Ex

Who exactly do you define as ex?
Someone you dated for a period, it didn't work out and you parted ways in good terms or bad terms.
The ones who were your boyfriend /girlfriend  and you guys were in a relationship and broke up and either are just friends now or not in touch at all.

But, what about those, whom you flirted with in that mini-vacation in Goa, so much so that a stranger might think you guys are an item.
What about those with whom you went out for a couple of times and then lost touch?
What about those whom you had a crazy crush on for many many years, who was your bestest friend then and you have imagined a fairytale life with them but they never reciprocated and are not friends anymore?
What about that person whom you were with, until he suddenly left you for another girl?
What about that person whom you used to totally swoon on but never had the guts to express it?

This people aren't technically ex-bfs/ex-gfs but they are ex-something?
So, are these ex-something's considered as ex's?

These somethings are sure to stir up some feeling when their names come up.

(Am sure you reading this might be having a few people in your head now)

That small pang of jealousy when they post a picture with their new partner
That little smile when they "Like" a picture of yours, you get this feeling that maybe you are still on their mind
That frustration when the first name that springs up is theirs when you are searching for someone else
That butterfly feeling when you see an old pic of you guys together in some old laptop

Its inescapable in this digital age, with Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp and mutual friends, they are bound to spring up somewhere, sometime in life.

Just because you did not date, doesn't mean you weren't intimate. Physically or Emotionally
There could have been real feelings for them, that feeling may not be "love" but it was "like-love-attraction"
You could have been imagining a future with them before it all drained away, but that feeling you had for them just cannot be discounted because it was only a month or so.
You may never see any of these people again, You may not even remember their names but they’re still exes. The intimacy was real, it just came without any sort of commitment.

A toast to those Ex-Something's

That's the way it was meant to be. Isn't it?

A toast to all those Ex's and their memories

The lone warrior

Image Source: cavernsofmymind.com

 

Fighting all the battles single-handed
Whatever comes, she's a savior
She doesn't have a choice
Always the lone warrior

Life threw random choices at her
She chose this as a martyr
Never does she regret it
Always the lone warrior

There's always something or the other
Building a constant barrier
She just has to get through
Always the lone warrior

She becomes the sword and also the shield
Turning lives even a little bit merrier
Calls it life's purpose, though she is
Always the lone warrior

Doesn't make a difference, if it rains or shines
Hiding emotions behind the steel exterior
Forever pushing herself to be
Always the lone warrior

Until later,

Keirthana

#Happiness

This might not be a very long post.
This might not even be like a typical "Dee Dee post" but this post is something that I feel deep within

I was sitting alone in a cafe, and was thinking to myself  (People who think why I was alone in a cafe, well I like some time out for myself to put my thoughts in words)

Today, like this phase in my life right now

I'm at peace..yes, really I'm at total peace

Serendipity at its best

I'm at peace with my family

I'm at peace with being single

I'm in peace with my accident

I'm at peace with my not-so-skyrocketing career

I'm at peace with my achievements, my failures

I'm at peace with my imperfections

I'm at peace with my lost relationships

I even tweet quotes, when I read them back I seriously wonder "woow, did i seriously write that?"
and man..it really feels good..

I don't say I don't have mood swings,
I still have my flaring tempers and sometimes bouts of tears, but its just human nature..isn't it?

I still don't know what I want in life, I'm still as aimless as I was 10 years back
But, now it just feels like its meant to be..

It is just a beautiful feeling to be best friends with yourself and best friends with your life.
The whole world starts to look as awesome as it could be..

There was a time in life, when I had everything I wanted, a boyfriend, lot of friends, lot of money but something was missing..I wasn't really happy...

Now, I don't have so many things..no boyfriend, all married friends, depleting bank balance, but it just feels contented and its very liberating in some ways

There comes a point in life where you feel complete..
This is my moment of feeling truly complete, my moment of ease..

