The thin line between slim and plump

A long time ago, I read or heard in one of Arundhati Roy's opinions , that being thin and dark is the biggest sin a girl in Kerala could do. And that is to date the only thing I agree with her on. When you are a baby and you are not plump, it is your parents who get the blame , and once you reach that contentious age of puberty, it becomes  your family's , your extended family's , your neighbor's and any random relative who you meet at a wedding's  primary concern.

In spite of having a healthy weight all through my adolescent period, I was extremely thin and hence was usually greeted by people at any function with the same "You have become so thin. In fact , much thinner than the last time I saw you.Are you not eating anything?" This would be followed by an accusing look at my mother and some equally unscientific nonsense like being plump is essential for an easy pregnancy .

I was inwardly happy at being thin , and rejoiced whenever I saw how the plump daughters of the above mentioned  advisers struggled to look good in any dress other than Salwar Kameez and Saree. Secretly I imagined that they might be jealous of my slim figure. At some point , I got married and that was when I realized that if being thin and single was bad , being thin and married was sacrilege- the general idea being that good cooking and happy life are symbolized by bride becoming fat after the wedding. Being busy professionals with little time for cooking did little to help my cause and I remained as thin as ever.

Then I became pregnant, and for the first time in my life , I did not care about my figure or my size . I followed my body's whims and happily put on 25kg of weight and gave birth to a healthy baby. Once the baby was out , I did not want to remain that way, but the food and the Ayurveda medicines prevalent in post-natal care invariably made you look like an over sized pillow and worst of all, the people in my hometown were beginning to look at me with approving eyes. But soon I saw the other side of the misery-that of being fat. The same people started greeting me with "Oh !you have put on weight. Now you are just right.Don't put on any more" . This was just the politest way of telling you that you are putting on weight and for the first time in my life , I understood what it felt like to be really fat.

This was a wake up call, and once back in routine, I tried my best to get back in shape . A reality check told me that S and XS days are history. But then , I console myself that an M isn't bad .I have decided to stick to the M and stay there. I do not want to be one of those plump middle aged ladies with a pot belly that sticks out of their Saree who look twice their real age. Looking at them , I see a future that I dread. I have no idea if I will ever become huge again.. I want to stay small , (at least medium) and healthy as long as I can. But I also do not want to be obsessed with my weight in such a manner as to spend my whole life eating salads.  It is a thin line, but I'm game to walk on it because size matters to me.

Size does matter to me, but in very different ways!

Diving straight into the discussion, I should honestly say that I am as confused as an agnostic about whether or not to believe in god. One time, I would claim that I like things small and then other times, I would go for the grandeur. Talking of weight, I have always been a plump girl and hence wanted to be the opposite. And being a comparatively short girl, I would like that size of me to be much bigger. (The other side is always green, remember?) So, I cannot sway towards small numbers or bigger ones, well, I doubt if anyone can define their life in exactly any one measurement. ;)

While there are so many more factors that I can list out, this weight and height are the most superficial yet nagging aspects and hence tada... :P Ever since I can remember, I have envied those who manage to remain skinny in spite of whatever they eat. Not until later, that I came to know it was not an easy life for them either. I have never been teased or picked upon of being obese but still I was always obsessed with the fact that I am not slim either. In fact, I still am. I am a great foodie and love to eat, especially the whole crazy desire being blown up to extra-ordinary proportions by the fact that my mom is an awesome cook. So the result is plumpness! Hmph!

And speaking of height, I don't know where to start. The fact that my dad has wondered aloud if he should pull my legs while my mom holds my head to make me grow is the most embarrassing thing (But honestly I swear, I am not that short, nor is he that tall to be the one to talk about heights). My height lost me a well-deserved attempt for the Republic Day Parade while I was in NCC. I had everything they needed - Marching, Leadership,  a voice that was like specially trained for commanding ;). But I lacked the minimal height spec that they needed and hence the girl who came second in all other aspects but had the required height took all the glory away from me :( This was when I was in eighth grade, yet I could not come to terms with it.

