***** The Craving *****

#NarayaniInPonderLust

Sometimes for sweets, sometimes for words,
The craving begins as a small itch that refuses to leave unheard.  

It stays within, clogged and heavy... swirling like a blocked chi with no vents...
While the mind continues to deal in mysterious ways, sometimes with brute force and at times, with pretense.

A scoop of caramel custard or a slice of lemon tart seduces the mind with its creamy flavours on one hand....
While a mug of hot choc or a slice of the decadent chocolate cake indulges in the tug of war unmanned!

But that is not what bothers a deviant mind the most....
For cravings are mere coping mechanisms the mind adopts to stall impending chaos...

While, the meandering thoughts continue to sprout new weeds of uncertainties in the head...
The rational mind struggles to bring the soul back with hope and faith & in good stead!

*** Envy - the arch nemesis ***

#NarayaniInPonderLust

Disillusionment is powerful.

More is the anger towards life and fate...

As often man forgets... his purpose could have been different...

Whilst he spent his precious life burning in envy to cage the elusive fame...

But as luck would have it,
the butterfly called success flutters with no agenda of her own...

As she jumps from one man to another...
She cares little about what emotions feed a life, distraught and forlorn...

It is not the absence of success that breaketh a man...but loss of purpose...
When man measures his goals with the purpose of another soul....

He brings down the kingdom of hell on Earth...
With all its devious army of minions and ghouls...

Envy is a termite that devours life with utmost relish...
While the life continues to ponder.... "why did fate play unfair...?"

Forgetting that every man has to bear his cross designed for his spine....
The disturbed man continues to walk in circles not realizing - Truth bleeds regardless of who cares...

***** Empathy : A lost virtue *****

Empathy, the maiden virtue of all times...

The most sought after and least respected of all..

Its presence is neither acknowledged  nor celebrated...

But its absence brings down the world on its knees, with a mighty fall!

Did they say - Blood is thicker than water...??

And that, empathy is inevitable when blood is a connection...??

Just then, exceptions come along to render blood worthless...

And that, blood is nothing but a coloured water, a wasted sentiment...a useless emotion...!

As self wonders, what kind of apathy must eat a man of the above kind?

Who measures his connections based on status, money and clout?

That he cleaves off connections he was born with....

With absolutely no pain or remorse?

Humble beginnings are underrated always...

For none wants to acknowledge the roots...

But time is such a wheel of whim...

When the call comes, it brings one down on his boots!

Currencies, clouts and shallow connections are passing  clouds of dew...

That feel good and soothing for a while until the weather changes its moods...

Never turn your face away from your roots, is what ancestors whisper each day...

For roots is what shall hold you firm through tides and storms, come what may!

*** The idea of Justice ***

The idea of justice is hard hitting and crude..

But, the way it unfolds is always a wait that be endured by a strong few...

The wronged ones live with an unsavoury acceptance of an elusive justice...

While the ones that wrong continue to push their luck through loopholes and well spun lies...

What is allowed is what will continue, a reprimand that sings aloud after every landslide of the just and fair....

Some rules must change to question everything loose lest the hope for the just becomes threadbare...

Luck and time, the poker faced pawns of destiny be flirty and ruthless at the same time...

But, push them a tad too much and they jump to zero from the cat's lives nine!

However, the wicked never regret their actions or, the consequences that follow..

For that is how they have risen by stepping on graves with a conscience, rotting and hollow...

The onus lies on ones that let the wrong slide by unquestioned....

For the morally neutral spectators do more evil By consciously averting the attention...

"Will justice prevail?", is an elusive question of the hour...

"It will", says the Universe in the future, near or far!

***** How easy, how difficult? *****

#NarayaniInPonderLust

To express freely and unapologetically, as one feels like...
Is every life's gift ever since it's born....
The freedom to be oneself with no inhibitions...
Brings along a courage to face everything known unknown..