Someone I can't have

I love her because she doesn't belong in my world

I am protective about her, for I know my deeds might kill her

She is my sunshine and that's why I keep her away from my dark alley life

Some girls are good, Some girls are bad

She comes in mixed flavors

She is the best I have ever had

My life is about cars, drugs and money

With her my life is about, flowers, smiles and love

Most of my acts instill fear in people,

It takes me more courage to love her and not lose her

Girls come, girls go

Girls warm my bed,

The condoms in my bed stand gets used

But, its her I want to keep safe

Its her I want to kiss good night

Its her, my love, whom I can never have

Thoughts

Things change, situations evolve
For the better, for the worst
that's a mystery to be resolved.

People come, People go
Some leave imprints, some just leave.
You like some, some like you
All that matters is, who genuinely lokes you.

Life is a book, with genre unknown
Mystery, romance or thriller,
with author also still to be known.

Keep moving, keep marching
is the myntra of life.

Thing that amuses one about it is
How can we meet our perfect one
in such a short time!

Smita

The long drive...

It's a saturday night,
and we are out for a drive.
we choose the lonely route,
with you I feel so alive.

Listening to the beats,
lost in our talks.
Little did we realize,
when the midnight knocked.

We stop by to feel the cool breeze,
your arms still feel so warm.
Oh! the great ocean of love,
and the lord of sweet misty wine.

The cold night, the dew drops,
the moonlight and the stars.
they all acknowledge our presence,
and try to hide their scars.

Are they jealous, do they envy,
or are they just happy at our sight!
I can stay here... just you and me,
in this long starry night.

Holding your hands, safe in your arms,
I wish to seal it with a kiss.
The sweet passion erupting within us,
our hearts so full of bliss.

FRUSTATION ALERT !

What do you do when you are suffering through a rough patch in your life... your loved ones are not nearby to comfort you... and if that was not enough, there is someone in your life, who makes it even more difficult for you to live through the rough patch? Right when you are trying to get out of it, he comes back again and makes sure that your life remains fucked up all the time. What do you do then ? Flush him out of your life ? I wish things were so easy all the time... Or maybe say what you really are thinking and just ruin it all ? Ruin all the friendly relation you have with that person and move on ? mind you, just ending all the relations wont help, because he is going to meet you everyday, by default ofcourse, for the next couple of months ? What do you do then ? He comes to you everytime you thought your life is all settled, and now...you are finally back on track... and then again ruin all your efforts and quite literally eat up your mental peace and harmony. What do you do then ?

I know I am just ranting about it here... I know I sound all kickass, but when it comes to facing an issue I fall straight on my face. I know I suck at solving problems. I know that! I wish I could be that person whom everybody hates because they think she has too much of ego problems... or that bitch who thinks too much of herself... or something like that. I so desperately wish to be one of those. Atleast then, nobody comes to disturb your mental sanity. Even if nobody talks to you, you feel at peace. You feel self dependent. You can do whatever you want without thinking about what you may have to hear after you do this or that. That way you dont really have to answer to anybody.... Isnt that what I really want ? Accountability for myself ? Is that too much I am asking for ? Cant I be responsible for my own actions and decisions ? Why the hell should someone else be willing to decide for me ? And why the hell should I let that happen ?

I know I am a coward when it comes to resolving problems face to face. Dont get me wrong, I do finish matters once and for all, but only when the matter goes above my intake capacity. But should I really wait for my intake capacity to overflow and then react ? Why should I hang on to something which is taking a toll on my mental peace ? Why should I wait for the water to go above my nose ? I dont know, what should I really do ?

Should I just yell back, finish all the friendly space we shared, and not see his face even if he passes right infront of me ? Or should I be what I usualy am, a diplomat, and politely and sweetly tell to him back off... and listen to his taunts everyday that I am no longer the person he met before... that I have changed... and that I should tell him if I have any issues in my life. Hell, he himself is the issue I'm trying to tackle!