I still wish I could become a little taller and a little skinnier but life never happens the way you want it, does it? :(

So, what drives you crazy when it comes to size?

Cheers.
Keirthana :)

Stolen...

Oh Goddamnit! Stop it now! I yell mentally, at my incessantly ringing desk phone, cell phone, PC Pings and door bell in general. Outwardly I say, “Come in!” in a serious, yet-cheerful tone. By the world’s standards, I have turned 45 today. Vibrant and Successful. That’s what the Magazine Cover reads – Special Edition, for my Birthday. A headache is creeping in slowly to wish me as well.

“Good evening Sir. Mr. B has arrived…erm…with special birthday wishes.” My secretary Rhea announces with a grimace. She is a young lady and keeps to herself most of the time, except for when I have assignments for her. She is good. Respects my space and my privacy.

“Send him in. And no more calls for the day. Cancel all my meetings and appointments. You can leave once that is arranged. Good evening.” I tell her and start packing my materials on the desk. I need a break from this extra-shiny, extra-metallic, extra-organized and prim life. I need to be myself. I need to really celebrate my birthday with a tiny cake and just my family. Family. That word – for which I had dreamt this BIG, is no longer with me. My parents passed away old. And my wife – she would still be waiting at home for me, I know. May be, one day she would leave as well. Who wants to be with a man who has no time for his wife or family? I exhale, rubbing my temples and rolling up my sleeves. There is a huge pile of gift boxes in the corner of my chamber, few cheques, a car key and other such temptations. The Bigger the Gifts – The Bigger the Favors. Why is this man taking so much time?

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“Hello Hello Mr. Aryan! See what I've got for you!” B. enters without any announcement. He has a plastered fake grin and holds a paper which has an exotic looking palatial hotel’s face printed on it. A Presidential Suite – for one day and one night. Very thoughtful. I extend my hand and take the offered present.

“Thank you Mr. B. I must leave now, my family waits for me.” I get up, wearing my laptop bag’s strap across my shoulder, pick up my coat and start walking towards the flush doors of my cabin. What am I doing here anyway?

“Mr. Aryan….that construction project site…heh heh.” Damn the idiot. Bloody bloodsucker.

“Of course, Mr. B. Can we talk about this on Monday?” I give him a stern no-nonsense look, with a smile and walk out. I pass Rhea on the way, signaling her to leave and let B go. She nods and wishes a Happy Birthday. I give her a smile and leave. Now that I am out of my building, I desperately need to see Naina. My wife, my girlfriend, my lover. Now, she has remained a mere presence as I have ignored her for so long because of my work and other responsibilities. I sigh. What should I do? I hope she hasn’t planned a surprise with a million guests. I hate surprises. And today I need rest.

I park my car in our garage and walk slowly towards my home. The night has turned cold. It is already 10. No time to celebrate, huh? I shake my head and knock the door. Feeling irritated at Naina, I am ready to burst, when the door opens. I flinch, involuntarily, dreading people. But, there is no one. No one except Naina. My breath catches in my throat. She looks beautiful. She has done make up today – not the gaudy whattheycallit parlor stuff – just a kohl and lip gloss – strawberry, if I am right.

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“Happy Birthday, Aryan.” There she is - my Girlfriend. I am angry at her, ain't I? Where is my headache? But why is she dressed up. No, I am not going out.

“Thank you. Umm, why are you…?” I leave my sentence trailing. Red looks beautiful on her.

“Oh this. Umm, why don’t you change? I have a little gift for you.” She gives me a smile and after so many years, I feel my heart thumping.

“Naina…look…I don’t want to go out anywhere…please. I am tired. Really.” I go for the sterner tone, but she looks at me – her beautiful eyes – they look a little hurt but also, shining with humor and I die.

