Sunglasses

*knock knock* "hey" is all I said
Her back was to the door but she didn't have to turn to see who it was, she knew me just too well to recognize my voice "hey" she said

"Woah, what tha...I mean..you are looking like a girl today"
She quips "I have to, its my wedding dumbo, by the way, how am i looking?"

"Not bad, too much gold, why do you think I am wearing sunglasses"

She hits my arm are walks away carrying that heavily embellished lehenga of hers "Looking dumb with those sunglasses" her voice trials away

Why am I wearing sunglasses, I think to myself?
'Pretty girl, I am wearing sunglasses to hide my feelings"
"I am sorry, I hurt you when you were readily giving me your heart"
"I am sorry, I broke your heart when you said I love you"
"I am sorry to walk away holding someone else's hand when you had tears in your eyes because of me"

I realized I love you, I always have. But, I realized it too late.

Today, I see you waving me good bye, I feel my heart tearing apart. I see you walking to a man who is adoringly looking at you, and I have knots of the size of a football in my stomach.
Have you fallen out of love for me? Or have you given up on me?"

She turns to me and smiles.

My girl, All I want to do now is to run to you a take her in my arms and tell you how much I love you
I lost the diamond in search of rocks.

Baby girl, I am wearing this glasses to hide my tears, when right now I want to hug you and weep on your lap"

Me feet feel like stones when I walk towards you "You are looking stunning honey" I mean every word girl.

I'm wearing these sunglasses because its a horrible feeling to see you go away forever.
Good bye Sweetheart!

"The hardest thing in the world is to see the one you love with they one they love"

Sometimes

Some relationships are strange

Like ours,

Sometimes we are friends
Sometimes we are lovers
Sometimes we are just strangers to each other

Sometimes we can share so many things even in silence
Sometimes even many words don't say anything

Sometimes only "I'm there for you" is needed
Sometimes being there isn't enough
Sometimes "I love you" seems so true
Sometimes "Leave me alone" feels like a lie

Sometimes one hug from you makes the world seem alright
Sometimes even nicest gift from you doesn't bring a smile

Sometimes...in life..relationships are strange..

Ex

Who exactly do you define as ex?
Someone you dated for a period, it didn't work out and you parted ways in good terms or bad terms.
The ones who were your boyfriend /girlfriend  and you guys were in a relationship and broke up and either are just friends now or not in touch at all.

But, what about those, whom you flirted with in that mini-vacation in Goa, so much so that a stranger might think you guys are an item.
What about those with whom you went out for a couple of times and then lost touch?
What about those whom you had a crazy crush on for many many years, who was your bestest friend then and you have imagined a fairytale life with them but they never reciprocated and are not friends anymore?
What about that person whom you were with, until he suddenly left you for another girl?
What about that person whom you used to totally swoon on but never had the guts to express it?

This people aren't technically ex-bfs/ex-gfs but they are ex-something?
So, are these ex-something's considered as ex's?

These somethings are sure to stir up some feeling when their names come up.

(Am sure you reading this might be having a few people in your head now)

That small pang of jealousy when they post a picture with their new partner
That little smile when they "Like" a picture of yours, you get this feeling that maybe you are still on their mind
That frustration when the first name that springs up is theirs when you are searching for someone else
That butterfly feeling when you see an old pic of you guys together in some old laptop

Its inescapable in this digital age, with Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp and mutual friends, they are bound to spring up somewhere, sometime in life.

Just because you did not date, doesn't mean you weren't intimate. Physically or Emotionally
There could have been real feelings for them, that feeling may not be "love" but it was "like-love-attraction"
You could have been imagining a future with them before it all drained away, but that feeling you had for them just cannot be discounted because it was only a month or so.
You may never see any of these people again, You may not even remember their names but they’re still exes. The intimacy was real, it just came without any sort of commitment.

A toast to those Ex-Something's

That's the way it was meant to be. Isn't it?