When a baby hurls its toys across in a sheer expression of 'self',
All in the world capture the moment through captivating words and, 'larger than life' lens...
However, the little life grows up naively owning the freedom as it's right...
Little knowing that freedom is a rubix cube filled with many hushed silences and penance...

For later, an honest "I don't like.....", is chided and, replaced with a pretense suppressing dissent...."ofcourse, I like..."
Which again later manifests into diabetically sweet lie, "Ofcourse, I love...."
While the integrity of words begin to rot under the tyranny of social conditioning and dictum..
The soul now struggles to comprehend where it must stand up, and where, must bow!

"How easy, how difficult" will be a daunting question for eternity...
For we are all the choices we make, not all of them happy and sane....
But then there is no right or wrong when it comes to choices,
For diversions on roads are merely detours..., be it right or left, you take!

That said, every direction to action comes with a consequence...
An uninvited guest or, a pleasant visitor that it can choose to be...
It is always the courage of conviction or, the shame of what comes after that....
That decides how far a soul has come along, at helm of arrogance or, down on one's knees!

#PoeticMusings

Pregnant fears

Realizing too many blessings at times is overwhelming...
For fear of losing them is as strong and unrelenting..

Sometimes, the realization helps better by keeping the feet on the ground...
But at times, it also weakens the core with pregnant fears that make the mind morose and unsound...

People say, get over your fears...for fear is a sign of weakness...
But will they ever know, how much it takes to not let the unknown demons from the mind's harness?

Mind, a contorted abyss can never be explained in mere words of Math and Science...
Even as humans claim to know it all about the submissive body and the unrestrained mind....

While words set me free for a while, I wonder....where do these pregnant fears stem from?
The answers, I believe are linked with my life' purpose, a pandora box of soothing shores and raging storms!

Maybe, pregnant fears follow me for a reason....
To see the unseen, to feel the unfelt...to hear the unsaid...while sailing through every season!

The Thing called Hurt

Words and emotions are two sides of a coin...
For they rarely walk in tandem, without crossing the line...

When awkward silences are left unhealed....
Hurt manifests like a demon with glee...

And then, when even a small disagreement goes awry...
A can of ugly confrontations hurts the ears and eyes...

How words and actions are perceived, will remain an unsolved mystery....
For minds are universes with intangible galaxies of brewing thoughts and feelings...

Maybe that is why, they say silence is golden when words of hurt embolden....
For silence may not weed out the hurt but, perfectly camouflages the weight of sadness, a formidable burden...

But, even as silence stalls the conflicting emotions and anger from spewing out...
The inevitable truth of unresolved issues will someday, like a canary, sing aloud....

Which is why, words must be filtered before they leave the tongue...
For nothing can repair the impact of hurt, once the words have been flung!

#NarayaniInPonderLust

#PoeticMusings

Roots : the unseen anchors

#NarayaniInPonderLust

Somewhere in this journey of life, a lot of events got buried in the Chest called the Past!

For Time & Tide wait for none and, the ride from the Present now seems quite Fast!

Is it those flaccid years of unrespiteful challenges or, years of overrated fun?

It is difficult to choose for life is an unpredictable pun!

To soar high and fly or, to stay rooted for life?

The choice is unsettling in the Destiny's roll of dice!

But then, there comes a time when the need to return back to roots arrives...

And then, the truth dawns that for every step away from roots, there tags along a heavy price!

Appeasement : the eighth sin

#NarayaniInPonderLust

#PoeticMusings

Enough was never enough and, never will be.......
For, greed is a madness that spreads like a plague with a wicked glee!

But, irony strikes midway and, reminds why respect is missing from the scene.....
And then, with all platters filled with accolades, respect seems to be one elusive queen!

The more it is sought with vengeance, the more it evades....
After all, truth is raw and crass and is always delivered in spades!

To stop chasing respect and, start earning it, is the only way....
Because, NO amount of appeasement and arrogance can ever make it stay!