“I know. Lazy Bum. I am not taking you out anywhere. Just go and change.” Wow. She almost sounds like the old times. I can find myself agreeing. What is happening?

“Fine.” I mumble and go to our room. Meanwhile, I can hear her singing to herself, opening and closing refrigerator, the sound of her bangles – I think I am in love. I change into my night robe, welcoming the peace and quiet of our home. I am early, today. For my standards. I find B’s gift, crumple it and throw it in the dustbin.

“You ready Aryan?” Naina asks, peeping into our room and grins at me. She looks impish and I suddenly feel like running after her.

“What? Why are you laughing at me?” I ask her.

“Happy Birthday Old man. Here’s your gift.” Naina is giving me her full smile and I feel like proposing to her once again. She is beautiful – fine lines feathering her eyes. Her lips – still soft, still beautiful. It has been so long, that I have loved her or even showed that I care. I feel a lump in my throat and move towards her.  She stops me and raises her left hand. From her index finger, dangles a key. I look at her puzzled.

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“Ohho, take it! And come with me.” She gives up trying to read me and leads me ahead – to…the staircase. Which room are we headed to? Yes, it has been that long. Usually I come home, eat and sleep.

“Naina?”

“Shhh…now open this.”

“Terrace?” I look at her, wondering what she has been doing.

“Yep. Now open the door. I cannot wait anymore. It’s almost 11:45.” She squeals. I laugh. Something is wrong with her too. I open the door to our terrace. And there is the most beautiful gift I have received today. A table is set for two – with a small pineapple cake in the centre. There is – I laugh out loud – Orange juice? Naina drank occasionally but this was our favorite in olden times – thele waala juice. I grin at her, while she motions for me to wait. She points at one corner – there is a sofa swing. Aaah. Beautiful. And then – as I am suddenly aware of the night and the silence around us – Naina hugs me.

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“It’s been so long and you seemed to drift away… I had no idea what to give to you. So I am giving you a little peace – I am borrowing from this night. Will you watch the stars with me? It’s Sunday tomorrow…” Naina has tears in her eyes. She had missed me. I remember of her love for the stars and night sky. I used to love that about her. I reminisce of the phone calls, when I would listen to her for hours talking about this star, that mythology, this belief. I loved her knowledge. She knew every constellation – and also, when the moon would rise. My girlfriend is a pseudo-astronomer. Did I say Girlfriend?

“I would love to. Thank you for this time, Naina...” I say, holding her close to my heart. In the serene silence of the night, I celebrate for the first time, in so many years a beautiful birthday with my wife, my family.

Who says size matters? Only the Size of your heart does and I had the biggest heart in my arms tonight.

the Men in my Life.

     The first thing that comes in every girl’s mind after reading the title of this post is her father obviously. He’s the first man we see when we come in this world. He’s the first person whose hand we hold and learn to walk, whose words we listen to and learn to talk, whose actions we observe and learn to act, whose arms we feel comfortable in.  He’s the one from whose hands we like to eat, we like to get beating, we like to receive gifts and we like to receive love. He’s our world, our everything. He’s the man in every girl’s life till the day she meets that someone special. That someone special around whom she just have to be her natural self. And this post is for him :)

I love my father. Till date, he has been the man in my life. I have always looked up-to him for being what I am today. The rules, the principles of life, being honest, truthful, hardworking, these are few qualities I have learnt from him. But then, every girl someday finds somebody whom she places next to him in her life. And this is all about this guy. Reason for presenting him such a valuable position, not many men will make you smile your real smile, and the one who do makes you do this, is the man of your life.

 It’s been my biggest mistake to meet him so late in my life. I don’t know what life would have been,  had we met earlier but one thing I can assure is, life would have been much more beautiful, had I met him earlier. Though It’s more beautiful than my imagination now even. All thanks to you A ( Hope you won’t mind me writing this all ).

 Not many will make you think how beautiful you are, but he did.

 Not many will make you believe in yourself, but he did.