I am so mind-fucked. I dont know what to do ? Its a fight between the Libran and the Leo in me. The diplomat wants me to peacefully resolve the issue without getting mean and violent, but the fighter wants me to go and yell at his face that I think he's an absolute loser, and I'd be better off without him !

I know its one of those things that will resolve itself eventually (damn you libran!)... but right now its really taking a toll on my mental health. I feel frustated. Its taking more mental space than it actually deserves. I am trying everything to bring back my mental sanity back home. Writing helps, sure. And probably that is the reason I am here. But how long should I keep consoling myself that everything will be allright with time. Sometimes you need to take control of the situation instead of waiting for it to get better by itself. And everytime I think of doing something, the question pops up...

 What should I do ?

And honestly, I dont know what to do !

Because we can!

To protect you always is what I will,
That's my life's purpose
The stone that went into the wishing well,
Carries my wish to the lord, I suppose...

I will be your armor and not just a wife,
I will be with you forever and not just in this life,
For you, I will take on the world
To that, I give you my word..

I'll never let that smile of yours turn upside down,
It kills me to see you frown,
My love, be calm and at peace,
I'll set all your worries at ease..

Dedicated to all the ladies who are protective of their husbands and take the lead in life. There are some instances where people typically expect guys to take the lead even in the modern society. It's not outspoken, but there is a notion. For example, you don't see many guys sitting as a pillion rider in a vehicle while the lady drives. People don't expect a woman to take explicit charge of finances, future decisions. It is sad that even some of the women stereotype things like this. When I go out of my way to do all the works inside and outside household, people ask me "Why are you doing this? Won't your husband do it?". It's my convenience. What has the gender got to do with any of this? There's just the matter of getting the job done. What is it to you if I do it or my husband does it? We have our own reasons and circumstances why we are that way. None can judge our life ever and none can know more about our life than us. What if I do every work in the family, does it matter when you have a loving husband who will support you, help you wherever he can, give a foot massage when you are tired and kiss you good night?

 

Our world has changed a lot but there are still some people who see these women as dominating. We don't dominate, we do it because we can and because it's convenient for us. If a woman stands in the front, it doesn't mean she pushes her husband behind and takes the lead. It's because she'd put herself in front rather than risking her love getting hurt. It's because she'd do anything to make his life comfortable. It's not necessary that a guy has to protect his wife after marriage. That kind of typicality is long gone. Women are the protectors ever since- as a sister, a mother, a wife. It's just that things are in the open now. Nothing has changed, nothing will. We will because we can. Before my marriage, I met a saintly person who knew my husband already, he is known for his knowledge and instincts which have stunningly been so accurate every time. He told me "You have got a very good companion in your life. You must be his Vishnu, his protector." I didn't fully realize the wisdom in his words at that time. I do now.

I wrote this post since I realized how much a woman takes on in life. The more important thing I realized is a woman is given so much to handle only because she's the one who can handle it. This is neither a feminist post nor a post to underestimate men. I believe in practical equality, not emotional rebellion. This post is a reflection of some realizations. We don't need women's day to celebrate women. Realizing what being a woman means and respecting it is more than enough.

Until later,

Keirthana :)

Monstrosity

I was in a mood for short scary stories so I thought maybe I should write a something that comes in my mind impromptu,
I started penning down stories as and when it came on my mind, and I had promised myself that I would publish this post when I finish my 10th horror story

P.S: Try to imagine the situation when you are reading each story

2nd Nov 2013, Story 1
I woke up and saw the alarm clock, It was  2.30am. I know I heard a know. It was crystal clear. I went near the door to check who it was at this ungodly hour.
Then the knock came again, this time louder and it was from the mirror

15th Nov 2013, Story 2
For as long as I have been staying in this house, I have heard footsteps, I have heard someone crying, I have heard people talking in muffled voices.
I have told that to my friends many times only to be laughed at.
That night I heard my friend call my name, I went down the stairs to see her transfixed by the door.
She turned to me and said "I didn't hear them, I saw them" and pointed at someone standing in my hall.