Threshold

You are NOT often surrounded by those you would want to choose....
As life sits back, with some popcorn on how you maintain your threshold and, play your ruse!

Such are those moments when you  feel morose and, completely let down...
Because your tryst with your destiny is sailing on a trough, rough and forlorn...

So, you question the Universe , "Why do you hurl at me, the bad eggs everyone despise....?"
While the realization dawns within..that such meetings great or otherwise, are sly chances in the massive roll of the unpredictable dice!

So, you sit and gulp down the dejection and disgust, waiting patiently for some change in the winds...
The same rut and routine continue to manifest in all shades of mundane and, all depressing prints...

The wait therefore begins for the ugly knock on the threshold line.. because there is a lot of anger held at bay...
Once the line is crossed, the games shall change and, every linen will be out on the fray!

"Don't meddle with thresholds of fine people", the wise men say...
Breaching their thresholds is sacrilege as the time shall come for the perpetrators to pay....

Threshold is not to be crossed or touched....., a word of caution to the free flowing winds.....
Because, every one out there is answerable for his great deeds and, infamous sins....

Hope, great positions embrace more of those with character, integrity, humility and intellect..
So that, the motivation to tread the journey uphill burns bright and optimistic in all the generations that line up next..

We are all the children of Time

Every second, every instant is a strange colour invented by Time..
That comes with a hidden herring in red - Never cross that line!

When the instant arrives, one always assumes he is ready...
But, that is when the tables turn making him unsteady...

While the stairs towards success change strength and sides
Moments of bleak let the hope and faith glide...

And, at some point during the distress call....
One sees along many... testimony to - 'Pride goes before a fall!'

'Moment of epiphany' is what they call it?
Which awakens the soul that lies helpless at the bottom of the pit?

And, in that second it dawns...that
There is no written manual to manouevre the machine called Time..
Because Time never cautions us before we just step over the line!

But, that is how humans are, partly naive and, partly clever....
Impulses are strong as they command...it is - now or never!

Because there is a lot to let go and, a lot to embrace..
After all, Vices and virtues are two halves of the same mysterious face..

The thing called arrogance!

I watch with attention, the arrogant crowd.
Because they teach you all about life..
With empathy almost empty and, apathy too loud,
They expose you to the ugly world of strife...

They continue to make mistakes, one after the other...
Not knowing when to stop.....
Because ambitions are way too blinding, full of stupor....
That they deliriously chase to save their conniving plot!

With every passing day, I watch the arrogance reach new heights
As they gloat with glee, crossing over every mine they set for others, in order to succeed....
But, time is a strange thing to fight...
Because, it reserves its special rewards regardless of caste and creed..  

I watch with rapt attention now at how high they crave to fly...
And, I look forward to what happens next when they ascend the greatest Himalayan heights...
Will the tyrants reign, or 'eat the humble pie'?
Every life, I learn, good or bad, is indeed a lesson in disguise!

You Are a Girl

"This is so unladylike"
"Wear something longer, cover your legs, is this how you sit at home"
"Learn to cook, else your in laws will say parents have taught nothing to the girl"
"Why is that neckline so deep"
"Wear a salwar kameez, we are traveling by 2AC remember"
"Let your brother go, he is a boy. You cant go its 10pm already"
"She is in one of "those" days"

Are these phrases familiar?
I am a woman, I have breasts, I have a vagina. But,  that doesn't make me any less human. Does it?
Yes, I wear a bra. Doesn't mean that I expect you to judge my size.
I go through PMS, mood swings, cramps, cravings, periods every month. That doesn't make me any unpure than I was a few days back.

I get stared upon, I get whistles, I get comments, I get groped from men of varied age group.
Doesn't matter what outfit I'm in. Doesn't matter what time of the day it is. I'm like a public property.
If I wear or act like myself, and "Myself" may differ from the conceptions of different people, then I'm bound to get teased and raped. I asked for it. Just because I don't fit the bill of a "normal girl" its OK for me to be leered at.
I am a girl, I can't party alone. I have to have a male company. And not just any male company, it has to be my brother, father or husband.
I'm a characterless slut if I go out dancing with my guy friends.