 Not many will do things out of the box for you, but you did.

 Not many will think about you, but he did.

 Not many will make you feel good about your presence, but you did.

Thanks for everything A :)

You might have not realized it, but you did and still do a lot many things which have a great impact on my life, for the good of-course. There are a lot many little things you do, that I love. And this is all about that :)

 The way you make me cross the road, holding hands like a toddler, is what I like. The way you say my name and blogger, is what I like. All your appreciation for my writings, I still have them all J  The way you make plans for our meetings, the way you get scared when our plans execution seems to be hard, is cute. The way you protect me on the road from vehicles is nice. The way you think a lot about me, see my pictures, comment on them and then tell me all about it, is just so naïve about you but is all loveable. The way you keep on looking at me, from the corner of your eyes, with me not even looking at you, is adorable. The expressions you give, when my face is held in your hands, that look in your eyes when you do so, is simply unexplainable here. All the words you speak to me, I remember them all. The thought with which I am made to eat the first bite of your food, is something that can’t be expressed here. It’s something that can only be felt and can’t be written. Everything that you have done till now, all those gifts, talks, messages, everything, everything is simply so beautiful :)

All the movies, places, gardens, market areas that we have visited, I remember them all. All the places where we ate and where we spent quality time, I remember it all. All the journeys,car, auto, bus, train, flight, all the gifts, everything that we have done, I remember it all. AND I LOVE THEM ALL. And the best, was the birthday celebration :)

 

I had thought of this to be a long post but I am sorry, am unable to write anymore than this. How can I express all those beautiful moments spent with you, all those memorable things done with you, all those happy moments gifted to me by you in a mere blog post. I just can’t and hence I am ending it here. You know it, it’s sometimes hard for her also to speak via her writings and this is one of those times !

Thank you A for everything :)

Thank you, and I mean it from the core of my heart.

Happy Valentine's Day Baby :)

To Losing It With Pride

Kudos to Maithili for coming up with a topic that is amazingly relevant to every single Darling we have here. This is something that we have all thought about, have opinions on and even contemplated upon some time or the other, I'm sure.

Growing up in a country where sex is taboo and relegated to a dark nooks of decisions, I, the eternal liver of Utopia and believer of all things perfect, am forced to become a realist. Virginity is still pseudo-sacrosanct and I don't see anything changing that for at least another decade (by which time most of us won't have to worry about virginity and related issues at all).

I say 'pseudo' for all the reasons that the girls have already covered.
That though it's taboo, elders always want to know what happened on the first night.
That guys always want their girlfriends to prove their trust in them by giving them their virginity.
That guys will go ahead and label a girl and judge her based on the state of her hymen; the fact that she loved the guy and he cheated her notwithstanding.
That it was and is never asked if the groom is a virgin, only if the bride is.
That even a girl who talks about sex boldly, discusses her life (not in sordid detail but using it to illustrate a point) and is generally outspoken is put down because they call her 'an easy lay'.

The first thing that comes under scrutiny when it comes to a girl's character is her virginity. I have heard guy friends call a girl a whore because she's gone out with more than two guys. Not at once, mind you but over a period of a year. And the way the say it, makes you cringe. And I find myself wondering if she's actually a virgin and becoming judgmental before I catch myself and blame my conditioning. Empathizing with the rest of women kind does not come easily to us, we are a wee bit hypocritical that way.

And questioning a girl's virginity remains the worst way for elders to hurt her.

Coming to the three factors:

Choice: No way, man. Though I'm all for losing my virginity to a guy I love and trust and will marry someday, we all know it doesn't work that way. Personally, I'd do it in the bat of an eyelid if I think it's the right thing to do, I have never had a problem acknowledging my hormones. And if I think it's right, I wouldn't be ashamed of telling my mother either. But it doesn't work that way does it. I couldn't acknowledge it in front of everyone  and be proud of it, can I?
My virginity is not at all my own choice. I have friends, family and the rest of the world to answer to. At least us Indians do.

