How? Coffee, I LOVE! And I don't give a shit if it's a guy or a girl - it's the company. If I have more guy friends, how does that make me flirty, slutty or desperate? I may not be in a relationship but that does not lower my standards at all! I am socializing, living a life of my own - how does that make me "waiting to be laid???" I am looking for love and yes, like you I am capable of falling in love, just that I may not be ready for commitment! I am taking my time, trying and testing the waters...and yes, the wait sometimes frustrates me because I do long for the solace you can find in your lovers arms, but I can satiate myself with a romantic movie - sob a bit, drink up a BIG mug of coffee or have a chocolate and be back to normal. That does not make me desperate. 

Image source: webmd.com

I know this post is wayy too long but I didn't know how to shorten it without telling everything that I have on my mind. I would like to apologize if I have hurt anyone's feelings. You may know, this was the desperation to prove myself that being single doesn't mean I really need a man - right now. Live your life king size. Love the time you have - living every moment, loving every sweet accident. For that's all our hearts know - Loving. 

Things I love. [Image source: vi.sualize.us]

PS: I have used an article for reference, at "Askmen.com".