A guy proposes me, I reject him. I invite him to throw acid on my and ruin my life.
I propose a guy, I an easy girl.
I stay in a urban city, travel places alone, well, according to the people staying in not-so-urban cities I must be sleeping and making out with everyone and not the "marriage material".

I get promoted. I am sleeping with my boss. I have no talent of my own, I have no achievements in my career. My only achievement is I have a vagina.
My would-be husband may have had a gazellion girlfriends, and might have visited Bangkok many times. But, if I have fallen in love when I was younger. I was a bad girl and not worthy to carry a heir of another family in my womb.

I get married. My parents have tried their best to give me everything. They provided me the best education and values. But, I couldn't give my in-laws money. I have the right to be thrown out or burnt alive.
I have a baby. I have a cute little girl. But, I should have had a son. Its only my fault that I don't have a son. Its not my husband's fault. I and my daughter deserve no home.

I lose my husband. I am coping up with his death. I deserve to be treated as a dead human too. No good dresses, no colors, no good food, no attending any functions. Yes, I have to be treated as a corpse, because I am a woman.

Why is this world like this?
Why cant a woman celebrate individuality?
Why are we women all about tits and ass only?
Why are we treated as objects?

All these talks about women's liberation, is in the end of the day just talks.
Even good educated families put their restrictions on women, to look good in the society.
From her attire to her lifestyle, nothing is her choice. Its just the society's norm.
If she tries to take  a different route, either she is tagged with some vulgar name, raped, or killed.

I hope, my daughter or my grand daughter or my great grand daughter would live in a world where she lives like herself.

To Do Or Not To Do

I'm in such a juncture of my life where on one side I have "happily" married or pretend to be happily married couples..and on the other side I have late 20's and 30 somethings singles..

Well, I have always been a very patient listener to all my buddies...
Reason? simple..i love to listen to the saga's other people's life..Basically I love gossip.

I  am perfectly happy with my "i-dunno-whats-happening" relationship status until my 30 something spinster girl buddy make a "Droopy dog" like face and rants saying
"Dee, I want to get married"
"Dee, I need a companion"
"Dee, its high time you settle down before your biological clock stops ticking"
"Dee, settle down with who ever comes along...your too old to stick to your checklist"

I mean..woahhh..ok..I know you are going nuts and paranoid..but please don't let it get on to others...you make me feel like a lonely old lady with a black cat in a mansion that's always dark and lightening falling only on my mansion...

Why cant you see the happy part of your life?
No responsibilities...No one to answer...Attention from every eligible/not eligible opposites..
Besides marriage is just a legal license for sex...and babies...love comes when you  both are like 40 or 50 only (its a proven fact)..

Then I have my "married" buddies of every stage i.e. newly married, 2 years married, married with toddlers, married and pregnant....you get the picture right..

They drool all over me talking about exotic vacations....the "romp"...the shopping...and also whine about
"i loved my single life"..
"i hate to get up in the morning and cook"
"my kid keeps crying all night"
"sorry i cant come for the night out like before ya...you know my mishtarr doesn't like it" things...

And that.....makes me feel that I am missing out on something...or am i really missing anything at all?

but then for some reason I'm least bothered about both kinds of buddies...wondering why?

Maybe I'm so saturated with both that my head has stopped responding either of them...
Have made peace with myself...whooosssaaaaaa.....

I feel so blessed now..Or maybe I am in a simple denial mode

Dialogs for my kinda state
1. Duniya gai tel lagane..
2. Bhaad mei jaaye...
3. mara jaa...
4. To hell with it..
5. Yeah..ok..well...huh...what?

Moms aren't Moms they are Super Mom's

4 weeks back, my mom had a fall at home, after which she had a small surgery and had her left hand plastered for 4 weeks.