Lack of opportunity: That is the biggest bull ever. Dime a dozen motels and no shame. Working parents and apartment buildings. Even beaches and public monuments. All at our mercy, if we are shameless bold. There are options dime a dozen. I have seen a woman give her husband(?) a frikkin' BJ on the beach. In Chennai of all places.
So if you want to do it, the place, the time automatically become nitpicky details which work themselves out.

Fear of outcome: This, my dears, is what keep us from losing it. Pun unintended.
Of what our bff is going to think of us. Or what our guy-friends will say if they ever find out. What if the guy himself loses interest. What if his parents ever find out and think lowly of me. What if my parents ever find out. What if I get pregnant. What if...
It's an endless cycle of questions which more often than not varies considerably with each individual and yet are essentially the same world-over.
We are unable to let others judge us and not care. We are unable to not give a damn and follow our hearts, if that's what it takes.

At the end of the day, Darlings, losing our virginity depends on our mind set. We might choose to wait till we're married (that's not prudish, it's just sweet) and we might decide to lose it to that guy who's our soul mate because it doesn't make sense and it's just the logical step (that not whory, it's just love). But whichever path we choose to take, it should be one that's from the heart AND the head, one that you'd be proud of later, one that you're ready to accept the consequences of.

And mostly, one that you will be able to tell your daughter about in 20 years time without shame.

The 'it' factor

I haven't yet met a girl who doesn't consider losing her virginity as a very special/important/emotional/sentimental moment of her life. As it is, girls tend to be emotional in matters concerning love. So when it comes to something as huge as loosing your virginity, without a doubt there are a lot of sentiments attached to it. 

Someone once observed that female virgins are more often virgins 'by choice' whereas male virgins are virgins through 'lack of choice' (well that's what they say anyway!). In most cases that 'choice' is made because of the fear of outcome. Fear of what if I get pregnant? What if he leaves me later? What if he starts wanting me just for sex? What if? What if? What if? Naturally this leaves you with no other choice but to NOT do it. Generally I am the type of person who says 'When you are in doubt, just do it and get it over with and you'll know the answer one way or the other'. BUT not in this case. If you have even an iota of doubt in your mind, don't do it. Simple as that.

The final decision of wanting to be physically intimate in a relationship should always lie with the girl. Because she has a lot more to lose than gain. Call it our society's backward thinking or the innate sensitive nature of a girl - but there is no point denying that consequences(if any) need to dealt by women more often than men. I've also seen cases where its not 'fear of outcome', but 'peer pressure' that makes people make 'the choice'. Some of you may disagree with this as it seems quite unlikely. Every author on this blog is a strong, opinionated woman who has a mind of her own and knows how to use it. So this concept of 'peer pressure' might be difficult to relate to, but trust me I have seen it happen. 

At the heart of it, everybody will agree that losing your virginity is a matter of personal choice. But what most people fail to realize is that this choice is almost always influenced by one or all of the factors mentioned above. And since virginity has been a tabooed subject for so long, and the point that "sex before marriage" is wrong has been drilled and embedded into our minds since ages, its hard to NOT get influenced by all these when you are trying to make your personal choice. We live in a society where even falling in love is considered wrong, so sex is definitely a criminal offense. But right after marriage both love and sex are glorified to such an extent that you are left wondering is there an on-off switch for this? Before marriage - love is wrong, sex is wrong. After marriage - flip the switch on and now everything is right.

Just for a second, forget that this was drilled into your mind. What would you choose? Would you go ahead with what your body and mind crave? 

As long as you know that you won't regret it, as long as its something that both of you are comfortable with, as long as its something that works for both of you - I don't see why anything else should come in between. 


p.s - After reading the previous three posts that have already been posted about this discussion, I came to the conclusion that all of us have the same views (more or less!) So I tried to keep mine short to avoid unnecessary repetition of points!