A toast to all those Ex's and their memories

TOUGH DECISIONS

...........Sometimes you have no explanations for your actions

The world seemed to stop turning for her. Her first crush, the guy who has been evading her dreams for three years, had finally proposed to her. He was the one she was saving herself for. She was a girl who had the world at her feet. Still she has rejected innumerable proposals even though she knew that he was committed, that he loved her girl a lot and he could never be hers. Still she had kept her hopes high. Somewhere she had read that if you have a crush on someone for more than 4 months, you are definitely in love with that person. She has now been in love for three years. She has realised what she felt for him was something real, something more than just a little teenage fantasy. She could not just stop thinking about him.

The first time she heard his name, a bell rang in her ears. She didn’t know why, it was a pretty common name. As soon as she heard his name being called, she reflexively started shifting her eyes from here and there trying to get a glimpse of him. Then she was in first year of her college. He was a year senior. She didn’t get to see him. She didn’t know why she remembered his name even a few days later.

Second year, she had forgotten that incident, she had forgotten him. But when she received a text message one evening which said she had been assigned a project with him as her direct mentor, her heart skipped a bit. Was it destiny? There was meeting that day where all the second years were supposed to be introduced to the mentors. She was excited. She went there and sat silently, one amongst the timid juniors, her eyes scanning everywhere for him. But he wasn’t there. She didn’t know the names of any senior out there, but she knew that none of them was him, else she would have known. She was upset.

He did come to the meeting, a little late though. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. She was scared of him though, she didn’t know why. Maybe because he seemed too serious, too simple, the no-nonsense type. She didn’t talk to him, but she just couldn’t get him out of her mind. While leaving the meeting room she even turned back to get a glimpse of him. Her feelings were getting stronger, she didn’t know why.

Few months of work and the boundary between them started fading. Any work he got, he used to transfer them to her. Any problems she faced, she used to go to him. The fear she had started shedding off. She started liking his simplicity, his indifference, his carefree-ness. They went past the professional barriers and became friends. He too started relying a lot on her.

She learnt that he had a girl-friend, he loved her a lot. Her dreams and hopes were shattered. She had never let him know about her feelings. She tried dumping her feelings; she tried moving away from him. But she didn’t know why she couldn’t get away.

She met another guy. She got into a relationship with him. She loved him passionately. She decided never to think about her mentor again other than work.

One day, from nowhere he came back, back in her life. All her determination shattered. She just couldn’t let him go. He was in a mess with his relationships and everything else. He tried getting closer to her, she let him. They grew very close to each other. All barriers were broken between them. She let him intrude into her territory. In the mornings, she felt guilty. She hated herself. She was being with two guys at the same time-One with who, she was in a committed relationship, the other who was just a close friend. He had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend- but none of that seemed to matter then.

A few months later, her relationship died. In the meantime he had got closer to his girlfriend. She was sad. But she couldn’t say anything, he was just a friend, whatever was between them didn’t have a name. Whenever she saw him with his girlfriend, she could feel herself turning cold, her heart ached, she couldn’t bear to see him with another girl. She tried staying away from them. But the girl seemed to pop up everywhere. Wherever she went, whatever she did, his girl was everywhere. She was starting to lose it all, She felt as if she was going into a deep dark depression.

In third year, she realised that nothing was worth this pain; she had to get out from it all. Her broken relationship and the indifference of her crush were eating her from inside. She couldn’t ignore either of them, but she realised she had to stay away from both of them. She got herself busy in other obsessions. For all the work related problems she faced, she didn’t go to him; she tried solving them herself.

Few months later she has moved on. She didn’t feel pain in seeing him with his girlfriend, though it did hurt her a little. Things started getting better between them. She was getting to know him better. She realised he wasn’t serious about his girlfriend, he was trying to get closer to her, she was letting him. Sometimes she felt his indifference towards her also. Still she couldn’t love him less.

After the submission of their project paper, he took her to a restaurant where he popped the question. He told her how much she meant, to him, that he has met no one like her. He told her that he could open as frankly before her as his best friend, he couldn't do that before anyone else. Her heart stopped beating; she didn’t know what to reply. This was what she had wanted for three years; this was what she was struggling for. After a long pause, she replied- ‘No, I am sorry.’

As she was returning back that night, she didn’t know why she said that, but she felt a strange calmness surrounding her...

P.S- I know I have been MIA for long, but darlings, I am going through a tough phase in life and so can't keep up with much of blogging. But I promise I will be back soon...