Now, me being "the girl" of the family, obviously, I am her successor in doing the household chores.

Incidentally, around the same time, the maid of my house ran off for her summer vacation leaving me alone.

Trust me, in so many years, I only cook on weekends or when no one is at home and I cook all exotic dishes.

Now, suddenly
Cleaning the house
Washing clothes
Washing the dishes
Cooking
Going to work
Taking care of mom (since she couldn't do a thing by herself)

Exhausted, is a very small word to describe the feeling. I felt like breaking down and crying so many times.

My nice, supportive family quietly ate any crap I made.
God, What to make? What not to make everyday is another big pain on the wrong side.

Go buy veggies
Clean and Cut them
Search Google and find an easy recipe
Cook
Mess up the taste
Feel bad, then give up

Super Mom to the Rescue

I have no idea how our mom's did it. And the kind of nasty kid that I was, I would have strangled myself. How the hell did she manage to do all this,

cook
clean
get the little maniac me ready
endure all my dad's tantrums
drop me in the baby-sitting,
go to work,
quietly endure a monster mother-in-law,
attend all the family obligations
keep family happy and
still smile

If i were her I would have gone insane or wailed or just given up and walked off

Our Moms aren't Mom's they are Super-Mom's

21 Gun Salutes to All the Mothers in this world
Respects

Photo Credit: Google Images

Bruised, battered and still going strong

In 6 months of her married life, there hasn't been more than 6 days that Neeti has spent happy and contented. Every moment she lived in dread and fright. Fright of her husband Ritesh.

It was an late arranged marriage, 4 months of courtship after the engagement, Ritesh was like a dream come true for Neeti. Good looking, well settled, good family, caring, loving NRI from Canada. He used to take care of Neeti's small small wishes, give her surprises. He sweeped her off her feet, the moment he and his family had come to see her. Neeti just knew that Ritesh is the one for her.

But, not even in her scariest dreams had she thought. what Ritesh might turn into after their wedded life. The first night in her martial home Ritesh came in the bedroom, reeking alcohol. Neeti thought maybe it was his friend who had made him drink.
Her Ritu, was just innocent. But, her assumptions were so wrong. Neeti got a shock of her life when Ritesh flung is arms and placed an unexpected slap on Neeti's specially made up face. The shock was so intense that even tears just stung into her eyes. Neeti was suddenly hearing so many loud abuses flung towards her. She had no idea, what she had done to get all this.
After a while, drunk Ritesh fell asleep on their decorated martial bed. Slowly, realization dawned into Neeti and she spent her first martial night weeping into her beautiful saree.
Next morn was another mixed emotions for Neeti, when a paled faced, sober Ritesh came to her an apologized for his irate behavior last night. Neeti was happy, that Ritesh did realize and hoped that this wouldn't ever happen again. She loved him so much that his, guilt-ridden baby face made her heart melt.
Their honeymoon was lovely and peaceful, amidst the serene nature of Manali. After their honeymoon, Neeti and Ritesh flew back to Canada.

Neeti's ordeal started immediately after she returned from hre honeymoon..Every night Ritesh would come home in an inebriated state,... beat Neeti black and blue, forcibly bed her and sleep off. Next morning he would apologize.
Neeti couldn't face her poor parents because they always wanted to see her happy, her in laws were far away. She was left there, to face her ordeal alone. 30 year old, Bubble, Lively Neeti was now reserved, shy, scared Neeti. She never went out, since the scars were very evident of her body.  She never spoke to her neighbors, dreading their questioning stares.

The neighbors, would many a times hear loud banging, and a sobbing woman. Many times, she would want to run out of the door, but the strange country and her life long teachings of a good wife made her stay back.