The virgin post

“So you’re a virgin?” I’ve been asked this so many times, I’ve lost count. And I say, “Umm.. my zodiac is Virgo, ya.”

Turns out they were asking about my sun sign when I told them my DOB, rather than about THE V. Some guys do it deliberately, to see whether I get embarrassed, but the shameless that I am, I smile saccharine-sweetly and reply “Like I’ll tell you.”

Anyways, moving on.

You know when that whole Oh-the-world-is-going-to-end-in-2012-hallelujah!” brouhaha was going on, the first thought that came to my mind was “Damn! I don’t wanna die a virgin! I have to do something about this!!” And I said it out loud. Not just in my head. As expected, I was met with a lot of weird glances because a)everyone else was worried about the world ending, and here I was, worried about dying a virgin( they just didn’t get it), and b)I was not married. And isn’t it a sin for an unmarried girl to even think about sex?

Why is it made out to be such a sin if a girl loses her virginity before she gets married, especially considering the fact that after a married couple’s first night, EVERYONE wants to talk about it? Your mother-in-law, your sister-in-law, your cousin-in-law, your neighbour-in-law- everyone wants to know whether ‘IT’ happened the previous night. Some cultures even demand that the blood-stained bed-sheet be paraded for proof. (True story. Not trying to gross you out.)

So while Indians claim to be conservative about sex, they also make it their business to know what is going on in others’ personal lives. And if they find out that an unmarried girl is not a virgin, then they’ll judge her for sure. They picture sex as ‘wrong’, but themselves go ahead and make babies enough to start a football team.

I think on one hand, why a girl is hesitant to take the plunge before marriage is fear. Fear of what the guy will think of her. “Will he think I’m a slut? Will he lose respect for me? Will he break up with me just because I slept with him before even talking about a future together? What if he doesn’t marry me? What if I get pregnant? What will my husband say when he finds out I’m not a virgin?” Fear of pain. “My best friend’s sister’s friend’s aunt’s grandmother said that the first time hurts a lot.” Fear of being judged/punished. “My friend’s parents found contraceptive pills in her bag and now she’s under house arrest.”

By this time, not only would the girl have changed her mind, she would also have developed a life-long revulsion towards sex.

Do you know what I really feel? Virginity, just like religion, caste, creed, is an unnecessary label, made up by narrow-minded individuals who probably thought up of this theory when they were about to die, without having had any action in their life. And not to forget, sexist. Why else would there be a ‘test’ to know whether a girl is a virgin or not, but no such thing for a guy? How is that fair?

There is nothing wrong in feeling more than just love towards the guy you love (applies to guys too). Hormones were given to you for a reason. To feel them. So if you feel them, but just shut it all up inside for the fear of society, then you’ll just end up getting frustrated. Isn’t ‘sexually aroused’ a much better feeling that ‘frustrated’? Some people express their love through words, some physically. If it works for both the guy and girl, then what’s the issue? Love is not the only emotion you are conditioned to feel.

But hey, at the end of the day, it’s every girl’s personal choice. Remember that. Just like you can’t force your body to get its first period, you cannot force your body to have sex unless your mind is not ready for it. If it feels right, do it. You can put at least that much of trust in your own judgment, can’t you? But remember, there is a thin line between being modern and promiscuous. As long as you know what you’re doing, you don’t need to listen to anyone else.

As for the debate ‘Virginity is directly proportional to marriage’, that has been going on since my great-grandmother’s time, and will go on till the time your children have great-grandchildren. You live your life the way you want to. Personally, I would much rather ‘lose’ my virginity to a guy I love before marriage than to the complete stranger I got married to. Because it’s not just an animal act.

And for those of you who are wondering whether I’m still a virgin or not, yes, my zodiac is still Virgo. ;)

P.S:- Apologies for the long, meandering, lost-its-track-somewhere-in-between post. Only when I started writing did I realize that I have too many opinions on this topic. So many, that I couldn’t channel it. Extremely sorry for the rambling. And also apologies if any of my views have offended you. That wasn’t my intention at all.