29th Nov 2013, Story 3
I woke up to my boyfriend's voice and him shaking me awake saying there is an intruder in the house.
I'm up for sure, and sweaty and scared to death
I live alone and my boyfriend was murdered by an intruder 2 years ago.

3rd Dec 2013, Story 4
My dog, Dino has this fixation for my face, whenever I am at home he keeps staring at me face. I thought it was quite cute until I realized that he keeps staring behind me.

9th Dec 2013, Story 5
There is nothing more beautiful than the laughter of a baby..
Unless you are at home alone and its 1am

29th Dec 2013, Story 6
That night little Mary came on to the bed and whisper in Daddy's ears 'Daddy I cant sleep'
And Daddy hugged her
Until he realised that he hugged the same dress that Mary was buried in 3 days ago

15th Jan 2014, Story 7
Sheila tucked her 4 year old daughter Mira into bed as usual when her daughter turned to her and says "Mommy, I'm scared, someone is under my bed"
Sheila smiles and looks under the bed, down she sees Mira's saying "Mommy, there is someone sitting on my bed"
When Sheila looks back up. there is a black cloud of smoke with claws.
Sheila was found dead in Mira's room the next morning and Mira is still missing.

5th Feb 2014, Story 8
Mishka had a tiring day at work. All she wanted to do was go her empty home and relax.She reached home, throws her bag on the couch and reaches for the light switch, only to realize that there is another had that reached out to the switch

20th Feb 2014, Story 9
After a hard working day, Jack comes home to see his wife cradling his child.
Its difficult to say what gave him the heart attack.
Was it that some one has broke-in to his empty house 
Was it to see his dead wife and his still born at 1am?

14th March 2014, Story 10
I woke up to the constant vibrations of my phone that was next to my pillow.
I saw the "Gallery Images" section open.
There was a picture of me, sleeping, that was taken a few minutes back..
I live alone at home.


There finishes my "Dus Kahaaniya "

Picture courtesy: Google Images

Thank YOU

Getting blamed for his mistakes. Covering for his lazy ass when he is in trouble. Quickly scribbling down answers to his homework just so he won’t get punished. Funding his slightly under-the-table activities without mom’s knowledge. Bhai-dooj and rakshabandhan. Showing him off proudly to all your friends when he suddenly grows three feet taller than you. He has always been that annoying brother-fly buzzing in your ear but a buzz that you love with unparalled intensity.

***

Big, bear hugs. Annoying PJs. Bird-watching together. Only person who is allowed to criticize the boyfriend. Making fun of your poor taste in fashion. Having your back when the boss is pisssssed. Calling you one of the bros and punching you like you are one. Making deals to get work done. Competitive. Laughter. Well-timed jokes. Food. The solid presence of a bestie that you will be lucky to keep around for a lifetime.

***

Jostling for space in front of the mirror when you are running late for work. The sudden hug that comes out of the blue to shoo away your blues. A concern about the number of glances your hemline is going to draw. Stubbly, scratchy kisses that chafe your cheek. Broad shoulders that take the weight off your sagging ones. The slight temperature that has you worried out of your mind. He is the better half, who makes you want to be better.

***

We hear about women being abused and raped and hurt and we cringe, we die a little and we send up prayers. And then we thank the Almighty heartily for sending some angels who have taken it upon themselves to keep you safe, who love you enough to flay alive anyone who threatens your happiness.

This Women’s Day I thank all the men in my life, all of them. 

I thank them for not eroding my self-esteem, for egging me on to strive for more, for better, for believing that I can do much better, for not judging me when I fail, for protecting me, for not hurting me, for lending wings to my dreams, for just being there. 

Thanks to them, I am the woman I want to be.