Neeti's tears had ceased to flow too, her body now became accustomed to the abuse, every night she would expect Ritesh to whip her nerves off her body and the day he falls flat on the bed without beating her, she says a million thanks to the Almighty.,

After 3 months of constant harassment,Neeti felt very sick and nauseous, a shiver went through her body when she realized that she was pregnant. The moment when she should have been ecstatic, Neeti was dreading the prospect of nurturing a baby with a man like Ritesh. But, she knew she cant or wont kill her child.
She knew, she would guard her baby against the tyranny of Ritesh. The love of her unborn baby was so much that Neeti gained an unknown courage, to walk out of her house, with just the little money that she saved in search of happiness..in search of life....in search of a a future for her unborn baby

Today, there are a millions of Neeti's in the world who have walked out of the traditional typical wife character to make a happy life for themselves

Ladies, Never take an abuse quietly, you are no one's slave. You arent born to impress anyone. Put your happiness first. Speak out. There are ears out there to listen to you..there are hearts out there to love you..there are arms out there to take care of you. You are not alone

Pic Courtsey: www.fanpop.com

I Crush You...Till I find someone better

What exactly is a crush?
Crush is the instantaneous attraction for someone. a crush is when you think about someone all the time. It is multiple and doesn't last for long.
Sometimes, crushes may turn into love. But, many a times it just fades away as a nice memory or If a new person appears the crush just gets transferred from one person to the other

Yes Girls, Admit it, many times in life you must have seen a super cute guy and wondered "Why can't I be his girlfriend?"

You know..from like teen years having a crush on your classmate or senior, or a swooning over a cute teacher's smile or a charming work colleague.. We all have been there done that...

I personally have had crushes on this rugged, unkempt guys with broad shoulders and nice forearms who have a cliched sense of humor..
I have like a proper rendezvous conversation in my head with my crushes, but the moment he comes in front of me its like I lose me oh-so-confident self, my voice box vanishes and the whole body switches into a dunce retard mode...Im like DAFAQ...Where did all those coo-chi-ccoing-asking-him-for-a-date one week long conversation go off..?

Without a co-worker crush, work seems so be so cold and boring..I mean every girl needs an eye candy. How else would you survive in a mundane environment for 90% of your week..
Yea, though you know you ain't gonna get serious..plus this new crush doesn't re
ally know of your lascivious thoughts over him..
Its actually dangerous for him to show your thoughts...it might turn scandalous ya know...Like really, no one wants to be the "hot topic" at the coffee vending machine area and the butt of smoking area jokes right..

The mind generally wanders off around them, hormones do the talking "How would it be to be with this person?" and everyone hanging on the arms look so wrong to your green-with-envy-eyes..You see them everyday..so its like keeping a juicy bone in front of a hungry chained dog close enough for it to sniff it but not have it..
Then a new cutie enters, and the old crush lies forgotten....

Still.....even after a lot of yes-no's-blushes-secrets-tears-smiles...we never stop crushing on those who make our hearts flutter,even if its temporary

"Darling, I have a big crush on you, till i find someone better"
Happy Crushing!!!

Picture Courtesy: Google Images/Pen.jpg

She's Dying.

Author's Note : I know this is my first post on DOV and it should be something really sweet, but I came across this today in my 8th standard rough book, and decided to post it here! :D

She's Dying.

She's tired of the lies she's heard all of them say,

She's lost, she just cannot find a way.

She's seen them all smiling when she was smiling too,

And then they spoke their mean words, turned their backs

When her life was going off the track..

She learnt the hard way, that nothing and nobody are permanent.

That sometimes life gives you a rude shock,

It calls for your tears, your pain, it drives you insane.

But now she knows who will be there for her, and who all wont.

Now she's aware of the sink holes in her life.

Her mood is down in the trash, in the bin,

She's sick of feeling that way within.

She's this close to giving in.

If you know what to do, help her.

Because she is trying, but she knows she is failing. 

She's broken on the inside, and she is dying!

Grammar sucks, but understand the meaning! :P

So yeah, this was what I'd written once upon a time in 13-years-ville. :P