ETA: I read Maithili's post about this topic and what she's written about the fear factor after I published my post. Sorry, Maithili! Agree with each and every point you've written.

Speaking for all the virgins in the world

Disclaimer: All the thoughts and ideas I am going to present here are solely my opinions and I apologise beforehand if it hurts anyone's sentiments.

Let me come straight to the point. I feel that choice should always be the reason for virginity, but instead fear of outcome is stealing the place. Now, that I have told you what I opine, I will explain.

Be it arranged marriages or love marriages, there is always the difference of opinions between the guy and the girl on this topic. Guys seem to get onto the physical relationship bus pretty easily while the girl struggles between her strongly-formed opinions and the desire to succumb to the earthly pleasure or even at times, just to prove her love for her guy. What I feel is the reason for this goes way long back. Eons and eons ago, women were treated more powerful and superior than men, knowing that the creator gave her special powers that was denied to men, which is true in a certain sense. But then, as time progressed, due to the a lot of factors as irrationality of men and delicate nature of women, the sides were reversed and women found themselves controlled and dictated by men. And it took a while to come to where we are now. I am still in doubt if people have come to terms with the fact the men and women were created together to co-exist and not to ride over the other. (Sorry, for the pun)

The point now is, women have been conditioned mentally, for a long while, that physical pleasure is something that you have to indulge in, only after marriage. This conditioning forms a major influence when it comes to the decision of a girl, whether or not to lose herself for the first time. This conditioning of the women's mind makes her thinking biased towards the fear of what the outcomes of her decision are gonna be. I do not blame women fearing the outcome. After all, it is true that she is being the sole sufferer, while the guy has the option to shrug it off and the probability of the society blaming only the girl is almost 100% (except the cases where the guy truly loves the girl back and decides to shoulder equal blame, which, of course is rare).

Another point to be noticed is that most guys, give in just for the sake of pleasure they get out of coitus. However, women associate many more factors to their virginity. The first time, a girl wants it to be perfect, memorable and with "The guy" she decided that she can lose herself to.It is just not the pleasure of the moment to her, but it is a combination of love, trust, care, support, belief and what not for her. So, if a girl chooses to be a proud virgin until she finds her man, there is nothing to scorn about, neither when the girl decides her man and confidently loses herself by choice. It is her life and her choice, after all. Also, when she finds her man, even then they can choose to wait until after marriage if that is their choice.

I do not think lack of opportunity as an option, except when you count not finding "The guy" as a lack of opportunity.

So, to all the ladies out there, please choose your life, in all aspects. If you want to wait, make your point to your guy that it is your choice and you choose it so. Do not live your life on someone else's choice. If you do that, you will lose the meaning of your life.

Until later,
Keirthana :)


P.S: This is my first ever serious post. I have never expressed my opinions strongly on such controversial topics, even in my blog. So, I apologize if anyone feels I have gone overboard at any point.

P.P.S: People, it is my opinion that there is nothing to feel shy about discussing on strong topics, because expressing our views is our birthright. Just make sure that you do it and that you do it right.

All that revolves around the V!

Prescript: All the ideas and thoughts mentioned here are strictly my individual opinions. I apologize before hand if any sentiments here are hurt for it is unintentional. All images used are from google. 

        The V in question here is the much talked and hyped about - Virginity. Of the many events that are truly life defining for a women, losing virginity is one of the most tabooed and discussed one. Before I venture into the topic of discussion let me just say it aloud for the underage readers of this blog yes there are many and simply putting the topic out of reach for them is useless that sex with an individual below 18 is legally called rape even if the concerned minor has consented to the coitus. 

