A HEART TOUCHING POST BY CHETAN BHAGAT

'Some truths on Career Wives----Girls should read, but Boys MUST read...

Recently, I saw the recently released movie, Cocktail. The plot revolves around a philanderer hero who has to make the tough choice between two hot women. The uber-modern movie was set in London. The characters drank, danced in nightclubs and had one-night stands with aplomb. They worked in new-age aspirati

onal jobs like glamor photography, graphic art and software design. And yet, the guy eventually chooses the girl who cooks home food, dresses conservatively, wins his mother's approval and is happy to be the ideal Indian wife. In fact, even the rejected girl, a free-spirited, independent woman agrees to change herself. To get the guy, she is happy to cook and change her lifestyle to match that of the ideal Indian wife.

While the movie was fun, such depictions disturb me a little. When successful, strong women are portrayed as finding salvation in making dal and roti for their husbands, one wonders what kind of India we are presenting to our little girls.

Really, is that what a woman's life is all about — to make hot phulkas? Of course, i shouldn't be so bothered, many would say. It is a Bollywood movie. The commercial pressure to present a palatable story is real. Above all, the makers have a right to tell the narrative they want.

Yet, when our most modern and forward cinema sinks into regressive territory, it is unfair to our women. It is also depressing because deep down we know such attitudes exist. Many Indian men, even the educated ones, have two distinct profiles of women — the girlfriend material and the wife material. One you party with, the other you take home. The prejudice against non-traditional women who assert themselves is strong.

Let us look at another part of the world. Yahoo, a leading tech firm and a Fortune 500 company, recently hired a new woman CEO, Marissa Mayer. What's more, she was six months pregnant when she was hired, a fact she did not hide in her interviews.

Marissa will take some time off after childbirth and will be back at work later. She can manage both. There is something to celebrate about that. Marissa is a role model for women and even men.

I'd like Indian men to have an open mind about choosing their life partners and revise their 'ideal woman' criteria. Having a traditional wife who cooks, cleans and is submissive might be nice. However, choosing a capable, independent and career-oriented woman can also bring enormous benefits. For instance, one, a man who marries a career woman gets a partner to discuss his own career with. A working woman may be able to relate better to organizational issues than a housewife. A spouse who understands office politics and can give you good advice can be an asset. Two, a working woman diversifies the family income streams. In the era of expensive apartments and frequent lay-offs, a working spouse can help you afford a decent house and feel more secure about finances. Three, a working woman is better exposed to the world. She brings back knowledge and information that can be useful to the family. Whether it's the latest deals or the best mutual fund to invest in, or even new holiday destinations, a working woman can add to the quality of life. Four, the children of a working woman learn to be more independent and will do better than mollycoddled children. Five, working women often find some fulfillment in their jobs, apart from home. Hence, they may have better life satisfaction, and feel less dependent on the man. This in turn can lead to more harmony. Of course, all these benefits accrue if men are able to keep their massive, fragile egos aside and see women as equals.

Sure, there are drawbacks also in being with working women. But the modern age that we are in, the phulka-making bride may come at a cost of missing out on other qualities. Please bear that in mind before you judge women based on their clothes, interest in the kitchen or the confidence in their voice.

My mother worked for 40 years. My wife is the COO at an international bank. It makes me proud. She doesn't make phulkas for me. We outsource that work to our help, and it doesn't really bother me. If my wife had spent her life in the kitchen, it would have bothered me more.

Please choose your partner carefully. Don't just tolerate, but accept and even celebrate our successful women. They take our homes ahead and our country forward. We may have less hot phulkas, but we will have a better nation.'

Dedicated to the women we love ... 

P.S. I know I haven't been giving time to blogging these days and this post is not even mine. But when I read this piece by Chetan Bhagat, I couldn't stop myself from sharing this with everyone I know, I love. This is what reality is.

And I am going through a tough time, please bear with me fellow darlings. I will be back soon :)

To Losing It With Pride

Kudos to Maithili for coming up with a topic that is amazingly relevant to every single Darling we have here. This is something that we have all thought about, have opinions on and even contemplated upon some time or the other, I'm sure.

Growing up in a country where sex is taboo and relegated to a dark nooks of decisions, I, the eternal liver of Utopia and believer of all things perfect, am forced to become a realist. Virginity is still pseudo-sacrosanct and I don't see anything changing that for at least another decade (by which time most of us won't have to worry about virginity and related issues at all).

I say 'pseudo' for all the reasons that the girls have already covered.
That though it's taboo, elders always want to know what happened on the first night.
That guys always want their girlfriends to prove their trust in them by giving them their virginity.
That guys will go ahead and label a girl and judge her based on the state of her hymen; the fact that she loved the guy and he cheated her notwithstanding.
That it was and is never asked if the groom is a virgin, only if the bride is.
That even a girl who talks about sex boldly, discusses her life (not in sordid detail but using it to illustrate a point) and is generally outspoken is put down because they call her 'an easy lay'.

The first thing that comes under scrutiny when it comes to a girl's character is her virginity. I have heard guy friends call a girl a whore because she's gone out with more than two guys. Not at once, mind you but over a period of a year. And the way the say it, makes you cringe. And I find myself wondering if she's actually a virgin and becoming judgmental before I catch myself and blame my conditioning. Empathizing with the rest of women kind does not come easily to us, we are a wee bit hypocritical that way.

And questioning a girl's virginity remains the worst way for elders to hurt her.

Coming to the three factors:

Choice: No way, man. Though I'm all for losing my virginity to a guy I love and trust and will marry someday, we all know it doesn't work that way. Personally, I'd do it in the bat of an eyelid if I think it's the right thing to do, I have never had a problem acknowledging my hormones. And if I think it's right, I wouldn't be ashamed of telling my mother either. But it doesn't work that way does it. I couldn't acknowledge it in front of everyone  and be proud of it, can I?
My virginity is not at all my own choice. I have friends, family and the rest of the world to answer to. At least us Indians do.

Lack of opportunity: That is the biggest bull ever. Dime a dozen motels and no shame. Working parents and apartment buildings. Even beaches and public monuments. All at our mercy, if we are shameless bold. There are options dime a dozen. I have seen a woman give her husband(?) a frikkin' BJ on the beach. In Chennai of all places.
So if you want to do it, the place, the time automatically become nitpicky details which work themselves out.

Fear of outcome: This, my dears, is what keep us from losing it. Pun unintended.
Of what our bff is going to think of us. Or what our guy-friends will say if they ever find out. What if the guy himself loses interest. What if his parents ever find out and think lowly of me. What if my parents ever find out. What if I get pregnant. What if...
It's an endless cycle of questions which more often than not varies considerably with each individual and yet are essentially the same world-over.
We are unable to let others judge us and not care. We are unable to not give a damn and follow our hearts, if that's what it takes.

At the end of the day, Darlings, losing our virginity depends on our mind set. We might choose to wait till we're married (that's not prudish, it's just sweet) and we might decide to lose it to that guy who's our soul mate because it doesn't make sense and it's just the logical step (that not whory, it's just love). But whichever path we choose to take, it should be one that's from the heart AND the head, one that you'd be proud of later, one that you're ready to accept the consequences of.

And mostly, one that you will be able to tell your daughter about in 20 years time without shame.