        At the heart of it, virginity is a matter of choice. What drives this choice? No it has nothing to do with moral or sanskaars of a bhartiya naari. The libido and the desire to be loved is same in both genders. But the restraints of exploring this sensuality rests only on the fairer gender. Don't tell me that morals or upbringing makes the woman choose virginity because that is not the same when it comes to some fondling and petting that is the other forms of expressing love physically. It could be a choice of self control when the girl is still not sure about her relation. 

        Here I would say, if you don't feel comfortable with the idea of losing your V but love your partner a lot then DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT fall into the trap of , "Don't you love me?" or "Don't you trust me?" asked by him and jump on to the bed to prove that you do! 

        Then there is another story, when both partners decide to stay away till marriage (ironically the marriage only a few months away) and show this amazing sanskaar of theirs.

       

 Lack of opportunity?? Now no kidding here, in times when virginity is put on auction and can fetch you whatever sum of amount you want, lack of opportunity still can happen to a woman! However liberal a woman may be, she wants her first time to be memorable and with someone who loves her. No love, no chance! 

    

Women take the term "making love" seriously. I don't think inspite of all the freedom talks, women really want to lose it just for the sake of  "experience". There may be a few but they are hardly any numbers to go by except in Chetan Bhagat books. Women may be open to physical intimacies before marriage but remember that we are in India.

   India,  country where still in certain parts, marriage between a man and woman is consummated on white sheets and that sheet shown to the entire community the next day embarassing and shaming the bride. If that membrane of hers betrays her then she is an outcaste from the household and community. 

   A country where a male child is proudly named Arjun after the great warrior never mind how many marriages he and his brothers cumulatively had but no one dare name their daughter Draupadi! 

  Here a man is known for his merits and a woman judged by the presence or absence of a membrane called hymen. 

  By now it is quite clear what makes the choice for the women, yes -- fear of the outcome. 

  

By outcome I do not mean just  that bundle of joy who would be disowned in a garbage bin or better aborted!

Its 21st century and we are all well aware and educated never mind those blushing aunties who came to teach us life science and ended up with some bee business about the precautions and protections to be taken. 

If not precaution we know the miraculous pills that can correct our errors.

The fear here is of losing the respect.. Yes I m just echoing out aloud what most of us think..

Fear of losing the interest of the guy for whom the chase is over. Fear of those scandals and those cameras which could pay anything to get a peek at our most personal moments.  Fear of the guy.. What if he turns out the wrong one and you want to move on? What if he wags his tongue against the girl who leaves him? What if it was just a game for him? 

If the guy is perfect, then fear of doubt.. What if he thinks , if she could do with me she's really easy.. she could do it with anyone.. Yes this is real! very real! Still need proof?? Go watch Dev D! 

I once again stress that it is FEAR and by that I do not mean that all guys think the same about women who trust them enough to take this step. 

Then there is always the looming fear of getting caught and the shame that will fall upon the girl never mind the guy, he was getting some experience while the girl was the slut.

Sometimes a physical relation does add complexities.. I heard this somewhere from someone I know " Getting sexually active, is like giving the tiger its first taste of human flesh, it wont stop". The fear of that quotient changing is always there. 

But above everything else, a girl wants her first time to be secure and memorable.. Isn't it kind of funny how if a girl has had that experience before marriage society treats it so different than the much filmy suhaagraat! 

Like many things that we sacrifice all our life, so is this choice .. the fear of breaking the constraints.. 

It is hypocritic how majority women scorn upon sex with a stranger and yet majority of the women believe in arranged marriages! 

At the end of my post, I would still say that, "Your body, your choice." No one has the right to judge you for your boldness to accept the needs of your body. Neither does anyone has the right to laugh on you for your CHOICE of not getting into bed for the heck of it ! 

P.S : I m actually surprised why the outspoken and expressive girls have not yet come with a post for the discussion. I thought I would be the last due to all the exam thing and schedule! Once again I would say the option of posting anonymously is open darlings.. Only me and 2 admins would know who wrote and we would not disclose it here. I sense that there is hesitation to write on this topic. Please feel free to choose the anonymity! No judging on that!